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Smile "Sweatin' to the Old Testament": Christian Exercise Video - 08-26-2009, 06:59 PM

Rev. Jim's "Sweatin' to the Old Testament"

NEW Workout Video for True Christians™!




"Know ye not that ye are the temple of God, and that the Spirit of God dwelleth in you? If any man defile the temple of God, him shall God destroy; for the temple of God is holy, which temple ye are" (1 Corinthians 3:16-17 KJV).

"What? know ye not that your body is the temple of the Holy Ghost which is in you, which ye have of God, and ye are not your own? For ye are bought with a price: therefore glorify God in your body, and in your spirit, which are God's" (1 Corinthians 6:19-20 KJV).

Brothers and Sisters in Christ,

Are you flabby and out of shape? Or are you in top condition and want to maintain your healthy physique? Look no further than this new DVD made especially for True Christians™, led by none other than myself, Rev. Jim Osborne!

It all started when I went to a regular check-up to Dr. Schwartz, and once he saw I was crushing the scale at 275 lbs., he said to me: "Rev. Jim, you really need to shed some weight. At this rate, you're going to be due for yet another double bypass within a year!". Well, that got me thinking. Why not lose weight and help my fellow True Christians™ while I'm at it? I also realized there is a dirth of Christian exercise videos on the market. The overwhelming majority of workout videos are sinful and offensive, led by God-mocking homosexuals doing disgusting positions and full of the Devil's music.


Stay away from such filth! Ephesians 5:11 "And have no fellowship with the unfruitful works of darkness, but rather reprove them."


"Sweatin' to the Old Testament" is a 30 minute exercise video created with True Christians™ in mind. Why should you work out to this video and not some other abomination?
  • Most videos on the market star unbelievers, whether it is the flamboyant homosexual Richard Simmons, the communist Jane Fonda, or the militant shaved-head lesbian Susan Powter. This video is led by a Godly, ordained True Christian™ pastor!
  • Exercise videos often contain the Devil's music - rock 'n roll or worse, hip hop. Why defile your soul with such filth when you can do calisthenics to some great upbeat Christian tunes like "Onward Christian Soldiers" or "I Got the Joy Down in my Heart"!
  • Many exercise videos make the practitioner involve themselves in sinful, sexually suggestive positions. They make you bend over, spread your legs, or do squats. All the exercises in this video are family-friendly and pure of form!
  • Work out your body and your soul with this video! While you exercise, you learn about the Old Testament and even the exercise moves incorporate these teachings. For example, we learn about Deuteronomy 22:23-24 where we stone to death a raped woman who did not cry out by doing repetitive arm exercises which mimic throwing stones. Perfect for toning your biceps and forearms.
So throw all your old, sinful, unGodly exercise tapes into a bonfire immediately! Put on your sweats, pop this video into your DVD player, and get workin' out with the Lord! Only $29.95 plus S+H. PM me or email me at revjimsoborne@gmail.com to order your copy today!

Yours in Christ,

Rev. Jim Osborne



Watch the #1 Televangelist Gospel Hour in the World! "Turn or Burn: Accept Christ or Go to Hell with Rev. Jim Osborne." Check your local cable listings.

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Default Re: "Sweatin' to the Old Testament": Christian Exercise Video - 08-26-2009, 07:53 PM

Reverend, as you still owe me several thousand dollars for the consulting work I did for you on that paper Young Earth Creationism, Original Sin, and it's Effect on College Age Female Perversion, I guess I'll take a few of those videos as a partial payment. I will of course keep one and use it, the others will make fine gifts over the coming holidays.

Not to be a nag about this, but you did promise to get me that check when were fellowshipping at Pastor Zeke's last Prayer Circle. I daresay I did not need a workout after that rather taxing evening of Godly ministering!


Professor of Creation Science and Flood Geology at Landover Baptist University



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Rev. Jim Osborne will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Rev. Jim Osborne will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Rev. Jim Osborne will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Rev. Jim Osborne will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Rev. Jim Osborne will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Rev. Jim Osborne will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Rev. Jim Osborne will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Rev. Jim Osborne will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Rev. Jim Osborne will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Rev. Jim Osborne will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Rev. Jim Osborne will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!
Default Re: "Sweatin' to the Old Testament": Christian Exercise Video - 08-26-2009, 08:27 PM

Look Professor, I already told you, once I get my offshore bank account transferred, I'll pay you. It's not my fault the Caymans are going so slow with the transition. Besides, this public forum is not the place to talk about finances....it wouldn't surprise me that IRS is watching. They're just waiting for me to slip up.

Of course, I won't because I'm an honest taxpayer.



Watch the #1 Televangelist Gospel Hour in the World! "Turn or Burn: Accept Christ or Go to Hell with Rev. Jim Osborne." Check your local cable listings.

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Default Re: "Sweatin' to the Old Testament": Christian Exercise Video - 08-26-2009, 08:41 PM

Sorry for bringing it up Reverend, I guess I had forgotten about what you said about your account issues. I will admit that I was distracted while I was ministering to you at Pastor Zeke's place.

If you told me about your financial issues while I was actually performing my ministry, I am certain I was more focused on doing my Godly best to help you release the spirit of Jesus into me than I was on money matters. It will not happen again!


Professor of Creation Science and Flood Geology at Landover Baptist University



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Default Re: "Sweatin' to the Old Testament": Christian Exercise Video - 08-26-2009, 09:04 PM

Sounds great! I wouldn't mind doing a little sweating for JESUS!
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Default Re: "Sweatin' to the Old Testament": Christian Exercise Video - 08-26-2009, 09:17 PM

I will take one as well! Maybe a gross for the entire camp!


Matthew:
5:17 Think not that I am come to destroy the law, or the prophets: I am not come to destroy, but to fulfil.
5:18 For verily I say unto you, Till heaven and earth pass, one jot or one tittle shall in no wise pass from the law, till all be fulfilled
10:21 And the brother shall deliver up the brother to death, and the father the child: and the children shall rise up against their parents, and cause them to be put to death.
10:34 Think not that I am come to send peace on earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword.


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Default Re: "Sweatin' to the Old Testament": Christian Exercise Video - 08-27-2009, 12:00 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Rev. Jim Osborne View Post


Stay away from such filth! Ephesians 5:11 "And have no fellowship with the unfruitful works of darkness, but rather reprove them."
Brother, that video appears inordinately fruit-full!


Bible boring? Nonsense!
Try Bible in a Year with Brother V, or join Shirlee and the kids as they discuss Real Bible Stories!
You can't be a Christian if you don't know God's Word!
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Default Re: "Sweatin' to the Old Testament": Christian Exercise Video - 08-27-2009, 12:06 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Rev. M. Rodimer View Post
Brother, that video appears inordinately fruit-full!
I think a more appropriate Bible passage would've been this, in more ways than one...

Matthew, Chapter 7
16Ye shall know them by their fruits. Do men gather grapes of thorns, or figs of thistles?
17Even so every good tree bringeth forth good fruit; but a corrupt tree bringeth forth evil fruit.
18A good tree cannot bring forth evil fruit, neither can a corrupt tree bring forth good fruit.
19Every tree that bringeth not forth good fruit is hewn down, and cast into the fire.
20Wherefore by their fruits ye shall know them.



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Default Re: "Sweatin' to the Old Testament": Christian Exercise Video - 08-27-2009, 02:47 AM

Thank you SO much for "Sweatin' to the Old Testament," Rev. Jim!! My wife Delores and I enjoyed a steamy session this afternoon, and thanks to you I've lost 12 pounds in the past six weeks!! This wonderful and devoutly True Christian™ exercize program has been a God send for both me and my wife.

One question though, Rev. Jim-- the free instructional DVD that came with the program specifically said that one should weigh themselves WITHOUT their trusses and colostomy bags. Wouldn't that skew the weight loss results?
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Default Re: "Sweatin' to the Old Testament": Christian Exercise Video - 08-27-2009, 03:05 AM

Ah, Brother Monty, I am glad that you and your lovely wife have enjoyed my video and even lost some weight out of it! Some people have complained about the lack of weight loss due to the so-called "half-hearted efforts of exercise on my part", but I'm not about to gyrate my body like some cheap pole-dancing whore in one of those dive strip joints on the edge of town. 12 lbs in 6 weeks is very respectable! In fact, I think it's a record (most people average 2-4 lbs. loss in 6 weeks).

To answer your question, yes you must remove all paraphenalia from your person, such as colostomy bags as the plastic and contained feces may add to your weight, skewing your proper weight. If not able to remove, it is best to tare the weight of the attached objects first, then weigh.

By the way, are we still on for the Cessna ride next weekend?



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Default Re: "Sweatin' to the Old Testament": Christian Exercise Video - 08-27-2009, 03:20 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Rev. Jim Osborne View Post
By the way, are we still on for the Cessna ride next weekend?
Absolutely!! I wouldn't miss it for the world!! How often do we get to see Freehold from the air?

P.S. Is it OK if I wear my colostomy bag and trusses for the Cessna ride?
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Rev. Jim Osborne will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Rev. Jim Osborne will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Rev. Jim Osborne will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Rev. Jim Osborne will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Rev. Jim Osborne will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Rev. Jim Osborne will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Rev. Jim Osborne will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Rev. Jim Osborne will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Rev. Jim Osborne will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Rev. Jim Osborne will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Rev. Jim Osborne will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!
Default Re: "Sweatin' to the Old Testament": Christian Exercise Video - 08-27-2009, 03:28 AM

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Originally Posted by H. Montague Worthington View Post
Absolutely!! I wouldn't miss it for the world!! How often do we get to see Freehold from the air?

P.S. Is it OK if I wear my colostomy bag and trusses for the Cessna ride?
Does the Pope sh** in the woods?

Sorry, couldn't help myself.



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How dumb can you get?

 
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Default Re: "Sweatin' to the Old Testament": Christian Exercise Video - 08-27-2009, 03:33 AM

1. How long is the video?
2. Is it Blue Ray, HD or just DVD?
3. When you say learning about the Old Testament, are you the one talking? If so, is it a voice over or talking while you exercise?


I'm not really interested in the workout video, but my father may be.
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Default Re: "Sweatin' to the Old Testament": Christian Exercise Video - 08-27-2009, 04:29 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Jenni111 View Post
1. How long is the video?
30 minutes, just like the original post says

Quote:
2. Is it Blue Ray, HD or just DVD?
Just DVD. Unless you want to see me all hot and sweaty in high definition...then I'm sure I can pull some strings and get that for you.

Quote:
3. When you say learning about the Old Testament, are you the one talking? If so, is it a voice over or talking while you exercise?
Yes, it's me talking, but definitely a voice over. I admit, I was pretty much out of breath doing the arm twists and the leg lifts. I had to get my technician to edit out all the heavy breathing and wheezing actually. There's no way I could speak and exercise at the same time.

Quote:
I'm not really interested in the workout video, but my father may be.
Don't you want to maintain your lithe, feminine physique, Jenni? Also remember this video has important lessons from the Old Testament and since you are far from being a True Christian™ you could most certainly benefit!



Watch the #1 Televangelist Gospel Hour in the World! "Turn or Burn: Accept Christ or Go to Hell with Rev. Jim Osborne." Check your local cable listings.

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Default Re: "Sweatin' to the Old Testament": Christian Exercise Video - 08-27-2009, 04:30 AM

I'm still using VHS, so I hope I can get a copy on video tape.


May you be a blessing to every life you touch.
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Default Re: "Sweatin' to the Old Testament": Christian Exercise Video - 08-27-2009, 04:47 AM

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Originally Posted by Rev. Jim Osborne View Post
Of course, I won't because I'm an honest taxpayer.
Obviously that doesn't matter. Just look what they did to dear Kent Hovind!



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- Proverbs 15:3

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Default Re: "Sweatin' to the Old Testament": Christian Exercise Video - 08-27-2009, 04:04 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Jenni111 View Post
1. How long is the video?
2. Is it Blue Ray, HD or just DVD?
3. When you say learning about the Old Testament, are you the one talking? If so, is it a voice over or talking while you exercise?


I'm not really interested in the workout video, but my father may be.
Questions, querstions, questions. (And around here, you can Believe we never say "queries"). And not one PRAISE JESUS

So - do I take it to understand you don't have the Money to purchase this Christian video - but your Father might?

And then you will be "working out" with your Father?

Yes, I do think that there is something in the Bible related to this sort of situation
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Default Re: "Sweatin' to the Old Testament": Christian Exercise Video - 08-28-2009, 12:54 AM

This video sounds absolutely splendid! I'm not usually one to drop hints, but I hope someone gets a copy for me as a gift. I'd like to maintain my girlish figure.

Reverend Jim, just how strenuous are these exercises? Are there a lot of sit-ups? I have trouble with sit-ups. They tend to have a squeezing effect on my mid-regions which sometimes cause displeasurable things to happen.


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in 2016

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Default Re: "Sweatin' to the Old Testament": Christian Exercise Video - 08-28-2009, 03:50 AM

Do not worry, Sister Vic. If I can do these exercises, then so can you! Most exercise videos focus on strenuous exercises that maximize fat and calorie burning and cardiovascular health. I think that is overkill so this video is very light and you probably won't break much of a sweat. I tried doing sit-ups when the camera was rolling and couldn't, so I had my producer edit it out and I did crunches instead. There are five crunches you have to do in the entire video.

While you may have digestive problems doing these crunches, you should be exercising alone in the first place. It is sinful for your husband to watch you exercise. Even if these moves are family-friendly and non-suggestive, it's better to be safe than sorry. Whatever inadverdent sounds come out of your body should be heard by no one but you.



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Default Re: "Sweatin' to the Old Testament": Christian Exercise Video - 02-20-2010, 10:31 AM

Looks like you've got some competition, Rev. Jim. Although Jesus certainly doesn't approve of the race mixing on that video.



Who Will Jesus Damn?

Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

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