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Reload this Page If You'r'e Not Gay, Go Thank Your Mom!
Straight 4 Jesus! (Back Door Christians) At LBC, we will cure your perversion of choice (even if we have to stone you).

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Default If You'r'e Not Gay, Go Thank Your Mom! - 01-11-2015, 10:07 PM







Keep up the good work, ladies!
Keep your sons' anuses free from Sodomites!
Don't spare the discipline your boy needs to be loved by God!



He that spareth his rod hateth his son: but he that loveth him chasteneth him betimes.
Proverbs 13:24

Chasten thy son while there is hope, and let not thy soul spare for his crying.
Proverbs 19:18

Foolishness is bound in the heart of a child; but the rod of correction shall drive it far from him
Proverbs 22:15

Do not hold back discipline from the child, Although you strike him with the rod, he will not die.
Thou shalt beat him with the rod, and shalt deliver his soul from hell.
Proverbs 23:13-14

The blueness of a wound cleanseth away evil:
so do stripes the inward parts of the belly.
Proverbs 20:30

And fear not them which kill the body, but are not able to kill the soul:
but rather fear him which is able to destroy both soul and body in hell.
Matthew 10:28


Hello, my name is Mary. I hope to fellowship with you! That is, unless you don't listen to church authority (Deuteronomy 17:12); are a witch (Exodus 22:17); are a homosexual (Leviticus 20:13; Romans 1:24-32); or fortuneteller (Leviticus 20:27) or a snotty kid who hits their dad (Exodus 21:15); or curses their parents (Proverbs 20:20; Leviticus 20:9); an adulterer (Leviticus 20:10); a non-Christian (Exodus 22:19; Deuteronomy 13:7-12; Deuteronomy 17:2-5;Romans 1:24-32); an atheist (2 Chronicles 15:12-13); or false prophet (Zechariah 13:3); from the town of one who worships another, false god (Deuteronomy 13:13-19); were a non-virgin bride (Deuteronomy 22:20-21); or blasphemer (Leviticus 24:10-16), as God calls for your execution and will no doubt send you to Hell, and I have no interest developing a friendship with the Spiritually Walking Dead.

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Default Re: If You'r'e Not Gay, Go Thank Your Mom! - 01-12-2015, 03:51 PM

Hallelujah!

Last week I caught my son, Mr. Whitford Jr., playing with his sister. Knowing how that sort of thing can gender confuse a young boy, I immediately sprang into action and tanned that boy's bottom!

Oh! And thanks for the reminder! I think the girl can come out of her prayer closet now.


Posted via Prayer

1 Timothy 2:13-15 For Adam was first formed, then Eve. And Adam was not deceived, but the woman being deceived was in the transgression. Notwithstanding she shall be saved in childbearing, if they continue in faith and charity and holiness with sobriety.
Bearing my husband's heirs and being SAVED!

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Default Re: If You'r'e Not Gay, Go Thank Your Mom! - 01-13-2015, 03:13 AM

Thanks, mom!
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Default Re: If You'r'e Not Gay, Go Thank Your Mom! - 01-13-2015, 05:55 AM

Personally, I think we should thank Jesus for not making us queer. Because He could, you know.
Quote:

Ezekiel 14:13 Son of man, when the land sinneth against me by trespassing grievously, then will I stretch out mine hand upon it, and will break the staff of the bread thereof, and will send famine upon it, and will cut off man and beast from it:

14:15 If I cause noisome beasts to pass through the land, and they spoil it, so that it be desolate, that no man may pass through because of the beasts:

14:17 Or if I bring a sword upon that land, and say, Sword, go through the land; so that I cut off man and beast from it:

14:19 Or if I send a pestilence into that land, and pour out my fury upon it in blood, to cut off from it man and beast:

14:21 For thus saith the Lord GOD; How much more when I send my four sore judgments upon Jerusalem, the sword, and the famine, and the noisome beast, and the pestilence, to cut off from it man and beast?


Who Will Jesus Damn?

Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!
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Default Re: If You'r'e Not Gay, Go Thank Your Mom! - 01-13-2015, 07:09 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Pastor Ezekiel View Post
Personally, I think we should thank Jesus for not making us queer. Because He could, you know.
I think Jesus reasons this way. Some of us live such sin-free lives we really are not aware of the sin around us.

Jesus planted homers around so we could see genuine God-angering sin. To further teach us, He handed these sinners over to Satan for ultimate disposal.

I appreciate all that Jesus does for us.


Isaiah 24:1-3 Behold, the LORD maketh the earth empty (2)...as the taker of usury, so with the giver of usury to him. (3) The land shall be utterly emptied, and utterly spoiled: for the LORD hath spoken his word.
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Love Jesus Re: If You'r'e Not Gay, Go Thank Your Mom! - 06-15-2015, 08:46 PM

I thank my beloved mother every day for raising me under the brilliant light of our saviors glory. Thank the Lord for Godly mothers!
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Default Re: If You'r'e Not Gay, Go Thank Your Mom! - 06-25-2015, 01:10 AM

I thank my mother every day for not raising me as a potential homosexual. The country I live in has so many perversions. Jesus save me! Amen!
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Default Re: If You'r'e Not Gay, Go Thank Your Mom! - 06-25-2015, 07:11 AM

I shall have to take some time to ring my mum and thank her for not making me gay.

The funny thing is that she is herself gay.

Stupid real world ignoring Christians.


A whip for the horse, a bridle for the ass, and a rod for the fool's back. Proverbs 26:3
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Default Re: If You'r'e Not Gay, Go Thank Your Mom! - 06-25-2015, 09:57 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by FreeFromBrains View Post
I shall have to take some time to ring my mum and thank her for not making me gay.

The funny thing is that she is herself gay.

Stupid real world ignoring Christians.
Who is ignoring reality here? If your mum (SIC) was gay, she would not have been able to have children, because she would not have had relations with your father. Why don't you do a reality-check on your beliefs?

My reality and biblical reality always match 100%, no need for the sort of cognitive dissonance you display.


Leviticus 26:15-16
And if ye shall despise my statutes, or if your soul abhor my judgments, so that ye will not do all my commandments, but that ye break my covenant: I also will do this unto you; I will even appoint over you terror, consumption, and the burning ague, that shall consume the eyes, and cause sorrow of heart: and ye shall sow your seed in vain, for your enemies shall eat it.
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African Re: If You'r'e Not Gay, Go Thank Your Mom! - 06-25-2015, 12:25 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by FreeFromBrains View Post
I shall have to take some time to ring my mum and thank her for not making me gay.

The funny thing is that she is herself gay.

Stupid real world ignoring Christians.
If that is you in your avatar... then you need to take a good look in the mirror and sort yourself out asap!!
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Default Re: If You'r'e Not Gay, Go Thank Your Mom! - 06-25-2015, 03:32 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Mrs. Mary Whitford View Post
Hallelujah!

Last week I caught my son, Mr. Whitford Jr., playing with his sister. Knowing how that sort of thing can gender confuse a young boy, I immediately sprang into action and tanned that boy's bottom!
If only Josh Duggar's mom had been so vigilant.


Paying for the sins of my hateful parents since pre-birth. Jeremiah 32:18. Now cooking for Jesus as inspired by Deuteronomy 8:3.
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Default Re: If You'r'e Not Gay, Go Thank Your Mom! - 06-25-2015, 03:39 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by FreeFromBrains View Post
I shall have to take some time to ring my mum and thank her for not making me gay.

The funny thing is that she is herself gay.

Stupid real world ignoring Christians.
The real world does ignore True Christians™. This is a lamentable truth. However, I don't think it's because the world is stupid, I think it's because the world is under the curse of Sin (Genesis 3:15-19). The real world ignores Christ because it focuses on self-love, on pleasures of the flesh, and because they have been duped by Big Science into believing they can behave as they wish and there will be no consequences because such things cannot be quantitatively measured.


Hello, my name is Mary. I hope to fellowship with you! That is, unless you don't listen to church authority (Deuteronomy 17:12); are a witch (Exodus 22:17); are a homosexual (Leviticus 20:13; Romans 1:24-32); or fortuneteller (Leviticus 20:27) or a snotty kid who hits their dad (Exodus 21:15); or curses their parents (Proverbs 20:20; Leviticus 20:9); an adulterer (Leviticus 20:10); a non-Christian (Exodus 22:19; Deuteronomy 13:7-12; Deuteronomy 17:2-5;Romans 1:24-32); an atheist (2 Chronicles 15:12-13); or false prophet (Zechariah 13:3); from the town of one who worships another, false god (Deuteronomy 13:13-19); were a non-virgin bride (Deuteronomy 22:20-21); or blasphemer (Leviticus 24:10-16), as God calls for your execution and will no doubt send you to Hell, and I have no interest developing a friendship with the Spiritually Walking Dead.

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Alvin Moss will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Alvin Moss will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Alvin Moss will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Alvin Moss will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Alvin Moss will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Alvin Moss will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Alvin Moss will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Alvin Moss will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Alvin Moss will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Alvin Moss will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Alvin Moss will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!
Default Re: If You'r'e Not Gay, Go Thank Your Mom! - 06-25-2015, 04:46 PM

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Originally Posted by Graeme43 View Post
If that is you in your avatar... then you need to take a good look in the mirror and sort yourself out asap!!

I perceive that you have only just arrived and already have an infraction. This kind of behavior is no surprise coming from a Scot. We have seen many of your kind here before. You should know that it is illegal in the US to attempt to import a haggis. That is what we think of your national food stuff. Scotland is a place where the men dress in the garments of women, in direct violation of Gods word, and go about unwashed and smelling of strong whiskey. See Deuteronomy 22:5. Every Godly Scot, and a few of the more wretched kind, sadly, came to America a long time ago. Those that are left are so lacking in intellect and imagination that they named their whole country after an island in godless Canada.


We know there are a few isolated Christians in Scotland. They are menaced by the wretches who inhabit the place and our need to reach out to them, and others who may be saved, is the only reason we have not banned your whole country from this Godly American site.


Praise God!


God judgeth the righteous, And God is angry with the wicked every day- Psalm 7:11
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Graeme43 Graeme43 is offline
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Graeme43 is under investigation -- suspected to be Unsaved Trash.Graeme43 is under investigation -- suspected to be Unsaved Trash.
Default Re: If You'r'e Not Gay, Go Thank Your Mom! - 06-25-2015, 05:20 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Alvin Moss View Post
I perceive that you have only just arrived and already have an infraction. This kind of behavior is no surprise coming from a Scot. We have seen many of your kind here before. You should know that it is illegal in the US to attempt to import a haggis. That is what we think of your national food stuff. Scotland is a place where the men dress in the garments of women, in direct violation of Gods word, and go about unwashed and smelling of strong whiskey. See Deuteronomy 22:5. Every Godly Scot, and a few of the more wretched kind, sadly, came to America a long time ago. Those that are left are so lacking in intellect and imagination that they named their whole country after an island in godless Canada.


We know there are a few isolated Christians in Scotland. They are menaced by the wretches who inhabit the place and our need to reach out to them, and others who may be saved, is the only reason we have not banned your whole country from this Godly American site.


Praise God!
Yeah I made a mistake there and got an infraction. I try my best despite having the disability of being Scottish rearing its ugly head on the rare occasion. I have never eaten haggis nor intend to eat weird foods like that. I also don't wear garments of women nor drink any fermented beverages such as whiskey
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InsanityOfAnArtist InsanityOfAnArtist is offline
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InsanityOfAnArtist is a sorcerer and idolater who follows false gods and will rot in Hell.InsanityOfAnArtist is a sorcerer and idolater who follows false gods and will rot in Hell.InsanityOfAnArtist is a sorcerer and idolater who follows false gods and will rot in Hell.
Default Re: If You'r'e Not Gay, Go Thank Your Mom! - 06-25-2015, 05:28 PM

Weed makes you gay


This space is reserved for posting KJV Scripture ONLY. --ADMIN
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Alvin Moss will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Alvin Moss will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Alvin Moss will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Alvin Moss will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Alvin Moss will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Alvin Moss will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Alvin Moss will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Alvin Moss will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Alvin Moss will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Alvin Moss will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Alvin Moss will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!
Default Re: If You'r'e Not Gay, Go Thank Your Mom! - 06-26-2015, 01:06 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Graeme43 View Post
Yeah I made a mistake there and got an infraction. I try my best despite having the disability of being Scottish rearing its ugly head on the rare occasion. I have never eaten haggis nor intend to eat weird foods like that. I also don't wear garments of women nor drink any fermented beverages such as whiskey

You Scotch are a nation of barbarians and notorious liars. Cattle theft, whiskey making and piracy are the only trades ever ascribed to Scotchmen. Even now, you lie about wearing a kilt skirt and eating your oatmeal with offal. I can also tell you suffer from terminal alcoholism. Come to Jesus, you filthy wretch. It's that or Hell. Don't go there; it's too hot.


God judgeth the righteous, And God is angry with the wicked every day- Psalm 7:11
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