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Default Day 93. 2 Samuel 16-18 - 12-11-2007, 10:58 PM

2 Samuel 16-18

Today we get:
  • Absalom chooses war
  • David is again on the run
  • Someone in the line of Jesse dies (more news at 6)

2 Samuel 16

1 And when David was a little past the top of the hill, behold, Ziba the servant of Mephibosheth met him, with a couple of asses saddled, and upon them two hundred loaves of bread, and an hundred bunches of raisins, and an hundred of summer fruits, and a bottle of wine.

Remember Mephibosheth is the lame son of Jonathan. He sent a servant with provisions to help David flee, but why?

3 And the king said, And where is thy master's son? And Ziba said unto the king, Behold, he abideth at Jerusalem: for he said, To day shall the house of Israel restore me the kingdom of my father.

HaHaHaHa, the little gimp thinks he's going to be made king. He thinks David and Absalom are both going to die, and that Israel will be returned to the line of the first king. What is he gonna put wheels on the throne?

4 Then said the king to Ziba, Behold, thine are all that pertained unto Mephibosheth. And Ziba said, I humbly beseech thee that I may find grace in thy sight, my lord, O king.

David is like, uh, dude, you are the only person who belongs to Mephibosheth, he has no army, nor any followers. Then Ziba begs to not be killed for the message.

5 And when king David came to Bahurim, behold, thence came out a man of the family of the house of Saul, whose name was Shimei, the son of Gera: he came forth, and cursed still as he came.


So as David is trying to sneak away, Shimei comes out and starts cursing at David. He throws stones, kicks dirt, and curses at the king. He blames David for Saul's death, and for Jonathan (and the other brothers) deaths.

9 Then said Abishai the son of Zeruiah unto the king, Why should this dead dog curse my lord the king? let me go over, I pray thee, and take off his head.

Please please please, let me kill him!

11 And David said to Abishai, and to all his servants, Behold, my son, which came forth of my bowels, seeketh my life: how much more now may this Benjamite do it? let him alone, and let him curse; for the LORD hath bidden him.

David says, my own son is trying to kill me, you think I'm scared of a friggin Benjamite????

15 And Absalom, and all the people the men of Israel, came to Jerusalem, and Ahithophel with him.

Remember, earlier, David prayed that Ahithophel's guidance would become stupid.

16 And it came to pass, when Hushai the Archite, David's friend, was come unto Absalom, that Hushai said unto Absalom, God save the king, God save the king.

David also sent Hushai to undermine Ahithophel's guidance.

Absalom wondered why Hushai would abandon David, and Hushai said he worked for the king (position) not the king (person).

Absalom asks Ahithophel what he should do.

21 And Ahithophel said unto Absalom, Go in unto thy father's concubines, which he hath left to keep the house; and all Israel shall hear that thou art abhorred of thy father: then shall the hands of all that are with thee be strong.

So, in front of everyone, Absalom goes in unto his fathers old concubines.

23 And the counsel of Ahithophel, which he counselled in those days, was as if a man had enquired at the oracle of God: so was all the counsel of Ahithophel both with David and with Absalom.

So, Ahithophel's counsel was still wise.

2 Samuel 17

1 Moreover Ahithophel said unto Absalom, Let me now choose out twelve thousand men, and I will arise and pursue after David this night:

2 And I will come upon him while he is weary and weak handed, and will make him afraid: and all the people that are with him shall flee; and I will smite the king only:


Ahithophel has a great plan, he will go out with some men, find David, and kill only him (the other men are great fighters, so with David dead, they will be great fighters for Absalom).

4 And the saying pleased Absalom well, and all the elders of Israel.

Sounds like a great plan; lets do it!

5 Then said Absalom, Call now Hushai the Archite also, and let us hear likewise what he saith.

Wait, before you go, lets ask Hushai if it's a good plan.

7 And Hushai said unto Absalom, The counsel that Ahithophel hath given is not good at this time.

8 For, said Hushai, thou knowest thy father and his men, that they be mighty men, and they be chafed in their minds, as a bear robbed of her whelps in the field: and thy father is a man of war, and will not lodge with the people.


Hushai (David's planted subverter) tells Absalom that instead of just killing David, he should take the ENTIRE Israel army, chase after David, and have a great final winner take all battle royal.

14 And Absalom and all the men of Israel said, The counsel of Hushai the Archite is better than the counsel of Ahithophel. For the LORD had appointed to defeat the good counsel of Ahithophel, to the intent that the LORD might bring evil upon Absalom.

Harrumph harrumph.

Then Hushai sends word to David that he counseled that to Absalom.

23 And when Ahithophel saw that his counsel was not followed, he saddled his ass, and arose, and gat him home to his house, to his city, and put his household in order, and hanged himself, and died, and was buried in the sepulchre of his father.


Wow, that's taking your advice not being followed, just a little bit to the extreme.


David then crosses over Jordan, and Absalom shortly follows.

2 Samuel 18

1 And David numbered the people that were with him, and set captains of thousands, and captains of hundreds over them.

He set the army into thirds, one third under Joab, a third under Joab's brother Abishai, and a third under Ittai. Then he proclaims that he (David) will lead the battle.

3 But the people answered, Thou shalt not go forth: for if we flee away, they will not care for us; neither if half of us die, will they care for us: but now thou art worth ten thousand of us: therefore now it is better that thou succour us out of the city.

The people said something like; the only reason for the battle is to kill you, they won't try to kill us, so you just stay back, and we'll kick ass instead.

David decides that the people know best.

5 And the king commanded Joab and Abishai and Ittai, saying, Deal gently for my sake with the young man, even with Absalom. And all the people heard when the king gave all the captains charge concerning Absalom.

David says, don't kill Absalom.

7 Where the people of Israel were slain before the servants of David, and there was there a great slaughter that day of twenty thousand men.


They killed 20,000 opposing forces.

9 And Absalom met the servants of David. And Absalom rode upon a mule, and the mule went under the thick boughs of a great oak, and his head caught hold of the oak, and he was taken up between the heaven and the earth; and the mule that was under him went away.

So Absalom is fleeing from the battle, remember he has hair that's long and beautiful. As he's riding away, his hair gets caught in a tree branch and it pulls him off the horse. So he's just kind of dangling there, by his hair.

10 And a certain man saw it, and told Joab, and said, Behold, I saw Absalom hanged in an oak.

Joab asks the man why he didn't kill Absalom, the man reminds Joab that David said not to kill Absalom, Joab says he would have given the man ten shekels (wow) of silver and a girdle. The girdle would have been something to hold the weapon, not to hold his gut in. Additionally, the possession of a war girdle would signify authority, so in effect, Joab was offering the man leadership in the army.

14 Then said Joab, I may not tarry thus with thee. And he took three darts in his hand, and thrust them through the heart of Absalom, while he was yet alive in the midst of the oak.

Joab kills Absalom.

Who all has Joab killed so far?

Abner, he had a part in Uriah, and now Absalom.

15 And ten young men that bare Joab's armour compassed about and smote Absalom, and slew him.

So Joab killed him, but his men slew him?

17 And they took Absalom, and cast him into a great pit in the wood, and laid a very great heap of stones upon him: and all Israel fled every one to his tent.

Absalom had built himself a tomb, which is (possibly) still standing near Jerusalem.

Ahimaaz wants to run and tell David the news, Joab says no, and sends Cushi. Joab later relents and lets Ahimaaz go.

24 And David sat between the two gates: and the watchman went up to the roof over the gate unto the wall, and lifted up his eyes, and looked, and behold a man running alone.

The watchman tells David there's a runner, David says, he must bear news. The watchman then says, there's another runner, and it looks like Ahimaaz.

29 And the king said, Is the young man Absalom safe? And Ahimaaz answered, When Joab sent the king's servant, and me thy servant, I saw a great tumult, but I knew not what it was.

Ahimaaz knows that Absalom is dead, he just doesn't tell David.

32 And the king said unto Cushi, Is the young man Absalom safe? And Cushi answered, The enemies of my lord the king, and all that rise against thee to do thee hurt, be as that young man is.


He's dead, as is everyone else.

33 And the king was much moved, and went up to the chamber over the gate, and wept: and as he went, thus he said, O my son Absalom, my son, my son Absalom! would God I had died for thee, O Absalom, my son, my son!

How easy is it to say "take me instead" while you are still breathing?

So what have we learned today?

1. If you offer someone advice, and they don't take it, you should probably kill yourself.
2. In order to PROVE that you are better than your father and gain the approval of everyone else, it's best to have sex with everyone your father did, and to do it in public.
3. People with long hair shouldn't ride asses through the woods.

YIC
V


Judges 9:21 And Jotham ran away, and fled, and went to Beer, and dwelt there, for fear of Abimelech his brother.
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Default Re: Day 93. 2 Samuel 16-18 - 12-11-2007, 11:25 PM

...the people of Israel were slain before the servants of David, and there was there a great slaughter that day of twenty thousand men.... For the battle was there scattered over the face of all the country: and the wood devoured more people that day than the sword devoured. 2 Samuel 18:7-8

This is proof positive that the ents from Tolkien's evil Lord of the Rings trilogy had a basis in actual historical events.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Brother V View Post
14 ...Joab.... took three darts in his hand, and thrust them through the heart of Absalom, while he was yet alive in the midst of the oak. Joab kills Absalom.... 15 And ten young men that bare Joab's armour compassed about and smote Absalom, and slew him. So Joab killed him, but his men slew him?
I believe I can clear up this mystery, Brother V. Joab did thrust the darts through Absalom's heart, but that didn't kill Absalom. Absalom was one tough m********cker. Note that one of the ents also played a role in Absalom's death.

Joab must have been one strong guy to be able to wear armor that required 10 bearers.

Quote:
Ahimaaz wants to run and tell David the news, Joab says no, and sends Cushi. Joab later relents and lets Ahimaaz go.
Who better than Ahimaaz to carry this joyous message?

Quote:
Ahimaaz knows that Absalom is dead, he just doesn't tell David.
Ok, Ahimaaz might have been a bit of a pussy. But, let's face it, tellinig David that someone he knows has died is a good way to get your own head lopped off. Anyway, Ahimaaz didn't want Cushi to feel unneeded, so he had to leave something for the other messenger to say.

The Amasa Adoption

Amasa was a man's son, whose name was Ishra an Israelite. 2 Samuel 17:25

And the father of Amasa was Jether the Ishmaelite. 1 Chronicles 2:17

One was the biological father, the other Amasa's adoptive father. Don't let any athiest loser convince you any differently. I'm not sure which is worse, though, being a Jewboy raised by a sand-nigra or being a towelhead raised by a clipdick. Either way, it's got to seriously screw you up for life.



Pour out thy fury upon the heathen that know thee not, and upon the families that call not on thy name.... Jeremiah 10:25
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Default Re: Day 93. 2 Samuel 16-18 - 03-09-2008, 02:30 AM

Talk about poetic justice!
  • Absalom was proud of his hair, so he got hanged by it.
  • He stole the hearts of (1) his father, (2) the council, and (3) the people, so he got three darts through his heart.
  • He went in unto his father's ten concubines, so ten men surrounded him and killed him.
Absalom got exactly what he deserved. Joab defied the order of an over-indulgent father, but it would have been too risky to Israel and the king had he let Absalom live. He did the right thing.

Pastor Billy-Reuben


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