Landover to the Rescue - Christian Help Forum A Christian Help Forum led by Sister Daisy Mae Johnson. Warning! Sometimes the Lord's advice is a hard pill to swallow. |
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Christ's Cōnsiliārius
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Re: Bourbon, American, Baptist, so can I drink it??? -
12-09-2006, 09:02 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Rachael Van Helsing
What bowel movements? Pastor Al, the bible never specifies that any such movements ever took place.
*snicker*
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I can tell that you need to spend a LOT more time on your knees!
Emeritus Professor of the Christ Jesus Chair of Theology at Landover Baptist University.
"God loves you. Let us arrange for you to meet Him".
Break their teeth, O God, in their mouth.--Psalms 58:6
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Senior Usher True Christian™ missionary to the Unsaved Kingdom A very nice young man
True Christian™
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Re: Bourbon, American, Baptist, so can I drink it??? -
12-09-2006, 03:47 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Rachael Van Helsing
You know, Pastor Al, something came to my mind thinking about this. The bible talks about how jesus made water into wine, but never once how he made wine into water.
Now it seems that the bible seems to talk about him drinking wine a lot, but if he never made water out of wine, only one logical conclusion can be drawn.
The bible is trying to say that jesus never took a whiz. (or urinated for the more politically correct)
*snicker*
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You see, that's only a contradiction if you can't tell the difference between water and urine. Of course, being a Godless savage, you probably can't, but us civilised folk do tend to differentiate between water and urine.
O Lord our God, help us to tear their soldiers to bloody shreds with our shells; help us to cover their smiling fields with the pale forms of their patriot dead; help us to drown the thunder of the guns with the shrieks of their wounded, writhing in pain; help us to lay waste their humble homes with a hurricane of fire; help us to wring the hearts of their unoffending widows with unavailing grief; help us to turn them out roofless with little children to wander unfriended the wastes of their desolated land in rags and hunger and thirst, sports of the sun flames of summer and the icy winds of winter, broken in spirit, worn with travail, imploring Thee for the refuge of the grave and denied it--for our sakes who adore Thee, Lord, blast their hopes, blight their lives, protract their bitter pilgrimage, make heavy their steps, water their way with their tears, stain the white snow with the blood of their wounded feet! We ask it, in the spirit of love, of Him Who is the Source of Love, and Who is the ever-faithful refuge and friend of all that are sore beset and seek His aid with humble and contrite hearts. Amen.
God being truth, justice, goodness, beauty, power, and life, man is falsehood, iniquity, evil, ugliness, impotence, and death. God being master, man is the slave. Incapable of finding justice, truth, and eternal life by his own effort, he can attain them only through a divine revelation... he who desires to worship God must harbor no childish illusions about the matter, but bravely renounce his liberty and humanity.
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True Christian™ Princess The Driving Force behind RA12 Have at it, anytime!
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Re: Bourbon, American, Baptist, so can I drink it??? -
12-09-2006, 06:29 PM
Well....if Baby Jesus is actually a snail/mollusk/Lilith, as current wisdom seems to imply, then "whizzing" and bowel movements are simply redundant, aren't they?
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HEATHEN — Suspected Witch
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Re: Bourbon, American, Baptist, so can I drink it??? -
12-10-2006, 03:22 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Pastor Al E Pistle
I can tell that you need to spend a LOT more time on your knees!
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Well, you know, Pastor, there is another possibility. Odds are, they didn't have metamucil back then....
Quote:
You see, that's only a contradiction if you can't tell the difference between water and urine. Of course, being a Godless savage, you probably can't, but us civilised folk do tend to differentiate between water and urine.
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'Passing water' is a commonly used phrase to describe passing urine. Not only that, but take the a urine sample back to a lab fro testing and tell me what you find one of the main components to be.
Quote:
Well....if Baby Jesus is actually a snail/mollusk/Lilith, as current wisdom seems to imply, then "whizzing" and bowel movements are simply redundant, aren't they?
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SUV makes an excellent point.
Wake up and smell the 21st Century!!
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Scientific Advisor
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Location: Landover Baptist University for the Saved, Corridor 17C
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Re: Bourbon, American, Baptist, so can I drink it??? -
12-10-2006, 03:27 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Rachael Van Helsing
'Passing water' is a commonly used phrase to describe passing urine. Not only that, but take the a urine sample back to a lab fro testing and tell me what you find one of the main components to be.
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Funny you should mention it, since my team of researchers at Landover U. did extensive research on this last year..... It seems that the main component of urine is dead demons. They have completed their short-term missions to infect your body and have failed. However, if you let them build up, it can cause you much pain because, as we all know, there is strength in numbers. In fact, this is one of the best ways to tell how sinful a person is! Measure the amount of expelled demons per day, and you can tell how readily they are succumbing to the whisperings of Satan. In your case, I imagine that you expel nothing BUT demons, out of every orifice you have....
Trump 2020: "For Real This Time"
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Scientific Advisor
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Re: Bourbon, American, Baptist, so can I drink it??? -
12-10-2006, 03:30 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Rachael Van Helsing
What bowel movements? Pastor Al, the bible never specifies that any such movements ever took place.
*snicker*
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I think you need to read your Bible more (or have your husband read it to you) sinner.
Quote:
Originally Posted by I Samuel 24:3
3And he came to the sheepcotes by the way, where was a cave; and Saul went in to cover his feet: and David and his men remained in the sides of the cave.
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As you see, this is clearly an innuendo for a rather monstrous, em, event. Likely they had been eating fruits and other such niceties along the way and it had begun to build up...... You know how it is, living in the wilderness, do you not?
Trump 2020: "For Real This Time"
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HEATHEN — Suspected Witch
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Re: Bourbon, American, Baptist, so can I drink it??? -
12-10-2006, 03:52 AM
If it was talking about saul taking a whiz, that's one thing. But it never once implies that jesus ever had to use the bathroom. Heh, nice messiah you've chosen for yourself. Can't even take a leak!
Wake up and smell the 21st Century!!
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Scientific Advisor
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Re: Bourbon, American, Baptist, so can I drink it??? -
12-10-2006, 04:00 AM
He just didn't have any demons to expel, as I wrote earlier (in another thread).
Trump 2020: "For Real This Time"
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HEATHEN — Suspected Witch
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Re: Bourbon, American, Baptist, so can I drink it??? -
12-10-2006, 04:16 AM
(Sigh) Sorry to bust your bubble, but the main components of urine are water, salts and urea (which is an organic compound of carbon, nitrogen, oxygen and hydrogen, with the formula CON2 H4 or ( NH2)2 CO. ) No demons, I'm afraid.
Wake up and smell the 21st Century!!
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Putting the "stud" back in Bible Study
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Re: Bourbon, American, Baptist, so can I drink it??? -
12-10-2006, 05:49 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Rachael Van Helsing
If it was talking about saul taking a whiz, that's one thing. But it never once implies that jesus ever had to use the bathroom. Heh, nice messiah you've chosen for yourself. Can't even take a leak!
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Must you ALWAYS drag the discussion in these Godly threads down into the filth of your chosen lifestyle? You seem hellbent on bringing ANY conversation into your favorite subject: excrement.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Rachael VanImbecile
(Sigh) Sorry to bust your bubble, but the main components of urine are water, salts and urea (which is an organic compound of carbon, nitrogen, oxygen and hydrogen, with the formula CON2H4 or (NH2)2CO. ) No demons, I'm afraid.
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And do you really think that these ridiculous numbers and letters, this satanic code gibberish, is going to save your eternal soul? Jesus died (temporarily) for your sins, not some chemistry set. Your rantings and ravings become more pathetic by the day.
Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:
Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)
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Scientific Advisor
True Christian™
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Posts: 2,369
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Location: Landover Baptist University for the Saved, Corridor 17C
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Re: Bourbon, American, Baptist, so can I drink it??? -
12-10-2006, 07:46 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Rachael Van Helsing
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As much as I hate to cast my pearls among swine, I feel compelled by the Spirit to try to enlighten you.
These so-called "elements" you speak of are nothing but made-up gibberish posed by satanic pot smokers. We all know that there are four basic elements, earth, air, water and fire. (Some claim that there is a "quintessential" element, but that is their way of explaining away God). As a life-long scientician, I can assure you that these so-called chemical formulas have no bearing on reality. Whatsoever. None. At. All. It is a facade of the intellectual elitists of MessyChewsitts to try to prove that there is no God in their modern-day "Tower of Babel". Remember this: GOD WILL NOT BE MOCKED. You can't explain away the mystery and awesomeness of His Power through gibberish like that!
Trump 2020: "For Real This Time"
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HEATHEN — Suspected Witch
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Re: Bourbon, American, Baptist, so can I drink it??? -
12-10-2006, 12:19 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Pastor Ezekiel
Must you ALWAYS drag the discussion in these Godly threads down into the filth of your chosen lifestyle? You seem hellbent on bringing ANY conversation into your favorite subject: excrement.
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Sweet merciful crawdads, my favorite subject is NOT excrement! It just seems to come up in posts through NO FAULT OF MINE! the last time it was someone else who started the whole pooping thread, I just replied to it. In this case I was simply bringing up a valid point which happened to involve it. Now I don't know what kinda freaky things you and BTB are involved in, Zeke, but stop projecting those urges onto me!
Quote:
And do you really think that these ridiculous numbers and letters, this satanic code gibberish, is going to save your eternal soul? Jesus died (temporarily) for your sins, not some chemistry set. Your rantings and ravings become more pathetic by the day.
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It's called basic chemistry. And I was just trying to prove the point that urine is composed of basic chemicals, salt and water, hardly demons. Sheesh.
Wake up and smell the 21st Century!!
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