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Jeb Stuart Thurmond's Avatar
Jeb Stuart Thurmond Jeb Stuart Thurmond is offline
Didn't write the Bible, just obeys it
 

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Default Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes - 02-03-2019, 06:35 PM



On the contrary, it had great memory, Women are still being punished for Eve's sin to this day!
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Default Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes - 03-19-2019, 02:32 AM

What do prostitutes get when they rupture their livers?

A whore-gan transplant.


Some days... I walk past my fellow brethren; men of Christ washed in Christ's blood. And I thank Lord Jesus Christ, my sinful days are long, LONG since behind me. I thank you Jesus for allowing me to accept you as my Savior, and leading me in the path of righteousness.
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Ezekiel Bathfire Ezekiel Bathfire is offline
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Default Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes - 03-28-2019, 05:20 PM

I heard a good one ‘live’ from Pastor Zeke himself. The other day Pastor Zeke was debating and defeating a scientist live on TV:

Pastor Zeke said “A scientist is like a blind man in a darkened room looking for a black cat that isn’t there”.
Insolently, the scientist came back with “That’s right, and if he were a pastor, he’d find it.”

As the debate was being held in the main auditorium at Landover, there were only hisses at the disrespect shown by the servant of Satan and Big Pharma, but Pastor Zeke, like a gentleman raised his hand and added...

“That’s because God works miracles through us every day.”

I thought that was absolutely perfect.

_______________________________________________

As I drove home, I was thinking of such things and I remembered, as you will, a riddle from the 1990s:
A man and his son are driving in a car one day, when they get into a fatal accident. The man is killed instantly but the boy, although unconscious, is still alive. He is rushed to hospital, and will need immediate surgery. The doctor enters the emergency room, looks at the boy, and says, “I can’t treat this boy, he is my son”. How is this possible?
Now at the time, I thought that this was a simple misprint –it should be “The doctor nurse enters the emergency room, looks at the boy, and says, “I can’t treat this boy, he is my son”.

Often, those who asked the riddle claimed, quite wrongly, that it showed, in some way, that people didn’t think women were really capable of being doctors. (Well, of course they're not that's why they are nurses!)

Well that’s all liberal hogwash – I now realise that, in this riddle, the “doctor” was indeed a “doctor” and this was an allusion to the homosexual agenda! The clear statement is that the dead father and the doctor were a practising pair of abominations who were holding a child hostage – we can only hope that the poor child was taken into Jesus’s Arms rather than he were left to the tender mercies of some “gay”.

Now, the “riddle” had been designed to look as if it were a feminazi trap for the unwary! – I hope you see that it is far darker.

This riddle is now banned in Landover.




Ec:7:16: Be not righteous over much; neither make thyself over wise: why shouldest thou destroy thyself?

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Default Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes - 03-29-2019, 05:30 AM

A real Dad joke:

Q: How do we know the woman at the well was fat?


A: Because the Bible tells us she was a woman of Samaria (some area).


Mt 21:42, 44 Jesus saith unto them, Did ye never read in the scriptures, The stone which the builders rejected, the same is become the head of the corner: this is the Lord's doing, and it is marvellous in our eyes . . . ? And whosoever shall fall on this stone shall be broken: but on whomsoever it shall fall, it will grind him to powder.

Find out what the Bible says about: Fortnite: Battle Royale, asexuality, shaving, psychiatry, chronic fatigue syndrome, babies
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Isabella White Isabella White is offline
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Default Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes - 03-29-2019, 05:04 PM

A young Jewish man walks into the Lingerie Department of Macy's in New York. He tells the saleslady, "I would like a Jewish bra for my wife size 34 B."
With a quizzical look the saleslady asked, "What kind of bra?"
He repeated, "A Jewish bra. She said to tell you that she wanted a Jewish bra, and that you would know what she wanted."
"Ah, now I remember," said the saleslady. "We don't get as many requests for them as we used to. Most of our customers lately want the Catholic bra, or the Salvation Army bra, or the Presbyterian bra."
Confused, and a little flustered, the man asked "So, what are the differences?"
The saleslady responded. "It is all really quite simple. The Catholic bra supports the masses, the Salvation Army lifts up the fallen, and the Presbyterian bra keeps them staunch and upright."
He mused on that information for a minute and said: "Hmm. I know I'll regret asking, but what does the Jewish bra do?"
"Ah, the Jewish bra," she replied "makes mountains out of molehills.



Lift ye then your voices;
Swell the mighty flood;
Louder still and louder
Praise the precious blood.
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