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Default God Hates Figs (not a typo) - 09-21-2011, 06:05 AM

Brothers and Sisters in Christ,

I recently saw my neighbor, who claims to be a Christian (but obviously is not) at the grocery store, where she mentioned to me that Fig Newtons were on sale. Apparently, she had never read Mark 11:12-14, in which God clearly lays out his distaste for the fruit of the fig tree.

I just wanted to drop a helpful reminder that not all dietary restrictions are set forth in Leviticus 11. Remember, Brothers and Sisters in Christ, a cookie is just a cookie, but a Newton is damnation and cake.

Yours in my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ,
Yeshua


People killed by God in the Bible: 2,476,633
People killed by Satan in the Bible: 10

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Default Re: God Hates Figs (not a typo) - 09-21-2011, 02:48 PM

And Fig Newtons are named after a sickular scientist who tried to disprove the theory of Intelligent Falling. What's next - Chocolate Einsteins? Darwin Creams? Dawkin Cookies? P.Z. Meyer Wagon Wheels? Renaming Lorna Doones as Marie Curie's Radiation Snax and Oreos as Mendeleevos? The mind boggles.


O Lord our God, help us to tear their soldiers to bloody shreds with our shells; help us to cover their smiling fields with the pale forms of their patriot dead; help us to drown the thunder of the guns with the shrieks of their wounded, writhing in pain; help us to lay waste their humble homes with a hurricane of fire; help us to wring the hearts of their unoffending widows with unavailing grief; help us to turn them out roofless with little children to wander unfriended the wastes of their desolated land in rags and hunger and thirst, sports of the sun flames of summer and the icy winds of winter, broken in spirit, worn with travail, imploring Thee for the refuge of the grave and denied it--for our sakes who adore Thee, Lord, blast their hopes, blight their lives, protract their bitter pilgrimage, make heavy their steps, water their way with their tears, stain the white snow with the blood of their wounded feet! We ask it, in the spirit of love, of Him Who is the Source of Love, and Who is the ever-faithful refuge and friend of all that are sore beset and seek His aid with humble and contrite hearts. Amen.


God being truth, justice, goodness, beauty, power, and life, man is falsehood, iniquity, evil, ugliness, impotence, and death. God being master, man is the slave. Incapable of finding justice, truth, and eternal life by his own effort, he can attain them only through a divine revelation... he who desires to worship God must harbor no childish illusions about the matter, but bravely renounce his liberty and humanity.
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Default Re: God Hates Figs (not a typo) - 09-21-2011, 03:10 PM

What’s not good enough for Jesus is not good enough for me!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Brother Temperance View Post
And Fig Newtons are named after a sickular scientist who tried to disprove the theory of Intelligent Falling. What's next - Chocolate Einsteins? Darwin Creams? Dawkin Cookies? P.Z. Meyer Wagon Wheels? Renaming Lorna Doones as Marie Curie's Radiation Snax and Oreos as Mendeleevos? The mind boggles.
Brother Temperance, I for one am glad they name that junk food the way they did; that makes it repulsive to any devout Christian. What if they’d rather name it Fig Reagan? How about Bush Fried Shrimps? Wouldn’t it be tempting?

I’m in for Obama Spicy Squids! Double yuck!


Ask not what your Lord can do for you. Ask what you can do for your Lord.


... your choice entirely (Matthew 12:30)
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Default Re: God Hates Figs (not a typo) - 09-21-2011, 06:04 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Yeshua bar Yusuf View Post
Brothers and Sisters in Christ,

I recently saw my neighbor, who claims to be a Christian (but obviously is not) at the grocery store, where she mentioned to me that Fig Newtons were on sale. Apparently, she had never read Mark 11:12-14, in which God clearly lays out his distaste for the fruit of the fig tree.

I just wanted to drop a helpful reminder that not all dietary restrictions are set forth in Leviticus 11. Remember, Brothers and Sisters in Christ, a cookie is just a cookie, but a Newton is damnation and cake.

Yours in my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ,
Yeshua
Let's not forget Jeremiah 24:2-3
One basket had very good figs, even like the figs that are first ripe: and the other basket had very naughty figs, which could not be eaten, they were so bad.Then said the LORD unto me, What seest thou, Jeremiah? And I said, Figs; the good figs, very good; and the evil, very evil, that cannot be eaten, they are so evil.

And Hosea 2:12
And I will destroy her vines and her fig trees, whereof she hath said, These are my rewards that my lovers have given me: and I will make them a forest, and the beasts of the field shall eat them.

And, of course, Matthew 21:19
And when he saw a fig tree in the way, he came to it, and found nothing thereon, but leaves only, and said unto it, Let no fruit grow on thee henceforward for ever. And presently the fig tree withered away.

God's hatred of figs is well documented.
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Default Re: God Hates Figs (not a typo) - 09-22-2011, 05:11 PM

I have pondered this verse, and I believe that Jesus may have hated figs because they are so deceitful.

After all, fig leaves were the ones that Adam and Eve used to press against their naughty bits and cow worshippers do pagan maypole dances around the Sacred Fig trees.

When Jesus cursed the common fig tree, He caused them to become hermaphroditic. Hermaphrodite figs are inedible to humans and can only be eaten by goats and other low animals.

It is easy to tell from this story that when God "blesses" your family with a hermaphrodite child, it is not a compliment!


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