Straight 4 Jesus! (Back Door Christians) At LBC, we will cure your perversion of choice (even if we have to stone you). |
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True Christian™ Creation Scientist Landover Baptist University Associate Professor Smashing atheist science one fact at a time
True Christian™
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Posts: 2,446
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Flood Hydrology Lab, Landover University, Freehold, IA
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Re: [Press Release] Rev. Jim Osborne Reveals Deep, Dark Secret! -
04-01-2010, 10:02 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Levi Jones
Wow, my first stoning!! I can't decide whether I should dress up as a tiger or as a horse for this one, Reverend.
With Clown Love
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A bunny is always ok, Brother!
Sweet Lord Jesus,
I want to pray for those who persecute me, my Lord.
Please, treat their children as you treated those of Egypt, when they upset you! (Psalm 135:8-9)
Dash their little children against the stones for their fathers iniquity! (Psalm 137:8-9)
Hit them on the cheek, and smash out their teeth! (Psalm 3:7)
Make their death and descent into Hell swift and terrible! (Psalm 55:15)
Scatter their broken bodies over the streets of their evil cities, like Benghazi, Amsterdam, Tokyo and Mecca! (Psalm 110:6)
Praised be Your Glorious Name™.
Amen.
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Fourm Member
Forum Member
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Posts: 9,266
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: On my way to Paradise
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Re: [Press Release] Rev. Jim Osborne Reveals Deep, Dark Secret! -
04-01-2010, 10:09 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by True Disciple
A bunny is always ok, Brother!
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Only if it's on a leash...
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The Future Mrs. Ezekiel Flint Voted Best Pies in Freehold 10 Years Running aka the BiblethumpinBlonde
True Christian™
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Posts: 15,473
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Apostles Grove, Freehold, IA
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Re: [Press Release] Rev. Jim Osborne Reveals Deep, Dark Secret! -
04-02-2010, 01:06 AM
He's not THAT gay. I think he is the father of my unborn baby.
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Landover's Version of Carrie Prejean
Forum Member
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Posts: 685
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: I live in York PA
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Re: [Press Release] Rev. Jim Osborne Reveals Deep, Dark Secret! -
04-02-2010, 01:27 AM
I'm so Shocked I can't believe that a,Wonderful True Christian Pastor like yourself whould be gay But i have a Confesstion to I'm in love with Brother Heathen Basher i just can't help it he is the most Wonderful, Caring and and Sweet True Christian man
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Landover's Version of Carrie Prejean
Forum Member
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Posts: 685
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: I live in York PA
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Re: [Press Release] Rev. Jim Osborne Reveals Deep, Dark Secret! -
04-02-2010, 01:36 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by BibleThumpinBlonde
He's not THAT gay. I think he is the father of my unborn baby.
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Sister are you sure your unborn baby is not Pastor Ezekiel?
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compassion personified
True Christian™
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Posts: 2,721
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: New Zealand
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Re: [Press Release] Rev. Jim Osborne Reveals Deep, Dark Secret! -
04-02-2010, 02:04 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Miss April
Sister are you sure your unborn baby is not Pastor Ezekiel?
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Oh April, your femme powers of intellect stir within me my butch powers of protection.
I want to be the bulldyke to your lipstick lezbo; I'll wear the dungarees but we'll both be bra-free, my bosoms sagging downwards towards our great Mother Earth, your bosoms bouncing pertly as they dance for the great huntress Diana.
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True Christian™
True Christian™
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Posts: 107
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Unsaved wildnerness of Australia.
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Re: [Press Release] Rev. Jim Osborne Reveals Deep, Dark Secret! -
04-02-2010, 02:42 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mrs. Rogers
Oh April, your femme powers of intellect stir within me my butch powers of protection.
I want to be the bulldyke to your lipstick lezbo; I'll wear the dungarees but we'll both be bra-free, my bosoms sagging downwards towards our great Mother Earth, your bosoms bouncing pertly as they dance for the great huntress Diana.
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Mrs Rogers...I know our love was just beginning to bud, the tender petals of our sexuality unfurling for each other, but you have crushed me with this. I thought after sharing my pecan nibbles last night we had reached an agreement about our feelings for each other? My, I feel such a fool. The nibbles really must have been too dry, I should have known.
"She was of a great age, and had lived with a husband seven years from her virginity; And she was a widow of about fourscore and four years, which departed not from the temple, but served God with fastings and prayers night and day" - Luke 2:36-37
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Landover's Version of Carrie Prejean
Forum Member
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Posts: 685
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: I live in York PA
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Re: [Press Release] Rev. Jim Osborne Reveals Deep, Dark Secret! -
04-02-2010, 02:46 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mrs. Rogers
Oh April, your femme powers of intellect stir within me my butch powers of protection.
I want to be the bulldyke to your lipstick lezbo; I'll wear the dungarees but we'll both be bra-free, my bosoms sagging downwards towards our great Mother Earth, your bosoms bouncing pertly as they dance for the great huntress Diana.
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Mrs.Sister,Rogers have you lost your mind?
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Biblical Poet, Warrior and Scholar Biblical Black Belt Jr. Pastor
True Christian™
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Posts: 6,232
Join Date: Dec 2008
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Re: [Press Release] Rev. Jim Osborne Reveals Deep, Dark Secret! -
04-02-2010, 03:03 AM
MRS ROGERS! STAY AWAY FROM MISS APRIL! SHE IS MINE!!!
I love you, baby
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compassion personified
True Christian™
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Posts: 2,721
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: New Zealand
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Re: [Press Release] Rev. Jim Osborne Reveals Deep, Dark Secret! -
04-02-2010, 03:09 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by The Widow Anna
Mrs Rogers...I know our love was just beginning to bud, the tender petals of our sexuality unfurling for each other, but you have crushed me with this. I thought after sharing my pecan nibbles last night we had reached an agreement about our feelings for each other? My, I feel such a fool. The nibbles really must have been too dry, I should have known.
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Anna, I am sorry to have hurt you so -- your pecan nibbles weren't that dry, however April's chicken nibbles are so juicy that they do not require additional sauce.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Miss April
Mrs.Sister,Rogers i'm so skocked:0 did you hit your head? Everybody around here seems to have gone nuts:/
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No more nuts for me, not anymore -- but I'll make an exception for you, dear.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Heathen_Basher
MRS ROGERS! STAY AWAY FROM MISS APRIL! SHE IS MINE!!!
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She's my little singular nut now, HB.
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Pastor of Hermeneutics and Apologetics Bathed in Christ's Precious Blood Apostle to the Cactuses, Tumbleweeds and Jackrabbits
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Posts: 14,181
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: With my nose stuck in the Bible.
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Re: [Press Release] Rev. Jim Osborne Reveals Deep, Dark Secret! -
04-02-2010, 03:16 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mrs. Rogers
She's my little singular nut now, HB.
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Ooooooohhhh! Heathen Basher just got rooster blocked. I'm so high on meth right now!!!
Christians are superior because we possess an understanding that unbelievers lack. It is through the Power of Jesus only the converted mind is able to understand what is going on in the world; what the Communists are really up to; what Satan's intentions are. Most unbelievers do not even believe in Satan and cannot understand his tactics.
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#63 on Forbes'...but #1 in Jesus's Heart
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Posts: 6,234
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Freehold, Ia
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Re: [Press Release] Rev. Jim Osborne Reveals Deep, Dark Secret! -
04-02-2010, 04:05 AM
I can not handel this pastors going queer, sisters going lesbo. people getting preggers when they are not married.
I am locking myself in my prayer closet, when all of you reach your senses come and get me.
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Pastor of Hermeneutics and Apologetics Bathed in Christ's Precious Blood Apostle to the Cactuses, Tumbleweeds and Jackrabbits
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Posts: 14,181
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: With my nose stuck in the Bible.
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Re: [Press Release] Rev. Jim Osborne Reveals Deep, Dark Secret! -
04-02-2010, 04:18 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by James Dewitt
I can not handel this pastors going queer, sisters going lesbo. people getting preggers when they are not married.
I am locking myself in my prayer closet, when all of you reach your senses come and get me.
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I have a funny feeling things are going to return to normal in about 40 minutes.
Christians are superior because we possess an understanding that unbelievers lack. It is through the Power of Jesus only the converted mind is able to understand what is going on in the world; what the Communists are really up to; what Satan's intentions are. Most unbelievers do not even believe in Satan and cannot understand his tactics.
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True Christian™
True Christian™
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Posts: 107
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Unsaved wildnerness of Australia.
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Re: [Press Release] Rev. Jim Osborne Reveals Deep, Dark Secret! -
04-02-2010, 04:20 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mrs. Rogers
Anna, I am sorry to have hurt you so -- your pecan nibbles weren't that dry, however April's chicken nibbles are so juicy that they do not require additional sauce.
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That dry?! Mrs Rogers, you cut right to my heart with these sorts of statements. Moistness is next to godliness when it comes to nibbles and now I feel unworthy, especially if Miss April, with her scarcity of years, experience and sagging can top mine.
"She was of a great age, and had lived with a husband seven years from her virginity; And she was a widow of about fourscore and four years, which departed not from the temple, but served God with fastings and prayers night and day" - Luke 2:36-37
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Landover's Version of Carrie Prejean
Forum Member
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Posts: 685
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: I live in York PA
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Re: [Press Release] Rev. Jim Osborne Reveals Deep, Dark Secret! -
04-02-2010, 04:44 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Levi Jones
I have a funny feeling things are going to return to normal in about 40 minutes.
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I have the same feeling, Brother Levi.
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Biblical Poet, Warrior and Scholar Biblical Black Belt Jr. Pastor
True Christian™
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Posts: 6,232
Join Date: Dec 2008
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Re: [Press Release] Rev. Jim Osborne Reveals Deep, Dark Secret! -
04-02-2010, 05:10 AM
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Pastor of Hermeneutics and Apologetics Bathed in Christ's Precious Blood Apostle to the Cactuses, Tumbleweeds and Jackrabbits
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Posts: 14,181
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: With my nose stuck in the Bible.
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Re: [Press Release] Rev. Jim Osborne Reveals Deep, Dark Secret! -
04-02-2010, 05:24 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Heathen_Basher
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Brother I have no idea what you are talking about.
It's 12:24 am Freehold Standard time.
Christians are superior because we possess an understanding that unbelievers lack. It is through the Power of Jesus only the converted mind is able to understand what is going on in the world; what the Communists are really up to; what Satan's intentions are. Most unbelievers do not even believe in Satan and cannot understand his tactics.
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Fourm Member
Forum Member
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Posts: 9,266
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: On my way to Paradise
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Re: [Press Release] Rev. Jim Osborne Reveals Deep, Dark Secret! -
04-02-2010, 05:28 AM
Well since it's after midnight, maybe it's time to lock the thread.
Had fun today people
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Biblical Poet, Warrior and Scholar Biblical Black Belt Jr. Pastor
True Christian™
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Posts: 6,232
Join Date: Dec 2008
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Re: [Press Release] Rev. Jim Osborne Reveals Deep, Dark Secret! -
04-02-2010, 06:09 AM
Wait...
Does this mean Miss April DOESN'T love me?
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Landover's Version of Carrie Prejean
Forum Member
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Posts: 685
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: I live in York PA
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Re: [Press Release] Rev. Jim Osborne Reveals Deep, Dark Secret! -
04-02-2010, 06:58 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Heathen_Basher
Wait...
Does this mean Miss April DOESN'T love me?
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So this means everyone was just Kidding? I'm shocked:0 but Brother Heathen Basher my confession was the Truth i was not joking.I really do love you.
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