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Default Re: My wife stopped doing her duties!? - 01-10-2019, 12:55 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Basilissa View Post
I wouldn't want to meddle in your private business, Brother Cranky, but have you tried prayer?
No, that would be the easy way out. I assume Jesus want's me to suffer and I refuse to be weak.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Jim C. Lombardo View Post
It's been a day, how is she looking now Cranky?
I don't know. I decided I have better things to do than waiting for my wife to remember Genesis 3:16 and Ephesians 5:22-24.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Dr. Anthony J. Toole View Post
have you tried physical correction?
I hit her with my favorite Bible in accordance with Proverbs 26:3 and Proverbs 20:30. This usually works but it didn't work this time.

Quote:
Originally Posted by BibleReader2231 View Post
I have been unable to sleep (don’t tell my Pa please) because I have been anxious to hear about the latest update on your wife. What would cause a faithful housewife to go completely still and silent for a few days now?
I blame the democrats and the fake news media for ruining my wife. I tweeted The Donald about this but he was too busy angrily running out of the oval office to respond. A normal reaction if you are in the same room as Nancy Pelosi.

Quote:
Originally Posted by MitzaLizalor View Post
The zombie was mentioned and this can be a great way to consume eggs. Simply combine 2 measures each of white rum, dark rum & golden run, 1 measure each of green rum (if available) and crème de menthe, 1 egg (whisked) and topped up with ½/½ pineapple juice/soda water.
That sounds complicated but it gave me an idea. I combined raw eggs with American whiskey and that worked out fine.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Mary Etheldreda View Post
A can of beer with a blade of grass on top. Maybe even hold the grass.
I could use a beer, but I can not for the life of me figure out where my wife stored the beer. I am not a cow so I refuse to eat grass.

Romans 14:2
One person believes he may eat anything, while the weak person eats only vegetables.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Joanna Lytton-Vasey View Post
Sister, though it's important to ensure that the egg is freshly-laid from healthy, salmonella-free chooks.
I get my eggs straight from the chicken, so they are fresh enough. Then I kill the chicken and roast it on a fire. I can keep this up for a few more weeks until I run out of chickens.

Quote:
my husband's business associates next time they're here: they are very partial to mint tea and fruit juice
Are they all gay?


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Default Re: My wife stopped doing her duties!? - 01-10-2019, 08:26 PM

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Originally Posted by Cranky Old Man View Post
I combined raw eggs with American whiskey and that worked out fine.
That sounds great, glad to be of help.
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Default Re: My wife stopped doing her duties!? - 01-10-2019, 08:26 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Joanna Lytton-Vasey View Post
That sounds delicious, Sister, though it's important to ensure that the egg is freshly-laid from healthy, salmonella-free chooks. Otherwise it might make Brother Cranky unwell. I shall try it out on my husband's business associates next time they're here: they are very partial to mint tea and fruit juice.
Yes. Rum is really just a type of fruit juice - or sugar cane juice at any rate. Often available where mint tea is served. I looked at a kitchen device recently which although better than the outdoor models nevertheless seemed unsuitable, where loose clothing is worn.

I decided to stick with what I've got but for others of course, provided there's no conflict with God's requirements as endorsed by Jesus, a different decision would be appropriate.
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Default Re: My wife stopped doing her duties!? - 01-10-2019, 08:27 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Cranky Old Man View Post
Quote:
my husband's business associates next time they're here: they are very partial to mint tea and fruit juice
Are they all gay?

No, Brother Cranky. My husband tells me that in their sandy land, the gayness is punishable by death, in accordance with Leviticus 20:13.


Revelation 21:8

But the fearful, and unbelieving, and the abominable, and murderers, and whoremongers, and sorcerers, and idolaters, and all liars, shall have their part in the lake which burneth with fire and brimstone: which is the second death.
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Prayer Re: My wife stopped doing her duties!? - 01-10-2019, 09:07 PM

It's been about three days now. If Mrs. Cranky is still sitting there without moving, talking, eating, drinking, blinking, or breathing, it can only mean one thing.

She's really committed to this little joke of hers. Mr. Cranky, my wife likes to pull a few boners every now and then, but she's never crossed a line like this. I think you should tell her that enough is enough, remind her of Ecclesiastes 7:6, and drag her off that couch and into the kitchen.


"No room for them in the inn" (Luke 2:7)?
Not if they'd come to the Blood of Christ Motel!
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Default Re: My wife stopped doing her duties!? - 01-10-2019, 09:32 PM

Remember when your old dog stopped barking at all the squirrels outside, and just lay there quietly by the patio door? How you were just starting to enjoy the peace and tranquility after all those years of near-constant yapping at shit like leaves simply blowing in the wind? Even if it was really needing a bath, which you thought was strange as it hadn't been outside for a few days so couldn't have got into anything and how your daughter came by a few days later and made a huge fuss and even made you turn the TV off for almost an hour while they took the dog off to get washed or something (it didn't come back) and put a new rug down?

Is your house starting to smell kinda like it did that week?



"If liberty means anything at all, it means the right to tell people what they do not want to hear." George Orwell
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Default Re: My wife stopped doing her duties!? - 01-10-2019, 10:27 PM

If it did, I'm sure he'd be the last to know.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Cranky Old Man View Post
I haven't had a sense of smell since 1977. I decided to ignore my wife until she decides to start working again.
Brother Cranky Old Man, maybe it's time she be institutionalized be put somewhere safe. I'm sure Brother Lukes' friendly motel has some vacancies for permanent residencies?
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Default Re: My wife stopped doing her duties!? - 01-10-2019, 11:09 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Dennis Lukes View Post
It's been about three days now. If Mrs. Cranky is still sitting there without moving, talking, eating, drinking, blinking, or breathing, it can only mean one thing.
I have no idea if she is drinking, eating or blinking. I stopped caring once she stopped doing her duties.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Didymus Much View Post
Remember when your old dog stopped barking at all the squirrels outside, and just lay there quietly by the patio door? How you were just starting to enjoy the peace and tranquility after all those years of near-constant yapping at shit like leaves simply blowing in the wind? Even if it was really needing a bath, which you thought was strange as it hadn't been outside for a few days so couldn't have got into anything and how your daughter came by a few days later and made a huge fuss and even made you turn the TV off for almost an hour while they took the dog off to get washed or something (it didn't come back) and put a new rug down?
No, I don't remember that at all. It's almost as if you are making this up on the spot.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Jim C. Lombardo View Post
Brother Cranky Old Man, maybe it's time she be institutionalized be put somewhere safe.
She is somewhere safe. She is with me.

The new microwave arrived but I decided not to use it. It sucks at boiling eggs anyway and roasting chicken on a fire is way better. Instead of being annoyed at my wife's refusal to do her work, I decided to treat this like a hunting trip. The only problem is that I have no idea where my wife has hidden the salt.

Genesis 9:3
Every moving thing that liveth shall be meat for you


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Follow me on Twitter or burn in Hell for all eternity!

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Default Re: My wife stopped doing her duties!? - 01-11-2019, 12:07 AM

I think a call to Brother Alan Swallows won't hurt. Just saying.


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Thumbs up Re: My wife stopped doing her duties!? - 01-11-2019, 12:30 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Cranky Old Man View Post
The only problem is that I have no idea where my wife has hidden the salt.
My wife hides our salt in an odd little jar. Have you seen something that looks like this lying around in the kitchen?





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Default Re: My wife stopped doing her duties!? - 01-11-2019, 01:28 AM

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Originally Posted by Cranky Old Man View Post
The new microwave arrived but I decided not to use it. It sucks at boiling eggs anyway and roasting chicken on a fire is way better. Instead of being annoyed at my wife's refusal to do her work, I decided to treat this like a hunting trip.
Brother Cranky, you are the master of your household so you know what's best. Have you tried using your fireplace as the source of heat to cook things? I wouldn't try eggs, but potatoes roast very nicely in the ashes. (That's assuming you don't have one of these gas imitations of a fireplace).
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Default Re: My wife stopped doing her duties!? - 01-11-2019, 01:55 AM

My Pa was reading through and was shocked at the recommendations not including a bar-b-que grill. He said Cranky Old Man is a MAN and should be cooking with MAN tools like a grill and that no man would be caught dead slaving over a hot stove.


My name is Maxine Levantine. I am 17 and follow the KJV Bible to a T. If you are wanting to hit on me you can turn away. THIS is reserved for Jesus and my future husband (whoever that may be).
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Default Re: My wife stopped doing her duties!? - 01-11-2019, 02:22 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by BibleReader2231 View Post
My Pa was reading through and was shocked at the recommendations not including a bar-b-que grill. He said Cranky Old Man is a MAN and should be cooking with MAN tools like a grill and that no man would be caught dead slaving over a hot stove.
In this weather, dear? Does your father want Brother Cranky to freeze to death???
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burger Re: My wife stopped doing her duties!? - 01-11-2019, 04:58 AM

While we pray for Mr. Cranky's deliverance, let us take comfort in the knowledge that, as a True Christian, he CANNOT starve (John 6:35, 1 Corinthians 8:8). In Jesus's name, amen.


"No room for them in the inn" (Luke 2:7)?
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Default Re: My wife stopped doing her duties!? - 01-11-2019, 11:45 AM

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Originally Posted by Brother Gonzalez View Post
I think a call to Brother Alan Swallows won't hurt. Just saying.
I tried calling him but it seems he is in prison for hitting some illegal immigrant. I blame Obama.

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Originally Posted by Dennis Lukes View Post
My wife hides our salt in an odd little jar. Have you seen something that looks like this lying around in the kitchen?
The kitchen, could be. I haven't been there in years. Maybe that is also where my wife stored the beer.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Basilissa View Post
Brother Cranky, you are the master of your household so you know what's best. Have you tried using your fireplace as the source of heat to cook things?
Quote:
Originally Posted by BibleReader2231 View Post
no man would be caught dead slaving over a hot stove.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Basilissa View Post
In this weather, dear? Does your father want Brother Cranky to freeze to death???
I am using the in house fireplace to roast the chickens. I gave up on boiling eggs, I now mix the raw eggs with American whiskey.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Dennis Lukes View Post
let us take comfort in the knowledge that, as a True Christian, he CANNOT starve (John 6:35, 1 Corinthians 8:8). In Jesus's name, amen.
Amen to that!

I have to say I am surprised how little I miss my wife doing her work. She always complained about how hard she worked but it turns out to be surprisingly simple. Woman are even more useless than I always thought.


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Default Re: My wife stopped doing her duties!? - 01-11-2019, 07:46 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Cranky Old Man View Post
The kitchen, could be. I haven't been there in years. Maybe that is also where my wife stored the beer.
If you go to the kitchen, you might be able to find more edible things there. All of the canned stuff should be somewhere there, and these are safe to eat long after their expiration date.

Now, regarding the contents of the refrigerator (that's a bulky furniture in the kitchen, you should feel cool air coming out after opening its door). In any other circumstances I'd say that you're much safer not eating what's inside, and I'd suggest going to the supermarket to buy more fresh food instead. However, now, because of the government shutdown, lazy bums in the Food and Drugs Administration are not doing any food inspections, so you have an equal chance of getting salmonella from food that gone bad in your fridge and before hitting the supermarket shelves. So just place your trust in Jesus and eat whatever you want.

Quote:
I am using the in house fireplace to roast the chickens.
Great! I created a thread for simple hunting recipes which can also be prepared in the fireplace, thinking of you.

Quote:
I have to say I am surprised how little I miss my wife doing her work. She always complained about how hard she worked but it turns out to be surprisingly simple. Woman are even more useless than I always thought.
Maybe that was Jesus' plan all along, to show you tat you are self sufficient and don't need a helpmeet. God works in mysterious ways, after all.
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Default Re: My wife stopped doing her duties!? - 01-12-2019, 01:24 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Basilissa View Post
Now, regarding the contents of the refrigerator (that's a bulky furniture in the kitchen, you should feel cool air coming out after opening its door).
I found it! It contained cold beer. I threw everything else away to make room for more beer.

Quote:
So just place your trust in Jesus and eat whatever you want.
I always do. I always do.

Quote:
Great! I created a thread for simple hunting recipes which can also be prepared in the fireplace, thinking of you.
Thank you! Step 7 was most helpful.

Quote:
God works in mysterious ways, after all.
To the tiny brain of a woman perhaps. The male mind can comprehend that Jesus does exactly what the Bible says he does. In my case making me suffer to prove my worth for Heaven!

My wife's sister came by after I called her and explained how annoyed I was about my wife's laziness and her parent's lack of properly raising her. After a few minutes with my wife she became very angry and left in a hurry. So that was a complete waste of time. Yet more proof all women are utterly useless.

Proverbs 12:4
A virtuous woman is a crown to her husband: but she that maketh ashamed is as rottenness in his bones.


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Follow me on Twitter or burn in Hell for all eternity!

To most "Christians" The Bible is like a license agreement. They just scroll to the bottom and click "I agree". All those "Christians" will burn in Hell!
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Default Re: My wife stopped doing her duties!? - 01-12-2019, 03:08 AM

If your wife is still being defiant why not just drag her body out into the woods? If she is still silent after being left on the side of the road then she is either A) A bitch who doesn’t know her place (as my Pa puts it) or Really stupid (Also as my Pa puts it). Are all women at Ames Cranky’s age this useless? I am scared about not wanting to cook anymore.....


My name is Maxine Levantine. I am 17 and follow the KJV Bible to a T. If you are wanting to hit on me you can turn away. THIS is reserved for Jesus and my future husband (whoever that may be).
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Default Re: My wife stopped doing her duties!? - 01-12-2019, 11:12 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by BibleReader2231 View Post
If your wife is still being defiant why not just drag her body out into the woods?
I was actually considering that but her sister returned and took her with her. Her sister was yelling and screaming all the time, like women tend to do, but I didn't bother to listen to what she said.

I assume she will send my wife back as soon as she is ready to perform her Godly duties again in accordance with Genesis 3:16 and Ephesians 5:22-24. Having to make my own food is annoying but I don't miss the constant whining about the headaches I caused by hitting my wife on the head with my Bible.

Proverbs 20:30
The blueness of a wound cleanseth away evil: so do stripes the inward parts of the belly.


CANCER is a state of mind! Time to stop ALL healthcare!!!
Follow me on Twitter or burn in Hell for all eternity!

To most "Christians" The Bible is like a license agreement. They just scroll to the bottom and click "I agree". All those "Christians" will burn in Hell!
James 2:10 "For whosoever shall keep the whole law, and yet offend in one point, he is guilty of all."
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Default Re: My wife stopped doing her duties!? - 01-12-2019, 05:36 PM

Mister Cranky, I am more than happy to come help you out in your time of need if you ever need anything. I know how to cook and do laundry. I also do a good job of ironing clothes and beating his meat (to make it tender for later) according to my Pa.


My name is Maxine Levantine. I am 17 and follow the KJV Bible to a T. If you are wanting to hit on me you can turn away. THIS is reserved for Jesus and my future husband (whoever that may be).
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