General Church Fellowship A place for True Christians to join in praise, faith and fellowship. |
|
Didn't write the Bible, just obeys it
|
|
Posts: 6,639
Join Date: Jun 2007
|
|
Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes -
02-03-2019, 06:35 PM
Disagree? By failing to register and debate me, you prove that liberals are factless frauds who only persuade through intimidation. To prove otherwise, debate me!
Got Questions? See Frequently Asked Questions, or use Forum Search, tag system, or our guides on Geography, History, Science, Comparative Religion, Civics, and Current Events.
Did I use a new word you've never heard? Definitions here. | Vote! Everything you need to vote here!
|
|
Confirmed Enemy of God
BANNED from Landover -- Aeternal Damnation Assured
|
|
Posts: 565
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: Where God puts me.
|
|
Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes -
03-19-2019, 02:32 AM
What do prostitutes get when they rupture their livers?
A whore-gan transplant.
|
|
Pastor for Diversity and Tolerance Christ's Rottweiler
|
|
Posts: 22,745
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Toiling selflessly towards Salvation
|
|
Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes -
03-28-2019, 05:20 PM
I heard a good one ‘live’ from Pastor Zeke himself. The other day Pastor Zeke was debating and defeating a scientist live on TV:
Pastor Zeke said “A scientist is like a blind man in a darkened room looking for a black cat that isn’t there”.
Insolently, the scientist came back with “That’s right, and if he were a pastor, he’d find it.”
As the debate was being held in the main auditorium at Landover, there were only hisses at the disrespect shown by the servant of Satan and Big Pharma, but Pastor Zeke, like a gentleman raised his hand and added...
“That’s because God works miracles through us every day.”
I thought that was absolutely perfect.
_______________________________________________
As I drove home, I was thinking of such things and I remembered, as you will, a riddle from the 1990s: A man and his son are driving in a car one day, when they get into a fatal accident. The man is killed instantly but the boy, although unconscious, is still alive. He is rushed to hospital, and will need immediate surgery. The doctor enters the emergency room, looks at the boy, and says, “I can’t treat this boy, he is my son”. How is this possible?
Now at the time, I thought that this was a simple misprint –it should be “The doctor nurse enters the emergency room, looks at the boy, and says, “I can’t treat this boy, he is my son”.
Often, those who asked the riddle claimed, quite wrongly, that it showed, in some way, that people didn’t think women were really capable of being doctors. (Well, of course they're not that's why they are nurses!)
Well that’s all liberal hogwash – I now realise that, in this riddle, the “doctor” was indeed a “doctor” and this was an allusion to the homosexual agenda! The clear statement is that the dead father and the doctor were a practising pair of abominations who were holding a child hostage – we can only hope that the poor child was taken into Jesus’s Arms rather than he were left to the tender mercies of some “gay”.
Now, the “riddle” had been designed to look as if it were a feminazi trap for the unwary! – I hope you see that it is far darker.
This riddle is now banned in Landover.
|
|
PHD - Theophysicist Saving The Lost With The Truth Of Applied Theoscience
True Christian™
|
|
Posts: 3,087
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: In the Lamb's book of life
|
|
Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes -
03-29-2019, 05:30 AM
A real Dad joke:
Q: How do we know the woman at the well was fat?
A: Because the Bible tells us she was a woman of Samaria (some area).
| Mt 21:42, 44 Jesus saith unto them, Did ye never read in the scriptures, The stone which the builders rejected, the same is become the head of the corner: this is the Lord's doing, and it is marvellous in our eyes . . . ? And whosoever shall fall on this stone shall be broken: but on whomsoever it shall fall, it will grind him to powder.
Find out what the Bible says about: Fortnite: Battle Royale, asexuality, shaving, psychiatry, chronic fatigue syndrome, babies |
|
|
True Christian™ Icon of Feminine Virtue
|
|
Posts: 4,899
Join Date: Mar 2019
Location: Ungodly Buffalo, NY, MAGA USA
|
|
Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes -
03-29-2019, 05:04 PM
A young Jewish man walks into the Lingerie Department of Macy's in New York. He tells the saleslady, "I would like a Jewish bra for my wife size 34 B."
With a quizzical look the saleslady asked, "What kind of bra?"
He repeated, "A Jewish bra. She said to tell you that she wanted a Jewish bra, and that you would know what she wanted."
"Ah, now I remember," said the saleslady. "We don't get as many requests for them as we used to. Most of our customers lately want the Catholic bra, or the Salvation Army bra, or the Presbyterian bra."
Confused, and a little flustered, the man asked "So, what are the differences?"
The saleslady responded. "It is all really quite simple. The Catholic bra supports the masses, the Salvation Army lifts up the fallen, and the Presbyterian bra keeps them staunch and upright."
He mused on that information for a minute and said: "Hmm. I know I'll regret asking, but what does the Jewish bra do?"
"Ah, the Jewish bra," she replied "makes mountains out of molehills.
(Mrs.) Isabella White
Hebrews 10:19 "Having therefore, brethren, boldness to enter into the holiest by the of "
|
|
Confirmed Enemy of God
BANNED from Landover -- Aeternal Damnation Assured
|
|
Posts: 565
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: Where God puts me.
|
|
Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes -
06-28-2019, 02:50 PM
One day at St. Mary's - Father Ray Piste went off to the confession booth where he had cut a hole in the side to fulfill a sinful purpose. He went there every day, and there'd always be an altar boy on the other side to attend to his dirty need. Today, he entered as usual, knocked on the side to signify his presence, and inserted himself through the little hole. In a moment, he felt the soft suckle on the other side, and closed his eyes to drift off to bliss. Suddenly, he heard a voice, that was not of a child.
"Father Ray, is that you!?" It said.
Father Ray snapped to attention in horror. "Archbishop Homer?" He cried, "Oh Jesus, no! How did you know it was me?"
The Archbishop answered;
"I thought it tasted familiar when I was kissing altar boy Billy earlier."
|
|
Innkeeper for Christ
True Christian™
|
|
Posts: 2,719
Join Date: Dec 2018
Location: Not hacked by Mossad
|
|
Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes -
06-29-2019, 03:17 AM
Brother Jim, that joke is very inappropriate for a family forum!
In the future, please censor any instances of sinners taking the Lord's name in vain (Exodus 20:7), like that faggot priest does in your otherwise funny joke.
|
|
Confirmed Enemy of God
BANNED from Landover -- Aeternal Damnation Assured
|
|
Posts: 454
Join Date: Sep 2017
Location: Rockford, IL
|
|
Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes -
08-08-2019, 12:30 PM
This isn't totally clean at all but...
Q: Why did the lady cut her date's ballsack open?
A: To get the ball rolling!
|
|
Forum member
Forum Member
|
|
Posts: 781
Join Date: Oct 2017
Location: The greatest country in the world - United States!
|
|
Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes -
08-09-2019, 10:46 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by DolliMoans
This isn't totally clean at all but...
Q: Why did the lady cut her date's ballsack open?
A: To get the ball rolling!
|
Well, if the zipper is stuck, how else with you open it? My husband has a beautiful leather ballsack for his balls. It can hold up to bowling ball sizes, but since it's mostly empty now, it's shrunk quite a bit. I used to keep it clean and polished, but over the years it's become worn out and wrinkled. It's mostly for decoration now.
Judge in yourselves: is it comely that a woman pray unto God uncovered?
1 Corinthians 11:13
|
|
Confirmed Enemy of God
BANNED from Landover -- Aeternal Damnation Assured
|
|
Posts: 454
Join Date: Sep 2017
Location: Rockford, IL
|
|
Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes -
08-15-2019, 02:01 PM
Good point Dana! Leather eventually becomes tough and cracked over time!
Now for today's:
Husband: Hey honey, what are the little things you notice about me?
Wife: Your dickie, to start.
|
|
An old soul
True Christian™
|
|
Posts: 5,237
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: USA-UK-France (traveling)
|
|
Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes -
08-15-2019, 04:15 PM
Mrs. Moans, I would remind you this is a family forum and that the topic is GOOD, CLEAN, CHRISTIAN JOKES. Your recent, uh... posts contain none of those things even though you included the "laugh" emoji. Time to visit the closet?
|
|
Innkeeper for Christ
True Christian™
|
|
Posts: 2,719
Join Date: Dec 2018
Location: Not hacked by Mossad
|
|
Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes -
08-15-2019, 09:08 PM
I'm with Dr. Toole, the jokes about men's genitals are offensive and it needs to stop right now. You women have no idea what it feels like to have people joking about and demeaning and objectifying your body parts like we men face every time we walk out on the street or turn on a TV.
Shut your trap and get back in the kitchen.
|
|
Forum member
Forum Member
|
|
Posts: 781
Join Date: Oct 2017
Location: The greatest country in the world - United States!
|
|
Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes -
08-16-2019, 12:50 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dennis Lukes
I'm with Dr. Toole, the jokes about men's genitals are offensive and it needs to stop right now. You women have no idea what it feels like to have people joking about and demeaning and objectifying your body parts like we men face every time we walk out on the street or turn on a TV.
Shut your trap and get back in the kitchen.
|
I would never presume to correct a True Christian, but I always believed a dickie was an item of clothing. More specifically, a type of false shirt that's worn to give the impression of a full shirt. I'm not sure a small dickie would be something to be embarrassed about as long as the dickie covers the nakedness of the man. In fact, when I asked my husband about small dickies, he stated that there's nothing wrong with a small dickie, as it's not the size that matters but the way it's used. I'm a little confused about that though, but he refused to answer any more questions about it.
Judge in yourselves: is it comely that a woman pray unto God uncovered?
1 Corinthians 11:13
|
|
An old soul
True Christian™
|
|
Posts: 5,237
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: USA-UK-France (traveling)
|
|
Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes -
08-23-2019, 09:53 AM
What do you call a fish with no eyes?
A fsh.
|
|
True Christian™ Icon of Feminine Virtue
|
|
Posts: 4,899
Join Date: Mar 2019
Location: Ungodly Buffalo, NY, MAGA USA
|
|
Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes -
08-23-2019, 01:33 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dana723
I would never presume to correct a True Christian, but I always believed a dickie was an item of clothing. More specifically, a type of false shirt that's worn to give the impression of a full shirt. I'm not sure a small dickie would be something to be embarrassed about as long as the dickie covers the nakedness of the man. In fact, when I asked my husband about small dickies, he stated that there's nothing wrong with a small dickie, as it's not the size that matters but the way it's used. I'm a little confused about that though, but he refused to answer any more questions about it.
|
Oh, dear Dana: Perhaps your husband's statement about the way a dickie should be used means that the dickie should be worn with the label at the back, and under a shirt, not over it. I'm sure that this information should solve the confusion within your happy household.
A blessed day to you, dear Dana,
Sincerely, Isabella W.
(Mrs.) Isabella White
Hebrews 10:19 "Having therefore, brethren, boldness to enter into the holiest by the of "
|
|
Unsaved trash
|
|
Posts: 87
Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: 500 miles south of Babylon, in a trailer.
|
|
Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes -
09-05-2019, 06:46 PM
They say there's safety in numbers, try telling that to 6 million jews!
Apň toű hēlíou metástēthi
|
|
An old soul
True Christian™
|
|
Posts: 5,237
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: USA-UK-France (traveling)
|
|
Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes -
09-06-2019, 07:17 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by arthur frayn
They say there's safety in numbers, try telling that to 6 million jews!
|
I don't understand. Is it a reference to Israel (6.6 million Jews + 2 million non-Jews)?
Religious makeup, 2019
Group Population %
Jews 6,697,000 74.2%
Muslims 1,605,700 17.8%
Christians 180,400 2.0%
Druze 143,000 1.6%
Other/unknown 394,900 4.4%
Surely there is safety in numbers by eliciting the support of the USA which has 6.6 million nukes!
|
|
South of the Border outreach program True Christian™
|
|
Posts: 13,158
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Godly Midwest
|
|
Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes -
09-08-2019, 04:56 PM
Q: What are the Bahamas?
A: A sh**hole country.
Q: Why did hurricane Dorian stay there for a week?
A: God has flushed the toilet!
|
|
Innkeeper for Christ
True Christian™
|
|
Posts: 2,719
Join Date: Dec 2018
Location: Not hacked by Mossad
|
|
Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes -
09-08-2019, 06:08 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Basilissa
Q: What are the Bahamas?
A: A sh**hole country.
|
Amen, sister.
Jesus usually hates socialist welfare, but it looks like He made an exception this month by providing free swimming lessons to thousands of niglets.
|
|
Innkeeper for Christ
True Christian™
|
|
Posts: 2,719
Join Date: Dec 2018
Location: Not hacked by Mossad
|
|
Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes -
09-22-2019, 02:08 AM
|
Posting Rules
|
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts
HTML code is Off
|
|
|
Powered by Jesus - vBulletin® Version 3.8.9 Copyright ©2000 - 2024, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
vBulletin Skin developed by: vBStyles.com
Content Landover Baptist Forums © 1620, 2022 all rights reserved
|