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Default Good News, I Have A Suitor! - 01-19-2019, 09:05 PM

Good evening, ladies! I have wonderful news for you! I have a suitor and he seems like he could be, to use the words of sinful romance-believers, "the one"!

His name is John and he’s 30 years old. He has blond hair and blue eyes (like Jesus) and he’s a great (but straight) admirer of Pastor Ezekiel. He loves steak, pie, and hunting. I met him last week and he says that despite my advanced age and wasted childbearing years, I'd still make a great wife.

There aren’t a lot of Godly men in my area, so please pray this this courtship ends in marriage soon.



And thou shalt love the LORD thy God with all thine heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy might.
Deuteronomy 6.5
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Default Re: Good News, I Have A Suitor! - 01-20-2019, 07:01 AM

Praying for you. But something tells me this guy is a closet homosexual using you as cover to deceive the community. Has he shown any interest in your feminine charms? You mention he has a fondness for pie - that's good! - but would he actually eat it? Or does he hanker for casserole.
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Default Re: Good News, I Have A Suitor! - 01-20-2019, 05:11 PM

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Originally Posted by Dr. Anthony J. Toole View Post
Praying for you. But something tells me this guy is a closet homosexual using you as cover to deceive the community. Has he shown any interest in your feminine charms? You mention he has a fondness for pie - that's good! - but would he actually eat it? Or does he hanker for casserole.
Thank you for your concern, Brother! He told me that I'm the prettiest woman he's ever seen, which I think is strange because his previous wife (she died giving birth, so there's no adultery to worry about) had blonde hair and blue eyes. As for your question about pie, he had 2 slices of the apple pie that I made when he came over for dinner on Friday. I don't think he likes casseroles.


And thou shalt love the LORD thy God with all thine heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy might.
Deuteronomy 6.5
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Default Re: Good News, I Have A Suitor! - 01-20-2019, 05:44 PM

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Originally Posted by Esther B. View Post
Thank you for your concern, Brother! He told me that I'm the prettiest woman he's ever seen
He sounds a bit desperate. Is he so very unattractive himself, or is it that childcare is very difficult to obtain in your area?


Tell us, how many children does he have already - boys or girls and how old are they? I took on three stepdaughters aged 4, 2 and 1 when I married, in (only very vaguely) similar circumstances to your own. They were frankly a bit of a nuisance, but fortunately they were well provided for financially and there was no difficulty in arranging early marriages for them.


Revelation 21:8

But the fearful, and unbelieving, and the abominable, and murderers, and whoremongers, and sorcerers, and idolaters, and all liars, shall have their part in the lake which burneth with fire and brimstone: which is the second death.
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Default Re: Good News, I Have A Suitor! - 01-21-2019, 02:03 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Joanna Lytton-Vasey View Post
He sounds a bit desperate. Is he so very unattractive himself, or is it that childcare is very difficult to obtain in your area?


Tell us, how many children does he have already - boys or girls and how old are they? I took on three stepdaughters aged 4, 2 and 1 when I married, in (only very vaguely) similar circumstances to your own. They were frankly a bit of a nuisance, but fortunately they were well provided for financially and there was no difficulty in arranging early marriages for them.
He's not unattractive at all. He's not drop-dead gorgeous, but he is a looker. He has a six year old son and a four year old daughter, but since his late wife's parents disagreed with his use of corporal punishment, they called CPS on him and they were put in the foster system and he has no idea where they are. I know he misses them and is eager to start a family with someone whose parents won't report him to the authorities for following Proverbs 13:24 and 23:13.


And thou shalt love the LORD thy God with all thine heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy might.
Deuteronomy 6.5
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Love Jesus Re: Good News, I Have A Suitor! - 01-21-2019, 06:34 PM

Sister,

I am pleased beyond measure that someone was willing to take you for his bride. Surely Jesus is beaming and anxious to plant soldiers in your womb. I would have your father set the date soon. We have kept Christ waiting long enough.

BrotherLarry


Proverbs 21:31 KJV 1611:
“The horse is prepared against the day of battell: but safetie is of the Lord.”

Lord, may I serve my equine brothers and sisters just as I do my fellow man.
Amen and Amen
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Default Re: Good News, I Have A Suitor! - 01-21-2019, 06:42 PM

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Originally Posted by BrotherLarry View Post
Sister,

I am pleased beyond measure that someone was willing to take you for his bride. Surely Jesus is beaming and anxious to plant soldiers in your womb. I would have your father set the date soon. We have kept Christ waiting long enough.

BrotherLarry
Thank you, Brother! I'm praying that we'll be married before the end of the year! Also, John would like me to tell you that he greatly admires the work that you've been doing with the g*y communities.


And thou shalt love the LORD thy God with all thine heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy might.
Deuteronomy 6.5
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Default Re: Good News, I Have A Suitor! - 01-21-2019, 07:32 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Esther B. View Post
Also, John would like me to tell you that he greatly admires the work that you've been doing with the g*y communities.
Brother Larry is an ex-catholic, Esther, not an ex-joo. As such, he does not call people goys.


Revelation 21:8

But the fearful, and unbelieving, and the abominable, and murderers, and whoremongers, and sorcerers, and idolaters, and all liars, shall have their part in the lake which burneth with fire and brimstone: which is the second death.
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Default Re: Good News, I Have A Suitor! - 01-21-2019, 09:19 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Joanna Lytton-Vasey View Post
Brother Larry is an ex-catholic, Esther, not an ex-joo. As such, he does not call people goys.
I am well aware of that, and that's not the word that I'm censoring. The word that I censored is the three-letter word for "homosexual". John doesn't like that word and has requested that I either not use it or use an asterisk in place of the "a".


And thou shalt love the LORD thy God with all thine heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy might.
Deuteronomy 6.5
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Default Re: Good News, I Have A Suitor! - 01-21-2019, 10:02 PM

It touches the cockles of my heart that you take time to remember things about me, sister.

I know God rewards us for these small things.


Proverbs 21:31 KJV 1611:
“The horse is prepared against the day of battell: but safetie is of the Lord.”

Lord, may I serve my equine brothers and sisters just as I do my fellow man.
Amen and Amen
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Default Re: Good News, I Have A Suitor! - 01-21-2019, 10:09 PM

Esther,

Try not to correct our darling Sister Joanna. As a True Christian™ she has the Holy Ghost on her side.

But on another topic, John has interest in my gayvangelization? Does he speak of me often? Have you met his male friends? What are they like?


Proverbs 21:31 KJV 1611:
“The horse is prepared against the day of battell: but safetie is of the Lord.”

Lord, may I serve my equine brothers and sisters just as I do my fellow man.
Amen and Amen
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Default Re: Good News, I Have A Suitor! - 01-21-2019, 10:21 PM

Thank you, Brother Larry. Little Hannah sends you her "best love" - she really is quite taken with you, bless her! When I mentioned this to Matthew, he just laughed - I guess because she's only 10 years old? Little does he know that I resolved to marry him when I was only 4.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Esther B. View Post
I am well aware of that, and that's not the word that I'm censoring. The word that I censored is the three-letter word for "homosexual". John doesn't like that word and has requested that I either not use it or use an asterisk in place of the "a".
In that case I'd just call them homosexuals - if that's a bit hard to spell, homers would do. It's interesting that John is so keen to control your vocabulary, even before your official betrothal. What does your mom think of him?


Revelation 21:8

But the fearful, and unbelieving, and the abominable, and murderers, and whoremongers, and sorcerers, and idolaters, and all liars, shall have their part in the lake which burneth with fire and brimstone: which is the second death.
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Default Re: Good News, I Have A Suitor! - 01-21-2019, 11:26 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by BrotherLarry View Post
But on another topic, John has interest in my gayvangelization? Does he speak of me often? Have you met his male friends? What are they like?
Yes, he does. He and some friends (that I haven't met yet) saw you evangelizing during a Chicago Pride event when they were trying to save a (now former) friend from Satan's grip. John wanted to approach you to ask you about your pants and jacket, but you were in the middle of laying hands on a man who, in his words, "really needed God's love" so he decided to leave you alone.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Joanna Lytton-Vasey View Post
In that case I'd just call them homosexuals - if that's a bit hard to spell, homers would do. It's interesting that John is so keen to control your vocabulary, even before your official betrothal. What does your mom think of him?

I'm not fond of either word (and neither is my father, but to a lesser degree), but if my potential future husband (please, God) wants me to use them, I guess I'll have to get used to it. My mother loves him and thinks he's much more polite and genuine than Samuel was.


And thou shalt love the LORD thy God with all thine heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy might.
Deuteronomy 6.5
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Default Re: Good News, I Have A Suitor! - 01-22-2019, 12:40 AM

I'm sending prayers for your future marriage.


"Every wise woman buildeth her house: but the foolish plucketh it down with her hands." Proverbs 14:1
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Esther B. has bribed people to get these reputation points.Esther B. has bribed people to get these reputation points.Esther B. has bribed people to get these reputation points.Esther B. has bribed people to get these reputation points.Esther B. has bribed people to get these reputation points.Esther B. has bribed people to get these reputation points.Esther B. has bribed people to get these reputation points.Esther B. has bribed people to get these reputation points.Esther B. has bribed people to get these reputation points.Esther B. has bribed people to get these reputation points.Esther B. has bribed people to get these reputation points.
Default Re: Good News, I Have A Suitor! - 01-22-2019, 12:52 AM

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Originally Posted by Mrs. Elizabeth Johnson View Post
I'm sending prayers for your future marriage.
Thank you, Sister!


And thou shalt love the LORD thy God with all thine heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy might.
Deuteronomy 6.5
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Dana723 Dana723 is offline
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Default Re: Good News, I Have A Suitor! - 01-22-2019, 01:17 AM

What wonderful news! May your womb bear many sons as warriors for our Lord!


Psalm 62:5-7 KJV
My soul, wait thou only upon God; for my expectation is from him. He only is my rock and my salvation: he is my defence;
I shall not be moved. In God is my salvation and my glory: the rock of my strength, and my refuge, is in God.
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Default Re: Good News, I Have A Suitor! - 01-22-2019, 01:48 AM

Esther, dear,


Unless your husband was a True Christian™ I wouldn't have let him near me. Unless he was one of the sodomizers I was trying to bring to Jesus.


I'd get Daddy to get that date set NOW. I don't think you could take more heartbreak, girl.


JOANNA Tell little Hannah Unka Lar loves her like the Queen loves her Corgis. She's my princess. Um, how are the boys? I'd love some recent pictures. Tell Matthew I said a brisk hi.


BrotherLarry


Proverbs 21:31 KJV 1611:
“The horse is prepared against the day of battell: but safetie is of the Lord.”

Lord, may I serve my equine brothers and sisters just as I do my fellow man.
Amen and Amen
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Esther B. Esther B. is offline
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Esther B. has bribed people to get these reputation points.Esther B. has bribed people to get these reputation points.Esther B. has bribed people to get these reputation points.Esther B. has bribed people to get these reputation points.Esther B. has bribed people to get these reputation points.Esther B. has bribed people to get these reputation points.Esther B. has bribed people to get these reputation points.Esther B. has bribed people to get these reputation points.Esther B. has bribed people to get these reputation points.Esther B. has bribed people to get these reputation points.Esther B. has bribed people to get these reputation points.
Default Re: Good News, I Have A Suitor! - 01-22-2019, 03:12 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Dana723 View Post
What wonderful news! May your womb bear many sons as warriors for our Lord!
Thank you, Sister!


And thou shalt love the LORD thy God with all thine heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy might.
Deuteronomy 6.5
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JamesH.B JamesH.B is offline
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JamesH.B is under investigation -- suspected to be Unsaved Trash.JamesH.B is under investigation -- suspected to be Unsaved Trash.
Default Re: Good News, I Have A Suitor! - 03-07-2019, 04:01 PM

Since John can't stand it when people question his pure white, non-Mexican heritage, Esther is (sadly) single again. With that said, there is a Godly young man a little closer to her age who asked about her after she started courting John, so I'll be giving him a call within the next few days to see if he's still interested. Please pray that he's still available and will end up proposing.
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Basilissa Basilissa is offline
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Default Re: Good News, I Have A Suitor! - 03-07-2019, 06:15 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by JamesH.B View Post
John can't stand it when people question his pure white, non-Mexican heritage
So very racist of him. I meet people like that all the time. Bleaching their hair blonde, wearing blue contact lenses, and spending tons of money on carcinogenic skin bleaches. Very pathetic.
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