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Reload this Page Original Music by Billy Bob Jenkins
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Default Re: Original Music by Billy Bob Jenkins - 08-23-2011, 12:43 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by HTannor View Post
And here I'm thinking a nice follow-up to the title track might be "It's Okay to Beat Your Wife."
This one's for you, Brother.



50 Shekels by Billy Bob Jenkins, © 2011

The Lord says in Ephesians that man is as God to his wife
so that makes it his privilege to take her relatively worthless life
1 Timothy 2:12 says she should remain in silence
so if she should sass off, let there be domestic violence

Don't let her use the internet, womenfolk should be in the kitchen
she'll jump when you say jump, if she truly is a Christian
If she should roll her eye Christ said pluck it out
her soul hangs in the balance, so punish her if she has doubts

If she does not lay down, when you demand affection
raise you dominant hand up high, wielding the Rod of Correction
If she is unclean, don't let her come inside
but she still retains some value, 50 shekels for a bride


The Only Real Climate Change Will be Hell!
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Default Re: Original Music by Billy Bob Jenkins - 08-23-2011, 06:31 PM

Brother, your golden tones are pleasing to the Lord.

I wonder if you've got something we could use for a sing-along with the kids in Sunday School on 2 Kings 2:23 and 24. I love teaching that Bible story.


Who Will Jesus Damn?

Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!
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Default Re: Original Music by Billy Bob Jenkins - 08-23-2011, 08:21 PM

For those who have been clamoring for 2 Kings:

Quote:
Originally Posted by Redeemed Papist View Post
A suggestion:

She-bear

A wholesome parable. A metaphor for what?
Quote:
Originally Posted by Pastor Ezekiel View Post
Brother, your golden tones are pleasing to the Lord.

I wonder if you've got something we could use for a sing-along with the kids in Sunday School on 2 Kings 2:23 and 24. I love teaching that Bible story.



The Bible Ain't No Gosh Darned Metaphor by Billy Bob Jenkins © 2011

When Elisha was down in Bethel
some kids made fun of his bald head
so the Lord mustered up two she-bears
and they ate them up forty two dead

Chorus:
That ain't no gosh darned metaphor
that ain't no allegory
the Bible ain't no gosh darned salad bar
if you think so you're God's enemy

If your son is stubborn and rebellious
stone him with stones until he dies
if he should disobey his mother
let the birds eat out his eyes

repeat Chorus

If you do not serve God with joyfulness
He will make you eat your young
even if you are His prophet
He just might make you cook with dung

repeat Chorus



Is that chord progression ripped off from somewhere?

Who cares. The Lord commanded me to write it.


The Only Real Climate Change Will be Hell!
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Default Re: Original Music by Billy Bob Jenkins - 08-23-2011, 09:05 PM

It's like an angel itself descended.



Isaiah 34:6 The sword of the LORD is filled with blood, it is made fat with fatness, and with the blood of lambs and goats, with the fat of the kidneys of rams: for the LORD hath a sacrifice in Bozrah, and a great slaughter in the land of Idumea.

John 5:46,47 For had ye believed Moses, ye would have believed me: for he wrote of me. But if ye believe not his writings, how shall ye believe my words?

Join me in scoffing at backwards Muslims clinging to their beliefs in the face of the evidence!
The truth about volcanos
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Default Re: Original Music by Billy Bob Jenkins - 08-23-2011, 09:09 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Billy Bob Jenkins View Post
This one's for you, Brother.



50 Shekels by Billy Bob Jenkins, © 2011

The Lord says in Ephesians that man is as God to his wife
so that makes it his privilege to take her relatively worthless life
1 Timothy 2:12 says she should remain in silence
so if she should sass off, let there be domestic violence

Don't let her use the internet, womenfolk should be in the kitchen
she'll jump when you say jump, if she truly is a Christian
If she should roll her eye Christ said pluck it out
her soul hangs in the balance, so punish her if she has doubts

If she does not lay down, when you demand affection
raise you dominant hand up high, wielding the Rod of Correction
If she is unclean, don't let her come inside
but she still retains some value, 50 shekels for a bride
I am so touched, Brother, that I sat here and shed tears while your Godly song rang through my prayer closet. I wept so much I went through a half a box of Kleenex.


Not to be too forward, but can I request another of your masterpieces? I'm thinking along the lines of: "Dear Lord, Forgive Me For I Spilled My Seed While Looking at Sister Talitha's Avatar."


The Honorable HTannor (Pro NRA, Anti-Homer Marriage), Judge, Freehold Supreme Court

"Credo elvem etiam vivere"
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Default Re: Original Music by Billy Bob Jenkins - 08-24-2011, 08:41 PM

There's a little something for every True Christian™ in this little ditty.

Mohamed is Burning in Hell by Billy Bob Jenkins © 2011



Lyrics:

There once was a man named Mohamed
who got drunk off his own vomit
he married a six year old girl
and tried to take over the world

he promised 72 virgins
to those who should die in his service
denied the Godhood of Jesus
and feasted upon his own feces

He made a deal with the devil
and copied a book of his drivel
he couldn't sustain an erection
so he led folks who lacked direction

Mohamed had sex with animals
and ate his young like a cannibal
True Christians© know it well
Mohamed is burning in Hell!



Note to terrorists and terrorist sympathizers:
Any resemblance of the characters in this song to actual persons is purely coincidental.


The Only Real Climate Change Will be Hell!

Last edited by Billy Bob Jenkins; 08-25-2011 at 04:39 PM.
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Default Re: Original Music by Billy Bob Jenkins - 08-25-2011, 04:48 PM

I wish to apologize in advance for the rock n' roll -esque sound of this next one; it comes from a place of rage and personal tribulation. You see, I take rectal demons very seriously. No matter how many cases you see, you just never get used to it.

The Rectal Demon Song by Billy Bob Jenkins © 2011



Lyrics:

If you've got a demon in your rectum
it will take a pastor with a speculum
so pull on down your pants and grab your ankles
and let another man explore your every angle

rectal demons can be worse than kidney stones
they nibble at your flesh, and eat your bones
I hear it's like delivering a baby
except for it's got teeth and claws and rabies

so don the Christian armor, take up the sword and shield
beat the demons back, and never yield
chop off it's ugly head and beat it brainless
'cause you don't want it seething in your anus

demons in the rectum causes AIDS
they like it where it's warm, but still some shade
the trick is you must learn the demons name
then command him to return to Satan in shame

rectal demons make you want to masturbate
they'll make you question God, and fill your soul with hate
Rectal demons lie in wait inside the toilet bowl
you hardly feel a thing, as it slips into your hole

repeat 1st four lines


The Only Real Climate Change Will be Hell!
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Default Re: Original Music by Billy Bob Jenkins - 08-26-2011, 12:31 AM

Make a song about humans rights to hunt animals!
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Default Re: Original Music by Billy Bob Jenkins - 08-26-2011, 01:46 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Proud Faroese View Post
Make a song about humans rights to hunt animals!
Here you go:



Who Cares How Animals Feel by Billy Bob Jenkins © 2011

When God created the world
it was for the sole end of man
woman was just an helpmeet
and animals were made for him to eat

Genesis establishes dominion
of man over natural things
it was only because of Eve's sin
that bears fight back and bumblebees sting

veganism is just a blasphemy
inspired by the hatred of Jesus
the burning of animals is pleasant to His nose
and their welfare is meaningless

so let the Eskimos have their way
with dolphins, whales, and baby seals
there's not much else to do in Canada
and who cares how animals feel


The Only Real Climate Change Will be Hell!
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Default Re: Original Music by Billy Bob Jenkins - 08-26-2011, 08:18 AM

That last song made me cry! Manly tears of course. Time for a long and healthy hunting trip!

Genesis 9:3 "Every moving thing that liveth, shall be meat for you."

Genesis 1:27-28 "So God created man in his own image, in the image of God created he him; male and female created he them. And God blessed them, and God said unto them, Be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth, and subdue it: and have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over every living thing that moveth upon the earth"

Romans 14:2 "For one believeth that he may eat all things: another, who is weak, eateth herbs."


Freedom means voting for Donald Trump!
To most "Christians" The Bible is like a license agreement. They just scroll to the bottom and click "I agree". All those "Christians" will burn in Hell!
James 2:10 "For whosoever shall keep the whole law, and yet offend in one point, he is guilty of all."
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Default Re: Original Music by Billy Bob Jenkins - 08-26-2011, 10:59 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Billy Bob Jenkins View Post
Here you go:



Who Cares How Animals Feel by Billy Bob Jenkins © 2011

When God created the world
it was for the sole end of man
woman was just an helpmeet
and animals were made for him to eat

Genesis establishes dominion
of man over natural things
it was only because of Eve's sin
that bears fight back and bumblebees sting

veganism is just a blasphemy
inspired by the hatred of Jesus
the burning of animals is pleasant to His nose
and their welfare is meaningless

so let the Eskimos have their way
with dolphins, whales, and baby seals
there's not much else to do in Canada
and who cares how animals feel
Thank you very much! God bless! Here is a song you could make a cover version on:



A man should call the toss
Wear the pants, and be the boss
A man should be the drink
For his own damn sake
And men should the misters
And the masters of their sisters
A man should be the reason
For a heart to break
A man should cut the lawn
Change the tire, mend the worn
A man should never wait
To oil a rusting gate
Men should hold the key positions
In our country's great traditions
A man should put the food
Upon the family plate
So, be moral
Don't quarrel
Fair and square is best
Let me alert you
That virtue won't hurt you
Or desert you
If you wear hair on your chest
So always remember to follow the rules
Box clever
And jocks never
Hock another jock's tools
A man should wax a car
Fix a fuse, and tend the bar
A man should like his brow
To be wet with sweat
Men should know the right occasions
To indulge in tax evasions
A man should know the settings
That his spark plugs get
Faggots are maggots
Thank God I'm a man
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Default Re: Original Music by Billy Bob Jenkins - 08-26-2011, 07:07 PM

BRAVOOOO BRAVOOOOOO!


I'd like to request "Why Women have no Souls" and "Negroes, Pie Stealing Thiefs"




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Default Re: Original Music by Billy Bob Jenkins - 08-26-2011, 09:13 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Daisy Mae Johnson View Post
BRAVOOOO BRAVOOOOOO!


I'd like to request "Why Women have no Souls" and "Negroes, Pie Stealing Thiefs"
How about two in one?



Women Have No Souls by Billy Bob Jenkins

women have no souls
they're deus ex machina
they're just breasts and buttocks
and legs and vagina

women have no souls
just holes with reproductive roles

women have no souls
they are just automatons
they don't understand
the sinfulness of tampons

women have no souls
just holes with reproductive roles

women have no souls
just like a kitchen appliance
no power for abstract ideas
like creation science

women have no souls
just holes with reproductive roles

women have no souls
much like an automobile
neither do jigaboos
or the pineapple pies that they steal

women have no souls
just holes with reproductive roles...


The Only Real Climate Change Will be Hell!
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Default Re: Original Music by Billy Bob Jenkins - 08-26-2011, 09:40 PM

Brother Billy Bob, I have contacted my operatives in New York and instructed them to hand-deliver your videos to the people in charge of Grammy Awards.

I predict a pleasant surprise for you next year and that little homo, Justin Beaver, going home in tears looking for the first available bung hole to console himself.


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"Credo elvem etiam vivere"
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Default Re: Original Music by Billy Bob Jenkins - 08-26-2011, 10:03 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by HTannor View Post
Brother Billy Bob, I have contacted my operatives in New York and instructed them to hand-deliver your videos to the people in charge of Grammy Awards.

I predict a pleasant surprise for you next year and that little homo, Justin Beaver, going home in tears looking for the first available bung hole to console himself.
Perhaps then I will finally be able to graduate from parking lot tither to something more suitable for a man of my strong faith. The trophy of course will have to go to Jesus.


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Default Re: Original Music by Billy Bob Jenkins - 08-26-2011, 10:47 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Billy Bob Jenkins View Post
Perhaps then I will finally be able to graduate from parking lot tither to something more suitable for a man of my strong faith. The trophy of course will have to go to Jesus.
I would never deny the trophy to Jesus.


(Do they make a smaller one? Kind of a companion piece? It would look nice on the backboard of my bench.)


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Default Re: Original Music by Billy Bob Jenkins - 08-28-2011, 03:41 PM

Praise you for finally giving me a reason to use the music-feature on my cellphone.


"For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God." - Romans 3:23
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Default Re: Original Music by Billy Bob Jenkins - 08-28-2011, 06:25 PM

Brother Billy I run all of your great works on a continuous loop

Praise Jesus!




Leviticus 26:27-29

27 And if ye will not for all this hearken unto me, but walk contrary unto me;
28 Then I will walk contrary unto you also in fury; and I, even I, will chastise you seven times for your sins.
29 And ye shall eat the flesh of your sons, and the flesh of your daughters shall ye eat.
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Default Re: Original Music by Billy Bob Jenkins - 08-28-2011, 09:51 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Billy Bob Jenkins View Post
Lyrics:

There once was a man with four fingers on his hand
the Lord had made a freak
his mortal cage was filled with rage
vengeance he would seek

his mother was a whore and his father was poor
he was a bastard son
of Jesus Christ he said nothing nice
of sodomy he said "it's fun"

so he went to California where the people are horny
and he began to sodomize
he raped little sluts in their faces and their butts
and sometimes he raped them twice

he spit on the flag and he marched with the fags
he voted democrat
he worshiped the pope and he smoked lots of dope
when they stood for the pledge, he sat

He mocked George Bush and had sex in the tush
he worshiped chimpanzees
he read God is Not Great, and it made him masturbate
so God smited him with disease

There was blood in his cough, and his genitals fell off
his flesh had a gangrenous smell
he died in great pain, cursing God's name
yes he died, and he went straight to Hell
What an animal - that man can't be considered "human" can he? Your songs are a lesson to us all Mr Jenkins.


EDIT:
Not that we need any lessons in anoeroticism


EDIT2: - this post isn't coming out right

Last edited by MitzaLizalor; 08-28-2011 at 09:58 PM. Reason: I'm not having a very good morning
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Default Re: Original Music by Billy Bob Jenkins - 08-28-2011, 09:53 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by MitzaLizalor View Post
What an animal - that man can't be considered "human" can he?
You needn't worry your pretty head; he is unreal.


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