Go Back   The Landover Baptist Church Forum > Church Forums > THE WAR ON CHRISTMAS!
Reload this Page ASK JESUS - 2021
THE WAR ON CHRISTMAS! Open for the CHRISTmas Season only.

 
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
(#1)
Old
Pastor Ezekiel's Avatar
Pastor Ezekiel Pastor Ezekiel is offline
Putting the "stud" back in Bible Study
 

One Year/1000 posts Ribfest '09 1st Year Bible College 2nd Year Bible College 3rd Year Bible College 4th Year Bible College Saved 1 Year Long service medal, 3rd class Christian Love True Christian™ The Al E. Pistle Award for Excellence in Rebuking Real American™ True Heterosexual™ Tithing Manager 2008 Witch Hunt Award Gunfest '09 Senior Pastor Mission to Australia Heaven Bound Tagging for Jesus The Lord’s Witness Wound Home Schooled Punched the most queers TC Bravery Protected by JESUS Pastor of GOD Ex-Masturbator Jailed for JESUS Super Soaker Baptism Award Ready for the Rapture True Christian Caucasian Teabag Patriot 20,000 posts Friend of Jesus 2010 Witch Hunt Award Flat Earth 50,000 posts Tell her once Persecuted Porn Resistant Mission to Japan Pro-Life Mission to Las Vegas True Christian Provider™ award True Scientist™ Eats the Most Pork 2011 Witch Hunt Award Outreach preacher Special Mission (North Korea) Golden Bear Award True Republican Batman Shooting Survivor Sons of Liberty Loves a GODLY Chic-Fil-A Guns, Guts and GLORY! WisconSIN Shooting survivor Proud Niglet Sponsorer Truck Stop Ministry Member Hatchet Child Rearing Award Kirk Cameron Fan Club In Love With Zeke Bear Prayer Warrior 2012 Witch Hunt Award Man of the Year True Christian Hotrodder Paula Deen Negro Support Group Gator Touched by Jesus 75,000 posts Man of the Year Babysitter 2014 Witch Hunt Award Stamp of Approval Mission to Korea Trump of GOD Uber Angels Driver Rick Perry's Niggerhead Ranch Roper Crossburn Donald Trump 2016! Pancake Dinner Anti-sodomy Hands Off 2015 Witch Hunt Award Pastor Ezekiel Golden Bear Award Mission Long service medal, 2nd class Aardvark Asked questions later Heart of compassion Crown of Righteousness The Crown of Crowns Crown of Glory Crown of Incorruptibility Crown of Rejoicing Crown of Life BFF of Jesus Proud Survivor of the Overwatch Wars Probing for Jesus Wall of Jesus Alternative Facts Saved 10 Years Hold re-election 2020 for Jesus Hold re-election 2020 for Jesus Proud TP Rebuker for Christ Mission to the Philippines Clorox Cured Me QAnon Storm Chaser Anti-Biden British Royalty

 
Posts: 79,891
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Freehold, Iowa
Pastor Ezekiel will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Ezekiel will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Ezekiel will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Ezekiel will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Ezekiel will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Ezekiel will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Ezekiel will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Ezekiel will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Ezekiel will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Ezekiel will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Ezekiel will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!
Jesus ASK JESUS - 2021 - 12-03-2021, 07:29 AM

I've been in communication with my bestest Pal Jesus and He's promised to visit His favorite Forum this Christmas and answer your questions, however stupid and uneducated they might be. Don't let Him down and remember to keep them tithes a-comin'. I NEED the jet NOW!



My question to Him this year: How and when did you choose me as Your favorite?


Who Will Jesus Damn?

Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!
(#2)
Old
The Attention Seeker Jen's Avatar
The Attention Seeker Jen (On Moderation) The Attention Seeker Jen is offline
Unsaved trash
Female incel (probably born as a man): ugly, boring, and witless
Foul Sinner on Moderation

Incel Uppity Woman/Enabler The Dimmest Light of the Month Award Rides the Short Bus Full of it Democrat Drag Queen Attention whore Brain cancer level boring Langobard Midget porn UFO

 
Posts: 257
Join Date: Oct 2019
Location: Dorito production line
The Attention Seeker Jen is a sorcerer and idolater who follows false gods and will rot in Hell.
Default Re: ASK JESUS - 2021 - 12-03-2021, 08:25 AM

Hey Jesus - thank you for answering my prayers and sending a man in my life - you gave me exactly as I asked. Cute, black-haired and younger. But for some reason, I still feel unfulfilled. I know I'm going to have to break it off and settle for the homely Jewish boy next door, but should I at least bake him a cake to say no hard feelings?
(#3)
Old
Dennis Lukes's Avatar
Dennis Lukes Dennis Lukes is offline
Innkeeper for Christ
True Christian™

Friend of Jesus Protected by JESUS Wall of Jesus True Christian™ Christian Love Ex-Masturbator Prayer Warrior Touched by Jesus Inn Keeper for Christ Hold re-election 2020 for Jesus Team Fortress Rebuker Extraordinaire Loves a GODLY Chic-Fil-A Proud Survivor of the Overwatch Wars QAnon Storm Chaser TC Bravery Stamp of Approval Outreach preacher Wrath of God Proud TP Rebuker for Christ Guns, Guts and GLORY! Trump of GOD Asked questions later Anti-Biden Midget porn survivor

 
Posts: 2,217
Join Date: Dec 2018
Location: Owning the Libs
Dennis Lukes will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Dennis Lukes will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Dennis Lukes will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Dennis Lukes will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Dennis Lukes will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Dennis Lukes will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Dennis Lukes will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Dennis Lukes will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Dennis Lukes will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Dennis Lukes will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Dennis Lukes will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!
Default Re: ASK JESUS - 2021 - 12-05-2021, 02:34 AM

Oh Lord, why in your wisdom did you create Asians?


I was sinking deep in sin far from the peaceful shore,
Very deeply stained within, sinking to rise no more;
But the Master of the Sea heard my despairing cry,
From the waters lifted me, now safe am I!
(#4)
Old
MitzaLizalor's Avatar
MitzaLizalor MitzaLizalor is offline
Completely CRAZY for the Lord
True Christian™

Protected by JESUS True Christian Caucasian Ready for the Rapture Heaven Bound Mission to Australia Christian Love Real American™ Friend of Jesus Flat Earth TC Bravery The Al E. Pistle Award for Excellence in Rebuking One Year/1000 posts Best stoning bucket True Christian Lady Pro-Life True Scientist™ True Christian™ True Christian Artist True Christian Beauty Most Obedient Batman Shooting Survivor Kangi Loves a GODLY Chic-Fil-A Guns, Guts and GLORY! Prayer Warrior Early riser Nuts for JESUS! Touched by Jesus Color wheel Trumpette Anti-sodomy Hands Off 1st Year Bible College 2nd Year Bible College 3rd Year Bible College 4th Year Bible College Saved 5 Years Stamp of Approval Tagging for Jesus In Love With Zeke BFF of Jesus God's chosen ones Proud Survivor of the Overwatch Wars Wall of Jesus Alternative Facts Grammar Nazi GLORY Hold re-election 2020 for Jesus Team Fortress Rebuker Extraordinaire Saved 10 Years Proud TP Rebuker for Christ Polling for Christ Anti-Biden Midget porn survivor

 
Posts: 13,203
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Leviticus Landing
MitzaLizalor will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!MitzaLizalor will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!MitzaLizalor will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!MitzaLizalor will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!MitzaLizalor will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!MitzaLizalor will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!MitzaLizalor will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!MitzaLizalor will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!MitzaLizalor will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!MitzaLizalor will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!MitzaLizalor will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!
Default Re: ASK JESUS - 2021 - 12-19-2021, 01:20 PM

How many genders did you create? I've read Genesis and see your reference to Male and female – but they're not genders.

Did you even create gender at all? [I'm asking for a friend.]
(#5)
Old
Dennis Lukes's Avatar
Dennis Lukes Dennis Lukes is offline
Innkeeper for Christ
True Christian™

Friend of Jesus Protected by JESUS Wall of Jesus True Christian™ Christian Love Ex-Masturbator Prayer Warrior Touched by Jesus Inn Keeper for Christ Hold re-election 2020 for Jesus Team Fortress Rebuker Extraordinaire Loves a GODLY Chic-Fil-A Proud Survivor of the Overwatch Wars QAnon Storm Chaser TC Bravery Stamp of Approval Outreach preacher Wrath of God Proud TP Rebuker for Christ Guns, Guts and GLORY! Trump of GOD Asked questions later Anti-Biden Midget porn survivor

 
Posts: 2,217
Join Date: Dec 2018
Location: Owning the Libs
Dennis Lukes will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Dennis Lukes will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Dennis Lukes will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Dennis Lukes will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Dennis Lukes will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Dennis Lukes will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Dennis Lukes will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Dennis Lukes will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Dennis Lukes will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Dennis Lukes will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Dennis Lukes will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!
Default Re: ASK JESUS - 2021 - 12-19-2021, 02:41 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by MitzaLizalor View Post
How many genders did you create? I've read Genesis and see your reference to Male and female – but they're not genders.

Did you even create gender at all? [I'm asking for a friend.]
Sister Mitza, I think I can field this one and save Lord Jesus some time. Gender is a SYNONYM for sex. Whatever else you may have been told by linguists, grammarians, and above all, feminists, is a LIE.


Of course, if the Almighty still wants to weigh in, I'll be waiting with bated breath for the glory of His answer.


I was sinking deep in sin far from the peaceful shore,
Very deeply stained within, sinking to rise no more;
But the Master of the Sea heard my despairing cry,
From the waters lifted me, now safe am I!
(#6)
Old
Jesus's Avatar
Jesus Jesus is offline
The Truest Christian™
 

Best Mullet True Republican Guns, Guts and GLORY! Touched by Jesus Nuke of Heaven Porn Resistant Ex-liberal Wrath of God Wrath of God Wrath of God Wrath of God Clorox Cured Me QAnon Storm Chaser Proud TP Rebuker for Christ ex-sheep-shagger Chili Chemtrail

 
Posts: 215
Join Date: May 2008
Location: Heaven
Jesus is the Way, the Truth, and the LifeJesus is the Way, the Truth, and the LifeJesus is the Way, the Truth, and the LifeJesus is the Way, the Truth, and the LifeJesus is the Way, the Truth, and the LifeJesus is the Way, the Truth, and the LifeJesus is the Way, the Truth, and the LifeJesus is the Way, the Truth, and the LifeJesus is the Way, the Truth, and the LifeJesus is the Way, the Truth, and the LifeJesus is the Way, the Truth, and the Life
Jesus Re: ASK JESUS - 2021 - 12-23-2021, 06:35 AM

Me F. Me! So few questions and so little Praise for ME!
I'll check again on Memas Night but it could just turn out that I'll be binge watching The Crown Season 4 with Dad instead of answering your puny questions (except Zeke ). For the moment, I'll concentrate on being as fabulous as evah and start planning my Memas Dinner.




YIM,

Jesus


Blessed is Me.
(#7)
Old
Dr. Anthony J. Toole's Avatar
Dr. Anthony J. Toole Dr. Anthony J. Toole is online now
An old soul
True Christian™

Heaven Bound Ready for the Rapture Real American™ Friend of Jesus Flat Earth Pro-Life Donald Trump 2016! Mission to Messico Touched by Jesus Christian Love Protected by JESUS Teabag Patriot Alternative Facts TC Bravery True Christian Caucasian True Scientist™ Doctor Get Behind Me Doctor - NO TEAM FORTRESS! True Christian™ Real American™ True Republican BFF of Jesus Ex-eurotrash True Christian™ Protected by JESUS Friend of Jesus Guns, Guts and GLORY! Trump of GOD The Lord’s Witness Wound Persecuted Prayer Warrior Proud TP Rebuker for Christ Ex-liberal QAnon Storm Chaser Tool of God Anti-Biden Midget porn survivor

 
Posts: 3,966
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: USA-UK-France (traveling)
Dr. Anthony J. Toole will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Dr. Anthony J. Toole will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Dr. Anthony J. Toole will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Dr. Anthony J. Toole will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Dr. Anthony J. Toole will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Dr. Anthony J. Toole will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Dr. Anthony J. Toole will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Dr. Anthony J. Toole will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Dr. Anthony J. Toole will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Dr. Anthony J. Toole will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Dr. Anthony J. Toole will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!
Default Re: ASK JESUS - 2021 - 12-23-2021, 08:56 AM

Sorry Sir. Rumor is that faith in You is at an all time low in the US. It doesn't help that Joe Biden is handing out money to poor people like it's loaves of bread. Disgusting.


If I have seen further, it is by standing on the heads of others.
(#8)
Old
The Attention Seeker Jen's Avatar
The Attention Seeker Jen (On Moderation) The Attention Seeker Jen is offline
Unsaved trash
Female incel (probably born as a man): ugly, boring, and witless
Foul Sinner on Moderation

Incel Uppity Woman/Enabler The Dimmest Light of the Month Award Rides the Short Bus Full of it Democrat Drag Queen Attention whore Brain cancer level boring Langobard Midget porn UFO

 
Posts: 257
Join Date: Oct 2019
Location: Dorito production line
The Attention Seeker Jen is a sorcerer and idolater who follows false gods and will rot in Hell.
Default Re: ASK JESUS - 2021 - 12-23-2021, 12:40 PM

I have faith.
(#9)
Old
Prayer Warrior's Avatar
Prayer Warrior Prayer Warrior is offline
True Christian™
True Christian™

Protected by JESUS Prayer Warrior Heaven Bound True Christian Caucasian Friend of Jesus True Christian™ Real American™ The Lord’s Witness Wound Christian Love Ex-Masturbator Ready for the Rapture Flat Earth Tell her once Persecuted Porn Resistant Sons of Liberty True Republican Proud Niglet Sponsorer Touched by Jesus Saved 1 Year TC Bravery Mower Donald Trump 2016! Trump of GOD Pancake Dinner Hands Off True Heterosexual™ Saved 5 Years Wall of Jesus Alternative Facts Asked questions later Teabag Patriot Clorox Cured Me Anti-Biden

 
Posts: 811
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: America: God's favorite nation
Prayer Warrior will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Prayer Warrior will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Prayer Warrior will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Prayer Warrior will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Prayer Warrior will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Prayer Warrior will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Prayer Warrior will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Prayer Warrior will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Prayer Warrior will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Prayer Warrior will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Prayer Warrior will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!
Default Re: ASK JESUS - 2021 - 12-24-2021, 07:41 AM

Thank You for once again blessing us with Your holy and divine presence! We are all better for it!


Quote:
Originally Posted by Jesus View Post
In January 2020, we were busy watching the final season of GoT (again)
Quote:
Originally Posted by Prayer Warrior View Post
Why did You allow Joe Biden to win the presidency?
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jesus View Post
I was distracted watching Netflix with Dad.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jesus View Post
Gotta go. Dad's streaming "Cuties" on Netflix.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jesus View Post
I'll check again on Memas Night but it could just turn out that I'll be binge watching The Crown Season 4 with Dad instead of answering your puny questions (except Zeke )
It seems You've been preoccupied with streaming and entertainment a lot lately. I was under the impression that these shows were well.. not the most holy of shows to watch.
Why have these entertainment shows taken up such a great deal of Your attention lately?

And if they are acceptable viewing now, what would You recommend?
(#10)
Old
Jesus's Avatar
Jesus Jesus is offline
The Truest Christian™
 

Best Mullet True Republican Guns, Guts and GLORY! Touched by Jesus Nuke of Heaven Porn Resistant Ex-liberal Wrath of God Wrath of God Wrath of God Wrath of God Clorox Cured Me QAnon Storm Chaser Proud TP Rebuker for Christ ex-sheep-shagger Chili Chemtrail

 
Posts: 215
Join Date: May 2008
Location: Heaven
Jesus is the Way, the Truth, and the LifeJesus is the Way, the Truth, and the LifeJesus is the Way, the Truth, and the LifeJesus is the Way, the Truth, and the LifeJesus is the Way, the Truth, and the LifeJesus is the Way, the Truth, and the LifeJesus is the Way, the Truth, and the LifeJesus is the Way, the Truth, and the LifeJesus is the Way, the Truth, and the LifeJesus is the Way, the Truth, and the LifeJesus is the Way, the Truth, and the Life
Bible Re: ASK JESUS - 2021 - 12-24-2021, 02:18 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Pastor Ezekiel View Post
How and when did you choose me as Your favorite?
Zeke

I made thee, and formed thee from the womb, which will help thee; Fear not, O Zeke, my servant, whom I have chosen.

Before I separated the waters above from those below I had decided to make you my sidekick. You are the one who knows the perils of the female cooter almost as well as I do. Not quite as well, though as I am the only person in history who deflowered his own mother. I gave you your dazzling good handsome looks and the skills to guide your Filipino houseboys to your manly bosom. You are my True Love™, baby Zeke and we're gonna have a jolly good time in Heaven.

Such a good question! Blessed be I.


Blessed is Me.
(#11)
Old
Jesus's Avatar
Jesus Jesus is offline
The Truest Christian™
 

Best Mullet True Republican Guns, Guts and GLORY! Touched by Jesus Nuke of Heaven Porn Resistant Ex-liberal Wrath of God Wrath of God Wrath of God Wrath of God Clorox Cured Me QAnon Storm Chaser Proud TP Rebuker for Christ ex-sheep-shagger Chili Chemtrail

 
Posts: 215
Join Date: May 2008
Location: Heaven
Jesus is the Way, the Truth, and the LifeJesus is the Way, the Truth, and the LifeJesus is the Way, the Truth, and the LifeJesus is the Way, the Truth, and the LifeJesus is the Way, the Truth, and the LifeJesus is the Way, the Truth, and the LifeJesus is the Way, the Truth, and the LifeJesus is the Way, the Truth, and the LifeJesus is the Way, the Truth, and the LifeJesus is the Way, the Truth, and the LifeJesus is the Way, the Truth, and the Life
Bible Re: ASK JESUS - 2021 - 12-24-2021, 02:24 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by The Attention Seeker Jen View Post
Hey Jesus - thank you for answering my prayers and sending a man in my life - you gave me exactly as I asked. Cute, black-haired and younger. But for some reason, I still feel unfulfilled. I know I'm going to have to break it off and settle for the homely Jewish boy next door, but should I at least bake him a cake to say no hard feelings?
I strongly suggest that whatever cake you bake you won't eat it yourself. BTW, as my future task is to feed all those who gain access to Heaven (see Revelation 7 for details, I wrote it but dunno when Dad talked me into this feeding business for f**k's sake), you have absolutely no chance to get into eternal bliss. No mortal nor immortal being could ever satisfy that appetite and I'm not gonna be feeding you 24/7 for eternity. But think of all that adipose glory gory of yours sizzling on hot lava in Hell.



Blessed is Me.
(#12)
Old
Jesus's Avatar
Jesus Jesus is offline
The Truest Christian™
 

Best Mullet True Republican Guns, Guts and GLORY! Touched by Jesus Nuke of Heaven Porn Resistant Ex-liberal Wrath of God Wrath of God Wrath of God Wrath of God Clorox Cured Me QAnon Storm Chaser Proud TP Rebuker for Christ ex-sheep-shagger Chili Chemtrail

 
Posts: 215
Join Date: May 2008
Location: Heaven
Jesus is the Way, the Truth, and the LifeJesus is the Way, the Truth, and the LifeJesus is the Way, the Truth, and the LifeJesus is the Way, the Truth, and the LifeJesus is the Way, the Truth, and the LifeJesus is the Way, the Truth, and the LifeJesus is the Way, the Truth, and the LifeJesus is the Way, the Truth, and the LifeJesus is the Way, the Truth, and the LifeJesus is the Way, the Truth, and the LifeJesus is the Way, the Truth, and the Life
burger Re: ASK JESUS - 2021 - 12-24-2021, 02:31 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Dennis Lukes View Post
Oh Lord, why in your wisdom did you create Asians?
The FOOD, the FOOD! There are some but only some palatable western dishes, caviar, foie gras, freedom fries, a decent burger now and then, but I made the Asians to COOK. Holy shit they can cook. A nice biryani, some chapati bread, dal, Beijing Duck, carved watermelons on a beach in Pattaya while frequenting the bar scene. My Dad they can cook!

Of course, they will still go to Hell to accompany Jen the glutton. They are wicked but I was a-makin' all these things for meself: yea, even the wicked for the day of evil. And once they enter Hell, they can continue to provide me with a nice curry now and then. For Dad's sake, I've gotta get some deliveries to feed y'all once this earth is recycled (see Revelation 7, I wrote it etc. etc)..


Blessed is Me.
(#13)
Old
Jesus's Avatar
Jesus Jesus is offline
The Truest Christian™
 

Best Mullet True Republican Guns, Guts and GLORY! Touched by Jesus Nuke of Heaven Porn Resistant Ex-liberal Wrath of God Wrath of God Wrath of God Wrath of God Clorox Cured Me QAnon Storm Chaser Proud TP Rebuker for Christ ex-sheep-shagger Chili Chemtrail

 
Posts: 215
Join Date: May 2008
Location: Heaven
Jesus is the Way, the Truth, and the LifeJesus is the Way, the Truth, and the LifeJesus is the Way, the Truth, and the LifeJesus is the Way, the Truth, and the LifeJesus is the Way, the Truth, and the LifeJesus is the Way, the Truth, and the LifeJesus is the Way, the Truth, and the LifeJesus is the Way, the Truth, and the LifeJesus is the Way, the Truth, and the LifeJesus is the Way, the Truth, and the LifeJesus is the Way, the Truth, and the Life
Devil Re: ASK JESUS - 2021 - 12-24-2021, 02:36 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by MitzaLizalor View Post
How many genders did you create? I've read Genesis and see your reference to Male and female – but they're not genders.

Did you even create gender at all? [I'm asking for a friend.]
Please call your friend asap, he with all her confused pronouns will be smitten very very soon because of their stupid questions. Anyways, Of course I created the sinners and they (free will, free will) came up with genders. The genderbenders are wicked and reserved to the day of destruction. They shall be brought forth to the day of wrath. At the moment, I've allowed exactly 1252 genders to appear but there'll be no man nor woman nor Shetland-pony-with-high-heels-enfatuated genders in Satan in Hell. They'll all taste the same in curry paste and ghee.


Blessed is Me.
(#14)
Old
Jesus's Avatar
Jesus Jesus is offline
The Truest Christian™
 

Best Mullet True Republican Guns, Guts and GLORY! Touched by Jesus Nuke of Heaven Porn Resistant Ex-liberal Wrath of God Wrath of God Wrath of God Wrath of God Clorox Cured Me QAnon Storm Chaser Proud TP Rebuker for Christ ex-sheep-shagger Chili Chemtrail

 
Posts: 215
Join Date: May 2008
Location: Heaven
Jesus is the Way, the Truth, and the LifeJesus is the Way, the Truth, and the LifeJesus is the Way, the Truth, and the LifeJesus is the Way, the Truth, and the LifeJesus is the Way, the Truth, and the LifeJesus is the Way, the Truth, and the LifeJesus is the Way, the Truth, and the LifeJesus is the Way, the Truth, and the LifeJesus is the Way, the Truth, and the LifeJesus is the Way, the Truth, and the LifeJesus is the Way, the Truth, and the Life
Messican Re: ASK JESUS - 2021 - 12-24-2021, 02:39 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Dennis Lukes View Post
Sister Mitza, I think I can field this one and save Lord Jesus some time. Gender is a SYNONYM for sex. Whatever else you may have been told by linguists, grammarians, and above all, feminists, is a LIE.

Of course, if the Almighty still wants to weigh in, I'll be waiting with bated breath for the glory of His answer.
This question is awfully bad formulated, isn't it? Free hint -> Add just a tiny bit lemongrass to your gravy and it'll be purrfect. BTW, I've watched Mandalorian season three and shall be giving spoilers unless the questions become less insane.


Blessed is Me.
(#15)
Old
Jesus's Avatar
Jesus Jesus is offline
The Truest Christian™
 

Best Mullet True Republican Guns, Guts and GLORY! Touched by Jesus Nuke of Heaven Porn Resistant Ex-liberal Wrath of God Wrath of God Wrath of God Wrath of God Clorox Cured Me QAnon Storm Chaser Proud TP Rebuker for Christ ex-sheep-shagger Chili Chemtrail

 
Posts: 215
Join Date: May 2008
Location: Heaven
Jesus is the Way, the Truth, and the LifeJesus is the Way, the Truth, and the LifeJesus is the Way, the Truth, and the LifeJesus is the Way, the Truth, and the LifeJesus is the Way, the Truth, and the LifeJesus is the Way, the Truth, and the LifeJesus is the Way, the Truth, and the LifeJesus is the Way, the Truth, and the LifeJesus is the Way, the Truth, and the LifeJesus is the Way, the Truth, and the LifeJesus is the Way, the Truth, and the Life
Pumpkin pie Re: ASK JESUS - 2021 - 12-24-2021, 02:42 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Dr. Anthony J. Toole View Post
Sorry Sir. Rumor is that faith in You is at an all time low in the US. It doesn't help that Joe Biden is handing out money to poor people like it's loaves of bread. Disgusting.
I'll tell you something that is NOT disgusting. Fetal veal cooked in yoghurt with mint and kaffir lime leaves and coconut cream and served with steaming hot easy peasy pilau rice. If you get your act together, I just might feed you some of that stuff in Heaven (see revelations 7 for details, etc. etc. etc.). Have you watched the Great British Bake Off latest season?


Blessed is Me.
(#16)
Old
Jesus's Avatar
Jesus Jesus is offline
The Truest Christian™
 

Best Mullet True Republican Guns, Guts and GLORY! Touched by Jesus Nuke of Heaven Porn Resistant Ex-liberal Wrath of God Wrath of God Wrath of God Wrath of God Clorox Cured Me QAnon Storm Chaser Proud TP Rebuker for Christ ex-sheep-shagger Chili Chemtrail

 
Posts: 215
Join Date: May 2008
Location: Heaven
Jesus is the Way, the Truth, and the LifeJesus is the Way, the Truth, and the LifeJesus is the Way, the Truth, and the LifeJesus is the Way, the Truth, and the LifeJesus is the Way, the Truth, and the LifeJesus is the Way, the Truth, and the LifeJesus is the Way, the Truth, and the LifeJesus is the Way, the Truth, and the LifeJesus is the Way, the Truth, and the LifeJesus is the Way, the Truth, and the LifeJesus is the Way, the Truth, and the Life
Rebuke Re: ASK JESUS - 2021 - 12-24-2021, 02:43 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by The Attention Seeker Jen View Post
I have faith.
And I have ten fingers. Here's one of them.



Blessed is Me.
(#17)
Old
Jesus's Avatar
Jesus Jesus is offline
The Truest Christian™
 

Best Mullet True Republican Guns, Guts and GLORY! Touched by Jesus Nuke of Heaven Porn Resistant Ex-liberal Wrath of God Wrath of God Wrath of God Wrath of God Clorox Cured Me QAnon Storm Chaser Proud TP Rebuker for Christ ex-sheep-shagger Chili Chemtrail

 
Posts: 215
Join Date: May 2008
Location: Heaven
Jesus is the Way, the Truth, and the LifeJesus is the Way, the Truth, and the LifeJesus is the Way, the Truth, and the LifeJesus is the Way, the Truth, and the LifeJesus is the Way, the Truth, and the LifeJesus is the Way, the Truth, and the LifeJesus is the Way, the Truth, and the LifeJesus is the Way, the Truth, and the LifeJesus is the Way, the Truth, and the LifeJesus is the Way, the Truth, and the LifeJesus is the Way, the Truth, and the Life
flag Re: ASK JESUS - 2021 - 12-24-2021, 02:49 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Prayer Warrior View Post
Thank You for once again blessing us with Your holy and divine presence! We are all better for it!

It seems You've been preoccupied with streaming and entertainment a lot lately. I was under the impression that these shows were well.. not the most holy of shows to watch.
Why have these entertainment shows taken up such a great deal of Your attention lately?

And if they are acceptable viewing now, what would You recommend?
Gotta keep abreast of the latest sinner antics and is there a better way to do that than watching how their innermost cravings are displayed on pay TV? BTW, guess who did the Holy Ghost Writing for GoT season 8!? That took y'all sinners by surprise and no-on realized that Bran was my alter ego. Still whining about the burning of the Iron Throne (I HATE fucking Iron Chariots and chairs) by Drogon (Dad's alter ego)?

Of course viewing them will be disastrous for the common man. I'm streaming Hawkeye now and tasting some explosively good samosas filled with Samoans or vice versa.


Blessed is Me.
(#18)
Old
Jesus's Avatar
Jesus Jesus is offline
The Truest Christian™
 

Best Mullet True Republican Guns, Guts and GLORY! Touched by Jesus Nuke of Heaven Porn Resistant Ex-liberal Wrath of God Wrath of God Wrath of God Wrath of God Clorox Cured Me QAnon Storm Chaser Proud TP Rebuker for Christ ex-sheep-shagger Chili Chemtrail

 
Posts: 215
Join Date: May 2008
Location: Heaven
Jesus is the Way, the Truth, and the LifeJesus is the Way, the Truth, and the LifeJesus is the Way, the Truth, and the LifeJesus is the Way, the Truth, and the LifeJesus is the Way, the Truth, and the LifeJesus is the Way, the Truth, and the LifeJesus is the Way, the Truth, and the LifeJesus is the Way, the Truth, and the LifeJesus is the Way, the Truth, and the LifeJesus is the Way, the Truth, and the LifeJesus is the Way, the Truth, and the Life
Sinner Re: ASK JESUS - 2021 - 12-25-2021, 09:13 AM



So it has come to this? I AM now supposed to post my own Birthday wishes? Dafuk? This will lead to some global warming and overpopulation of Hell, capische?!





Blessed is Me.
(#19)
Old
Dennis Lukes's Avatar
Dennis Lukes Dennis Lukes is offline
Innkeeper for Christ
True Christian™

Friend of Jesus Protected by JESUS Wall of Jesus True Christian™ Christian Love Ex-Masturbator Prayer Warrior Touched by Jesus Inn Keeper for Christ Hold re-election 2020 for Jesus Team Fortress Rebuker Extraordinaire Loves a GODLY Chic-Fil-A Proud Survivor of the Overwatch Wars QAnon Storm Chaser TC Bravery Stamp of Approval Outreach preacher Wrath of God Proud TP Rebuker for Christ Guns, Guts and GLORY! Trump of GOD Asked questions later Anti-Biden Midget porn survivor

 
Posts: 2,217
Join Date: Dec 2018
Location: Owning the Libs
Dennis Lukes will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Dennis Lukes will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Dennis Lukes will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Dennis Lukes will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Dennis Lukes will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Dennis Lukes will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Dennis Lukes will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Dennis Lukes will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Dennis Lukes will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Dennis Lukes will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Dennis Lukes will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!
Default Re: ASK JESUS - 2021 - 12-25-2021, 01:17 PM

HAPPY BIRTHDAY JESUS!!!!!!!!

(First!)


I was sinking deep in sin far from the peaceful shore,
Very deeply stained within, sinking to rise no more;
But the Master of the Sea heard my despairing cry,
From the waters lifted me, now safe am I!
(#20)
Old
handmaiden's Avatar
handmaiden handmaiden is offline
Is a good, decent True Christian™ lady
True Christian™

Ex-Mary Worshipper True Christian™ Heaven Bound Protected by JESUS True Christian Caucasian True Christian Lady True Heterosexual™ Cleanest Kitchen Best Pie Best stoning bucket Bronze Tither Friend of Jesus Flat Earth Most Obedient One Year/1000 posts True Republican Super Soaker Baptism Award Eats the Most Pork Ready for the Rapture Persecuted Christian Love Grammar Nazi Trump of GOD Kirk Cameron Fan Club Prayer Warrior Teabag Patriot Trumpette Saved 5 Years Proud Survivor of the Overwatch Wars Guns, Guts and GLORY! Alternative Facts Asked questions later Babysitter Marshmallow GLORY Hold re-election 2020 for Jesus Team Fortress Rebuker Extraordinaire Saved 10 Years Polling for Christ Anti-Biden True Christian Beauty Chocolate Midget porn survivor Crown of Rejoicing

 
Posts: 9,984
Join Date: May 2010
Location: 39.373117/-76.472688
handmaiden will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!handmaiden will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!handmaiden will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!handmaiden will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!handmaiden will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!handmaiden will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!handmaiden will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!handmaiden will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!handmaiden will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!handmaiden will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!handmaiden will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!
Default Re: ASK JESUS - 2021 - 12-25-2021, 01:23 PM

Oh, Jesus! Have some cake.



His left hand should be under my head, and his right hand should embrace me.

Guns For God and the Economy
 

Bookmarks

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Find Additional Forums Here



Powered by Jesus - vBulletin® Version 3.8.9
Copyright ©2000 - 2022, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
vBulletin Skin developed by: vBStyles.com
Content Landover Baptist Forums © 1620, 2022 all rights reserved