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Default Kids Say the Darndest Things - 05-07-2019, 10:29 AM

At my Mom's church last Sunday, they had all the kids up the front for "children's time" and the pastor was explaining how tithing was an act of worship.

At the end, the pastor said, "So when we collect the offering, it's a form of . . . ?"

And one girl called out, "Stealing!"

I had to chuckle to myself when she told me this. Kids say the darndest things when they're in that phase before they've had their thinking fully corrected by the rod (Prov 22:15) and Biblical instruction (Deut 6:6-9).

Anyone else got other examples?


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Talking Re: Kids Say the Darndest Things - 05-08-2019, 12:34 PM

I heard a good one a while back. I spend time looking over the children's Bible study class, often lending a hand to the young boys that are having a hard time of it. Any how, a few weeks back, I was sitting in my over stuffed chair in the corner of the room when Mr. Lempke asked "Why do we bow and pray?' The answer's had me in stitches
"So God cannot see that Janey is cross-eyed!"
"Because God likes to see we got a good haircut."
My favorite was: "So God can cleanly chop off the head of a sinner!"


Isaiah 45:7 I form the light, and create darkness: I make peace, and create evil: I the LORD do all these things.
Amos 3:6 Shall a trumpet be blown in the city, and the people not be afraid? shall there be evil in a city, and the LORD hath not done it?
Numbers 21:6 And the LORD sent fiery serpents among the people, and they bit the people; and much people of Israel died.
Matthew 10:34 Think not that I am come to send peace on earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword.
Matthew 10:35 For I am come to set a man at variance against his father, and the daughter against her mother, and the daughter in law against her mother in law.
Matthew 10:36 And a man's foes shall be they of his own household.
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Default Re: Kids Say the Darndest Things - 05-08-2019, 03:41 PM

I remember watching Pastor Deacon Fred’s podcasts and there was this one question a little girl asked “Does Jesus watch me go poppy”. I chuckled and wished I could tell the little girl that he indeed does and if you touch the “no no area” with your bare hands you are SINNING.



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Default Re: Kids Say the Darndest Things - 05-08-2019, 05:35 PM

This happened one Sunday when I was still attending my former church in Midtown. I had taken my rightful place in the 2nd pew from the front and a couple with a 3 or 4 year old girl was directly in front of me. She was standing on the pew facing me (how unsanitary for the next user) when during a quiet moment in the service she said to her mother, while pointing at me, "Mommy I hate that man."


I was aghast, my mouth agape, when the woman seated beside me said, "Honey, we mustn't hate anything but sin." I felt a little vindicated but still it was a horrifying experience and I think some children are spawns of the devil. Especially the one on the elevator that calls me "faggot."


Perhaps it's best that I don't marry since I would summarily put out of the house any child who acted like that.


Proverbs 21:31 KJV 1611:
“The horse is prepared against the day of battell: but safetie is of the Lord.”

Lord, may I serve my equine brothers and sisters just as I do my fellow man.
Amen and Amen
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Rebuke Re: Kids Say the Darndest Things - 05-08-2019, 06:32 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by BrotherLarry View Post
This happened one Sunday when I was still attending my former church in Midtown. I had taken my rightful place in the 2nd pew from the front and a couple with a 3 or 4 year old girl was directly in front of me. She was standing on the pew facing me (how unsanitary for the next user) when during a quiet moment in the service she said to her mother, while pointing at me, "Mommy I hate that man."

I was aghast, my mouth agape, when the woman seated beside me said, "Honey, we mustn't hate anything but sin." I felt a little vindicated but still it was a horrifying experience and I think some children are spawns of the devil. Especially the one on the elevator that calls me "faggot."

Perhaps it's best that I don't marry since I would summarily put out of the house any child who acted like that.
This is exactly why we do not allow children who are not Baptized in to the Crystal Cathedral. Some grubby uncommitted soulless child putting their filthy Mary Janes®on our silk brocade.

Every dollar needlessly spent on excessive maintenance is a dollar I cannot use to save souls. Just one dollar will convert the lives of ten unwanted Thia boys.


Who Will Jesus Damn?

Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

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Default Re: Kids Say the Darndest Things - 05-08-2019, 10:20 PM

My 2nd oldest Mark was in Sunday School, when the teacher asked, "What lives in trees and eats nuts? It can be gray or brown and it has a long bushy tail. It chatters and squeaks."


No one was sure, but finally Mark answered, "It sounds like a squirrel, but the answer should be Jesus."

We made sure the teacher was fired since all answers should be Jesus


Psalm 62:5-7 KJV
My soul, wait thou only upon God; for my expectation is from him. He only is my rock and my salvation: he is my defence;
I shall not be moved. In God is my salvation and my glory: the rock of my strength, and my refuge, is in God.
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Default Re: Kids Say the Darndest Things - 05-09-2019, 03:24 PM

Kids can be so insolent. At the movie theater, while I was preaching about how God is almighty, a young boy asked me if God could beat Thanos.

As I don't have a Thanos in my Bible, I asked who he was. The kid told me: "I am sure that God cannot beat Thanos. What is God's superpower?"


"Well", I said, "He can move water enough to make all Earth flooded!"


He answered me "Thanos can destroy half the Universe with a snap"


I told him God can do that. God can do as He pleases.


"So God is a villain" the boy told me "because when He gets angry He destroys the world"


"No" I told Him "God only wants to restore balance, and make people understand they cannot sin"


"Classic villain" the boy told me. "Villains always want the greater good nowadays, but they do not care about destroying entire populations on their way"


I was getting more and more angry with this little annoying kid. So I told Him "God has written a book, has Thanos wrote anything? How are we supposed to follow Thanos and adore him, as we have to adore God"


"Thanos does not want adoration or submission. That, nevertheless, is also a characteristic from villains. They want people to adore them, obey them, are capricious, and frequently go in rage with their colleagues or employees. Vanishing them is frequent"


"So are you telling me, you little excuse for a boy, that God vanishing Satan from Heaven for something is also a thing that villains do so often?"


"Yes" the kid said, "and that often leads to the two villains (the leader and the fallen one) to start a villain war. They fight for the souls of the living creatures in their Universe, and demand to completely surrender to them and fight the other villain"


"Ok" I said "Enough of your imagination. You know, God and Satan are not always enemies. In fact, God is sending all the time souls to Satan so he can torture them for all the eternity"


"Wow" the kid said "At least Thanos only kills you. God sends you to His own enemy so He can torture for all the eternity"


"Yes" I said. At this time, I was hoping God to help me by sending a She-Bear, but that only seems to happen if the kid says something like "Go up thou bald head" - 2 Kings 2:23 - which this kid refused to repeat.


"Finally you have to admit God is more powerful than Thanos" I said with the best smile I could produce.


"Can be. At least He is more evil than Thanos!" the kid said. "But all of them can be erased by Captain Marvel in her best days!"


That was enough for me. The sole idea that God could be defeated by a woman was so irritating, that I had to end this.


"The fact is, kid, that Thanos and Captain Marvel do not exist. They were created by a group of men, put in books and movies, but they are not real. They exist so a group of men can become incredible rich while we are entertained by their stories"


"Fair enough" said the kid, with a vocabulary that exceeded his age by far. I was starting to think he was either a demon or a midget "Where can I find God?"


"In this book" I said, while extending a Bible "and for you it's free. Read it and be saved"


"Don't you see the irony" the kid said


"What?" was my final answer.


That kid is definitively going to Hell. And I definitively won the argument.


1 Thessalonians 4:16 For the Lord himself shall descend from heaven with a shout, with the voice of the archangel, and with the TRUMP of God: and the dead in Christ shall rise first.
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Default Re: Kids Say the Darndest Things - 05-10-2019, 11:46 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Dana723 View Post
My 2nd oldest Mark was in Sunday School, when the teacher asked, "What lives in trees and eats nuts? It can be gray or brown and it has a long bushy tail. It chatters and squeaks."


No one was sure, but finally Mark answered, "It sounds like a squirrel, but the answer should be Jesus."

We made sure the teacher was fired since all answers should be Jesus
Can you seriously not see how stupid that sounds?
"What's for dinner?"
Jesus.
"What grows on trees?"
Jesus.
"What's your favorite animal?"
Jesus.


RIP to these kids since they wont be getting proper education from the sounds of it.
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Default Re: Kids Say the Darndest Things - 05-10-2019, 11:55 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Brother Gonzalez View Post
Kids can be so insolent. At the movie theater, while I was preaching about how God is almighty, a young boy asked me if God could beat Thanos.

As I don't have a Thanos in my Bible, I asked who he was. The kid told me: "I am sure that God cannot beat Thanos. What is God's superpower?"


"Well", I said, "He can move water enough to make all Earth flooded!"


He answered me "Thanos can destroy half the Universe with a snap"


I told him God can do that. God can do as He pleases.


"So God is a villain" the boy told me "because when He gets angry He destroys the world"


"No" I told Him "God only wants to restore balance, and make people understand they cannot sin"


"Classic villain" the boy told me. "Villains always want the greater good nowadays, but they do not care about destroying entire populations on their way"


I was getting more and more angry with this little annoying kid. So I told Him "God has written a book, has Thanos wrote anything? How are we supposed to follow Thanos and adore him, as we have to adore God"


"Thanos does not want adoration or submission. That, nevertheless, is also a characteristic from villains. They want people to adore them, obey them, are capricious, and frequently go in rage with their colleagues or employees. Vanishing them is frequent"


"So are you telling me, you little excuse for a boy, that God vanishing Satan from Heaven for something is also a thing that villains do so often?"


"Yes" the kid said, "and that often leads to the two villains (the leader and the fallen one) to start a villain war. They fight for the souls of the living creatures in their Universe, and demand to completely surrender to them and fight the other villain"


"Ok" I said "Enough of your imagination. You know, God and Satan are not always enemies. In fact, God is sending all the time souls to Satan so he can torture them for all the eternity"


"Wow" the kid said "At least Thanos only kills you. God sends you to His own enemy so He can torture for all the eternity"


"Yes" I said. At this time, I was hoping God to help me by sending a She-Bear, but that only seems to happen if the kid says something like "Go up thou bald head" - 2 Kings 2:23 - which this kid refused to repeat.


"Finally you have to admit God is more powerful than Thanos" I said with the best smile I could produce.


"Can be. At least He is more evil than Thanos!" the kid said. "But all of them can be erased by Captain Marvel in her best days!"


That was enough for me. The sole idea that God could be defeated by a woman was so irritating, that I had to end this.


"The fact is, kid, that Thanos and Captain Marvel do not exist. They were created by a group of men, put in books and movies, but they are not real. They exist so a group of men can become incredible rich while we are entertained by their stories"


"Fair enough" said the kid, with a vocabulary that exceeded his age by far. I was starting to think he was either a demon or a midget "Where can I find God?"


"In this book" I said, while extending a Bible "and for you it's free. Read it and be saved"


"Don't you see the irony" the kid said


"What?" was my final answer.


That kid is definitively going to Hell. And I definitively won the argument.
The kid was either making a joke, or was really young. Also, you mean to tell me, that you argued with a kid. From the kids point of view, God IS an enemy, like Thanos. You described God to be like Thanos. Thanos is a villain in Infinity war and Endgame (Both fantastic movies BTW. I personally think Thanos was in the right.) Just because a kid is smart, doesn't make him demon possessed. You didn't win. You just didn't want to hear him out.
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Default Re: Kids Say the Darndest Things - 05-11-2019, 12:45 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Scoutman03 View Post
Thanos is a villain in Infinity war and Endgame (Both fantastic movies BTW. I personally think Thanos was in the right.)
Virgin I presume?

Also Thanos is a wuss. If God destroys something He goes all out: Isaiah 13:9 "Behold, the day of the Lord comes, cruel, with wrath and fierce anger, to make the land a desolation and to destroy its sinners from it." None of this liberal "kill 50%" nonsense.


CANCER is a state of mind! Time to stop ALL healthcare!!!
Follow me on Twitter or burn in Hell for all eternity!

To most "Christians" The Bible is like a license agreement. They just scroll to the bottom and click "I agree". All those "Christians" will burn in Hell!
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Default Re: Kids Say the Darndest Things - 05-11-2019, 02:34 AM

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Originally Posted by Scoutman03 View Post
Can you seriously not see how stupid that sounds?
"What's for dinner?"
Jesus.
"What grows on trees?"
Jesus.
"What's your favorite animal?"
Jesus.


RIP to these kids since they wont be getting proper education from the sounds of it.
Jesus is ALWAYS the answer. Perhaps you need to read your


Psalm 62:5-7 KJV
My soul, wait thou only upon God; for my expectation is from him. He only is my rock and my salvation: he is my defence;
I shall not be moved. In God is my salvation and my glory: the rock of my strength, and my refuge, is in God.
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Default Re: Kids Say the Darndest Things - 05-11-2019, 08:46 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Scoutman03 View Post
The kid was either making a joke, or was really young. Also, you mean to tell me, that you argued with a kid. From the kids point of view, God IS an enemy, like Thanos. You described God to be like Thanos. Thanos is a villain in Infinity war and Endgame (Both fantastic movies BTW. I personally think Thanos was in the right.) Just because a kid is smart, doesn't make him demon possessed. You didn't win. You just didn't want to hear him out.
I have no idea what a Thanos is but God is an enemy of children? God is Jesus. Every educated child knows that! Are you now claiming that friends are enemies? That Christ's love is an enemy? Education is knowing that because Jesus is our friend, God is NOT an enemy.

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Default Re: Kids Say the Darndest Things - 05-11-2019, 10:19 AM

During my times teaching Baptist Divinity in a school in Africa I read out Luke 21:32: "Verily I say unto you, This generation shall not pass away, till all be fulfilled,"



A small boy said "Mr Unfals, Jesus was wrong".


I wasn't exactly invited to teach these lessons at this school in the first place. The correctional actions I took for this boy's benefit actually saw my visa to Malawi revoked permanently.


Honestly, kids will say anything.
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Default Re: Kids Say the Darndest Things - 05-11-2019, 11:10 AM

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Originally Posted by Cranky Old Man View Post
Virgin I presume?

Also Thanos is a wuss. If God destroys something He goes all out: Isaiah 13:9 "Behold, the day of the Lord comes, cruel, with wrath and fierce anger, to make the land a desolation and to destroy its sinners from it." None of this liberal "kill 50%" nonsense.
Mister Cranky, pay ScoutRaper no mind. It is a male atheist who believes he’s a woman. He’s obviously delusional and it’s not worth it to get caught in his atheist trappings.

ScoutRaper if you’re reading this, how dare you attack sister Dana. She is an honest smart woman who can clean the kitchen in record time. Meanwhile, you PRETEND to be a woman which makes absolutely no sense. For you to be criticizing Christian intelligence is laughable to the extreme. Are you really an atheist? Or are you a secret Cathlick?

Also, Jesus is always the answer. I can attest. My uncle once applied to be on jeopardy and he always gave the answer Jesus (which is right) when he auditioned. They wouldn’t let him on the air obviously because he would’ve bankrupted the show. Uncle Chuck Mangione was a highly intelligent figure in my community before he got in a propane accident though.


My name is Maxine Levantine. I am 17 and follow the KJV Bible to a T. If you are wanting to hit on me you can turn away. THIS is reserved for Jesus and my future husband (whoever that may be).
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Grammar Nazi Re: Kids Say the Darndest Things - 05-11-2019, 05:12 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Scoutman03 View Post
The kid was either making a joke, or was really young. Also, you mean to tell me, that you argued with a kid. ...Utter drivel removed and ignored.

All a big joke to you homosexualisters. An adult, tries to guide a young person to the right path and you think it was arguing? If a bridge is out, and a car speeding toward it full of babies, is that funny? Does the idea of a river full of bobbing babies make you guffaw? You really are a demented pervert.

Do you seriously think that trying to prevent the needless death of human beings who have not yet had the chance to repent for the life of sins their family has forced them to live by is a good thing?


Relly, what are you thinking? Do you hate the idea of eternal salvation so very much, is your own depraved life such a train wreck that you gain pleasure in seeing others suffer and be miserable like you just because you denounce His Glory?


Isaiah 45:7 I form the light, and create darkness: I make peace, and create evil: I the LORD do all these things.
Amos 3:6 Shall a trumpet be blown in the city, and the people not be afraid? shall there be evil in a city, and the LORD hath not done it?
Numbers 21:6 And the LORD sent fiery serpents among the people, and they bit the people; and much people of Israel died.
Matthew 10:34 Think not that I am come to send peace on earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword.
Matthew 10:35 For I am come to set a man at variance against his father, and the daughter against her mother, and the daughter in law against her mother in law.
Matthew 10:36 And a man's foes shall be they of his own household.
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Default Re: Kids Say the Darndest Things - 05-11-2019, 05:27 PM

I overheard this at a kids prayer event once (I was the supervising medical advisor): "Dear God, How come you did all those miracles in the old days and don't do any now?" Of course I reported Billy to the Pastor who took him aside and opened the boy's eyes, wide open. The shrieking, oh Glory!
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Cross Re: Kids Say the Darndest Things - 05-11-2019, 05:38 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Dr. Anthony J. Toole View Post
I overheard this at a kids prayer event once (I was the supervising medical advisor): "Dear God, How come you did all those miracles in the old days and don't do any now?" Of course I reported Billy to the Pastor who took him aside and opened the boy's eyes, wide open. The shrieking, oh Glory!
God comes onto me all the time and performs miracles. I am just not a braggart.

2 Timothy 3:1-4
3 This know also, that in the last days perilous times shall come.
2 For men shall be lovers of their own selves, covetous, boasters, proud, blasphemers, disobedient to parents, unthankful, unholy,
3 Without natural affection, trucebreakers, false accusers, incontinent, fierce, despisers of those that are good,
4 Traitors, heady, highminded, lovers of pleasures more than lovers of God;


1 Peter 2:9
9 But ye are a chosen generation, a royal priesthood, an holy nation, a peculiar people; that ye should shew forth the praises of him who hath called you out of darkness into his marvellous light;


Isaiah 45:7 I form the light, and create darkness: I make peace, and create evil: I the LORD do all these things.
Amos 3:6 Shall a trumpet be blown in the city, and the people not be afraid? shall there be evil in a city, and the LORD hath not done it?
Numbers 21:6 And the LORD sent fiery serpents among the people, and they bit the people; and much people of Israel died.
Matthew 10:34 Think not that I am come to send peace on earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword.
Matthew 10:35 For I am come to set a man at variance against his father, and the daughter against her mother, and the daughter in law against her mother in law.
Matthew 10:36 And a man's foes shall be they of his own household.
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Default Re: Kids Say the Darndest Things - 05-11-2019, 08:14 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by BibleReader2231 View Post
Mister Cranky, pay ScoutRaper no mind. It is a male atheist who believes he’s a woman. He’s obviously delusional and it’s not worth it to get caught in his atheist trappings.

ScoutRaper if you’re reading this, how dare you attack sister Dana. She is an honest smart woman who can clean the kitchen in record time. Meanwhile, you PRETEND to be a woman which makes absolutely no sense. For you to be criticizing Christian intelligence is laughable to the extreme. Are you really an atheist? Or are you a secret Cathlick?

Also, Jesus is always the answer. I can attest. My uncle once applied to be on jeopardy and he always gave the answer Jesus (which is right) when he auditioned. They wouldn’t let him on the air obviously because he would’ve bankrupted the show. Uncle Chuck Mangione was a highly intelligent figure in my community before he got in a propane accident though.
Thank you, Sweet Little Maxine. If I had had a girl, I hope she would have been just like you


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My soul, wait thou only upon God; for my expectation is from him. He only is my rock and my salvation: he is my defence;
I shall not be moved. In God is my salvation and my glory: the rock of my strength, and my refuge, is in God.
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Default Re: Kids Say the Darndest Things - 05-11-2019, 11:12 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Scoutman03 View Post
The kid was either making a joke, or was really young. Also, you mean to tell me, that you argued with a kid. From the kids point of view, God IS an enemy, like Thanos. You described God to be like Thanos. Thanos is a villain in Infinity war and Endgame (Both fantastic movies BTW. I personally think Thanos was in the right.) Just because a kid is smart, doesn't make him demon possessed. You didn't win. You just didn't want to hear him out.
You know Thanos is a character from a movie, right?
Thanos was right to wipe out half of the population, while holding the power to double the resources and the planets to live in. Instead of a relocation, he goes for genocide. Where did the writers got that ridiculous idea?


1 Thessalonians 4:16 For the Lord himself shall descend from heaven with a shout, with the voice of the archangel, and with the TRUMP of God: and the dead in Christ shall rise first.
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