HALLOWEEN = HELLOWEEN A seasonal forum to NOT celebrate Satan's birthday. |
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Waiting in line to buy a ticket on the short bus
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Posts: 40
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: On the interwebz
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Re: 2015 Witch Hunt! -
11-04-2015, 09:46 PM
So who won the "witch" hunt this year? Does anyone really even bother counting anymore, or does the award just automatically go to Pastor Zeke every year, just to save time?
Ezekiel 23:3 And they committed whoredoms in Egypt; they committed whoredoms in their youth: there were their breasts pressed, and there they bruised the teats of their virginity.
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Trying to out-Methuselah Methuselah You kids get off his lawn!
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Posts: 22,438
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Close to God
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Re: 2015 Witch Hunt! -
11-04-2015, 09:56 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Damned Angelique
So who won the "witch" hunt this year?
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To Pastor Ezekiel, he killed one which more than I did. You can clearly see Jesus is on his side.
Freedom means voting for Donald Trump!
To most "Christians" The Bible is like a license agreement. They just scroll to the bottom and click "I agree". All those "Christians" will burn in Hell!
James 2:10 "For whosoever shall keep the whole law, and yet offend in one point, he is guilty of all."
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The Future Mrs. Ezekiel Flint Voted Best Pies in Freehold 10 Years Running aka the BiblethumpinBlonde
True Christian™
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Posts: 15,473
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Apostles Grove, Freehold, IA
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Re: 2015 Witch Hunt! -
11-04-2015, 10:53 PM
Of course Pastor Zeke won.
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Obese Swedish Meatball Delusional Forum Member
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Posts: 2,207
Join Date: May 2014
Location: On a mountain with a tree and a midgit
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Re: 2015 Witch Hunt! -
11-05-2015, 12:25 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Damned Angelique
So who won the "witch" hunt this year? Does anyone really even bother counting anymore, or does the award just automatically go to Pastor Zeke every year, just to save time?
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Everyone knows Des won by using his superior knowledge of fire arms, witches and tactical skills. Des is just being modest about it.
Jeremiah 6:21 Therefore thus saith the LORD, Behold, I will lay stumblingblocks before this people, and the fathers and the sons together shall fall upon them; the neighbour and his friend shall perish.
Best wishes for the people in Ukraine.
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Obese Swedish Meatball Delusional Forum Member
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Posts: 2,207
Join Date: May 2014
Location: On a mountain with a tree and a midgit
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Re: 2015 Witch Hunt! -
11-05-2015, 12:36 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Cranky Old Man
To Pastor Ezekiel, he killed one which more than I did. You can clearly see Jesus is on his side.
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So how did you establish that? Was a BBQ involved in the counting?
Kind regards, Roland
Jeremiah 6:21 Therefore thus saith the LORD, Behold, I will lay stumblingblocks before this people, and the fathers and the sons together shall fall upon them; the neighbour and his friend shall perish.
Best wishes for the people in Ukraine.
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Putting the "stud" back in Bible Study
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Posts: 79,910
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Freehold, Iowa
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Re: 2015 Witch Hunt! -
11-05-2015, 04:23 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Daisy Mae Johnson
Of course Pastor Zeke won.
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Of course. Praise Jesus.
Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:
Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)
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Forum Member
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Posts: 57
Join Date: Oct 2015
Location: Hot Springs, Arkansas!
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Re: 2015 Witch Hunt! -
11-05-2015, 10:15 PM
I managed to back a few.
Ill see about getitng them stuffed and mounted.
Maybe somewhere in the basement of Preacher Phillip's Church?
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True Christian™ Lady Extraordinaire, an Honorary Male Biblicist
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Posts: 8,776
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: Surrounded by heathens
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Re: 2015 Witch Hunt! -
11-05-2015, 10:45 PM
Congratulations, Pastor Zeke, on yet another impressive win. We know you're getting short of places to store your trophies, so my husband picked up rather an attractive cabinet at Sotheby's the other week - marble, tortoiseshell and ormolu - and it's on its way.
YiC
Joanna
Vaccinated by the love of Jesus!!!
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Forum Member
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Posts: 57
Join Date: Oct 2015
Location: Hot Springs, Arkansas!
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Re: 2015 Witch Hunt! -
11-05-2015, 10:53 PM
Ok, Friends, I've gotten myself into a mighty pickle.
While I made sure Elizabeth and the boys were safe indoors on halloween, I decided I would try and bag myself a witch.
I took my trusty shotgun and walked quietly over to Hickory Hollow, a corner of the backwoods famous for witches.
I saw one really fat,ugly looking one about to do some hideous ritual.
Maybe its just my darned soft heart, but I didn't have it in me to kill her.
Instead I creeped up behind her, knocked her out cold, and dragged her back to my house.
I am keeping her there still. I have her locked up in a closet and go down three times a day to feed her and preach the gospel to her.
She is pretty uppity,though I can't imagine why.
While the boys think Im "awesome" for trying so hard for the Lord, I can tell Elizabeth is not pleased.
Is this a wise endeavor? Should I continue to try and save my captive Witch or should I just kill her?
Josiah has also been pestering me to see if I cant let charge his friends a quarter tohave a look at the witch his daddy caught, Should I let him?
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Trying to out-Methuselah Methuselah You kids get off his lawn!
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Posts: 22,438
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Close to God
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Re: 2015 Witch Hunt! -
11-05-2015, 10:59 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by DeweyClutter
Is this a wise endeavor? Should I continue to try and save my captive Witch or should I just kill her?
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Killing witches is against the law in Arkansas and God commands us to obey secular laws (1st Peter 2:13-17, Romans 13:1-7). So you can only kill witches in regions where it isn't against the law.
Freedom means voting for Donald Trump!
To most "Christians" The Bible is like a license agreement. They just scroll to the bottom and click "I agree". All those "Christians" will burn in Hell!
James 2:10 "For whosoever shall keep the whole law, and yet offend in one point, he is guilty of all."
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Forum Member
Forum Member
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Posts: 57
Join Date: Oct 2015
Location: Hot Springs, Arkansas!
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Re: 2015 Witch Hunt! -
11-05-2015, 11:03 PM
But is it right what Im doing?
Keeping the witch locked up in the cellar, away from her wand, spellbooks and potions?
I witness to her every day, and feed her Godly Christian food, instead of the garbage she had been consuming (she is quite the fatty?)
Maybe I should ask Pastor Phillip to see if he can take care of her?
I want to save her, but I feel I don't have the experinece to do so.
Also, Elizabeth doesn't like her presence here. Every time I tell her, I am going to 'Witness to" or "Feed" the witch, she looks cold, purses her lips, and frowns, before saying "do what you think is best."
I just feel torn...
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Serving Jesus
True Christian™
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Posts: 4,470
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Godly Texas, Besieged by Papist Idol Worshippers
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Re: 2015 Witch Hunt! -
11-05-2015, 11:21 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Cranky Old Man
Killing witches is against the law in Arkansas and God commands us to obey secular laws (1st Peter 2:13-17, Romans 13:1-7). So you can only kill witches in regions where it isn't against the law.
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Arkansas is in close proximity to Mississippi. I believe that witch killing is legal there. Load up the witch and take her to Mississippi at your earliest convenience.
God judgeth the righteous, And God is angry with the wicked every day- Psalm 7:11
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Putting the "stud" back in Bible Study
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Posts: 79,910
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Freehold, Iowa
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Re: 2015 Witch Hunt! -
11-06-2015, 03:57 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Joanna Lytton-Vasey
Congratulations, Pastor Zeke, on yet another impressive win. We know you're getting short of places to store your trophies, so my husband picked up rather an attractive cabinet at Sotheby's the other week - marble, tortoiseshell and ormolu - and it's on its way.
YiC
Joanna
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Bless his heart. Tell him to send your youngest boy over (Wilson I think his name is? About 9 years old?) around 11pm on Friday night and allow me to deposit my thanks in him, to carry home to his daddy.
Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:
Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)
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Confirmed Enemy of God
BANNED from Landover -- Aeternal Damnation Assured
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Posts: 64
Join Date: Sep 2015
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Re: 2015 Witch Hunt! -
11-06-2015, 01:37 PM
Paster Ezekiel, what I am about to say has nothing to do with this thread, except in defence of witch hunts. Here goes, then:
It has come to my attention that certain school authorities are threatening to cut off funding to any educational institutions who do not promote transsexualism and cross dressing. Some schools have even been told they must insist upon it and have integrated all their rest rooms into a gender mixing jamboree and free for all. Some students are being instructed to accept hormone pills and girls are routinely injected with testosterone. The boys, meanwile, are being force fed estrogon in their canteen meals and not being told about it. Some have grown breasts and know not why. I am at my wit's end. The Lord will send hurricaines and even more cancer cells.
What can the church do to fight these deviants and their Christ Jesus hating abominations? This is what happens when the witch hunting of these transgender demons is allowed to rebate and fall into disuse. A revival must come. We must burn Obama at the stake of his debauchries.
Glory.
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Putting the "stud" back in Bible Study
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Posts: 79,910
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Freehold, Iowa
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Re: 2015 Witch Hunt! -
11-08-2015, 12:48 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by 1liesalot
Paster Ezekiel, what I am about to say has nothing to do with this thread, except in defence of witch hunts. Here goes, then:
It has come to my attention that certain school authorities are threatening to cut off funding to any educational institutions who do not promote transsexualism and cross dressing. Some schools have even been told they must insist upon it and have integrated all their rest rooms into a gender mixing jamboree and free for all. Some students are being instructed to accept hormone pills and girls are routinely injected with testosterone. The boys, meanwile, are being force fed estrogon in their canteen meals and not being told about it. Some have grown breasts and know not why. I am at my wit's end. The Lord will send hurricaines and even more cancer cells.
What can the church do to fight these deviants and their Christ Jesus hating abominations? This is what happens when the witch hunting of these transgender demons is allowed to rebate and fall into disuse. A revival must come. We must burn Obama at the stake of his debauchries.
Glory.
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I can answer your question in just one word: Tithe.
Unless Jesus and His favorite Church receive sufficient funds to do our education and world outreach programs, the entire planet is doomed. Send in whatever you can! Consider selling your possessions because those trinkets won't do you any good down in hellfire.
Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:
Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)
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Unsaved trash
Under Investigation
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Posts: 5
Join Date: Oct 2016
Location: Heaven
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Re: 2015 Witch Hunt! -
10-01-2016, 10:03 PM
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Isaiah 13:9 Behold, the day of the Lord cometh, cruel both with wrath and fierce anger, to lay the land desolate: and he shall destroy the sinners thereof out of it.
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Gushing for Jesus
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Posts: 23,743
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Freehold, Iowa
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Re: 2015 Witch Hunt! -
10-01-2016, 10:16 PM
Hello, my name is Mary. I hope to fellowship with you! That is, unless you don't listen to church authority (Deuteronomy 17:12); are a witch (Exodus 22:17); are a homosexual (Leviticus 20:13; Romans 1:24-32); or fortuneteller (Leviticus 20:27) or a snotty kid who hits their dad (Exodus 21:15); or curses their parents (Proverbs 20:20; Leviticus 20:9); an adulterer (Leviticus 20:10); a non-Christian (Exodus 22:19; Deuteronomy 13:7-12; Deuteronomy 17:2-5;Romans 1:24-32); an atheist (2 Chronicles 15:12-13); or false prophet (Zechariah 13:3); from the town of one who worships another, false god (Deuteronomy 13:13-19); were a non-virgin bride (Deuteronomy 22:20-21); or blasphemer (Leviticus 24:10-16), as God calls for your execution and will no doubt send you to Hell, and I have no interest developing a friendship with the Spiritually Walking Dead.
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South of the Border outreach program True Christian™
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Posts: 13,156
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Godly Midwest
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Re: 2015 Witch Hunt! -
10-01-2016, 10:20 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by God_Is_My_Savior
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Sweetie, have you ever heard of the Holy Bible?
It's that book that all Christians should obey.
This is what the Holy Bible has to say about witches:
Exodus 22:18 Thou shalt not suffer a witch to live.
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Gushing for Jesus
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Posts: 23,743
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Freehold, Iowa
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Re: 2015 Witch Hunt! -
10-01-2016, 10:24 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Basilissa
It's that book that all Christians should obey.
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I can't wait for this one to call the police and report that Christians are following the Holy Bible!
Hello, my name is Mary. I hope to fellowship with you! That is, unless you don't listen to church authority (Deuteronomy 17:12); are a witch (Exodus 22:17); are a homosexual (Leviticus 20:13; Romans 1:24-32); or fortuneteller (Leviticus 20:27) or a snotty kid who hits their dad (Exodus 21:15); or curses their parents (Proverbs 20:20; Leviticus 20:9); an adulterer (Leviticus 20:10); a non-Christian (Exodus 22:19; Deuteronomy 13:7-12; Deuteronomy 17:2-5;Romans 1:24-32); an atheist (2 Chronicles 15:12-13); or false prophet (Zechariah 13:3); from the town of one who worships another, false god (Deuteronomy 13:13-19); were a non-virgin bride (Deuteronomy 22:20-21); or blasphemer (Leviticus 24:10-16), as God calls for your execution and will no doubt send you to Hell, and I have no interest developing a friendship with the Spiritually Walking Dead.
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Revelationary Equine Gnathologist for Christ
True Christian™
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Posts: 2,395
Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: Prodigal Son of Godless NYC.
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Re: 2015 Witch Hunt! -
10-01-2016, 10:25 PM
Is the date set for this year's hunt? I would love to fly out there (no, not on a broom, silly!) and take part. Is there a preferred method? Anyone want to swap secrets on where to find them? Bear with me, I'm new at this.
What are the prizes this year? Jesus smiles on this event, I just know it.
Proverbs 21:31 KJV 1611:
“The horse is prepared against the day of battell: but safetie is of the Lord.”
Lord, may I serve my equine brothers and sisters just as I do my fellow man. Amen and Amen
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