[Faith_Machine]

Vatican offers expensive six day forgiveness period for abortions

Oh boy, the Vatican, no doubt patting itself on the back for being so generous to the filthy sluts of the world, has set up a six-day event in Madrid where ladies who've had abortions can come and confess in order to escape the automatic excommunication they otherwise would get. The reports don't indicate if the Vatican is generously offering the same thing to murderers, rapists, or priests who molest children only to get transferred to a new parish where there's fresh young people who haven't learned to fear you yet, but that's probably because none of those people are subject to the dogged excommunications of women who let expletive deleted near their expletive deleted for reasons other than producing more hands that can put money in the collection plate. Hey, don't judge! They have to keep helping fund these $87-million (the estimated cost of the Pope’s event in Madrid) Pope excursions, you know...

I'm not going to even suggest that the Papists should read too far into the Bible to discover how wrong they are. We all know that would be asking too much of them.

All I ask is that they crack open their KJV and at least get part of the way into Genesis to see what the punishment for murder is:

Genesis 9:6

Whoso sheddeth man's blood, by man shall his blood be shed: for in the image of God made he man.

Quite clearly, the penalty for murder is that the murderer is put to death.

Which, I suppose, is not too different from being welcomed into the Catholic church.

[Rev. Jim Osborne]

Disgusting. It's indulgences all over again. True salvation comes through faith in Jesus Christ, not by paying money to some kiddy-fiddling kraut wearing a fish hat. I'm glad we here at LBC are completely unmaterialistic and unconnected with money.

[Brother Enoch]

Originally Posted by Rev. Jim Osborne

. I'm glad we here at LBC are completely unmaterialistic and unconnected with money.

Reverend, does that mean I can temporarily cease my tithes? The fuel pump on my Pontiac Montana is shot and it's going to be about $600 to replace it with labor, and, of course, the kids are about to go back to school. So, um, a few month's Grace?

[Faith_Machine]

Why don't you just have your sons go around mowing lawns and doing odd jobs to raise that $600?

[Brother Enoch]

Originally Posted by Faith_Machine

Why don't you just have your sons go around mowing lawns and doing odd jobs to raise that $600?

My sons and even my daughters are on military maneuvers now. I don't believe in giving them summers off when they should be learning to protect us from terrorists. Maybe I can get my wife to mow some lawns. But she's an Eskimo and kind of scared of grass. She thinks it's unnatural.

[Faith_Machine]

I don't think you should allow your wife to work outside the home. What if some drunk Irishman happened to see your wife straining and pushing that lawn mower and got all inflamed with lust?

[Brother Enoch]

Originally Posted by Faith_Machine

I don't think you should allow your wife to work outside the home. What if some drunk Irishman happened to see your wife straining and pushing that lawn mower and got all inflamed with lust?

Well it would save me some work and hopefully produce another son for me.

[Faith_Machine]

Originally Posted by Brother Enoch

Well it would save me some work and hopefully produce another son for me.

Would that Irishman also owe you fifty shekels, or is that only if he lays with your daughter?

[Brother Enoch]

Originally Posted by Faith_Machine

Would that Irishman also owe you fifty shekels, or is that only if he lays with your daughter?

Show me a shiftless Irishman with 50 shekels and I'll eat my hat!

As for my daughters, any Irishman that comes sniffing around is going to get a groinful of buckshot. American Christians only for my girls. As for my wife, whatever. Her naughty bits are used up anyway.