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Pastor Al E Pistle's Avatar
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Default ACCEPT JESUS AND GET A FREE PS3! - 10-12-2007, 03:03 AM

We have given away tens of thousands of these, but now the new deal is the WII. We still have a few PS3s left. Get yours before the manufacturer goes out of business!


Emeritus Professor of the Christ Jesus Chair of Theology at Landover Baptist University.
"God loves you. Let us arrange for you to meet Him".
Break their teeth, O God, in their mouth.--Psalms 58:6


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Default Re: ACCEPT JESUS AND GET A FREE PS3! - 10-12-2007, 03:24 PM

I accepted Jesus as my Lord and Savior when I was baptized as a baby, and continue to see Him as that to this day.

So, WHERE'S MY WII?!


ACTS 5:29

Quote:
But Peter and the apostles said in reply, "We must obey God rather than men."
There you have it-so WHAT'S STOPPING YOU COWARDS?
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Default Re: ACCEPT JESUS AND GET A FREE PS3! - 10-12-2007, 05:19 PM

"WII" refers to a video game system, not a little child, put your pants back on father.
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Default Re: ACCEPT JESUS AND GET A FREE PS3! - 10-12-2007, 05:24 PM

If I Accept Jesus (get $avED) again, can I just do ye out of a little Christmas Eggnog? That's all I ask. I'm easy
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Default Re: ACCEPT JESUS AND GET A FREE PS3! - 10-12-2007, 05:26 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by SUV View Post
If I Accept Jesus (get $avED) again, can I just do ye out of a little Christmas Eggnog? That's all I ask. I'm easy
Sure, SUV! You're easy like Sunday mornin'.


Emeritus Professor of the Christ Jesus Chair of Theology at Landover Baptist University.
"God loves you. Let us arrange for you to meet Him".
Break their teeth, O God, in their mouth.--Psalms 58:6


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Default Re: ACCEPT JESUS AND GET A FREE PS3! - 10-15-2007, 05:04 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Pastor Al E Pistle View Post
Sure, SUV! You're easy like Sunday mornin'.
Great, now I am never going to get that song out of my head.



If the Lord leads you to it, he will get you through it.
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Default Re: ACCEPT JESUS AND GET A FREE PS3! - 01-08-2010, 12:12 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Wash O'Hanley View Post
"WII" refers to a video game system, not a little child, put your pants back on father.
It seems you have an award for "Fairest and most balanced broadcaster" yet you spout childish insults that one would not find of of place in am elementary school playground. Your comment is dissapointing my hope for your integrity as a member of this forum. This is a religious discussion forum not an episode of "Yo' Momma". Please show some restraint, lest you prove yourself even more immature.
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Default Re: ACCEPT JESUS AND GET A FREE PS3! - 01-10-2010, 02:55 AM

Oh my, You should never want to accept Christ because you will get some object that you won't be able to take with you on the other side. You should accept Christ because you know he loves you and you love him back
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Default Re: ACCEPT JESUS AND GET A FREE PS3! - 01-10-2010, 03:00 AM

Jesus spoke to me while eating my daily slice of Cherry Pie and he said prefers playing X-Box.
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Default Re: ACCEPT JESUS AND GET A FREE PS3! - 10-12-2007, 05:23 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Father Thomas Martin View Post
I accepted Jesus as my Lord and Savior when I was baptized as a baby, and continue to see Him as that to this day.
Are you seriously trying to tell us that, as a little baby, you made a conscious decision to turn your life and soul over to Jesus and follow all His Commands? Is this going to lead up to you explaining why you think the age of consent should be four?


O Lord our God, help us to tear their soldiers to bloody shreds with our shells; help us to cover their smiling fields with the pale forms of their patriot dead; help us to drown the thunder of the guns with the shrieks of their wounded, writhing in pain; help us to lay waste their humble homes with a hurricane of fire; help us to wring the hearts of their unoffending widows with unavailing grief; help us to turn them out roofless with little children to wander unfriended the wastes of their desolated land in rags and hunger and thirst, sports of the sun flames of summer and the icy winds of winter, broken in spirit, worn with travail, imploring Thee for the refuge of the grave and denied it--for our sakes who adore Thee, Lord, blast their hopes, blight their lives, protract their bitter pilgrimage, make heavy their steps, water their way with their tears, stain the white snow with the blood of their wounded feet! We ask it, in the spirit of love, of Him Who is the Source of Love, and Who is the ever-faithful refuge and friend of all that are sore beset and seek His aid with humble and contrite hearts. Amen.


God being truth, justice, goodness, beauty, power, and life, man is falsehood, iniquity, evil, ugliness, impotence, and death. God being master, man is the slave. Incapable of finding justice, truth, and eternal life by his own effort, he can attain them only through a divine revelation... he who desires to worship God must harbor no childish illusions about the matter, but bravely renounce his liberty and humanity.
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Default Re: ACCEPT JESUS AND GET A FREE PS3! - 01-03-2008, 02:45 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Brother Temperance View Post
Are you seriously trying to tell us that, as a little baby, you made a conscious decision to turn your life and soul over to Jesus and follow all His Commands?
As the old Monty Python song "Every Sperm is Sacred," clearly explained, Catholics are Catholics from conception. The protestant British heathens were a bit more lewd, but you get the drift. We’re born saved, live with it.

Your friend in Christ,
Sister Abstinence


"I've reminded the prime minister-the American people, Mr. Prime Minister, over the past months that it was not always a given that the United States and America would have a close relationship." George W. Bush, Washington, D.C., June 29, 2006
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Default Re: ACCEPT JESUS AND GET A FREE PS3! - 01-03-2008, 02:50 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by SisterAbstinenceOnly View Post
As the old Monty Python song "Every Sperm is Sacred," clearly explained, Catholics are Catholics from conception. The protestant British heathens were a bit more lewd, but you get the drift. We’re born saved, live with it.

Your friend in Christ,
Sister Abstinence
So I take it that you are another nary worshiper here to persecute us.


Who Will Jesus Damn?

Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!
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Default Re: ACCEPT JESUS AND GET A FREE PS3! - 11-22-2007, 06:17 AM

Yeah, that and agree to "look" and sign up for a few offers and then refer your friends to them and only when your friends do the same thing do you actually get what they promise.
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Default Re: ACCEPT JESUS AND GET A FREE PS3! - 11-22-2007, 01:32 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Epiphany View Post
Yeah, that and agree to "look" and sign up for a few offers and then refer your friends to them and only when your friends do the same thing do you actually get what they promise.
Young lady, we are NOT affiliated with the Amway Cult. You're thinking of the Mormoons.


Who Will Jesus Damn?

Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!
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Default Re: ACCEPT JESUS AND GET A FREE PS3! - 12-20-2007, 09:32 AM

Brethren, I am speechless. I only registered here a few minutes ago and posted in your introduction forum to say hi. Now that I have been looking around, I am stunned at what I am seeing. Giving away free video game systems to win people to Christ is materialism. Then people won't come to Christ for Christ, but because of the merchandise they can get.

Jesus condemned the Pharisees for making his Father's House a den of theives (See John 2:15-16). I'm afraid I can't encourage this at all.

In His Precious Name,

Roy


"By grace are ye saved through faith"
Ephesians 2:8
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One Year/1000 posts Ribfest '09 1st Year Bible College 2nd Year Bible College 3rd Year Bible College 4th Year Bible College Saved 1 Year Long service medal, 3rd class Christian Love True Christian™ The Al E. Pistle Award for Excellence in Rebuking Real American™ True Heterosexual™ Tithing Manager 2008 Witch Hunt Award Gunfest '09 Senior Pastor Mission to Australia Heaven Bound Tagging for Jesus The Lord’s Witness Wound Home Schooled Punched the most queers TC Bravery Protected by JESUS Pastor of GOD Ex-Masturbator Jailed for JESUS Super Soaker Baptism Award Ready for the Rapture True Christian Caucasian Teabag Patriot 20,000 posts Friend of Jesus 2010 Witch Hunt Award Flat Earth 50,000 posts Tell her once Persecuted Porn Resistant Mission to Japan Pro-Life Mission to Las Vegas True Christian Provider™ award True Scientist™ Eats the Most Pork 2011 Witch Hunt Award Outreach preacher Special Mission (North Korea) Golden Bear Award True Republican Batman Shooting Survivor Sons of Liberty Loves a GODLY Chic-Fil-A Guns, Guts and GLORY! WisconSIN Shooting survivor Proud Niglet Sponsorer Truck Stop Ministry Member Hatchet Child Rearing Award Kirk Cameron Fan Club In Love With Zeke Bear Prayer Warrior 2012 Witch Hunt Award Man of the Year True Christian Hotrodder Paula Deen Negro Support Group Gator Touched by Jesus 75,000 posts Man of the Year Babysitter 2014 Witch Hunt Award Stamp of Approval Mission to Korea Trump of GOD Uber Angels Driver Rick Perry's Niggerhead Ranch Roper Crossburn Donald Trump 2016! Pancake Dinner Anti-sodomy Hands Off 2015 Witch Hunt Award Pastor Ezekiel Golden Bear Award Mission Long service medal, 2nd class Aardvark Asked questions later Heart of compassion Crown of Righteousness The Crown of Crowns Crown of Glory Crown of Incorruptibility Crown of Rejoicing Crown of Life BFF of Jesus Proud Survivor of the Overwatch Wars Probing for Jesus Wall of Jesus Alternative Facts Saved 10 Years Hold re-election 2020 for Jesus Hold re-election 2020 for Jesus Proud TP Rebuker for Christ Mission to the Philippines Clorox Cured Me QAnon Storm Chaser Anti-Biden British Royalty

 
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Pastor Ezekiel will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Ezekiel will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Ezekiel will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Ezekiel will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Ezekiel will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Ezekiel will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Ezekiel will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Ezekiel will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Ezekiel will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Ezekiel will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Ezekiel will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!
Default Re: ACCEPT JESUS AND GET A FREE PS3! - 12-20-2007, 01:41 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by silver_cougar View Post
Brethren, I am speechless. I only registered here a few minutes ago and posted in your introduction forum to say hi. Now that I have been looking around, I am stunned at what I am seeing. Giving away free video game systems to win people to Christ is materialism. Then people won't come to Christ for Christ, but because of the merchandise they can get.

Jesus condemned the Pharisees for making his Father's House a den of theives (See John 2:15-16). I'm afraid I can't encourage this at all.

In His Precious Name,

Roy
Sir, there is no theivery going on here. We are a modern church trying to encourage young folks to discover Jesus. No harm is done, and souls are being saved.


Who Will Jesus Damn?

Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

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Default Re: ACCEPT JESUS AND GET A FREE PS3! - 12-20-2007, 04:46 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by silver_cougar View Post
Giving away free video game systems to win people to Christ is materialism. Then people won't come to Christ for Christ, but because of the merchandise they can get.
Would you object if we described our soup kitchen ministry, where we feed the homeless, provided that they are willing to listen to the Gospel message first?

This is the same thing, only this ministry is designed to attract middle-class teens and young adults.

Pastor Billy-Reuben


Upon request I will cite scripture for all these facts in God's Holy Word.

✝ This is a Christian community and we worship GOD of the Holy bible, the only Living GOD. We worship Jesus Christ, Son of GOD and Savior. Anything else is absurd. ✝
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Default Re: ACCEPT JESUS AND GET A FREE PS3! - 12-20-2007, 04:52 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by silver_cougar View Post
Brethren, I am speechless. I only registered here a few minutes ago and posted in your introduction forum to say hi. Now that I have been looking around, I am stunned at what I am seeing. Giving away free video game systems to win people to Christ is materialism. Then people won't come to Christ for Christ, but because of the merchandise they can get.
Friend, the object of the entire enterprise is to win people away from materialism. From a material perspective, giving away video game systems for nothing makes no logical sense. By behaving in this way, we provoke people into questioning what motivates us, and hopefully help lead them towards Jesus. Do you understand now?


O Lord our God, help us to tear their soldiers to bloody shreds with our shells; help us to cover their smiling fields with the pale forms of their patriot dead; help us to drown the thunder of the guns with the shrieks of their wounded, writhing in pain; help us to lay waste their humble homes with a hurricane of fire; help us to wring the hearts of their unoffending widows with unavailing grief; help us to turn them out roofless with little children to wander unfriended the wastes of their desolated land in rags and hunger and thirst, sports of the sun flames of summer and the icy winds of winter, broken in spirit, worn with travail, imploring Thee for the refuge of the grave and denied it--for our sakes who adore Thee, Lord, blast their hopes, blight their lives, protract their bitter pilgrimage, make heavy their steps, water their way with their tears, stain the white snow with the blood of their wounded feet! We ask it, in the spirit of love, of Him Who is the Source of Love, and Who is the ever-faithful refuge and friend of all that are sore beset and seek His aid with humble and contrite hearts. Amen.


God being truth, justice, goodness, beauty, power, and life, man is falsehood, iniquity, evil, ugliness, impotence, and death. God being master, man is the slave. Incapable of finding justice, truth, and eternal life by his own effort, he can attain them only through a divine revelation... he who desires to worship God must harbor no childish illusions about the matter, but bravely renounce his liberty and humanity.
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Default Re: ACCEPT JESUS AND GET A FREE PS3! - 12-21-2007, 04:29 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by silver_cougar View Post
Brethren, I am speechless. I only registered here a few minutes ago and posted in your introduction forum to say hi. Now that I have been looking around, I am stunned at what I am seeing. Giving away free video game systems to win people to Christ is materialism. Then people won't come to Christ for Christ, but because of the merchandise they can get.

Jesus condemned the Pharisees for making his Father's House a den of theives (See John 2:15-16). I'm afraid I can't encourage this at all.

In His Precious Name,

Roy
Friend, now this is hate speech. Are you saying that "Prosperity Christianity" is equivalent to the theives who pillage New Orleans? Are you saying that the promise of Jesus to reward his followers a thousandfold is theivery?

The only reason people accept Christ is because he bribes them with heaven, a material reward. Heaven is a bribe. Are you calling Jesus a thief?


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Default Re: ACCEPT JESUS AND GET A FREE PS3! - 12-26-2007, 01:49 AM

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