Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is good to the use of edifying, that it may minister grace unto the hearers. - Ephesians 4:29
Sadly, we live in a world full of people who abuse us True Christians by saying four letter words and making lewd remarks.
I was window shopping yesterday and a couple of 20-something boys were "hanging out", as they call it, on the street corner using the F-word repeatedly in their speech. (Of course they were black.) When I heard them bestow our Precious Savior with the middle name of 'f-ing,' I couldn't just stand back and do nothing.
I quoted the above Bible verse to them and told them that, as a True Christian who has a personal relationship with the GOD whose name
they're taking in vain, I was very offended and demanded that they cease immediately. My efforts to bring an end to their foul speech were sadly ineffective, but I believe that the LORD willed it to be so because He had a bigger plan in mind for me. He wanted me to deliver the following True Christian guide for purity to the internets:
Overcoming Bad Language
By JESUS CHRIST and Bob Fore
Cussing is a deplorable habit that demonstrates a childish attitude and a small vocabulary. Furthermore it clearly indicates disdain for our lovable LORD who is so concerned with the nuances of our everyday speech that He sometimes lets a tornado or two wander out into an uninhabited pasture somewhere without even directing them towards a town that harbors gays!
If you are unsaved trash who struggles with the habit of bad words, keep reading!
As an ex-youth pastor, I have had a lot of experience counseling kids with potty mouths, laboring over them for hours on end with a King James Bible and a bar of soap. When it comes to conquering cussing, I know what works and what doesn't.
1. Ask GOD for help before doing anything. You are weak and disgusting and are nothing without His help! It says so in the Bible! (See Isaiah 64:6)
2. Find a True Christian accountability partner. This is preferably your pastor or a respected member of your church who you must report to whenever you say a bad word.
3. Imagine that every time you take the LORD's name in vain, you are thrusting a sharp dagger into the otherwise pristine and lilly-white back of our LORD JESUS CHRIST and grinding the blade back and fourth along his Holy spinal column. This is what it feels like to Him when you take His name in vain! (Why else would He have devoted the Third Commandment to telling you to watch how you use His name!)
4. Set out a 'swear jar.' Every time you say a curse word, put a quarter in the swear jar. When you finally beat the bad habit of cussing, reward yourself by taking the jar full of quarters to your local Baptist church and donate it to the LORD who helped you overcome your disgusting habit!
5. Buy a squirt bottle of breath freshener and dump the contents down the drain. Refill the bottle with a mixture of soap and water, and carry it with you. Whenever you say a naughty word, spray your mouth with the mixture and thank GOD for your bitter taste buds! (If this is not effective enough, you might have to use a stronger solution, such as cat urine or Raid.)
6. Associate bad language with uncomfortable feelings, such as nausea. If you say a cuss word, stick your finger in your throat and induce vomiting. Even if you are in a public place or indoors, you cannot afford to let yourself get away with swearing. This will eventually cause you to become ill at the sound of cussing.
7. If all else fails, heed JESUS' advice: "And if thy right hand offend thee, cut it off, and cast it from thee: for it is profitable for thee that one of thy members should perish, and not that thy whole body should be cast into hell."
In this case the offending member is your tongue. The best way to cut out your tongue is to take a pair of pliers, pull it out of your mouth as far as you can and then stick a sharpened pair of scissors as far back into your mouth as you can and make a quick snip. If you can't cut it off in one snip, switch sides and repeat. Once your tongue is freed, spit it out and stuff a wad of paper towels in your mouth to soak up the blood. Once you get the blood soaked up you can have a Christian friend stitch up the wound, or you can press the stub of your tongue against a hot stove top to cauterize the wound. It may be painful, but imagine how much more painful hellfire will be!
As always, GOD bless!