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Default Brothers, I need your help...I think my wife enjoys being seeded! - 02-11-2013, 06:55 PM

I have taken precautions to avoid such a disgrace, but never-the-less satan has managed to worm his way into my wife's nether-region. And this in spite of fervent prayer, use of the thrice blessed gunny sack, lovingly applied kidney punches, etc.

It began during an especially vigorous seeding session. I was determined and driven by the Holy Spirit to implant another son within her belly. As I approached arrival, I was suddenly distracted by a series of low grunts, punctuated by a high pitched shriek. In utter disgust, I withdrew before the demon within her could sink its fangs into my manhood. What occured next will haunt me forever.

Satan took his parting shot and delivered a devestating sucker punch to the prostate, forcing my seed to spill upon the sheets, and sending billions off unborn babies directly into the lake of fire...

Being too mentally and physically exhausted to beat the devil out of the woman, I decided to leave her confined in the gunny sack for the night, so she could pray for forgiveness without distraction.

Unable to fall asleep, partly because of the thoughts weighing heavily on my mind, and partly because of the incessant screaming, I sought solice through self deception...maybe those unGodly grunts and groans were born of discomfort,or maybe even pain. A smile spread across my face and I was soon sleeping like an infant...

However, the next morining my woes were renewed. Despite her meditatons within the blessed gunny sack, she arose with a twinkle in her eyes and a lilt in her step. She seemed less nervous, less on edge...never a good thing.

Brothers, I need your guidance and prayers, please help me! If this happens again, I'll have to stone her!

Yours in Christ,
WH
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Default Re: Brothers, I need your help...I think my wife enjoys being seeded! - 02-11-2013, 07:04 PM

Brother,

This is a certain woman in Des Moinse I hire to deal with my female house staff when they have a demon upon them like you seem to describe. I caution against you directly correcting your wife because in her sinful state she may sink into depravity so it's best another woman disciplines her. I can send the contact information on for Ms Robin. if you do contact her be away she does dress in an unconventional fashion, but that is only to put sinners on notice.

I hope this helps



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Default Re: Brothers, I need your help...I think my wife enjoys being seeded! - 02-11-2013, 07:48 PM

I would suggest aversion therapy.

Get some apomorphine from your locale vet and give this to your wife just before you start with sex. You need to be quick because in about 5 minutes she will be agony with the cramps and the vomiting.

After you have done this 10 or 20 times she will have gone so off recreational sex that you will practically have to force her; I found this would speed the whole process along nicely and you would have extra time to vacate the room before she fouls herself.

YIC


1 Corinthians 11:3 But I would have you know, that the head of every man is Christ; and the head of the woman is the man; and the head of Christ is God.

Revelation 22:15 For without are dogs, and sorcerers, and whoremongers, and murderers, and idolaters, and whosoever loveth and maketh a lie.

Leviticus 20:13 If a man also lie with mankind, as he lieth with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination: they shall surely be put to death; their blood shall be upon them.
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Default Re: Brothers, I need your help...I think my wife enjoys being seeded! - 02-11-2013, 10:16 PM

If she's enjoying it you are obviously taking too much time. Get it done as quickly as possible.


Leviticus 13:40 And the man whose hair is fallen off his head, he is bald; yet is he clean.
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Default Re: Brothers, I need your help...I think my wife enjoys being seeded! - 02-12-2013, 01:41 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Dr Laurence Niles View Post
I would suggest aversion therapy.

Get some apomorphine from your locale vet and give this to your wife just before you start with sex. You need to be quick because in about 5 minutes she will be agony with the cramps and the vomiting.

After you have done this 10 or 20 times she will have gone so off recreational sex that you will practically have to force her; I found this would speed the whole process along nicely and you would have extra time to vacate the room before she fouls herself.

YIC
That sounds like a good idea...I do have some rupinol that I confiscated from a homer date-rapist during my days as a youth councellor. Do you know if it works on women?
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Default Re: Brothers, I need your help...I think my wife enjoys being seeded! - 02-12-2013, 03:24 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Godfly View Post
If she's enjoying it you are obviously taking too much time. Get it done as quickly as possible.
Amen Brother Godfly, taking too much time at these activities only feeds the devil's workshop of female fantasy. I would only add that every True Christian™ husband should do a thorough inspection of any magazines lying around the house and make sure that any subscriptions to Cosmopolitan, Glamour, Vogue, and anything by Oprah (including her television shows) be banned.


Hell's foundations quiver at the shout of praise;
brothers, lift your voices, loud your anthems raise.
...and get off my lawn
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Default Re: Brothers, I need your help...I think my wife enjoys being seeded! - 02-26-2013, 09:28 PM

Why are even fornicating? God says your body IS NOT for fornication.
1 corinthians 16:13 and 1 corinthians 16:15
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Default Re: Brothers, I need your help...I think my wife enjoys being seeded! - 02-26-2013, 09:50 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Uss_Columbia_SSN771 View Post
Why are even fornicating? God says your body IS NOT for fornication.
1 corinthians 16:13 and 1 corinthians 16:15
You can't fornicate with your wife!



YiC,

Zech


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Default Re: Brothers, I need your help...I think my wife enjoys being seeded! - 03-25-2013, 01:45 AM

Hey buddy, we all been there! I know it not fun when you can't please your wife!

You stick with me buddy, I got powdered rhinoceros horn! Shhhh! Very hush, hush! Loose lips sink ships, right buddy?

I sell you small vial for $300. Normally $350, but I give you deal! One pinch of rhino powder and you can keep it up for days!

I 73 years old! Works like a charm every time!

You send me your number, buddy, I take care of you!
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Default Re: Brothers, I need your help...I think my wife enjoys being seeded! - 03-25-2013, 12:44 PM

Give her more chores to do! That will suck the demon of lust right out of her.


I Samuel 20:4
"Then said Jonathan unto David, Whatsoever thy soul desireth, I will even do it for thee."
This is not a reference of a homosexual relationship but a friendship of depth and platonic commitment! Why must liiebrals always make everything sound so DIRTY!?
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Default Re: Brothers, I need your help...I think my wife enjoys being seeded! - 03-25-2013, 05:11 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Witch Hammer View Post
I have taken precautions to avoid such a disgrace, but never-the-less satan has managed to worm his way into my wife's nether-region. And this in spite of fervent prayer, use of the thrice blessed gunny sack, lovingly applied kidney punches, etc.

It began during an especially vigorous seeding session. I was determined and driven by the Holy Spirit to implant another son within her belly. As I approached arrival, I was suddenly distracted by a series of low grunts, punctuated by a high pitched shriek. In utter disgust, I withdrew before the demon within her could sink its fangs into my manhood. What occured next will haunt me forever.

Satan took his parting shot and delivered a devestating sucker punch to the prostate, forcing my seed to spill upon the sheets, and sending billions off unborn babies directly into the lake of fire...

Being too mentally and physically exhausted to beat the devil out of the woman, I decided to leave her confined in the gunny sack for the night, so she could pray for forgiveness without distraction.

Unable to fall asleep, partly because of the thoughts weighing heavily on my mind, and partly because of the incessant screaming, I sought solice through self deception...maybe those unGodly grunts and groans were born of discomfort,or maybe even pain. A smile spread across my face and I was soon sleeping like an infant...

However, the next morining my woes were renewed. Despite her meditatons within the blessed gunny sack, she arose with a twinkle in her eyes and a lilt in her step. She seemed less nervous, less on edge...never a good thing.

Brothers, I need your guidance and prayers, please help me! If this happens again, I'll have to stone her!

Yours in Christ,
WH
Dear Sir,

I know that I am overstepping my boundaries by a) reading and posting on this forum and b) giving an advice to a True Christian™ Man, however, you seem truly concerned about this issue. Have you thought about female circumcision? Although I don't think it is mentioned in the Bible, it is a simple solution that will make it impossible for your wife to feel any pleasure during the act of procreation.
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Default Re: Brothers, I need your help...I think my wife enjoys being seeded! - 03-25-2013, 05:26 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Basilissa View Post
...I know that I am overstepping my boundaries by a) reading and posting on this forum and b) giving an advice to a True Christian™ Man...
Yet, you went ahead and did it anyway. Are you starting to enjoy the "corrections" your husband gives you?

Quote:
...Have you thought about female circumcision? Although I don't think it is mentioned in the Bible...
No, it's not. Are you sure you've read it?

Quote:
...it is a simple solution that will make it impossible for your wife to feel any pleasure during the act of procreation.
You mean you've never found your Grafenberg spot? Is your husband hung like a mouse?


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Default Re: Brothers, I need your help...I think my wife enjoys being seeded! - 03-25-2013, 05:45 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Didymus Much View Post
Yet, you went ahead and did it anyway. Are you starting to enjoy the "corrections" your husband gives you?
And here I am again Didymus, I haven't found a Christian Man who would stand my yapping (I'm afraid that the only solution will be to cut out my tongue; Matthew 18:8-9). In the meantime, I'm following Mary's example (Luke 10:42; see also I Corinthians 7:34)

Quote:
No, it's not. Are you sure you've read it?
I did and never found anything about it, but as a feeble woman how can I be sure?

Quote:
You mean you've never found your Grafenberg spot?
I have ABSOLUTELY NO IDEA what in the world are you talking about! Whatever it is, it's probably disgusting. That's exactly why women should not come to men's forum! I'm out of here!
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Didymus Much Didymus Much is offline
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Didymus Much is a sinner who has rejected Christ and tithing to Landover and is on the fast bus to Aeternal Damnation.Didymus Much is a sinner who has rejected Christ and tithing to Landover and is on the fast bus to Aeternal Damnation.Didymus Much is a sinner who has rejected Christ and tithing to Landover and is on the fast bus to Aeternal Damnation.Didymus Much is a sinner who has rejected Christ and tithing to Landover and is on the fast bus to Aeternal Damnation.Didymus Much is a sinner who has rejected Christ and tithing to Landover and is on the fast bus to Aeternal Damnation.Didymus Much is a sinner who has rejected Christ and tithing to Landover and is on the fast bus to Aeternal Damnation.Didymus Much is a sinner who has rejected Christ and tithing to Landover and is on the fast bus to Aeternal Damnation.Didymus Much is a sinner who has rejected Christ and tithing to Landover and is on the fast bus to Aeternal Damnation.Didymus Much is a sinner who has rejected Christ and tithing to Landover and is on the fast bus to Aeternal Damnation.Didymus Much is a sinner who has rejected Christ and tithing to Landover and is on the fast bus to Aeternal Damnation.Didymus Much is a sinner who has rejected Christ and tithing to Landover and is on the fast bus to Aeternal Damnation.
Default Re: Brothers, I need your help...I think my wife enjoys being seeded! - 03-25-2013, 05:58 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Basilissa View Post
And here I am again Didymus, I haven't found a Christian Man who would stand my yapping (I'm afraid that the only solution will be to cut out my tongue; Matthew 18:8-9)...
There is another Biblical solution: Deuteronomy 22:28-29. Then he would have no choice (if he gets caught), you being an incessant yapper or not.

Quote:
...I have ABSOLUTELY NO IDEA what in the world are you talking about!...
I'd be glad to help you understand. Do you have something smooth, non-porous, cylindrical with one rounded end, about 1" in diameter, at least 4-5" long, and a high resolution webcam?


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GAY AND STUPID's Avatar
GAY AND STUPID GAY AND STUPID is offline
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GAY AND STUPID is a sorcerer and idolater who follows false gods and will rot in Hell.GAY AND STUPID is a sorcerer and idolater who follows false gods and will rot in Hell.
Default Re: Brothers, I need your help...I think my wife enjoys being seeded! - 03-28-2013, 02:27 AM

you earn happiness by living life to its fullest. You live life to the fullest by having tons of sex for fun
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BelieverInGod BelieverInGod is offline
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BelieverInGod is under investigation -- suspected to be Unsaved Trash.BelieverInGod is under investigation -- suspected to be Unsaved Trash.
Default Re: Brothers, I need your help...I think my wife enjoys being seeded! - 03-28-2013, 02:28 AM

Why is this idiot being allowed to bounce around our Holy Forum? He's obviously not here to talk about God.


Drama queen
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Brother Harold Porter's Avatar
Brother Harold Porter Brother Harold Porter is offline
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Brother Harold Porter will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Brother Harold Porter will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Brother Harold Porter will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Brother Harold Porter will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Brother Harold Porter will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Brother Harold Porter will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Brother Harold Porter will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Brother Harold Porter will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Brother Harold Porter will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Brother Harold Porter will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Brother Harold Porter will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!
Default Re: Brothers, I need your help...I think my wife enjoys being seeded! - 03-28-2013, 02:35 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by GAY AND SINFUL View Post
You live life to the fullest by having tons of sex for fun
Perhaps gay homo-rectal sex is fun for the moment. I also once chose to be a queer. God had a plan for me though. To save other sissies from His wrath.

Here is just a sample of what you can look forward to as long as you choose to pack mud.

Quote:
Anal Cancer
Chlamydia trachomatis
Cryptosporidium
Giardia lamblia
Herpes simplex virus
Human immunodeficiency virus
Human papilloma virus
Isospora belli
Microsporidia
Gonorrhea
Viral hepatitis types B & C
Syphilis25
Does any of this sound like fun, young man? Will you let Jesus Christ inside you tonight?

In Him


Matthew 19:14 "But Jesus said, Suffer little children, and forbid them not, to come unto me: for of such is the kingdom of heaven."

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Faith_Machine Faith_Machine is offline
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Faith_Machine will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Faith_Machine will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Faith_Machine will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Faith_Machine will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Faith_Machine will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Faith_Machine will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Faith_Machine will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Faith_Machine will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Faith_Machine will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Faith_Machine will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Faith_Machine will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!
Default Re: Brothers, I need your help...I think my wife enjoys being seeded! - 03-28-2013, 02:53 AM

I don't really see what the problem is here. If a woman enjoys doing her chores, those chores are more likely to get done without you having to show her the back of your hand!


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TheWretch TheWretch is offline
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TheWretch is a sorcerer and idolater who follows false gods and will rot in Hell.TheWretch is a sorcerer and idolater who follows false gods and will rot in Hell.TheWretch is a sorcerer and idolater who follows false gods and will rot in Hell.TheWretch is a sorcerer and idolater who follows false gods and will rot in Hell.TheWretch is a sorcerer and idolater who follows false gods and will rot in Hell.TheWretch is a sorcerer and idolater who follows false gods and will rot in Hell.
Default Re: Brothers, I need your help...I think my wife enjoys being seeded! - 04-23-2014, 03:09 AM

I believe this 'demon' is what scientists call an orgasm.
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Alvin Moss's Avatar
Alvin Moss Alvin Moss is offline
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Alvin Moss will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Alvin Moss will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Alvin Moss will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Alvin Moss will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Alvin Moss will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Alvin Moss will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Alvin Moss will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Alvin Moss will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Alvin Moss will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Alvin Moss will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Alvin Moss will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!
Default Re: Brothers, I need your help...I think my wife enjoys being seeded! - 04-23-2014, 03:19 AM

Does your father know you talk like that?


God judgeth the righteous, And God is angry with the wicked every day- Psalm 7:11
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