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Default How to attract a True Christian Husband? - 03-27-2010, 04:36 PM

Anyone have any good pointers for me? Should I rid my wardrobe of all Satanic sundresses and bikinis? I really some help, and FAST!

Where do all good True Christian women shop?
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Default Re: How to attract a True Christian Husband? - 03-27-2010, 04:44 PM

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Originally Posted by BakerOfPies View Post
Anyone have any good pointers for me? Should I rid my wardrobe of all Satanic sundresses and bikinis? I really some help, and FAST!

Where do all good True Christian women shop?
I wouldn't advise ridding your wardrobe of its more tawdry items; True Christian™ men have been known to find very inventive ways of rebuking such items. You'll have to trust me on this matter.

As for shopping, I recommend sewing your clothes yourself; there are many stylish patterns to chose from!
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Default Re: How to attract a True Christian Husband? - 03-28-2010, 02:04 PM

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Originally Posted by Mrs. Rogers View Post
I wouldn't advise ridding your wardrobe of its more tawdry items; True Christian™ men have been known to find very inventive ways of rebuking such items. You'll have to trust me on this matter.

As for shopping, I recommend sewing your clothes yourself; there are many stylish patterns to chose from!

That's a lovely dress, Mrs. Rogers. Do you think you could make one of those for my girlfriend? I'd be willing to pay. The other day I caught her wearing "tie-dye" and I about had a heart attack. I read her the Riot Act, tore the clothing off of her, spit on it, stomped on it, and then lit it on fire. Thankfully she is a quick learner and hasn't worn anything like that since. She doesn't seem to understand that God doesn't want he showing her "treats" to every Tom, Dick, and Harry. I wanted to kick her in the stomach, but we were out and about in Freehold and a little bit too far from the hospital so I let it slide that time.

Incase you're interested. She wears about a size 2 and she is about 60 inches from shoulder to feet. Black is fine.
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Default Re: How to attract a True Christian Husband? - 03-28-2010, 02:21 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Mrs. Rogers View Post
I wouldn't advise ridding your wardrobe of its more tawdry items; True Christian™ men have been known to find very inventive ways of rebuking such items. You'll have to trust me on this matter.

As for shopping, I recommend sewing your clothes yourself; there are many stylish patterns to chose from!
That dress is so you! It's amazing how we effortlessly manage to create beautiful works of art that reflect our personality.
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Default Re: How to attract a True Christian Husband? - 03-28-2010, 02:39 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by exMormon View Post
That's a lovely dress, Mrs. Rogers. Do you think you could make one of those for my girlfriend? I'd be willing to pay. The other day I caught her wearing "tie-dye" and I about had a heart attack.
"tie-dye"? Sounds like one of those newfangled crazes to me! I will be happy to sew a proper dress for your God-mocking fashionista girlfriend.

Quote:
Originally Posted by OheMGeSOPHIE View Post
That dress is so you! It's amazing how we effortlessly manage to create beautiful works of art that reflect our personality.
Why, thank you! You are very kind to say so.


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Persecution You Have Endured for CHRIST: what doesn't kill you makes you stronger in Christ.

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Default Re: How to attract a True Christian Husband? - 04-01-2010, 05:00 AM

I met my Rebekah in the course of our involvement in the Young Republicans while we were students at Maranatha Bible College. This was all shortly after my reorientation, and part of what the pastors prescribed for me was to find a comely lass of virtue true. But I just couldn't find a woman who caused my loins to stir in the same way that the demons previously did!

Shortly after Ronald Reagan's death in 2004, Rebekah gave a stirring oratory on the Gipper's legacy, the Free Enterprise System, and American Exceptionalism™. I begin to feel the same stir in my loins that previously was only instigated by chocolate-eyed Latinos and heathen techno dance music! But this time, it was not the work of demons; it was Heaven-Ordained!

One year later, we were married. I shortly afterward rendered her with child - her accolades of Ronald Reagan and Free Enterprise still ringing in my ears. Nine months later, she bore the first of my five sons, Leviticus. Twenty-one months later came Isaiah; thirty-three months later came Lamentations; forty-five months later came Malachi; and we are currently expecting our fifth son in as many years, Ezekiel.

So if you seek a True Christian™ man like me, I would suggest participating in activities where you may meet someone with common interests - Young Republicans, Minute Men, End Times Militias, your local Tea Party chapter, anti-abortion protests, and of course, the elephant in the room - your local Baptist Church!


II Thessalonians 1:7-9
And to you who are troubled rest with us, when the Lord Jesus shall be revealed from heaven with his mighty angels,
In flaming fire taking vengeance on them that know not God, and that obey not the gospel of our Lord Jesus Christ:
Who shall be punished with everlasting destruction from the presence of the Lord, and from the glory of his power



The man who is being progressively sanctified will inescapably sanctify his home, school, politics, economics, science, and all things else by understanding and interpreting all things in terms of the Word of God and by bringing all things under the Dominion of Christ the King. -R.J. Rushdoony
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Default Re: How to attract a True Christian Husband? - 04-01-2010, 06:29 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by BakerOfPies View Post
Anyone have any good pointers for me? Should I rid my wardrobe of all Satanic sundresses and bikinis? I really some help, and FAST!

Where do all good True Christian women shop?
First you have to get Jesus to wash your sins away with His blood. Without that, you have zero chance of attracting a Christian man.


Who Will Jesus Damn?

Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!
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Default Re: How to attract a True Christian Husband? - 04-01-2010, 07:53 PM

In case you aren't that talented with sewing, Freehold Christian Fashion Center has some shops that sell modest yet attractive women's clothing with no mixed fabrics, gold, or pearls.


This church is dedicated to preaching True Christianity™ and the King James Bible exactly as they are, with no alterations to make them more politically correct for modern liberals. If you think that we've misquoted or twisted Scripture or quoted any verse out of context, please explain in detail how we've done so. Otherwise, if what you read on this site offends you, then you're offended by Almighty God and His Word, not by us.

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Default Re: How to attract a True Christian Husband? - 04-02-2010, 02:37 AM

As always, I defer to the wisdom of the men here at Landover, but I would also like to point out finely honed skills in the kitchen really are a must. Your username seems to have touched on this point, but I would like to know if you do bake pies? Which kinds? How flaky is the pastry?


"She was of a great age, and had lived with a husband seven years from her virginity; And she was a widow of about fourscore and four years, which departed not from the temple, but served God with fastings and prayers night and day" - Luke 2:36-37
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Default Re: How to attract a True Christian Husband? - 04-03-2010, 01:35 AM

I did not catch where you are living. As a constant promoter of Freehold, I hope you move here to find a proper husband.

There are several elgible bachelors here. I am quite sure they would not be interested in someone who wears revealing clothes, or, acts in a "streetwise" manner.

I'll just pass on this little hint. A lot of warm glances are made during the Sunday After Church Potluck.


Isaiah 24:1-3 Behold, the LORD maketh the earth empty (2)...as the taker of usury, so with the giver of usury to him. (3) The land shall be utterly emptied, and utterly spoiled: for the LORD hath spoken his word.
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Default Re: How to attract a True Christian Husband? - 04-03-2010, 07:52 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by BakerOfPies View Post
Anyone have any good pointers for me?
The Holy Bible!

Quote:
Should I rid my wardrobe of all Satanic sundresses and bikinis?
Yes.

Quote:
I really some help, and FAST!
Indeed...


5 Reasons why GOD HATES WOMEN!
To most "Christians" The Bible is like a license agreement. They just scroll to the bottom and click "I agree". All those "Christians" will burn in Hell!
James 2:10 "For whosoever shall keep the whole law, and yet offend in one point, he is guilty of all."
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Default Re: How to attract a True Christian Husband? - 04-04-2010, 03:07 AM

You don't mention if you've chosen your consonant yet.

Nowadays, all of Landover's young people have been deeply inspired by Jim Bob Duggar and his ever-ready baby-oven, Michelle.

Early on, Jim Bob and Michelle decided to give all of their soldiers for Christ a name starting with the consonant "J". Which was a wise -- and fun -- decision for them to make! So, what consonant are you thinking of?

Personally, I've always favored "C" because it's got so many wonderful girl's names associated with it -- names that practically make a man's head spin, imagining the possibilities. Such as:

Chardonnay
Chastity
Cherry
Claudine
Crystal

and Cyndi-Beth


Newt

I loved Newt before Newt was invincible
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