Personally, I think that ebola is getting a bum rap. True, it has a downside, but the liberal haters just won't admit that ebola has many positive benefits for the economy and society as a whole. But of course that's typical of liberals - they hate America and never cease their treasonous campaign to tear it down. Disgusting!
Not surprisingly, all True Christians understand that the Lord put ebola on this earth for a reason. Even though He outsourced the actual creation of the virus to my company's Biowarfare Division, ebola is part of His grand plan.
So with that in mind, let's take a look at just what the Lord has been up to...
The Lord works in mysterious ways!
When it comes to creating new economic opportunities, pandemics are a great way to "shuffle the deck," so to speak. Old business models - like being able to shop in supermarkets - might disappear, but new models will inevitably take their place. Online shopping, for example, will experience a great boom. I am proud to announce that the Uranus Corporation is already ramping up production at our factories in China so that American consumers can experience a smooth transition to the brave new world where nobody even dares to go outside.
Need medical care but the hospitals are closed? Just get out your credit card and order online!
This Christmas, order online the gift that keeps on giving...
...and fashionable too!
Of course, in keeping with the holiday spirit during the month of October, we now have gowns available in Halloween colors. Yes, I know that Halloween is a Satanic liberal holiday, but on the other hand, we shouldn't waste an opportunity to exploit the demonic atheists in order to increase profits and thus shareholder value. Besides, these suits leak like a sieve, thereby creating a false sense of security which should reduce the Democratic vote to a small minority by election day!
Trick or Treat!
Actually, color coding clothing for certain ethnic groups can be useful. Our marketing department has done research, and firmly established that consumers are highly influenced by colors, advertising and peer pressure. Just like we convinced the Negroes to have their pants riding down around their knees (makes it hard for them to outrun the police!), we're pushing a Fall line-up of fashionable white clothing that will make it difficult for them to hide at night when they're normally out looting. The respirator also puts out a radio signal, which can be instantly picked up by Predator drones!
Negro finally has a chance to be white!
Fashionable Negroes looting a crematorium in Liberia
Needless to say, an ebola pandemic will cause great demand for privatized security and military services. My company has been working in close cooperation with experienced veterans of the
Blood Diamond War™ we financed in Sierra Leone, retraining them for the new job opportunities we see opening up in the near future.
Sierra Leoners lining up to purchase bus tickets to someplace else
Of course, our own TSA (recently privatized and owned by my company!) is busily preparing new security procedures for air travel. I'm happy to announce that those backscatter x-ray scanners we used for security are being refitted with high-intensity gamma-radiation emitters to kill the ebola virus, thus ensuring the safety of air passengers!
Flying has never been more exciting!
And if the radiation doesn't kill the virus, we offer medications at the duty-free shops. Guaranteed to prevent death, or money back!
It's a miracle!
The one thing we do worry about is that people may try to self-medicate with so-called "medical marijuana." Thus, anyone showing up for a flight, or at a hospital emergency room, will have to undergo drug testing. Trace amounts of the demon weed found in the blood will be sufficient cause for immediate arrest, seizure of all items of value, and rehabilitative "reform through labor" (such as working at crematorium ovens). Even if 80% of the world's population has ebola, I can personally assure you that the War on Drugs will continue! If we don't do that, the terrorists will have won, and surely we don't want that, do we?
Terminally ill patients who smoke "medical" marijuana will burn in Hell!
Finally, I'd like to point out that ebola not only reduces the surplus population of useless humans, but can take out various animals. This can have great benefits - no more bans on oil drilling and logging in the tropical rain forests, as nothing will be living there!
God hates the rain forest, and you should too!
The Lord really does work in mysterious ways!