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Default My Neighbor's Cat Is Very Malodorous - 02-14-2014, 02:37 PM

Urgent prayer is requested for my neighbor's cat. When I went to show it some love, I noted a very strange odor emanating from it. I had to move my head back quickly to keep from becoming sick.

Sister Bessie has had her cat for as long as I remember. I love to play with it and Bessie adores when I give it attention, since many people won't (the poor thing had to have its fur removed due to an infestation). Despite having no fur, it is still such a delightful thing.

Won't you pray with me that Bessie's precious pet is restored to health? She states that a love offering of $200,000 will be sent to the church (through me) if I can prove that all of you agreed in Jesus Name.


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Default Re: My Neighbor's Cat Is Very Malodorous - 02-14-2014, 04:08 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Naomi Ruth Lamb View Post
Urgent prayer is requested for my neighbor's cat. When I went to show it some love, I noted a very strange odor emanating from it. I had to move my head back quickly to keep from becoming sick.

Sister Bessie has had her cat for as long as I remember. I love to play with it and Bessie adores when I give it attention, since many people won't (the poor thing had to have its fur removed due to an infestation). Despite having no fur, it is still such a delightful thing.

Won't you pray with me that Bessie's precious pet is restored to health? She states that a love offering of $200,000 will be sent to the church (through me) if I can prove that all of you agreed in Jesus Name.
I've always thought shaving one's cat was a bit much: a neat trim would suffice. On the other hand you seem to adore stroking and nuzzling it so I would be happy to donate to see more of that.

YIC


1 Corinthians 11:3 But I would have you know, that the head of every man is Christ; and the head of the woman is the man; and the head of Christ is God.

Revelation 22:15 For without are dogs, and sorcerers, and whoremongers, and murderers, and idolaters, and whosoever loveth and maketh a lie.

Leviticus 20:13 If a man also lie with mankind, as he lieth with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination: they shall surely be put to death; their blood shall be upon them.
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Default Re: My Neighbor's Cat Is Very Malodorous - 02-14-2014, 05:09 PM

I suggest shooting it. The smell will go away after a week or so and not return.

Cats are Satans pet.


Isaiah 45:7 I form the light, and create darkness: I make peace, and create evil: I the LORD do all these things.
Amos 3:6 Shall a trumpet be blown in the city, and the people not be afraid? shall there be evil in a city, and the LORD hath not done it?
Numbers 21:6 And the LORD sent fiery serpents among the people, and they bit the people; and much people of Israel died.
Matthew 10:34 Think not that I am come to send peace on earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword.
Matthew 10:35 For I am come to set a man at variance against his father, and the daughter against her mother, and the daughter in law against her mother in law.
Matthew 10:36 And a man's foes shall be they of his own household.
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Default Re: My Neighbor's Cat Is Very Malodorous - 02-14-2014, 05:21 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by James Hutchins View Post
I suggest shooting it. The smell will go away after a week or so and not return.

Cats are Satans pet.
Brother Hutchins,

Naturally, a woman would not have properly evaluated all options.

I will ask Father to go shoot it.
No, on the other hand, I better do it myself - he might think I meant to shoot the neighbor instead. And this works out much better anyway - since now she can save the $200,000 that I am sure Pastor Ezekiel doesn't need. Bessie can use it for her retirement. Praise Jesus for the knowledge of True Christian ™ men. I would have been on my knees all day instead of cooking and helping Mother clean.

In humility,
NRL


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Smile Re: My Neighbor's Cat Is Very Malodorous - 02-14-2014, 07:24 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Naomi Ruth Lamb View Post
Brother Hutchins,

Naturally, a woman would not have properly evaluated all options.

I will ask Father to go shoot it.
No, on the other hand, I better do it myself - he might think I meant to shoot the neighbor instead. And this works out much better anyway - since now she can save the $200,000 that I am sure Pastor Ezekiel doesn't need. Bessie can use it for her retirement. Praise Jesus for the knowledge of True Christian ™ men. I would have been on my knees all day instead of cooking and helping Mother clean.

In humility,
NRL
Just like all solutions in the Bible to a problem, the simplest is the correct one.
Poor, pioius Pastor Ezekeil needs every penny to maintain a proper image to make his flock feel better about themselves.


Isaiah 45:7 I form the light, and create darkness: I make peace, and create evil: I the LORD do all these things.
Amos 3:6 Shall a trumpet be blown in the city, and the people not be afraid? shall there be evil in a city, and the LORD hath not done it?
Numbers 21:6 And the LORD sent fiery serpents among the people, and they bit the people; and much people of Israel died.
Matthew 10:34 Think not that I am come to send peace on earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword.
Matthew 10:35 For I am come to set a man at variance against his father, and the daughter against her mother, and the daughter in law against her mother in law.
Matthew 10:36 And a man's foes shall be they of his own household.
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Default Re: My Neighbor's Cat Is Very Malodorous - 02-14-2014, 07:55 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Naomi Ruth Lamb View Post
I will ask Father to go shoot it...this works out much better anyway - since now she can save the $200,000 that I am sure Pastor Ezekiel doesn't need. Bessie can use it for her retirement.
Naomi, lamb:

Some of the Pastors have said to just send the check to the Church™ offices, and they will devote a special prayer after Sunday's service to Sister Bessie's cat.

You can always shoot it later, if the animal resists improvement.

Thank you for your help in this challenging time - -

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Default Re: My Neighbor's Cat Is Very Malodorous - 02-14-2014, 09:43 PM

The cat probably smells of brimstone: it is "of Satan" and a familiar to your neighbor, who is a witch.





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Default Re: My Neighbor's Cat Is Very Malodorous - 02-15-2014, 12:30 AM

It is true that cats are loathsome creatures and often in the employ of Satan or his dark forces, as Brother James Hutchins and Pastor Ezekiel Bathfire pointed out. Also, I imagine we can look to God's anger as an explaination for the cat's pungent state.

I believe it is best to avoid cats. It is much better to be safe than to be sorry.


God judgeth the righteous, And God is angry with the wicked every day- Psalm 7:11
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Default Re: My Neighbor's Cat Is Very Malodorous - 02-19-2014, 02:00 AM

I would offer Sister Bessie some nice fish once this putrid cat is dealt with.

They are mentioned often in scripture and rarely smell if properly cared for. However, they can be very slippery and hard handle if overly excited.

Regardless, my prayers are with you.


"Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father which is in heaven." (Matthew 5:16)

"But I say unto you, That whosoever shall put away his wife, saving for the cause of fornication, causeth her to commit adultery: and whosoever shall marry her that is divorced committeth adultery." (Matthew 5:32)
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Default Re: My Neighbor's Cat Is Very Malodorous - 02-19-2014, 04:15 AM

The poor little pussy. I like pussies.
Is this it?







I'll pray for it, if it helps Pastor Ezekiel Especially since that letter came from Mistress Cookie that forecast an increase in tithes to pay for Pastor Zeke's renovations. This may just be the answer to forestall those increases.
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Default Re: My Neighbor's Cat Is Very Malodorous - 02-19-2014, 07:41 AM

PETAL! Get ready to "baptize" another one!


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Default Re: My Neighbor's Cat Is Very Malodorous - 02-21-2014, 10:17 PM

If you loose your tree, try nailing a picture of it to a cat.
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Default Re: My Neighbor's Cat Is Very Malodorous - 02-21-2014, 10:21 PM

I recently found out there are no cats in the Bible so not wanting to offend Jesus I went to my cat's funeral today..... Hopefully for the last time.


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Default Re: My Neighbor's Cat Is Very Malodorous - 02-22-2014, 06:18 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Barry View Post
If you loose your tree, try nailing a picture of it to a cat.
How do you loose a tree? It's not like it can move. You can loose the hounds to take care of intruders on your property, but if you try that with trees nothing will happen and the intruders would have to be shot, wasting your bullets.

Even more confusing - why would you nail a picture to a cat? If you set loose the hounds, do you nail pictures of them to the intruders?

Sorry, but you managed to lose me with the entire concept.


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Default Re: My Neighbor's Cat Is Very Malodorous - 02-23-2014, 02:06 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Mrs. Mary Whitford View Post
How do you loose a tree? It's not like it can move. You can loose the hounds to take care of intruders on your property, but if you try that with trees nothing will happen and the intruders would have to be shot, wasting your bullets.

Even more confusing - why would you nail a picture to a cat? If you set loose the hounds, do you nail pictures of them to the intruders?

Sorry, but you managed to lose me with the entire concept.
Well, he's a foreigner you see. They're a confused bunch in the best of times.


Who Will Jesus Damn?

Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

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Default Re: My Neighbor's Cat Is Very Malodorous - 02-23-2014, 02:13 PM

Due to many bad things that have happened to me and other people that owned cats, I have come to believe cats are evil. They are also linked to that Wiccan witchery cult. So I drowned my cat and buried it somewhere isolated.
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Default Re: My Neighbor's Cat Is Very Malodorous - 02-23-2014, 03:19 PM

I have to wonder. Did anyone try using a hammer?

I have found that nearly anything can be fixed with a few swings of a hammer. From a squeaky step to a squeaky wife to a cantankerous boiler.


Isaiah 45:7 I form the light, and create darkness: I make peace, and create evil: I the LORD do all these things.
Amos 3:6 Shall a trumpet be blown in the city, and the people not be afraid? shall there be evil in a city, and the LORD hath not done it?
Numbers 21:6 And the LORD sent fiery serpents among the people, and they bit the people; and much people of Israel died.
Matthew 10:34 Think not that I am come to send peace on earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword.
Matthew 10:35 For I am come to set a man at variance against his father, and the daughter against her mother, and the daughter in law against her mother in law.
Matthew 10:36 And a man's foes shall be they of his own household.
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Default Re: My Neighbor's Cat Is Very Malodorous - 02-23-2014, 03:43 PM

That was for my old dog back in my parents' house
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