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Default Hula Hoops: Fun Toys or Fiendish Contraptions? - 02-21-2008, 09:45 PM

My routine sin inspection at my daughter's house uncovered something particularly sinister this week--a hula hoop artfully hidden in the garage beneath some cross-linked polyethylene tubing. Apparently my daughter and her hellbound husband secretly gave the despicable toy to my ten-year-old granddaughter as a birthday present earlier this week.

"What's the big deal if she has a hula hoop? They're harmless and fun," my whore of a daughter said dismissively.

"We might as well break her hymen right now," I screamed, pinning my granddaughter down. The cries and protests of my daugther and granddaughter moved me, and I restrained myself by simply beating them.

Friends, hula hoops essentially train children how to fornicate.



The above picture infuriates me. The little girl is swivelling her hips and becoming excited and uncontrollable. She is overcome with lust. More than likely she will grow up to be a harlot, all because of a "harmless" and "fun" toy. Here are some more youngsters on the fast track to being pimped by garishly-dressed Negroes.



I am old enough to remember the hula hoop craze. One couldn't step outside without seeing throngs of children and adults gyrating and shimmying. I still have nightmares. It was like being trapped inside of a porno film. Surely it was only by the grace of God that the rampant hula hoop orgy subsided.

My brothers and sisters in Christ, help me to preserve the integrity of young girls' cooters everywhere. If you discover a hula hoop, destroy it with a pair of garden clippers as I did. The future of our great nation depends on it. Praise Jesus.
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Default Re: Hula Hoops - 02-21-2008, 10:55 PM

So you turned a circular piece of tubing in to a linear piece of tubing............. I'm not so sure you killed the problem off there.
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Default Re: Hula Hoops - 02-21-2008, 11:05 PM

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Originally Posted by Unfalsifiable View Post
So you turned a circular piece of tubing in to a linear piece of tubing............. I'm not so sure you killed the problem off there.
I wrote, "If you discover a hula hoop, destroy it with a pair of garden clippers as I did." You are an imbecile for concluding that I "turned a circular piece of tubing in to [sic] a linear piece of tubing." I will elaborate so that your tiny brain is no longer confused about the matter. I cut the hoop into pieces one half of an inch in length. I then proceeded to cut those pieces further, until the hoop was utterly destroyed.

Never again question my judgment and the worthwhileness of my actions, you insolent clodhopper! Apologize immediately! And I want to see more restraint in the future with those ellipsis marks. Three suffice.

Last edited by Old Man Hatchet; 02-22-2008 at 12:21 PM. Reason: Put the word "destroy" in bold so that any unsaved idiots reading this thread are not confused.
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Default Re: Hula Hoops - 02-21-2008, 11:15 PM

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Originally Posted by Old Man Hatchet View Post
I wrote, "If you discover a hula hoop, destroy it with a pair of garden clippers as I did." You are an imbecile for concluding that I "turned a circular piece of tubing in to [sic] a linear piece of tubing." I will elaborate so that your tiny brain is no longer confused about the matter. I cut the hoop into pieces one half of an inch in length. I then proceeded to cut those pieces further, until the hoop was utterly destroyed.

Never again question my judgment and the worthwhileness of my actions, you insolent clodhopper! Apologize immediately! And I want to see more restraint in the future with those ellipsis marks. Three suffice.
I'm sorry Old Man H .

I was just worried you might be a communist.

Last edited by Old Man Hatchet; 02-22-2008 at 12:30 PM. Reason: Put the word "destroy" in quote in bold so that any unsaved idiots reading this thread are not confused.
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Default Re: Hula Hoops - 02-21-2008, 11:19 PM

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Originally Posted by Unfalsifiable View Post
I'm sorry Old Man H .

I was just worried you might be a communist.
Your effrontery and disrespectfulness have just earned you a heap of infraction points.
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Default Re: Hula Hoops - 02-21-2008, 11:22 PM

I apologise again H, I was just trying to be nice and look out for you.
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Default Re: Hula Hoops - 02-21-2008, 11:25 PM

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Originally Posted by Unfalsifiable View Post
I'm sorry Old Man H .

I was just worried you might be a communist.
Old Man Hatchet a communist; HA!

That'd be like saying the Brother Monty wasn't a capitalist.
It'd be like saying Brother Wash wasn't a good debator.
It'd be like saying Hitoshi speaks good English.

It's just baffling concepts.

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Default Re: Hula Hoops - 02-21-2008, 11:33 PM

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Originally Posted by Brother V View Post
Old Man Hatchet a communist; HA!

That'd be like saying the Brother Monty wasn't a capitalist.
It'd be like saying Brother Wash wasn't a good debator.
It'd be like saying Hitoshi speaks good English.

It's just baffling concepts.

YIC
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Yes I do see my concerns were quit unnecessary now. But looking at his picture and reading his story (without the useful information of how many snips he gave to the hula hoop) I feared he might be getting a touch senile and start believing in collective living or something.


I do hope you forgive me Mr Hachet.
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Default Re: Hula Hoops - 02-22-2008, 11:23 PM

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Originally Posted by Old Man Hatchet View Post
skip

"We might as well break her hymen right now," I screamed, pinning my granddaughter down. skip
Praise Jesus.
So, did you break her hymen, Mr. Hatchet?


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Default Re: Hula Hoops - 02-23-2008, 12:05 AM

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So, did you break her hymen, Mr. Hatchet?
Are you insinuating that I intended to have sex with my granddaughter? I was going to break her hymen manually, you sick fiend. Never sully one of my threads with your lurid suggestions again.
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Default Re: Hula Hoops - 02-23-2008, 12:28 AM

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Originally Posted by Old Man Hatchet View Post
Are you insinuating that I intended to have sex with my granddaughter? I was going to break her hymen manually, you sick fiend. Never sully one of my threads with your lurid suggestions again.

So you were going to finger-piffle a child?


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Default Re: Hula Hoops - 02-23-2008, 12:44 AM

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Originally Posted by Dances with Joy View Post
So you were going to finger-piffle a child?
No, I was going to make a point--that playing with a hula hoop is equivalent to fornication, and she is accordingly no longer a virgin.
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Default Re: Hula Hoops - 02-23-2008, 03:48 AM

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Originally Posted by Old Man Hatchet View Post
No, I was going to make a point--that playing with a hula hoop is equivalent to fornication, and she is accordingly no longer a virgin.
Sounds reasonable to me. Only a bleeding heart lieberal would take offense to that.


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Default Re: Hula Hoops - 02-23-2008, 12:42 PM

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Originally Posted by Old Man Hatchet View Post
No, I was going to make a point--that playing with a hula hoop is equivalent to fornication, and she is accordingly no longer a virgin.
Seeing that the sight of that girl must be a pain for your eyes, and that we, as my wife says can use some domestic help, we can help you, Mr. Hatchet, and accept those damaged goods. Send her to us.


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Default Re: Hula Hoops - 02-23-2008, 02:41 PM

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No, I was going to make a point--that playing with a hula hoop is equivalent to fornication, and she is accordingly no longer a virgin.

You said that you were going to break her hymen manually - ie you, a grown man, were going to insert your finger into a child's vagina. That's child molesataion, you pervert.


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Default Re: Hula Hoops - 02-23-2008, 08:08 AM

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So you were going to finger-piffle a child?
No, he wouldn§t do that, would he? That act would seriously diminish her value, meaning he would not sell her for good money to some aging, rich Republican.


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Default Re: Hula Hoops - 02-23-2008, 05:30 PM

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skip



I am old enough to remember the hula hoop craze. One couldn't step outside without seeing throngs of children and adults gyrating and shimmying. I still have nightmares. It was like being trapped inside of a porno film. skip
Praise Jesus.

6How fair and how pleasant art thou, O love, for delights!

9And the roof of thy mouth like the best wine for my beloved, that goeth down sweetly, causing the lips of those that are asleep to speak.
10I am my beloved's, and his desire is toward me.

What is wrong with girls learning how to pleasure True Christian men?
Hula-hoops are God's gift to True Christian men, reward for their tithing and all. I bet Jewish girls had some kinds of hula-hoops in order to learn how to better satisfy Lord's warriors. Praise Jesus!


"Karyn is with us. A West Texas girl, just like me" -- Faaabulous President Bush, May 27, 2004

Last edited by narrowpathy; 02-23-2008 at 05:31 PM. Reason: space
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Default Re: Hula Hoops - 02-23-2008, 07:24 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Dances with Joy View Post
You would put your car keys into your grandaughter's vagina? You're not just a pervert, you're a sadist.
If anyone is a sadist, it's you. You continue to inflict us with the pain of having to ready your whiney, liberal posts. Don't you have a rain forest or spotted owl to save somewhere?

Quote:
Originally Posted by narrowpathy View Post
6How fair and how pleasant art thou, O love, for delights!

9And the roof of thy mouth like the best wine for my beloved, that goeth down sweetly, causing the lips of those that are asleep to speak.
10I am my beloved's, and his desire is toward me.

What is wrong with girls learning how to pleasure True Christian men?
Hula-hoops are God's gift to True Christian men, reward for their tithing and all. I bet Jewish girls had some kinds of hula-hoops in order to learn how to better satisfy Lord's warriors. Praise Jesus!
You're advocating a toy that makes young girls--prepubescent girls--hanker for strange tallywacker? I think you need to reassess your morals. You are a despicable man.
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Default Re: Hula Hoops - 02-23-2008, 07:28 PM

Hula Hoops promote promiscuosity in the easily impressionable youth of today.

They aren't as smart as we were as children.


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Default Re: Hula Hoops - 02-23-2008, 10:33 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Old Man Hatchet View Post
If anyone is a sadist, it's you. You continue to inflict us with the pain of having to ready your whiney, liberal posts. Don't you have a rain forest or spotted owl to save somewhere?



You're advocating a toy that makes young girls--prepubescent girls--hanker for a strange tallywacker? I think you need to reassess your morals. You are a despicable man.
Why a strange tallywacker? Have I said anything about strange tallywackers? When a girl gets mature enough to hanker for a tallywacker, it must be the tallywackers of her True Christian ™ fiance. That's an axiom, isn't it?


"Karyn is with us. A West Texas girl, just like me" -- Faaabulous President Bush, May 27, 2004
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