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THE WAR ON CHRISTMAS! Open for the CHRISTmas Season only.

 
 
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Default Re: ASK JESUS - 2021 - 12-25-2021, 02:06 PM

Look, Son (of God), December 25 is not even your birthday.

Quote:
https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/...-surprise-you/

Dec. 25 is not the date mentioned in the Bible as the day of Jesus’s birth; the Bible is actually silent on the day or the time of year when Mary was said to have given birth to him in Bethlehem. The earliest Christians did not celebrate his birth. By most accounts, the birth was first thought — in around 200 A.D. — to have taken place on Jan. 6.

One of the prevalent theories on why Christmas is celebrated on Dec. 25 was spelled out in “The Golden Bough,” a highly influential 19th-century comparative study of religion and mythology written by the anthropologist James George Frazer and originally published in 1890. (The first edition was titled “The Golden Bough: A Study in Comparative Religion”; the second edition was called “The Golden Bough: A Study in Magic and Religion.” By the third printing, in the early 20th century, it was published in 12 volumes, though there are abridged one-volume versions.)
But let's not let 12 volumes of theological scholarship get in the way of a good time. Happy birthday!

So what have you got planned for the day? Busy delivering gifts, I imagine.


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Default Re: ASK JESUS - 2021 - 12-25-2021, 04:12 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Jesus View Post
So it has come to this? I AM now supposed to post my own Birthday wishes? Dafuk? This will lead to some global warming and overpopulation of Hell, capische?!


Happy Birthday Jesus!!!




In case You are in a smiting mood this holiday (and by holiday I mean specifically Christmas, not other lesser holidays like New Years, Thanksgiving etc.) season, just a reminder of which countries celebrate Your birthday and which don't.

https://worldpopulationreview.com/co...rate-christmas





Quote:
Some governments that do not recognize Christmas as a formal public holiday are Afghanistan, China (except for Hong Kong and Macau), Iran, Israel, Japan, Laos, Mongolia, Morocco, North Korea, Pakistan, Qatar, Saudi Arabia, Turkey, the United Arab Emirates, Vietnam, and many more. In some countries, such as Pakistan, December 25th is designated as an official holiday only for Christians.
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Thumbs up Re: ASK JESUS - 2021 - 12-26-2021, 03:20 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Dennis Lukes View Post
HAPPY BIRTHDAY JESUS!!!!!!!!

(First!)
Almost. Zeke, Vlad, Donnie and the second Malefactor had me in their thoughts and prayers a few microseconds before you. Still, good effort. You may polish my toenails every now and when once (and if) you reach Heaven.


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Cake Re: ASK JESUS - 2021 - 12-26-2021, 03:23 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by handmaiden View Post
Oh, Jesus! Have some cake.

Gee... OK, I conjured a replica on my table here in Heaven and ate my mother Mary first (the harlot) and then Joe the Cuckold (sweet). Am I also supposed to eat myself in the disgusting Catlick manner of tranny substance? NO-F**king-WAY! Anyways, thanks kinda.


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Piece of cake Re: ASK JESUS - 2021 - 12-26-2021, 03:33 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Dr. Anthony J. Toole View Post
Look, Son (of God), December 25 is not even your birthday.

But let's not let 12 volumes of theological scholarship get in the way of a good time. Happy birthday!

So what have you got planned for the day? Busy delivering gifts, I imagine.
Nitpicking over dates may result in some heavy smitings. One day to you could be a microsecond or a trillion years to me. Capische?!

But. Finally, a nice question! I had one of the bestests birthdays evah! Dad took me back in time to watch some of our better smitings: Amakelites, Gettysburg, Krakatoa eruption, measles and syphilis outbreaks in the conquered 'Mericas, black death etc. Sinners really got what they deserved those times, didn't they?! We finished the tour at the time of Noah's flood and saw the tens of millions drown in desperate agony . Thereafter we watched Ham rape his daddy and saw all the survivors engaging in incest leading to their descent into HELL! Goog times.

Abraham gave me the de luxe dvd set of Lost and Enoch the sets of Dawson's Creek and O.C. Been binge watching them. No HSMTMTS this time but perhaps next year.


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Jesus Re: ASK JESUS - 2021 - 12-26-2021, 03:35 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Prayer Warrior View Post
Happy Birthday Jesus!!!

In case You are in a smiting mood this holiday (and by holiday I mean specifically Christmas, not other lesser holidays like New Years, Thanksgiving etc.) season, just a reminder of which countries celebrate Your birthday and which don't.

https://worldpopulationreview.com/co...rate-christmas


Meh, I'll let Dad do the smitings to-day. Back on business to-morrow. Gonna just take Donnie out for a cuppa and then perhaps a few beers.



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Default Re: ASK JESUS - 2021 - 12-27-2021, 03:08 AM

Hmmm.. Beer... We have a volcano that produces cold beer. You might want to try that out Jesus.


Jeremiah 6:21 Therefore thus saith the LORD, Behold, I will lay stumblingblocks before this people, and the fathers and the sons together shall fall upon them; the neighbour and his friend shall perish.

Best wishes for the people in Ukraine.
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Default Re: ASK JESUS - 2021 - 12-27-2021, 03:12 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Roland View Post
Hmmm.. Beer... We have a volcano that produces cold beer. You might want to try that out Jesus.
They probably definitely don't have a stripper factory either.

Good thing maybe. Donnie would bankrupt it, somehow.


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Default Re: ASK JESUS - 2021 - 12-27-2021, 03:28 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Didymus Much View Post
They probably definitely don't have a stripper factory either.

Sorry you don´t like the occasional redhead (Book of Penelope). We have a river of pasta sauce you might like?


Jeremiah 6:21 Therefore thus saith the LORD, Behold, I will lay stumblingblocks before this people, and the fathers and the sons together shall fall upon them; the neighbour and his friend shall perish.

Best wishes for the people in Ukraine.
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Default Re: ASK JESUS - 2021 - 12-27-2021, 03:33 AM

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Originally Posted by Roland View Post
We have a river of pasta sauce you might like?





Um, hello? Over here!

If the Doc doesn't claim it, I'm a bit of a nibble pig in the mood for el Tagliatelle del Bolognese.
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Default Re: ASK JESUS - 2021 - 12-27-2021, 03:55 AM

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Originally Posted by The Attention Seeker Jen View Post
Hello? Over here!

If the Doc doesn't claim it, I'm a bit of a nibble pig in the mood for el Tagliatelle del Bolognese.
All are invited, if you did play nice. Tagliatelle is a great choice for ragout.


Now I am hungry again.


Jeremiah 6:21 Therefore thus saith the LORD, Behold, I will lay stumblingblocks before this people, and the fathers and the sons together shall fall upon them; the neighbour and his friend shall perish.

Best wishes for the people in Ukraine.
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Rebuke Re: ASK JESUS - 2021 - 12-27-2021, 04:10 AM

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Originally Posted by Roland View Post
drivel
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Originally Posted by Didymus Much View Post
drivel
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drivel
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drivel
*THIS IS AN AUTOMATED REPLY BY THE CELESTIAL SERVER*

Jesus Christ, King of Kings, Savior of all those who accept Him, Son of God who is God etc. etc. has left the building. Jesus is on a well-earned vacation and concentrates on streaming services after replying to a swarm of mostly uneducated questions by sinners and Christians alike. He is also filled with unprecedented WRATH, as only too few True Christian™ men congratulated Him on His actual Birthday, while the others were preoccupied. This means that no-one else is safe.


Jesus will possibly Return® either next Christmas or after the Rapture Event™, whichever occurs first. However, it is prudent to remember that one day and a thousand years are equal to Him in His WRATH! Your questions and many others may be answered during the next episode of His visits. During His absence from social media, you may consult either Pastor Ezekiel or a senior male household member regarding any questions of True Doctrine™. Meanwhile, Jesus will continue to monitor your every thought, movement (bowel or voluntary), and sex act, in order to winnow undesirable stock from entering His Realm, Heaven.

Praise Him!


Blessed is Me.
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Default Re: ASK JESUS - 2021 - 12-27-2021, 04:49 AM

So He's Holy Ghosted us again?

I think we'll get by.


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Default Re: ASK JESUS - 2021 - 12-27-2021, 04:58 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Didymus Much View Post
So He's Holy Ghosted us again?

I think we'll get by.
A glass of wine and some interesting French cheese that has now been overcome with blue mycelium on me


Always fun to see how these French get you to hand you off some cheese and it still ripens afterwards.


Jeremiah 6:21 Therefore thus saith the LORD, Behold, I will lay stumblingblocks before this people, and the fathers and the sons together shall fall upon them; the neighbour and his friend shall perish.

Best wishes for the people in Ukraine.
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Dennis Lukes will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Dennis Lukes will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Dennis Lukes will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Dennis Lukes will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Dennis Lukes will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Dennis Lukes will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Dennis Lukes will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Dennis Lukes will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Dennis Lukes will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Dennis Lukes will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Dennis Lukes will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!
Default Re: ASK JESUS - 2021 - 12-27-2021, 02:48 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Dennis Lukes View Post
HAPPY BIRTHDAY JESUS!!!!!!!!

(First!)
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jesus View Post
He is also filled with unprecedented WRATH, as only too few True Christian™ men congratulated Him on His actual Birthday, while the others were preoccupied. This means that no-one else is safe.
Phew! Glory!

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Originally Posted by Jesus View Post
Praise Him!
Praise God! I bow before the Lord of Hosts! Highest compliments to Jealous!


I was sinking deep in sin far from the peaceful shore,
Very deeply stained within, sinking to rise no more;
But the Master of the Sea heard my despairing cry,
From the waters lifted me, now safe am I!
(#36)
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Romeo Rovagnati Romeo Rovagnati is offline
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Romeo Rovagnati is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Romeo Rovagnati is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Romeo Rovagnati is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Romeo Rovagnati is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Romeo Rovagnati is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Romeo Rovagnati is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Romeo Rovagnati is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Romeo Rovagnati is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Romeo Rovagnati is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Romeo Rovagnati is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Romeo Rovagnati is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.
Default Re: ASK JESUS - 2021 - 12-27-2021, 09:59 PM

Shame that I didn't got the chance to ask Jesus something.

Anyway, if someone sees him, could he ask him to say hi to the Holy Virgin Mary, Saint Peter I, Saint Joseph, Padre Pio and all the other Holy people in Heaven?
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Dennis Lukes Dennis Lukes is offline
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Dennis Lukes will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Dennis Lukes will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Dennis Lukes will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Dennis Lukes will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Dennis Lukes will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Dennis Lukes will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Dennis Lukes will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Dennis Lukes will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Dennis Lukes will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Dennis Lukes will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Dennis Lukes will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!
Default Re: ASK JESUS - 2021 - 12-27-2021, 10:06 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Romeo Rovagnati View Post
Shame that I didn't got the chance to ask Jesus something.

Anyway, if someone sees him, could he ask him to say hi to the Christ's incubator Mary, S̶a̶i̶n̶t̶ Peter, S̶a̶i̶n̶t̶ Joseph, Padre Pio and all the other Holy people in Heaven?
The Mad Monk Padre Pio is in Hell with all the other Catholics. Mary, Peter, and Joseph were Christians, not Papists.


I was sinking deep in sin far from the peaceful shore,
Very deeply stained within, sinking to rise no more;
But the Master of the Sea heard my despairing cry,
From the waters lifted me, now safe am I!
(#38)
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MitzaLizalor MitzaLizalor is offline
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MitzaLizalor will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!MitzaLizalor will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!MitzaLizalor will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!MitzaLizalor will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!MitzaLizalor will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!MitzaLizalor will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!MitzaLizalor will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!MitzaLizalor will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!MitzaLizalor will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!MitzaLizalor will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!MitzaLizalor will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!
Default Re: ASK JESUS - 2021 - 12-28-2021, 12:15 AM

I had to smile. Is there no lunacy these wretches would not embrace? Assiduous in creating "saints" among the deceased and presumably thinking they have a unique ability to do so (or are hindoo saints included? generally they're alive at the time) so where did saints come from before that? If during their lives the quality was discerned, why should the process not continue?

Matthew 27:50-53 Jesus, when he had cried again with a loud voice, yielded up the ghost. And, behold, the veil of the temple was rent in twain from the top to the bottom; and the earth did quake, and the rocks rent; and the graves were opened; and many bodies of the saints which slept arose, and came out of the graves after his resurrection, and went into the holy city, and appeared unto many.

Note however that all these saints needed to be brought BACK TO life. They were not alive already, they were dead. They were not available for listening to rosaries or the mutterings of advanced psychiatric cases. Their experience of time was over but for us, of course, that experience is current. One day (they knew because Jesus had told them) time would run out and then eternity would begin – but in the interim they would be dead and not experiencing anything. Subjectively, as Jesus explained to the villain on the cross, the transition seems instantaneous. Objectively, in order to be raised from the dead one needs to be dead in the first place.

Luke 23:40-44 But the other [i.e. the 2nd villain] answering rebuked him, saying, Dost not thou fear God, seeing thou art in the same condemnation? And we indeed justly; for we receive the due reward of our deeds: but this man hath done nothing amiss. And he said unto Jesus, Lord, remember me when thou comest into thy kingdom. And Jesus said unto him, Verily I say unto thee, To day shalt thou be with me in paradise. And it was about the sixth hour, and there was a darkness over all the earth until the ninth hour.

God is Jesus. God is eternal. Simultaneity is a matter of fact for Him. Jesus however also has the time experience, and understood what the villain meant. He also understood what the villain would experience. Note the difference tenses used here: when thou comest into thy kingdom describes a future event, as indeed it was for this time-locked soul. Jesus knew how the experience would manifest subjectively for this rascal, reflected in His response: Verily I say unto thee, To day shalt thou be with me in paradise. Clearly that's not meant in a calendric sense because Jesus would still be walking around a month later and villains can't be in two places at once. They may claim this ability but it's not true.
 

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