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THE WAR ON CHRISTMAS! Open for the CHRISTmas Season only.

 
 
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Santa Claus is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Santa Claus is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Santa Claus is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Santa Claus is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Santa Claus is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Santa Claus is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Santa Claus is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Santa Claus is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Santa Claus is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Santa Claus is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Santa Claus is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.
Jesus' eternal love Re: SANTA WILL DELIVER - THE 2021 CHRISTMAS WISH LIST - 12-03-2021, 06:50 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by James Hutchins View Post
Dear Santa,
I'd like peace and goodwill towards men.
YIC
JH
J/K
I'd like you to thank Jesus for giving you eternal life. You will probably give me what you gave me last year. Squat.
Jamie . Always trying to be witty but always managing to be adorable! First, as said previously, on many many occasions, states of mind cannot be delivered. However, some items that I DO deliver can give you peace of mind and goodwill towards women! How nice is that! Behold the Sears 1984 vintage ladies' underwear catalogue that you used to browse during your formative years.



In addition, you'll get the subscription of the Incel magazine for men JUST LIKE YOU!



In rhyme:

You won't need your hairy bears
No need to lower your moral tone
Now you can enjoy the mighty Sears
And it'll be nicer to be alone!

As for the immortality stuff, it was actually I who gave it to Jesus all those years ago but there was a catch - he was supposed to stay away from trouble and as he started to mingle with the gang of twelve I had to revoke the privilege and y'all know what happened then. Anyways, have a nice Christmas with the catalogue and see ya!


Ho Ho Ho! Merry Christmas everyone!!
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Santa Claus is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Santa Claus is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Santa Claus is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Santa Claus is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Santa Claus is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Santa Claus is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Santa Claus is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Santa Claus is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Santa Claus is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Santa Claus is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Santa Claus is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.
Jesus' eternal love Re: SANTA WILL DELIVER - THE 2021 CHRISTMAS WISH LIST - 12-03-2021, 06:59 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Dennis Lukes View Post
We're constantly urged to shop at "black-owned" and "woman-owned" businesses (because they would naturally go bankrupt if they weren't propped up by SJWs). Why not "Jew-owned" businesses? It's almost like they're hiding something...
Is this some kind of a request for gifts? Beats me... Ho?
Quote:
Originally Posted by handmaiden View Post
Disney is owned by the Jews?! Oh, dear! Old Walt must be melting away at that news.
Dear Handy, Mr. Disney is dead. He was buried years ago. He can't be melting. I'd give you wits and reason if it were within my deliverances.
Quote:
Originally Posted by handmaiden View Post
This is probably a good time to start building more for-profit prisons and youth detention facilities. Remember the parable of the talents.
Hmm.. OK. The Lego maximum security prison is available and I can deliver it. And it is made of genuine plastic!


Quote:
Originally Posted by Dennis Lukes View Post
If Walt Disney is melting,...
As said, he is dead and buried. In rhyme:
Disney is gone, and so is Mickey
And we've only left with a Donald the duck
No trace of him, not even a hickey
But there are toys so I don't give a moment of my previous time contemplating this issue

Please, make your requests more specific in the future.


Ho Ho Ho! Merry Christmas everyone!!
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Default Re: SANTA WILL DELIVER - THE 2021 CHRISTMAS WISH LIST - 12-03-2021, 07:25 AM

Of course I don't wanna anything from Santa the Satan but I'm asking for a friend. He's a very handsome youthful pastor going round the world saving suffering souls but he's got no private jet. He needs an Airbus A320 something of that caliber asap to keep on saving them souls. He also goes overseas to recruit suffering neglected boys as his assistants and can't travel tourist or business class. His congregation is useless and the tithes are dwindling. While I hate your guts demon Santa, perhaps you'll help my friend in need.

YIC, Zeke


Who Will Jesus Damn?

Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!
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Santa Claus is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Santa Claus is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Santa Claus is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Santa Claus is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Santa Claus is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Santa Claus is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Santa Claus is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Santa Claus is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Santa Claus is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Santa Claus is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Santa Claus is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.
Jesus' eternal love Re: SANTA WILL DELIVER - THE 2021 CHRISTMAS WISH LIST - 12-05-2021, 03:23 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Pastor Ezekiel View Post
Of course I don't wanna anything from Santa the Satan but I'm asking for a friend. He's a very handsome youthful pastor going round the world saving suffering souls but he's got no private jet. He needs an Airbus A320 something of that caliber asap to keep on saving them souls. He also goes overseas to recruit suffering neglected boys as his assistants and can't travel tourist or business class. His congregation is useless and the tithes are dwindling. While I hate your guts demon Santa, perhaps you'll help my friend in need.

YIC, Zeke
Hoy! Zekey-boy!
You sure you don't need anything for yourself?! Your household has sent a flood of wishes, mostly your young servants asking for tissues, surgical sutures, local anesthetics (which I can deliver), and invisibility cloaks (can't, sorry). OK. Let's consider your friend. You have been so nice that if you had asked for the jet yourself I would certainly have delivered it but I am not at all certain about your friend. Anonymous? No identification? How could I know if he's been nice or naughty? The elves were unable to tell. So he'll get a flying bus alright but I think it's best if he settle for a more practical (and much more affordable) version. You see, a jet will not fly without fuel, a crew, maintenance, ground personnel etc. and that is expensive. This bus will probably not fly at all so it's much more economical to operate. Ho. Ask your little friend to meet me at the Bangkok mall on December 13th and wear a pink carnation so I can recognize him when he sits on me olde yet goode lap. HO!



And in rhyme:
My oh my, my little lad Flint!
Does your breath still smell like freshest mint?
Why oh why do you still long to fly
When you'll only crash and burn and die?


Ho Ho Ho! Merry Christmas everyone!!
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Default Re: SANTA WILL DELIVER - THE 2021 CHRISTMAS WISH LIST - 12-05-2021, 11:39 AM

Thank you for your kindness last year. Now that communists (or Zimbabwe) have taken over the electricity supply, would it be possible to get a generator? Due to safety regulations, most generators seem to be plastic – mostly plastic. There are some nice blue ones I've seen but coral or a medium Spring green would be fine. Thanking you in anticipation. Mitza.

desirable
a nice blue
sky blue
powder blue
light coral
pale green
a nice Spring green
light green

UNdesirable
red
chartreuse
black
khaki
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Default Re: SANTA WILL DELIVER - THE 2021 CHRISTMAS WISH LIST - 12-06-2021, 01:31 AM

Dear Santa,

This Christmas, I would like a Rolex and a LeBaron for my boyfriend, a new kitchen set complete with an Alaskan salmon deboner with a Damascus steel blade, as well as a new mandolin and juicer with depulping attachments, the entire collection of Freaks & Geeks, a make-up set complete with alabaster foundation and violet highlighters, plus and antiperspirant, a waxing kit and some nicker elastic and amyl nitrate, thank you!
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Santa Claus is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Santa Claus is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Santa Claus is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Santa Claus is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Santa Claus is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Santa Claus is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Santa Claus is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Santa Claus is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Santa Claus is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Santa Claus is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Santa Claus is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.
Jesus' eternal love Re: SANTA WILL DELIVER - THE 2021 CHRISTMAS WISH LIST - 12-06-2021, 03:18 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by MitzaLizalor View Post
Thank you for your kindness last year. Now that communists (or Zimbabwe) have taken over the electricity supply, would it be possible to get a generator? Due to safety regulations, most generators seem to be plastic – mostly plastic. There are some nice blue ones I've seen but coral or a medium Spring green would be fine. Thanking you in anticipation. Mitza.

desirable
a nice blue
sky blue
powder blue
light coral
pale green
a nice Spring green
light green

UNdesirable
red
chartreuse
black
khaki
Howdy-How! Mitza ! You never liked ma garde-robe, did you? Always those stylish inoffensive blues and corals and always opposed to the yule red. But this time I can deliver. I can also guarantee that the generator I've chosen for you to play with has many parts of genuine plastic, AND it is of a nice blue color that will fade into midmorning sky blue when exposed to actual skies.



As you can see, this is a manually-operated generator, so you'll need no electricity to run it to produce electricity! Wonderful. I thought that it would be useless to have a generator that ran on imported energy to produce energy. No sweat!

In rhyme:
She used to have arms so useless and frail
But brains allover, 'cause she was Mitza
No more will her complexion be skinny and pale
She'll be strong enough to bake a pizza
(But we'll hold the pizza for my next customer below who will translocate into Italy)

On second thought, I'll also a deliver (alas, no plastic versions) a billy for you to boil your catch by the bonging billas (whatever they be).



Ho Ho Ho! Merry Christmas everyone!!
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Santa Claus is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Santa Claus is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Santa Claus is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Santa Claus is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Santa Claus is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Santa Claus is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Santa Claus is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Santa Claus is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Santa Claus is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Santa Claus is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Santa Claus is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.
Jesus' eternal love Re: SANTA WILL DELIVER - THE 2021 CHRISTMAS WISH LIST - 12-06-2021, 03:32 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by The Attention Seeker Jen View Post
Dear Santa,

This Christmas, I would like a Rolex and a LeBaron for my boyfriend, a new kitchen set complete with an Alaskan salmon deboner with a Damascus steel blade, as well as a new mandolin and juicer with depulping attachments, the entire collection of Freaks & Geeks, a make-up set complete with alabaster foundation and violet highlighters, plus and antiperspirant, a waxing kit and some nicker elastic and amyl nitrate, thank you!
Ho-ho-holy crappity crap Jennie-lass. Aren't you a bit greedy?! But, as always. I'll deliver and - as always - it is based not only on your wishes but on your needs. First, your boytoy will have to ask for those thingies himself. If you can't afford to buy them to him yourself, I suggest (and this tip is one of the gifts I deliver) that he goes into gansta rap: Big Money There! Been there, done that. In fact, done almost everything during my existence of several millennia. I used to be a woman called Sheila for a few decades, you didn't know that, did you? So the Rolex and the the vehicle are out but gansta rap may bring them back, we'll have to see.

Next: A mandolin is OK. This one is made of the best genuine plastics:


All the other stuff can be dealt with collectively, as I am quite experienced and always utterly witty, a jolly old but forever young fellow with lots of dough to spare. My elves found another post of yours that provided me with a good solution:
Quote:
Originally Posted by The Attention Seeker Jen View Post
Italy is full of ostentatious estates that have long been abandoned by their former occupants during the Mussilini regime, leaving behind their belongings. The crumbling wood and moulding wallpaper obscure what was once a craze to live like royalty in a bygone era. Wouldn't it be great to refurbish one of these homes and live tax-free like a princess?
In fact, it is Mussolini that you're probably referring to. AND I CAN DELIVER! Did you know that they sell houses for 1 € in Italy. You can renovate a property to me your own mansion, you can live like royalty, have the new kitchen and the libertarian European drug laws will give you the opportunity to have your own lab to try out recipies in the basement. I've chosen this nice house for you!



In rhyme:
To please my friend Jen, so cute and teeny
I'll deliver goodies from her pal Mussolini
Into a mansion you can make this house
It has no vermin, just one breeding house mouse
I deliver, I'm Santa not any genie!

Howdiddly hoe my ho!


Ho Ho Ho! Merry Christmas everyone!!
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Default Re: SANTA WILL DELIVER - THE 2021 CHRISTMAS WISH LIST - 12-06-2021, 12:33 PM

The generator will be lovely, in a Cornflower Blue too – which is always so restful. I can attach a small water wheel where the handle is now; that will be better for the environment. Some people are so greedy aren't they. If I'd known lists were possible I would have included a floral clock. They don't have the flowers in, it's just the clock mechanism. I'm not sure whether they come with hands, probably you just make them up using window boxes. About twenty feet across should would have been big enough.


Last edited by MitzaLizalor; 01-28-2022 at 04:37 AM.
 

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