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Default New at Landover -- Jesus's Foreskin - 07-27-2021, 08:39 PM

I'm very pleased to announce that the Landover Baptist Bible Museum and Reliquary in Freehold, IA recently acquired the foreskin of our Savior, Christ Jesus, from an anonymous ancient foreskin collector. This relic has been documented to cure all manner of ailments and to bring good fortune to all who come near it.

For a limited time, this piece of our Lord will be on display in the rotunda of the Landover Baptist Church main chapel, with an admission fee of only $500 per person. This is an experience you'll want to share with the entire family! VIP tours are available starting at $5,000. The VIP package includes a free, professional photograph of you actually touching this most holy of relics. 10% off all admissions for Landover Baptist Church Gold-level tithers and above. Call for special group pricing for Christian youth groups, etc.

Don't be fooled by Catholic imitations. Only Landover has the one true foreskin!


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Default Re: New at Landover -- Jesus's Foreskin - 07-27-2021, 09:09 PM

I should add that this foreskin is not to be confused with any of the other 28 foreskins of the Middle Ages that are no more than cheap forgeries some of which are known not to be even human. This is the very foreskin that Charlemagne brought from an impeccable source in the Holy Land back in the 8th century. It is documented as having miraculous powers and is able to reduce to zero the pains of childbirth for those who have access to it.

Although relics are usually associated with Catlix, this item severed ritually from the body of Christ surpasses all others - even the three nails by which Christ was adhered to the Cross (to go on display in 2022) - as it was actually attached to the Son of God.

The admission fee is particularly good value as you are not going to be closer to Christ on this earth. And after all, what is Landover for if it is not to bring everyone nearer to Him?





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Default Re: New at Landover -- Jesus's Foreskin - 07-27-2021, 11:23 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by WWJDnow View Post
I'm very pleased to announce that the Landover Baptist Bible Museum and Reliquary in Freehold, IA recently acquired the foreskin of our Savior, Christ Jesus, from an anonymous ancient foreskin collector.

Don't be fooled by Catholic imitations. Only Landover has the one true foreskin!
Thank you Brother Dnow for making this announcement. I'm on a committee planning the event and got to see it today. Frankly, I was a little concerned when I saw it is black. I asked one of the guard detail if perhaps there was a mistake. He assured me Jesus was white and aging of the foreskin blackened it.

What an opportunity we have--for just a few dollars we can reap the benefits of powers handed down from ancient times. If you have family or friends that could benefit from this opportunity cash or credit cards will be accepted.


Isaiah 24:1-3 Behold, the LORD maketh the earth empty (2)...as the taker of usury, so with the giver of usury to him. (3) The land shall be utterly emptied, and utterly spoiled: for the LORD hath spoken his word.
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Default Re: New at Landover -- Jesus's Foreskin - 07-28-2021, 12:10 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Johny Joe Hold View Post
Thank you Brother Dnow for making this announcement. I'm on a committee planning the event and got to see it today. Frankly, I was a little concerned when I saw it is black. I asked one of the guard detail if perhaps there was a mistake. He assured me Jesus was white and aging of the foreskin blackened it.
That sounds distasteful. Since Landover owns the piece, can it be restored to its original perfect white? I'd hate visitors to get a wrong impression of our Lord and Savior, even for a moment. Perhaps the State should provide subsidies to upgrade the infrastructure in anticipation of the extra crowds, like with Ham's Ark in Kentucky.


Song of Solomon 2:2 As the lily among thorns, so is my love among the daughters.
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