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Default 2021 Landover Wicca Hunt Thread - 09-27-2021, 12:38 AM



The great 2021 Landover Baptist Church Helloween Witch Hunt is rapidly approaching. George Larson, the Christine O'Donnell Professor of Wiccan and Demonic Studies at the Landover Baptist University is forecasting that an unusually large coven will fly up from Mexico to Iowa this year, so a great time is guaranteed for all hunters. Be sure to buy your witch hunting license early and stock up on ammunition now in preparation for the best season of witch hunting since the 1600s!


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Default Re: 2021 Landover Wicca Hunt Thread - 09-27-2021, 01:10 AM

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Originally Posted by WWJDnow View Post
...George Larson, the Christine O'Donnell Professor of Wiccan and Demonic Studies at the Landover Baptist University is forecasting that an unusually large coven will fly up from Mexico to Iowa this year, so a great time is guaranteed for all hunters...
Sounds to me like you're passing up the perfect opportunity to test out that surplus Patriot missile system Bobby-Joe has for sale down at Freehold Guns and Ammo.

Better than fireworks on a cool fall evening. Bring the kids and some popcorn.


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Default Re: 2021 Landover Wicca Hunt Thread - 09-27-2021, 01:14 AM

Frankly, I'm a bit uneasy about this hunt. If hunters are not 100% successful and some witches escape will they remain in Freehold to harass Landover Baptist?


Isaiah 24:1-3 Behold, the LORD maketh the earth empty (2)...as the taker of usury, so with the giver of usury to him. (3) The land shall be utterly emptied, and utterly spoiled: for the LORD hath spoken his word.
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Default Re: 2021 Landover Wicca Hunt Thread - 09-27-2021, 01:47 AM

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Originally Posted by Johny Joe Hold View Post
Frankly, I'm a bit uneasy about this hunt. If hunters are not 100% successful and some witches escape will they remain in Freehold to harass Landover Baptist?
As with other invasive pests, we can never entirely eliminate the Wicca threat. However, with responsible herd management practices, we can limit the damage that witches cause to acceptable levels until Jesus raptures us out of here. Older Wiccans tend to be both slower (and therefore easier to catch) and more powerful, so culling them out is still quite helpful in protecting our good, Christian communities.

I may be wrong, but I thought we planned to use the Patriots to shoot down the Chinese bombers that spread COVID contrails. It seems like overkill to use a missile to shoot down a single Wiccan broomstick a time, but I'll admit that I would like to see it. We should probably think about installing an Aegis 360 degree anti-air point defense system on the church compound for the witch migration season. Biden hates our country, so that's not going to happen with him in the White House, but, once Donald Trump is reinstated as President, the Aegis should be pretty easy for Pastor Zeke to arrange.


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Default Re: 2021 Landover Wicca Hunt Thread - 09-27-2021, 01:56 AM

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As with other invasive pests, we can never entirely eliminate the Wicca threat.
Can witches actually breed in the mid-West? I would think the climate unfavorable, particularly for older ones. Younger ones might be able to get away with it.


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Default Re: 2021 Landover Wicca Hunt Thread - 09-27-2021, 03:04 AM

Can't hardly wait. This year, me and the boys are heading down to Salem. Yes, Dennis Jr. got us plane tickets to Salem, Oregon by mistake, but I once saw part of an episode of Portlandia so I'm sure we'll find plenty of witches in need of killing regardless (Exodus 22:18). I'm really looking forward to trying out this:



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Default Re: 2021 Landover Wicca Hunt Thread - 09-27-2021, 03:59 AM

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Can witches actually breed in the mid-West? I would think the climate unfavorable, particularly for older ones. Younger ones might be able to get away with it.
I'm no creation biologist, but I think Wiccans mate with the Devil in warmer climates then fly up here to lay their eggs.


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Jesus Re: 2021 Landover Wicca Hunt Thread - 09-27-2021, 11:41 AM

I am planning to submit a proposal to eradicate wicca, witches and warlocks once and for all.
While sure, it is fun for the whole family (and wholesomeness is close to Godliness) to have annual hunts, dealing with the damage, trauma and smell of them the other 364 days a year is a real serious problem.
I think no one would have a real issue with eliminating all wiccas, witches, warlocks AND those suspected of being one or have had close contact with one. To be fair, we do not want to falsely accuse anyone (not to name names, Mrs. Johnson and her husbands secretary) so I propose we return to tried and true methods. Hold them under water for thirty minutes. Those that God breathes life into and arise alive from the river are obviously not a wicca, witch or warlock.
To retain the family fun I suggest families line the banks of the river and shoot handguns, rifles, arrows, stones or (my favorite) dash out into the waters withe a bear knife and have at it in a glorious frenzy.
The concept is not fully vetted and there are details to be worked out. While the men and boys are on the river banks, the women can be back at a safe distance cooking and serving food. Fun for all.


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Matthew 10:35 For I am come to set a man at variance against his father, and the daughter against her mother, and the daughter in law against her mother in law.
Matthew 10:36 And a man's foes shall be they of his own household.
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Guns Re: 2021 Landover Wicca Hunt Thread - 09-27-2021, 05:16 PM

Looks like I have to put it up my 50,000 volt electric fences again. Hadn’t needed to use them since liberals were trying to steal my Trump signs last November. Are the wiccans free range or are they produced in close quarters? Askin’ cuz I heard it affects how they cast spells on people.
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Sinner Re: 2021 Landover Wicca Hunt Thread - 09-27-2021, 07:32 PM

Well, one thing is certain: if we are looking for witches, then we should look for the ones with the most evil power. There can be no disputing the fact that we will — undoubtedly — find this person:




And, as Pastor Locke confirms, the evidence against ary is readily obtainable!

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“You know how none of these people who say stuff like this never get sued? Because they don’t want discovery. When I tell you that Hillary Clinton is a high priestess in the Satanic Church, I wish to God she’d sue me over it. I’ve seen the video footage. That woman worships the Devil one thousand percent.”
https://deadstate.org/pastor-greg-lo...en-the-videos/



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Default Re: 2021 Landover Wicca Hunt Thread - 09-27-2021, 08:28 PM

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Are the wiccans free range or are they produced in close quarters?
We don't get many domesticated Wiccans in Iowa--they're pretty much all wild. Luckily, given how obese most of them are, they generally don't run very fast. So the witches around Freehold are easy to take down once you flush them out into the open. I always take a few trained Wicca-tracking dogs on the witch hunt. Once the witch hounds catch the scent, it's all over but the shooting.

I don't think the electric fence will help--Wiccans are pretty crafty prey and they all have broomsticks, so they can fly right over fences. You might want to invest in some Wicca traps. Bait each one with a naked young virgin girl and the witches will check in, but they won't check out.


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