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Default Boy's Masturbation Workshop is Coming Fast - 08-28-2015, 12:11 PM

I just wanted to remind parents that the Boy's Masturbation Prevention Workshop will be active through the end of next month. Because of the large turnout, we'll be really blowing through the material and getting our hands dirty focusing on the bigger pictures stuff. We'll have several private fellowships to handle the extra load, so we'll need all hands on deck. This is going to be a lot to handle and is going to hurt at first for the younger ones, but each and every boy will eventually be anointed in the end. No child's left behind! PRAISE JESUS!


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-Youth Minister Harry Lester
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Default Re: Boy's Masturbation Workshop is Coming Fast - 08-28-2015, 04:29 PM

We really need to get a handle on this.
I know I plan to participate and while it is a sticky subject, the purity of today's youth is too vital to be left untouched. I've always wondered, how many boys on the verge of manhood, have no idea that grasping a penis and squeezing it, stroking it is the work of the Devil? That oral gratification, no matter how often it is done, is just wrong? How many boys, barely walking are on the cusp of perversion and do not even know it. It is up to the Christians to teach them


Isaiah 45:7 I form the light, and create darkness: I make peace, and create evil: I the LORD do all these things.
Amos 3:6 Shall a trumpet be blown in the city, and the people not be afraid? shall there be evil in a city, and the LORD hath not done it?
Numbers 21:6 And the LORD sent fiery serpents among the people, and they bit the people; and much people of Israel died.
Matthew 10:34 Think not that I am come to send peace on earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword.
Matthew 10:35 For I am come to set a man at variance against his father, and the daughter against her mother, and the daughter in law against her mother in law.
Matthew 10:36 And a man's foes shall be they of his own household.
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Default Re: Boy's Masturbation Workshop is Coming Fast - 08-28-2015, 05:02 PM

I think it's admirable that you're willing to try to rub out this disgusting perversion.


May you be a blessing to every life you touch.
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How dumb can you get?

 
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Default Re: Boy's Masturbation Workshop is Coming Fast - 08-29-2015, 12:27 AM

I would like to come! Where is it being held?


Mark 13:22
“For false Christs and false prophets shall rise, and shall shew signs and wonders, to seduce, if it were possible, even the elect.”
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Default Re: Boy's Masturbation Workshop is Coming Fast - 08-29-2015, 12:34 AM

Well, I'm a Christian, and a girl, and I masturbate. Most natural thing in the world
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Default Re: Boy's Masturbation Workshop is Coming Fast - 08-29-2015, 12:40 AM

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Originally Posted by alooneymormon View Post
I would like to come! Where is it being held?
This mobile missionary workshop is being conducted in the No-Homo™ Youth Choir limo bus. It's blue/green with a white hood and crushed velvet interior and a Super Mario TV game inside. You can't miss it. If you hear yelling or other noises, please wait until that session is complete before you approach.



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Default Re: Boy's Masturbation Workshop is Coming Fast - 08-29-2015, 12:49 AM

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Originally Posted by JamandJerusalem View Post
Well, I'm a Christian, and a girl, and I masturbate. Most natural thing in the world
Natural?!?! And you're a "Christian"?!?! Your whole statement smells fishy to me. I'm sure you're bound directly for the stinkiest parts of Hell! This workshop is for boys only. I wish I knew how to deal with girl sins, but no matter how much I close my eyes and pray to understand, I just can't bring myself all the way to it. I can get close sometimes, especially if I hold my breath for a minute, but the Lord never delivers me for the girls. Jesus only seems to touch the boys through me. I'm sorry you're going to hell. Say hi to Corey Haim for me.


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Default Re: Boy's Masturbation Workshop is Coming Fast - 08-29-2015, 12:51 AM

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Originally Posted by Youth Minister Harry View Post
Natural?!?! And you're a "Christian"?!?! Your whole statement smells fishy to me. I'm sure you're bound directly for the stinkiest parts of Hell! This workshop is for boys only. I wish I knew how to deal with girl sins, but no matter how much I close my eyes and pray to understand, I just can't bring myself all the way to it. I can get close sometimes, especially if I hold my breath for a minute, but the Lord never delivers me for the girls. Jesus only seems to touch the boys through me. I'm sorry you're going to hell. Say hi to Corey Haim for me.
Wow, that's messed up
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Default Re: Boy's Masturbation Workshop is Coming Fast - 08-29-2015, 02:35 AM

I host a women's workshop at a facility on an island I own off the coast of Mauritania. Through rigorous prayer and Biblical inspired motivational techniques my staff is able to prevent, among other things, masturbation in young ladies. Most of our work has to date focused on willful & defiant Chinese girls from Japan, and many of those cases have been so successful that they are currently or formerly employed at my estates in Freehold and Dallas. Anyone who has visited me would surely testify that my house staff won't even make eye contact with them, let alone touch themselves inappropriately.


Psalm 137:9 Happy shall he be, that taketh and dasheth thy little ones against the stones.
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Default Re: Boy's Masturbation Workshop is Coming Fast - 08-29-2015, 06:54 PM

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Originally Posted by Nobar King View Post
I think it's admirable that you're willing to try to rub out this disgusting perversion.
I agree. It seems like most people are afraid to deal with the issue.


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Default Re: Boy's Masturbation Workshop is Coming Fast - 08-29-2015, 07:16 PM

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Originally Posted by RArnold View Post
Well, I'm a Christian, and a girl, and I masturbate. Most natural thing in the world
What a terrible thing to say

What possible reason could you have do do such a vile things? Sexualism is not for fun especially for women: that's why God abhors them for that very action.

1st Corinthians 6:18-19 "Flee fornication. Every sin that a man doeth is without the body; but he that committeth fornication sinneth against his own body. What? know ye not that your body is the temple of the Holy Ghost which is in you, which ye have of God, and ye are not your own?"

I for one applaud this thrust into young youth's preoccupation with self rape. My clean limbed, eager young Nephew is often to be seen through the gap in my fence rough housing with his pre teen pals (possibly shirtless) in the summer and I often invite him over to use my hot tub with his friends and make sure for a fact they no mutual masturbation or oral sexualism occurs.

You obviously don't care about this nations youth as much as I do: shame on you!

YIC


1 Corinthians 11:3 But I would have you know, that the head of every man is Christ; and the head of the woman is the man; and the head of Christ is God.

Revelation 22:15 For without are dogs, and sorcerers, and whoremongers, and murderers, and idolaters, and whosoever loveth and maketh a lie.

Leviticus 20:13 If a man also lie with mankind, as he lieth with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination: they shall surely be put to death; their blood shall be upon them.
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Default Re: Boy's Masturbation Workshop is Coming Fast - 08-29-2015, 08:18 PM

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Originally Posted by RArnold View Post
Well, I'm a Christian, and a girl, and I masturbate. Most natural thing in the world
Like Bruce Jenner is a "girl"?

God didn't make girl babies to have little ding dongs with which to ring until the cows come home.

And good Christian girls don't pretend to be lesbians on themselves.

That's repulsive.

Thank you, Youth Minister Harry. My boys have all enjoyed your services. It affects them in different ways, and I can tell those who have had a harder time shunning the temptation, as they always come home white as a ghost and silent for days. Others have come home with a spring in their step and a smile on their faces. I think your team building projects must be a big hit. Clearly the Holy Ghost is working a mighty work in them, and for that I thank you.


Hello, my name is Mary. I hope to fellowship with you! That is, unless you don't listen to church authority (Deuteronomy 17:12); are a witch (Exodus 22:17); are a homosexual (Leviticus 20:13; Romans 1:24-32); or fortuneteller (Leviticus 20:27) or a snotty kid who hits their dad (Exodus 21:15); or curses their parents (Proverbs 20:20; Leviticus 20:9); an adulterer (Leviticus 20:10); a non-Christian (Exodus 22:19; Deuteronomy 13:7-12; Deuteronomy 17:2-5;Romans 1:24-32); an atheist (2 Chronicles 15:12-13); or false prophet (Zechariah 13:3); from the town of one who worships another, false god (Deuteronomy 13:13-19); were a non-virgin bride (Deuteronomy 22:20-21); or blasphemer (Leviticus 24:10-16), as God calls for your execution and will no doubt send you to Hell, and I have no interest developing a friendship with the Spiritually Walking Dead.

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Default Re: Boy's Masturbation Workshop is Coming Fast - 08-29-2015, 10:33 PM

Brother Harry: I would love to volunteer to assist with this effort. If anyone needs a hand, please get in touch with me and I will come immediately.

Brother Niles: What a lucky boy is your nephew! I have watched your caring and concern for him over the years and can only imagine that he has developed into a much finer young man than he would have without your compassionate guidance.

I think we should all write to President Trump and ask him to ban self-abuse, making the punishment swift and harsh. America has enough to do without a bunch of gooning idiots recklessly pulling on and diddling themselves. I know the angels cry every time someone performs an act like that. Can you imagine how much weeping is going on this very second? Just picturing all those people in the throes of self-passion makes me want to run to my prayer closet.

COME, LORD JESUS!
BrotherLarry


Proverbs 21:31 KJV 1611:
“The horse is prepared against the day of battell: but safetie is of the Lord.”

Lord, may I serve my equine brothers and sisters just as I do my fellow man.
Amen and Amen
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Matt 19:14 Suffer little children, and forbid them not, to come unto me: for of such is the kingdom of heaven.
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Default Re: Boy's Masturbation Workshop is Coming Fast - 08-30-2015, 05:57 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by BrotherLarry View Post
Brother Harry: I would love to volunteer to assist with this effort. If anyone needs a hand, please get in touch with me and I will come immediately.

I just know you would. I don't know if we're going to make it all the way up to New York this time around, but if you are able to make the trip to Freehold, the Boys Secret Bible Camp Retreat campsite has a tent with your name on it right next to the dipping pond. Oh Lord yes! Praise Jesus!


Slathered in the Fresh Hot Blood of the Infant Christ,
-Youth Minister Harry Lester
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Nobar King Nobar King is offline
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Default Re: Boy's Masturbation Workshop is Coming Fast - 08-30-2015, 07:10 AM

Let me know if you need help pitching tents. I'm pretty good at that.


May you be a blessing to every life you touch.
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Daisy Mae Johnson Daisy Mae Johnson is offline
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Jesus Re: Boy's Masturbation Workshop is Coming Fast - 08-30-2015, 07:39 PM

Please don't forget about the Brother's Prayer Circle. They are more than willing to give each other a helping hand.





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alooneymormon alooneymormon is offline
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Default Re: Boy's Masturbation Workshop is Coming Fast - 08-31-2015, 02:02 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Youth Minister Harry View Post
I just know you would. I don't know if we're going to make it all the way up to New York this time around, but if you are able to make the trip to Freehold, the Boys Secret Bible Camp Retreat campsite has a tent with your name on it right next to the dipping pond. Oh Lord yes! Praise Jesus!
I'll bring weiners and buns (the soft ones) for the campsite!


Mark 13:22
“For false Christs and false prophets shall rise, and shall shew signs and wonders, to seduce, if it were possible, even the elect.”
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Youth Minister Harry's Avatar
Youth Minister Harry Youth Minister Harry is offline
Matt 19:14 Suffer little children, and forbid them not, to come unto me: for of such is the kingdom of heaven.
True Christian™

Protected by JESUS Ready for the Rapture True Christian™ Christian Love Real American™ Heaven Bound Ex-Masturbator True Christian Caucasian Friend of Jesus Flat Earth Tell her once Bronze Tither Porn Resistant Pro-Life Persecuted Babysitter Touched by Jesus Bear Kirk Cameron Fan Club The Hatchet Child Rearing Award Proud Niglet Sponsorer Outreach preacher Teabag Patriot Super Soaker Baptism Award Jailed for JESUS Home Schooled Punched the most queers True Heterosexual™ Prayer Warrior Hatchet Child Rearing Award Tagging for Jesus Roper Crossburn Hands Off 2015 Witch Hunt Award Pastor Ezekiel

 
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Youth Minister Harry will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Youth Minister Harry will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Youth Minister Harry will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Youth Minister Harry will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Youth Minister Harry will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Youth Minister Harry will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Youth Minister Harry will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Youth Minister Harry will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Youth Minister Harry will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Youth Minister Harry will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Youth Minister Harry will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!
Default Re: Boy's Masturbation Workshop is Coming Fast - 09-01-2015, 08:19 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Nobar King View Post
Let me know if you need help pitching tents. I'm pretty good at that.
We all remember how good you were at that from last year! It comes up all the time.



Quote:
Originally Posted by Daisy Mae Johnson View Post
Please don't forget about the Brother's Prayer Circle. They are more than willing to give each other a helping hand.


That reminds me! I need to bring more crackers this time.



Quote:
Originally Posted by alooneymormon View Post
I'll bring weiners and buns (the soft ones) for the campsite!
Nice try, joo! Your hook-nosed lawyer buddies are the reason we can't bring the No-Homo™ Youth Choir limo bus into the state of Massachusetts anymore!



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Slathered in the Fresh Hot Blood of the Infant Christ,
-Youth Minister Harry Lester
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