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Reload this Page Happy Blessed Birthday, Dear Brother Cranky!
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Cake Happy Blessed Birthday, Dear Brother Cranky! - 06-08-2021, 04:55 PM

Oh, my! What a wonderful surprise awaited me, when I logged onto , and then saw the notification that today is the 84th birthday of our beloved Brother Cranky. May the bless you, Dear, and draw you near to mighty bosom!





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Default Re: Happy Blessed Birthday, Dear Brother Cranky! - 06-08-2021, 06:56 PM

I am so sorry, Brother Cranky. I know that you wanted to be with The Lord. But it is part of His Divine Plan© for you to be here, winning others for Christ with your warm and inspiring testimony.


His left hand should be under my head, and his right hand should embrace me.

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Jesus Re: Happy Blessed Birthday, Dear Brother Cranky! - 06-09-2021, 02:29 AM

Esteemed Elder Brother in Christ! As my birthday present to you I stayed all day in my prayer closet sending you my Thoughts and Prayers in the manner of Jonah the Prophet, and as you have not yet appeared on the Forum to-day, I am cautiously jubilant that you may at this very moment be enjoying the companionship of Jesus Christ in His Mansion of Gold and Frankincense in Heaven!

Jonah 4:3
Therefore now, O LORD, take, I beseech thee, my life from me; for it is better for me to die than to live.


Yours in Christ,

Elmer


2 Kings 18:25 - Am I now come up without the LORD against this place to destroy it? The LORD said to me, Go up against this land, and destroy it.



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Default Re: Happy Blessed Birthday, Dear Brother Cranky! - 06-09-2021, 02:37 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Elmer G. White View Post
Esteemed Elder Brother in Christ! As my birthday present to you I stayed all day in my prayer closet sending you my Thoughts and Prayers in the manner of Jonah the Prophet, and as you have not yet appeared on the Forum to-day, I am cautiously jubilant that you may at this very moment be enjoying the companionship of Jesus Christ in His Mansion of Gold and Frankincense in Heaven!

Jonah 4:3
Therefore now, O LORD, take, I beseech thee, my life from me; for it is better for me to die than to live.


Yours in Christ,

Elmer
Wouldn't it be wonderful if our Brother Cranky were reading your post up in Heaven? I know that I will try to keep up with things at the LBC Forum when I am up there.


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Default Re: Happy Blessed Birthday, Dear Brother Cranky! - 06-09-2021, 02:43 AM

Okee dokee. If you're alive, I expect your birthday tithe (+ the annual 5-increase based on your age). If you died, God bless you and all that, and y'all can find me at the reading of the will. The Church needs some more goldleaf on the pulpit and the Flint mansion could use some platinum accessories in the guest restrooms.


Who Will Jesus Damn?

Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!
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Default Re: Happy Blessed Birthday, Dear Brother Cranky! - 06-09-2021, 03:24 AM

A Blessed Birthday to you, dear Brother in Christ. May Jesus call you to His Bosom soon.



Hello, my name is Mary. I hope to fellowship with you! That is, unless you don't listen to church authority (Deuteronomy 17:12); are a witch (Exodus 22:17); are a homosexual (Leviticus 20:13; Romans 1:24-32); or fortuneteller (Leviticus 20:27) or a snotty kid who hits their dad (Exodus 21:15); or curses their parents (Proverbs 20:20; Leviticus 20:9); an adulterer (Leviticus 20:10); a non-Christian (Exodus 22:19; Deuteronomy 13:7-12; Deuteronomy 17:2-5;Romans 1:24-32); an atheist (2 Chronicles 15:12-13); or false prophet (Zechariah 13:3); from the town of one who worships another, false god (Deuteronomy 13:13-19); were a non-virgin bride (Deuteronomy 22:20-21); or blasphemer (Leviticus 24:10-16), as God calls for your execution and will no doubt send you to Hell, and I have no interest developing a friendship with the Spiritually Walking Dead.

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Default Patients, recognisable aplasia utero; crypt individually intentions. - 08-06-2021, 03:21 PM

Hello. U have a nice church here. Do U perform marriage ceremoies? My boyfriend Johnny & I want to get married soon, before he goes through his trannssexual operation change. [*** DISGUSTING PHOTOS OF UNMENTIONABLES REMOVED BY RIGHTEOUS, DILIGENT MODERATOR ***]

We would like a choir to sing at the wedding too. Please let me know the details & when U can do this. Thank U.

Last edited by Isabella White; 08-07-2021 at 03:13 AM.
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