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Putting the "stud" back in Bible Study
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An Important Health Message for all Women! -
02-24-2009, 11:58 PM
Brothers, while I am usually not one to beat the drum for secular science research, I feel that THIS latest finding is vitally important. We, as True Christian™ Men, must do our Christian duty to spread the word to the women we care about, to protect their health.
I am so excited about this new research that I have asked the Creation Scientists over at Landover Baptist University to commission a long-term study on this matter here in Freehold. Of course Creation Scientists are much more methodical and careful in their research, so this project will take time. Years perhaps. And no doubt the good folks over at Landover Baptist University will at some point ask for study *volunteers, so I hope that you'll all give it your best shot. I have arranged for the girls enrolled in the Advanced Degree Motherhood Program over at Landover Baptist University.
In order to demonstrate rigid Pastoral endorsement for this important research, I am offering myself as the first **volunteer in the study.
Please, for the sake of the ladies, spread the word, Brothers.
*Stipend paid for male volunteers, of course.
**Pastoral stipend paid, of course.
Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:
Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)
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Predestinated Servant of Jesus Christ by the Will of God True Christian™ Theologian
True Christian™
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Re: An Important Health Message for all Women! -
02-25-2009, 06:38 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Pastor Ezekiel
In order to demonstrate rigid Pastoral endorsement for this important research, I am offering myself as the first **volunteer in the study.
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In the name of Christ -- and for the expansion of knowledge -- I hope this will be a double-blind study which includes one for her and one for you.
I loved Newt before Newt was invincible
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True Christian™
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Re: An Important Health Message for all Women! -
02-25-2009, 08:49 PM
The Bible (KJV1611) certainly speaks clearly and concisely on the matter of spilling seed. This study clearly outlines where women can be useful in fulfilling the commands of our Lord, and with added benefit. This is one more nail in the coffin of evolution, as who could doubt that this is due to intelligent design.
Praise Jesus!
Hell's foundations quiver at the shout of praise;
brothers, lift your voices, loud your anthems raise.
...and get off my lawn
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Posts: 1,060
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: The Godly State of South Carolina
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Re: An Important Health Message for all Women! -
02-25-2009, 11:53 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Pastor Ezekiel
Brothers, while I am usually not one to beat the drum for secular science research, I feel that THIS latest finding is vitally important. We, as True Christian™ Men, must do our Christian duty to spread the word to the women we care about, to protect their health.
I am so excited about this new research that I have asked the Creation Scientists over at Landover Baptist University to commission a long-term study on this matter here in Freehold. Of course Creation Scientists are much more methodical and careful in their research, so this project will take time. Years perhaps. And no doubt the good folks over at Landover Baptist University will at some point ask for study *volunteers, so I hope that you'll all give it your best shot. I have arranged for the girls enrolled in the Advanced Degree Motherhood Program over at Landover Baptist University.
In order to demonstrate rigid Pastoral endorsement for this important research, I am offering myself as the first **volunteer in the study.
Please, for the sake of the ladies, spread the word, Brothers.
*Stipend paid for male volunteers, of course.
**Pastoral stipend paid, of course.
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I am excited to do the Lord's work. The tasks He assigns us are often very hard, but I am sure I will be a pillar of excellence in this needed research.
Where do I sign up?
Yours in Christ
Brother Lazarus
In the Beginning God created the Heaven and the Earth. Genesis 1.1. This scripture is the first verse of the Bible for a reason. It lays the foundation for the absolute truth found in God's Holy WORD, the Bible.
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Honorary True Christian™ Sweet Placid Sister
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Location: Surrounded by hippie vermin
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Re: An Important Health Message for all Women! -
02-26-2009, 02:05 AM
Sorry to intrude into the men's forum, Pastor, but if this is a health message for women, shouldn't it be out where the women will see it?
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Christ's Cōnsiliārius
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Re: An Important Health Message for all Women! -
02-26-2009, 04:48 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by JennyD
Sorry to intrude into the men's forum, Pastor, but if this is a health message for women, shouldn't it be out where the women will see it?
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I think I posted it out there. I believe several of us, in the spirit of helping women, posted it.
Emeritus Professor of the Christ Jesus Chair of Theology at Landover Baptist University.
"God loves you. Let us arrange for you to meet Him".
Break their teeth, O God, in their mouth.--Psalms 58:6
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True Christian™
True Christian™
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Re: An Important Health Message for all Women! -
02-26-2009, 10:28 AM
I'm blushing of course, but Mr. Roberts has insisted on this specific activity for years. Praise the Lord, I'm still cancer free! It must work!
George Jesus Bush
Savior of Democracy
Help stop wasting taxpayer dollars on education spending.....Support home schooling, because reeding is fundermental.
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Re: An Important Health Message for all Women! -
02-27-2009, 01:09 AM
It is interesting to note that there was a discussion evolving on another thread about lip enhancement among women. This trend is directly tied to this new theory about fellatio being a preventative of breast cancer in women. Thank you to Pastor Ezekiel for informing us!
I have engaged in extensive research into sexual deviancy so that you my fellow True Christians don't have to. What is happening is that women are enhancing their lips with Botox so as to tempt men to engage in fellatio. The lips are enhanced to resemble the female genital labia so the poor man can't be sure where his tallywhacker is going! Harlots are seducing men into contributing their seed so that these whores might prevent their own cancer.
Further research into the preventative effects of male ejaculate is of course necessary, but I think we men should be on the lookout for Botox enhanced lips so that we are not seduced into unGodly contributions to a Harlot's health.
Yours in Christ
Brother Lazarus
In the Beginning God created the Heaven and the Earth. Genesis 1.1. This scripture is the first verse of the Bible for a reason. It lays the foundation for the absolute truth found in God's Holy WORD, the Bible.
Last edited by Brother Lazarus; 02-27-2009 at 01:10 AM.
Reason: grammar?
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Posts: 17
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Location: Mississippi
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Re: An Important Health Message for all Women! -
02-28-2009, 03:24 AM
What about cunnilingus?
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Honorary True Christian™ Sweet Placid Sister
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Re: An Important Health Message for all Women! -
02-28-2009, 04:21 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by WhySoCentrist
What about cunnilingus?
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Have you seen a study suggesting that it helps prevent breast cancer?
Because I thought lesbians and nuns (I think one is a subset of the other, but forget which) had unusually high rates of breast cancer.
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Landover Security Superviser Asset Loss Prevention and Personal Security Expert NOT angry and positively NOT Gay
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Re: An Important Health Message for all Women! -
02-28-2009, 04:22 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by WhySoCentrist
What about cunnilingus?
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Friend,
In your reply to your request do delete your comment here as I have said before leave comedy to the comedians. We are trying to run a decent Christian forum.
Time to reclaim our FREEDOM from the “Mullah in Chief” and his growing activist voter hoards of socialists, communists, anti-Semites, anti-Christians, atheists, radical gays and lesbians, feminists, illegal immigrants, Muslims, anti-Anglo whites and others.
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Re: An Important Health Message for all Women! -
02-28-2009, 04:30 AM
Oh, that's not what I meant. I was just asking because the subject was fellatio, which has a counterpart: cunnilingus. I don't actually know anything about it, so I thought I would ask.
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Landover Security Superviser Asset Loss Prevention and Personal Security Expert NOT angry and positively NOT Gay
True Christian™
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Posts: 18,555
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Re: An Important Health Message for all Women! -
02-28-2009, 04:39 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by WhySoCentrist
Oh, that's not what I meant. I was just asking because the subject was fellatio, which has a counterpart: cunnilingus. I don't actually know anything about it, so I thought I would ask.
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And why do you think I would know about cunnilingus friend? I am not a homosexual. This is a rather inappropriate line of discussion for a Christian forum friend.
Time to reclaim our FREEDOM from the “Mullah in Chief” and his growing activist voter hoards of socialists, communists, anti-Semites, anti-Christians, atheists, radical gays and lesbians, feminists, illegal immigrants, Muslims, anti-Anglo whites and others.
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Re: An Important Health Message for all Women! -
02-28-2009, 05:42 AM
FELLATIO IS THE EXACT SAME THING. It's all oral sex! What's the difference? If you say something about fellatio being a woman serving a man, I want you to know that's ridiculous. Why are women supposed to avoid orgasms? What's the big deal?
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Landover Security Superviser Asset Loss Prevention and Personal Security Expert NOT angry and positively NOT Gay
True Christian™
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Posts: 18,555
Join Date: Sep 2006
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Re: An Important Health Message for all Women! -
02-28-2009, 05:45 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by WhySoCentrist
FELLATIO IS THE EXACT SAME THING. It's all oral sex! What's the difference? If you say something about fellatio being a woman serving a man, I want you to know that's ridiculous. Why are women supposed to avoid orgasms? What's the big deal?
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What is there to avoid friend? Female orgasm is a lie perpetuated by the feminist and their anti-family agenda.
I though you said you are a Christian? If so I am sure you Pastor has explained all these things to you.
Time to reclaim our FREEDOM from the “Mullah in Chief” and his growing activist voter hoards of socialists, communists, anti-Semites, anti-Christians, atheists, radical gays and lesbians, feminists, illegal immigrants, Muslims, anti-Anglo whites and others.
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Time to come clean on Benghazi Mr Obama!
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Re: An Important Health Message for all Women! -
02-28-2009, 04:21 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Bobby-Joe
What is there to avoid friend? Female orgasm is a lie perpetuated by the feminist and their anti-family agenda.
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Okay, friend. Then why does the "Landover Baptist University" offer classes for motherhood, one of which is "Early Baptist Sexuality" - it's curriculum includes how to avoid an orgasm. What now??? Owned.
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Municipal Code Archivist - Deuteronomy 28:58 Christ's Guardian
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Location: Mostly on the front porch.
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Re: An Important Health Message for all Women! -
02-28-2009, 04:25 PM
Do you know a woman who has had an orgasm? I don't. They don't have them. What would be the point? They can reproduce without them.
May you be a blessing to every life you touch.
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Confirmed Enemy of God
BANNED from Landover -- Aeternal Damnation Assured
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Posts: 45
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Re: An Important Health Message for all Women! -
03-05-2009, 02:46 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Brother Lazarus
I am excited to do the Lord's work. The tasks He assigns us are often very hard, but I am sure I will be a pillar of excellence in this needed research.
Where do I sign up?
Yours in Christ
Brother Lazarus
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Indeed, it's hard to accept a blow job. I feel for you.
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