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Default Re: Colonic Demons? - 05-10-2011, 04:11 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by MitzaLizalor View Post
The world is not a sphere, as we know. Therefore it can have more than one central location. Here are a couple of illustrations which are clear enough concerning the real situation, the Truth revealed by God who created all things.




COLOSSIANS 1
16
For by him were all things created that are in heauen, and that are in earth, visible and inuisible, whether they be thrones, or dominions, or principalities, or powers: all things were created by him, and for him.
17 And he is before all things, and by him all things consist.

©1611

God by His Word made everything. That is why He knows everything about it, everything that can ever be known, whether we can see it or not.
God has not abandoned us in some enigmatic dark age. He illuminates our understanding by the light of His Word.

JOHN 1:14 And the Word was made flesh, and dwelt among vs (& we beheld his glory, the glory as of the onely begotten of the Father) full of grace and trueth.
©1611

When God tells us about the world He has created or about His Plan For Salvation, He is telling the truth. God is not a liar.

JOHN 14:6 Iesus saith vnto him, I am the Way, the Trueth, and the Life: no man commeth vnto the Father but by mee.
©1611

Some people would rather pay attention to their own spurious ideas and ignore God's Truth. They are really worshiping Satan's philosophy in so doing: they might as well worship their own genitals! It's idolatry in any case, but there are many who do prefer lies!

God tells us about people like that, too:

ROMANS 1:25 Who changed the trueth of God into a lye, and worshipped and serued the creature more then the Creatour, who is blessed for euer. Amen.
©1611
As accurate and detailed as your portrayal may be, I fear for you. You may need to have your colonic demons removed. It seems they have motivated you to try to correct a man, and a True Christian one at that. No way you would do that if you didn't have anal archfiends.


The best way to turn a dishwasher into a snowblower. . . . .
Give her a shovel.
Proverbs 5:19 A husband's commandment! And wives must comply.
19Let her be as the loving hind and pleasant roe; let her breasts satisfy thee at all times; and be thou ravished always with her love.
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Default Re: Colonic Demons? - 05-10-2011, 04:37 AM

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Originally Posted by wait_what View Post
As accurate and detailed as your portrayal may be, I fear for you. You may need to have your colonic demons removed. It seems they have motivated you to try to correct a man, and a True Christian one at that. No way you would do that if you didn't have anal archfiends.
  1. Little Donkey is not a True Christian™.
  2. It is not your place to correct a Forum Member, someone on a par with you on the forum but far beyond you in her Biblical knowledge. It is the place of a Pastor or a True Christian™ to correct her.
  3. Why do you concern yourself with an imagined mote in Sister Mitza's eye, while ignoring the SCUD missile in your own?


Bible boring? Nonsense!
Try Bible in a Year with Brother V, or join Shirlee and the kids as they discuss Real Bible Stories!
You can't be a Christian if you don't know God's Word!
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Default Re: Colonic Demons? - 05-10-2011, 04:41 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Rev. M. Rodimer View Post
  1. Little Donkey is not a True Christian™.
  2. It is not your place to correct a Forum Member, someone on a par with you on the forum but far beyond you in her Biblical knowledge. It is the place of a Pastor or a True Christian™ to correct her.
  3. Why do you concern yourself with an imagined mote in Sister Mitza's eye, while ignoring the SCUD missile in your own?
Fair enough. I apologize.


The best way to turn a dishwasher into a snowblower. . . . .
Give her a shovel.
Proverbs 5:19 A husband's commandment! And wives must comply.
19Let her be as the loving hind and pleasant roe; let her breasts satisfy thee at all times; and be thou ravished always with her love.
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Default Re: Colonic Demons? - 05-17-2011, 04:07 PM

I live in the north of England and was hoping I could find somewhere locally to exorcise my fundament. Can anyone help?
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Default Re: Colonic Demons? - 05-17-2011, 04:29 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by mcmullanbrush View Post
I live in the north of England and was hoping I could find somewhere locally to exorcise my fundament. Can anyone help?
We do not perform exorcism. That is a catholic occupation.
Get those mary worshipers in and it wouldn't just be Demons they wanted from your Rectum.

If you are a skirt wearing nancy boy from North England then there is your problem.
Demons just love men in skirts.



Sister Talitha

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HE took the damsel by the hand, and said unto her, Talitha Cumi; which is,
being interpreted, Damsel, I say unto thee, arise!...Mark 5:41



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Default Re: Colonic Demons? - 05-17-2011, 04:52 PM

Now that they have esophageal cameras it's only a matter of time before we start seeing pictures of the demons that reside in the rectums of the unsaved.


May you be a blessing to every life you touch.
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Default Re: Colonic Demons? - 05-17-2011, 06:56 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Talitha View Post
We do not perform exorcism. That is a catholic occupation.
Get those mary worshipers in and it wouldn't just be Demons they wanted from your Rectum.

If you are a skirt wearing nancy boy from North England then there is your problem.
Demons just love men in skirts.
I apologise for the confusion. When I said North England, I didn't mean Scotland, where skirt wearing is compulsary.
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Default Re: Colonic Demons? - 05-23-2011, 12:23 AM

Where do the demons go in women? Are they anal or vaginal? Or both? Or do the demons only like boys' butts, because they are fags?


God Bless America. How I envy you all. Your food tastes way better than ours, and your newspapers don't have columns by women in ethnic headscarves about ethical shopping.
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Default Re: Colonic Demons? - 05-23-2011, 09:41 PM

OMG! I obviously really need the Jesus enema! Although I'm not Canadian and I really didn't want to listen to Celine Dion... does that count for anything??

God save our rectum!!
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Default Re: Colonic Demons? - 05-23-2011, 09:47 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by IcelandForPresident View Post
OMG! I obviously really need the Jesus enema! Although I'm not Canadian and I really didn't want to listen to Celine Dion... does that count for anything??

God save our rectum!!
Icelanders are even more infested. I think you'll need to ask Brother Eddie if the JE can even work for you.

All those years of listening to Bjork have toughened them up.
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Default Re: Colonic Demons? - 05-26-2011, 07:45 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Pastor Ezekiel View Post
Amen Brother Eddie! I can't tell you how many hours I have spent cleaning demons out of nubile young men's rectums! From the boy brothels of Bombay to the sin salons of Singapore, I've called upon the Holy Ghost to keep my resolve ROCK HARD in the saddle. It's a tough, sweaty job but someone's got to do it.

Shout GLORY!
This is the funniest thing I have ever read ever!!

You can't be serious.
Rock hard? Tough sweaty? Cleaning out young boy's rectums??

Really??
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Default Re: Colonic Demons? - 05-26-2011, 08:57 PM

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Originally Posted by AChild View Post
This is the funniest thing I have ever read ever!
How is a Pastor working hard to save souls funny?


I Jesus!
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Default Re: Colonic Demons? - 05-27-2011, 06:47 PM

well, I used to think they was whales that was living in my hindquarters, cause this high pitched stinky whale song used to issue forth from cavity? well, i'll pray harder every day, so them demons dont take up residency no further!


Genesis 1:24
And God said, "Let the land produce living creatures according to their kinds: livestock, creatures that move along the ground, and wild animals, each according to its kind: and it was so."
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Default Re: Colonic Demons? - 05-29-2011, 02:31 AM

Surely it's a sign from Heaven Above:the first thread I read after registration, and praise Him, I find the answer to one of the things that's been plaguing me! My wife's despaired over my copious sulfur production for years,
and now I'm on the road to salvation.

Yes. Yes, I'm in the right place.
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Default Re: Colonic Demons? - 06-03-2011, 11:06 PM

I have demons in my rectum!

I want to get rid of them, but how should i do?
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Default Re: Colonic Demons? - 06-03-2011, 11:16 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Zeitgeist View Post
I have demons in my rectum! I want to get rid of them, but how should i do?
Eat less chili?




Jesus loves you seriously bigtime. He’d hug you until your eyeballs exploded out of your skull if he ever met you. He’d windsurf across oceans of dead Nazis which he personally slaughtered just to tell you that your new haircut is the bee’s knees. Jesus is like the monster truck of love and you are an old Geo Metro which he will roar his massive engine over and crush your pathetic fiberglass frame into a crumpled heap. Praise Jesus, especially when it’s sunny outside because Jesus would totally be cool with you praising while you get a nice tan.

- Ecclesiastes xii.7
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Default Re: Colonic Demons? - 06-03-2011, 11:20 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Zeitgeist View Post
I have demons in my rectum!

I want to get rid of them, but how should i do?
Stick of dynamite should do it.



"If liberty means anything at all, it means the right to tell people what they do not want to hear." George Orwell
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Thumbs up Re: Colonic Demons? - 06-04-2011, 11:57 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by James Hutchins View Post
I am a bit embarrassed (as all completely straight men are) of being guilty of having demons in my rectum. I spent quite a bit of time in an intervention, locked in a no-name shady motel with a couple of loving Pastors. They spent say and sweaty night, working to pull the demons from my rectum.
I am proud to say I am now demon free and have been for a while. However, I do not take chances and have my rectum checked regularly. This is very important for all males over the age of 17 and should be done several times a year.
Brother James, I find your words, and moreover your actions, truly inspiring. It's what I too need to become a true Man of Christ like you. Feel free to contact me on Skype if you would, as I'd love to hear more about how you triumph over those rectal demons.
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Default Re: Colonic Demons? - 06-09-2011, 07:19 PM

Are you people serious?! JESUS enema? Jeezus. You guys have trully BIG ISSUES that SEEK A SHRINK's assistance. Jeeeeze.
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Default Re: Colonic Demons? - 06-09-2011, 07:23 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by defart View Post
Are you people serious?! JESUS enema? Jeezus. You guys have trully BIG ISSUES that SEEK A SHRINK's assistance. Jeeeeze.
Listen The Fart,

You're the one with the username based on breaking wind and you think WE have issues? I bet your colon is positively CRAWLING with demons!




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