[Virginia Day Templeton]

Like it or not (and I hate it), the election is over and our guy lost. Let's run down the list of potential names for the 2024 Republican nomination and see how they measure up.

Donald Trump

Pro: A very great president. Fixed the economy after Obama ran it into the ground. Built the Wall (most of it). Ended the COVID-19 pandemic. Triggered the libs like no other. Quite simply, made good on his promise to Make America Great Again.
Con: Loser who lost the election to a shambling corpse. Christianity highly questionable; has boasted of committing adultery. Still up in the air whether his hair is real or not.

Tucker Carlson

Pro: The frontrunner. Handsome, articulate, driven. Has earned the ultimate conservative bonafide: the adoration of neo-Nazis.
Con: No political experience. Has been known to wear a bowtie, warranting thorough investigation into his sexual past.

Nikki Haley

Pro: Is a woman politician who doesn’t look like a desiccated sponge.
Con: Is a woman. Real name is Nimrata Randhawa; stinks of curry. Called for the execution of Dylann Roof for defending himself against a violent mob.

Ben Shapiro

Pro: The thinking man's pundit. By systematically destroying liberals on modern platforms such as YouTube and Twitter, he leads the conservative revolution among Generations Y and Z.
Con: His name is Benjamin Shapiro. I'll let you figure that one out.

Pastor Ezekiel Flint

Pro: Possesses absolutely every quality you could ask for in a leader, and then some. Really, what needs to be said here?
Con: Has repeatedly turned down requests to run due to his commitment to our Church. Still, one prayer could change everything.

Nick Sandmann (MAGA Hat Kid)

Pro: At risk of scalping, bravely stood up to both the savage Injun and the Libtardosphere. Labels himself “a pro-life conservative Republican”. “Twink” looks could nab the Log Cabin Republican vote.
Con: Catholic. Only recently graduated from high school; barring an amendment, he’ll be ineligible for the office until at least 2036.

George W. Bush

Pro: The greatest president in our lifetime. Wiped Islamic terrorism off the face of the earth (until it was resurrected by Obongo). A guy even libs admit they’d have a beer with.
Con: Has lost his edge in recent years, becoming a painter and even palling around with perverts like Ellen Degenerate. May not want to be president again after disgraceful treatment last time.

Henry Kissinger

Pro: A true genius of statecraft. Won the Vietnam War. Accused of “war crimes” and “genocide” by the loony left, which simply means he’s not a sissy.
Con: Is nearly 100 years old; could die at any moment. Born outside the US and thus ineligible for the office. Funny accent. Friends with Hillary Clinton.

Dylann Roof

Pro: Folk hero who made headlines for defending himself against BLM thugs. Staunch conservative and Second Amendment supporter. Of all candidates, has shown the most willingness to take action.
Con: Currently incarcerated on death row; will likely be executed before the election. Easily tarred as “racist” by lib media. There may exist a recording of him saying the N-word.

Ronald Reagan

Pro: The incomparable Gipper. Architect of the modern GOP. Won the Cold War. Did absolutely nothing while countless sodomites perished from AIDS. Named the Greatest American in national poll.
Con: Seems to have retired from public life.

Q

Pro: Has worked tirelessly (and often thanklessly) to expose the shadowy cabal of Satanic pedophiles behind the Deep State. The most internet-savvy of the candidates... IYKWIM.
Con: Tech skills coupled with shyness about revealing his own identity could indicate autism. Has been silent since the election. Might actually be a pedophile himself.

Jesus Christ

Pro: Is literally God. Not “literally” as uneducated millennials use it; actually the living incarnation of the Creator of the Universe. Agrees with the Republican party line on all issues. Wide appeal.
Con: Has not been seen or heard from in nearly 2,000 years. Foreign-born, may have been under 35 at the time of His Ascension to Heaven; thus ineligible by technicality.

Who am I missing? I'd like this to be an ongoing thread. It will be fascinating to look back in four years and see the road that led us to where we are.