General Church Fellowship A place for True Christians to join in praise, faith and fellowship. |
|
The Future Mrs. Ezekiel Flint Voted Best Pies in Freehold 10 Years Running aka the BiblethumpinBlonde
True Christian™
|
|
Posts: 15,473
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Apostles Grove, Freehold, IA
|
|
Re: ALL ABOARD - The HELL Train!! -
04-11-2008, 01:26 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Offcr. Albert Martin
THERE IS NO RAPTURE! When Jesus comes again, "He will come again in glory to judge the living and the dead, and His Kingdom will have no end."
That's the only time He's coming back. And time will end, and eternity will begin.
|
your insistant blabbering of no end makes me feel like I'm in Hell.
For GOD'S Sake Brother Pervie, what can we do to make you a Tc? Your heart is in the right place, but your mind is too stupid to get it.
|
|
Senior Pastor Ex-liberal; converted to True Christianity™ Always Biblically correct
True Christian™
|
|
Posts: 10,667
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: 13706 Levite's Sojourn Terr., Gibeah Hill, Freehold, Iowa
|
|
Re: ALL ABOARD - The HELL Train!! -
04-11-2008, 01:52 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Offcr. Albert Martin
THERE IS NO RAPTURE! When Jesus comes again, "He will come again in glory to judge the living and the dead, and His Kingdom will have no end."
That's the only time He's coming back. And time will end, and eternity will begin.
|
Maybe your Romanist coloring-book Bible left out the Rapture, but I assure you that the Rapture is real.
Matt. 24:40-41: Then shall two be in the field; the one shall be taken, and the other left. Two [women shall be] grinding at the mill; the one shall be taken, and the other left.
Luke 17:34-36: I tell you, in that night there shall be two [men] in one bed; the one shall be taken, and the other shall be left. Two [women] shall be grinding together; the one shall be taken, and the other left. Two [men] shall be in the field; the one shall be taken, and the other left.
I Thess. 4:16-17: For the Lord himself shall descend from heaven with a shout, with the voice of the archangel, and with the trump of God: and the dead in Christ shall rise first: Then we which are alive [and] remain shall be caught up together with them in the clouds, to meet the Lord in the air: and so shall we ever be with the Lord.
This church is dedicated to preaching True Christianity™ and the King James Bible exactly as they are, with no alterations to make them more politically correct for modern liberals. If you think that we've misquoted or twisted Scripture or quoted any verse out of context, please explain in detail how we've done so. Otherwise, if what you read on this site offends you, then you're offended by Almighty God and His Word, not by us.
Questions to ask liberal "Christians" ✞ Things that the Bible doesn't say ✞ Tolerance
|
Thank you Pastor Pistle!
Forum Member
|
|
Posts: 969
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: bible belt land
|
|
Re: ALL ABOARD - The HELL Train!! -
04-11-2008, 02:58 AM
Sean Hannity for being a mouthy Lying Catholic and I don't think I even need to explain Alan Colmes.
If the Lord leads you to it, he will get you through it.
|
Unsaved trash
|
|
Posts: 35
Join Date: Apr 2008
|
|
Re: ALL ABOARD - The HELL Train!! -
04-11-2008, 03:07 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Pastor Isaac Peters
Luke 17:34-36: I tell you, in that night there shall be two [men] in one bed; the one shall be taken, and the other shall be left. Two [women] shall be grinding together; the one shall be taken, and the other left. Two [men] shall be in the field; the one shall be taken, and the other left.
|
Two men in the same bed? Sounds like neither should have been taken to me.
|
|
Senior Pastor Ex-liberal; converted to True Christianity™ Always Biblically correct
True Christian™
|
|
Posts: 10,667
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: 13706 Levite's Sojourn Terr., Gibeah Hill, Freehold, Iowa
|
|
Re: ALL ABOARD - The HELL Train!! -
04-11-2008, 03:29 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Peter McKain
Two men in the same bed? Sounds like neither should have been taken to me.
|
Are you questioning Christ?
This church is dedicated to preaching True Christianity™ and the King James Bible exactly as they are, with no alterations to make them more politically correct for modern liberals. If you think that we've misquoted or twisted Scripture or quoted any verse out of context, please explain in detail how we've done so. Otherwise, if what you read on this site offends you, then you're offended by Almighty God and His Word, not by us.
Questions to ask liberal "Christians" ✞ Things that the Bible doesn't say ✞ Tolerance
|
|
Ladies of Landover Senior VP One of the Truest Christians™ Ever Mama Grizzly and formerly Sister Mary Maria
True Christian™
|
|
Posts: 12,662
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Standing behind my husband
|
|
Re: ALL ABOARD - The HELL Train!! -
04-11-2008, 04:06 AM
Whooooooooooo whoooooo! Chugga chugga!
Now boarding...
These two monkey worshipping homers (the lies they spread are SHOCKING! (and I'm sure the one to your right is what the homer "community" calls a "bear" (thanks to my ex-sodomite husband, Mr. Whitford, for explaining that to me)))
A car full of sodomites driving themselves right to Hell!
ET phone home... to Hell! Demons are NOT cute and fun for children, Jooven Jooeyberg.
|
|
Unsaved Trash Known liar, Chronic masterbator
|
|
Posts: 263
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Ask your mom, she knows.
|
|
Re: ALL ABOARD - The HELL Train!! -
04-11-2008, 05:44 AM
Hey! Don't forget to pick me up!
I would like you to meet my imaginary friend, God.
"...as Christians we deal with the truth, just because something is written down in a book doesn't mean it happened." - Bobby-Joe
|
|
Ladies of Landover Senior VP One of the Truest Christians™ Ever Mama Grizzly and formerly Sister Mary Maria
True Christian™
|
|
Posts: 12,662
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Standing behind my husband
|
|
Re: ALL ABOARD - The HELL Train!! -
04-11-2008, 05:54 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by LingBlingDingDong
Hey! Don't forget to pick me up!
|
I don't think there's any chance you won't have a seat.
|
|
On Permanent Assignment in Peru
Forum Member
|
|
Posts: 860
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: A forgotten rock between the Indian and the Pacific
|
|
Re: ALL ABOARD - The HELL Train!! -
04-11-2008, 05:54 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by BibleThumpinBlonde
Brother, you are part of LBC's family. Of course you are special and of course there is always room for you to sit beside ME or Zeke.
~~~~ pats chair~~~~ Come, sit down. Let me help you take a load off.
|
Ohhh, yeah. Sister, that feels so good... I feel so relieved now, mmm... this is blissful, really
Bringing Geology back to Christ!
I believe Dr. Hovind to be completely innocent of the alleged crime of "tax evasion", and furthermore believe Hovind's 10 year sentence to be patently unjust and based upon an effort to silence his ministry.
|
|
Honorary True Christian™ Sweet Placid Sister
Forum Member
|
|
Posts: 9,562
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Surrounded by hippie vermin
|
|
Re: ALL ABOARD - The HELL Train!! -
04-11-2008, 06:13 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by LingBlingDingDong
Hey! Don't forget to pick me up!
|
Just lay across the tracks, dear, and let the cow-catcher do its job.
|
|
Christ's Love Messenger
True Christian™
|
|
Posts: 5,978
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: A road of rocks and glass
|
|
Re: ALL ABOARD - The HELL Train!! -
04-11-2008, 11:16 AM
DING! DING! DING! DING!
Hey, do we have any fat people yet? Will she fit on the train? Maybe we could just get a crane and float her in the air like a Macy's elephant.
All Aboard!!!
chug.......chug.......chug.......chug.....chug.... .chug...chug...chug...chug..
chug..chug..chuggachuggachuggachugaa...toot toot!!
|
|
Exposing DEMONS for Jesus
True Christian™
|
|
Posts: 1,705
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: On a long, strange trip
|
|
Re: ALL ABOARD - The HELL Train!! -
04-11-2008, 11:41 AM
This poor wide load woman could surely benefit from this advice:
Lard is fat from hog carcasses. Lard is a commonly chosen ingredient in general purposes commercial shortening, bread and pastry, pie crusts, crackers, cookies, cookie fillers, icing shortening, household shortening, margarine. Anything listing "shortening" is suspect, including baked goods, breads, cake mixes, cakes, canned beans, crackers, packaged mixes of all kinds, pie crusts, pies, snack foods, tortillas. Consumers need to be aware that the ingredients declared on food labels as "mono- and diglycerides" or "emulsifiers" may be derived from lard and thus ultimately from hog carcasses. These compounds are so widely used that we cannot give you a list of foods commonly containing them, but they may be found in beverages, lard, ice cream, iced milk, baked products other than bread and rolls, shortening, confections, chewing gum base component, sweet chocolate, milk chocolate, etc., oleomargarine rendered animal fat or a combination of such fat and vegetable fat, whipped toppings, prepared baking mixes, peanut butter. This information came from the "JOURNAL OF HEALTH & HEALING", VOL. 12 No. 1.
The first step in getting your body healed is to pray for Healing or a Miracle. If you don't get that Miracle right away, the next step is to CAST THE DEMONS OUT. Once you have done these two steps, you MUST change your eating habits, exercise, and take some form of vitamin and mineral supplements. Any brand at all are better than none at all.
You can't cast a demon OUT if your problem is you are eating the wrong food. If you get a lot of tooth cavities, it could be a demon causing it, BUT, it is probably because YOU are not taking care of your teeth. Understand what I am saying? Be careful not to miss the demon, but also use some common sense.
Although I must say that she does cut quite the comedic figure, struggling to get those absurd jeans fastened up like that. She's obviously a glutton, which in and of itself is a demonic force.
Mark 16:17 And these attesting signs will accompany those who believe: in My Name they will drive out demons.
1 Kings 21:14 Then they sent to Jezebel, saying, Naboth is stoned . . .
A SPIRITUAL WARFARE PRAYER:
Father, In Jesus' Name, I take the Blood of Jesus and break the power of all witches, warlocks, wizards, satanists, sorcerers, wiccans, pagans, and any other source, and all of their rituals off of us. With the Blood of Jesus, I erase all evil lines drawn on our liver. . .
LANDOVER BAPTIST DEMON HUNTING PERMIT #00666-27
|
|
SATAN'S FAVORITE BONIFIED PERVERT!
Forum Member
|
|
Posts: 3,054
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Right here, right now
|
|
Re: ALL ABOARD - The HELL Train!! -
04-11-2008, 12:44 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sister Mary Maria
I don't think there's any chance you won't have a seat.
|
I thought you had been kidnapped.
Now that Obama has won the election there will be big black cock for every white woman!!!
|
|
LBU Professor and Biblical Wordsmith Extraordinaire President of the Ex-Negro Academy Alumni Association Freehold Best Tan Award winner, 10 yrs running
True Christian™
|
|
Posts: 2,048
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Chateau Lebeau (Freehold, Iowa)
|
|
Re: ALL ABOARD - The HELL Train!! -
04-11-2008, 01:06 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dances without Joy
Any images you have of me are strictly in your imagination.
|
I'm not really into pale freckle faced redheads rolling around in the mud with leaves and twigs in their hair, so I don't choose to imagine those photos you sent.
Oh, so now you want to deny your depravity? It is at least reassuring to know that you have some sense of shame. The fact that you care about what we True Christians think about you demonstrates that deep down inside you can carry about the everlasting damnation that awaits you.
|
|
Putting the "stud" back in Bible Study
|
|
Posts: 79,910
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Freehold, Iowa
|
|
Re: ALL ABOARD - The HELL Train!! -
04-11-2008, 01:07 PM
Let us not forget: every foul sodomite pervert sicko that ever lived will be cast down into the deepest pits of hellfire, where they will be tortured endlessly in unspeakable ways. Praise Jesus!
Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:
Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)
|
|
LBU Professor and Biblical Wordsmith Extraordinaire President of the Ex-Negro Academy Alumni Association Freehold Best Tan Award winner, 10 yrs running
True Christian™
|
|
Posts: 2,048
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Chateau Lebeau (Freehold, Iowa)
|
|
Re: ALL ABOARD - The HELL Train!! -
04-11-2008, 01:16 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by SanzSolo
You certainly enjoy stealing other people's threads, huh? Tell, me, o wise one, why do you think I'm going to Hell?
|
I think that catlick has finally lost his god damned(literally) mind. Here we see the true face of catholicism: Unbridled Hatred for Jesus and His Elite.
He must have finally realized the error of his ways and his limited intellect in incapable of coping. Walmart agent Martin, how does it feel to know that your priest lied to you when he said that Salavation could be administered as an anema when you were a young altar boy? You can still be Saved, boy. It's not too late.
|
|
Exposing DEMONS for Jesus
True Christian™
|
|
Posts: 1,705
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: On a long, strange trip
|
|
Re: ALL ABOARD - The HELL Train!! -
04-11-2008, 01:18 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Pastor Ezekiel
Let us not forget: every foul sodomite pervert sicko that ever lived will be cast down into the deepest pits of hellfire, where they will be tortured endlessly in unspeakable ways. Praise Jesus!
|
This is most distressing! Couldn't someone rescue that poor, forlorn little creature from the insanity of that overloaded, tacky-looking shopping cart? And what is that thing standing next to him? We need either a demonologist or, at the very least, a cryptozoologist on this Godly forum!
Mark 16:17 And these attesting signs will accompany those who believe: in My Name they will drive out demons.
1 Kings 21:14 Then they sent to Jezebel, saying, Naboth is stoned . . .
A SPIRITUAL WARFARE PRAYER:
Father, In Jesus' Name, I take the Blood of Jesus and break the power of all witches, warlocks, wizards, satanists, sorcerers, wiccans, pagans, and any other source, and all of their rituals off of us. With the Blood of Jesus, I erase all evil lines drawn on our liver. . .
LANDOVER BAPTIST DEMON HUNTING PERMIT #00666-27
|
|
LBU Professor and Biblical Wordsmith Extraordinaire President of the Ex-Negro Academy Alumni Association Freehold Best Tan Award winner, 10 yrs running
True Christian™
|
|
Posts: 2,048
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Chateau Lebeau (Freehold, Iowa)
|
|
Re: ALL ABOARD - The HELL Train!! -
04-11-2008, 01:24 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dances without Joy
You got that right - he gets his own car!
|
Oh, so you believe in Hell when it suits your personal likes and dislikes. Danceless, so you're a salad bar christian after all.
|
|
The Future Mrs. Ezekiel Flint Voted Best Pies in Freehold 10 Years Running aka the BiblethumpinBlonde
True Christian™
|
|
Posts: 15,473
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Apostles Grove, Freehold, IA
|
|
Re: ALL ABOARD - The HELL Train!! -
04-11-2008, 02:07 PM
Elvis Impersonators and Midgets are DOOMED to HELL.
TOOT TOOT!
|
|
Ladies of Landover Senior VP One of the Truest Christians™ Ever Mama Grizzly and formerly Sister Mary Maria
True Christian™
|
|
Posts: 12,662
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Standing behind my husband
|
|
Re: ALL ABOARD - The HELL Train!! -
04-11-2008, 03:22 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dances without Joy
I thought you had been kidnapped.
|
That just goes to show that you'll believe whatever ridiculous nonsense you read. Sister Jenny's unfortunate hallucinations have been explained and the perpetrator was shot last night trying to escape police custody.
|
Tags
|
andrew wyeth, billy powell, bishop earl paulk, bob may, brooke shields, bush sr., dan seals, farah fawcett, george bush sr., infernal inferno, jack wrangler, junior seau, l’aquila, maurice jarre, nicholas hughes, patrick mcgoohan, patrick swayze, pedro 'cuban pete' aguilar, penor rinpoche, philip josé farmer, ricardo mantalbanm, richard aoki, shane mcconkey, sinners killed, susanna foster, walter cronkite, willem de looper |
Posting Rules
|
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts
HTML code is Off
|
|
|
Powered by Jesus - vBulletin® Version 3.8.9 Copyright ©2000 - 2024, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
vBulletin Skin developed by: vBStyles.com
Content Landover Baptist Forums © 1620, 2022 all rights reserved
|