THE WAR ON CHRISTMAS! Open for the CHRISTmas Season only. |
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The Truest Christian™
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Posts: 269
Join Date: May 2008
Location: Heaven
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Hi again, gang. It is my birthday. Ask me anything. -
12-25-2013, 06:34 PM
I will never forget that day 2013 years ago when I was born from a virgin.
You know my family had to flee Bethlehem because Herod wanted to murder me. But of course we decided to stop at the temple in Jerusalem so my mom and stepfather could dedicate me.
Feel free to ask me any questions you may have. Since it is my birthday, I will answer you.
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True Christian™
True Christian™
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Posts: 1,941
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: With Jesus
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Re: Hi again, gang. It is my birthday. Ask me anything. -
12-25-2013, 06:53 PM
Beloved
This is more of a prayer than a question, but may I beg you to forgive Brother Wide-Open for whatever it was he did that caused this to happen on this, the Holiest of all days?
Also, if I may be permitted a simple question, what is your favourite pie?
Yours in Thee,
Attila's Wife
2 Timothy 3:16
All scripture is given by inspiration of God, and is profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, for instruction in righteousness:
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The Truest Christian™
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Posts: 269
Join Date: May 2008
Location: Heaven
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Re: Hi again, gang. It is my birthday. Ask me anything. -
12-25-2013, 07:57 PM
Blueberry. They match my eyes.
Next.
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Forum Member
Forum Member
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Posts: 170
Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: The All-American boy next door
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Re: Hi again, gang. It is my birthday. Ask me anything. -
12-25-2013, 11:30 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jesus
Blueberry. They match my eyes.
Next.
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Dear LORD,
Did Elvis make it in?
I could not imagine heaven without getting live performances of "Jail House Rock."
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True Christian™
True Christian™
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Posts: 991
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: 1380 Apostle's Park Ct, Freehold
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Re: Hi again, gang. It is my birthday. Ask me anything. -
12-25-2013, 11:59 PM
A Frenchman, a Mormon, a Swede, A Canadian, a Messican, and Vanna White are in a plane crash. Who survives? We all know that there is nothing in the entire creation that is great and powerful as You. Why did you give Adam Levine acne? World peace is on everyone's mind. With a wink of Your lovely blue eye, You could bring peace. So, what's up with giving us the Kardashians? Wouldn't their elimination be a good first step toward a perfect world? How are Mary and Joseph? Does Your Mother despise Catholics, waking her at all hours of the night with their Hail Marys and Holy Queens? And has burying a statue of St. Joseph ever really caused a house to sell? Does Your Father have a favorite Wizard of Oz character?
1 Samuel 8:13 "And he will take your daughters to be confectionaries, and to be cookes, and to be bakers." Naomi Ruth Lamb, Proprietress:
Naomi's Moist Pie - Unsaved Unwelcome!
Locations in 50 States and Canada
!Voted Best Pie in Freehold!
Once you've tasted Naomi's pie, you'll crave it again and again and again and again.
Baptist pastors always receive a 50% discount.
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Forum Member, possibly Irish
Forum Member
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Posts: 209
Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: Lynchburg, Virginia USA
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Re: Hi again, gang. It is my birthday. Ask me anything. -
12-26-2013, 12:22 AM
Dearest Almighty,
If it please You, my King of Kings, the Lion, the Lamb, the Redeemer of all sinners, the truest Love of my heart, Keeper of my soul ... will Mr. McIrish and I finally be blessed with a Soldier of You of our very own unlike those six abominations from his heathen whore of an ex-wife who had the temerity to flout Your curse of infertility and involved secular scientists to conceive said monsters outside of her womb in a most arrogant and blasphemous fashion?
I would love nothing more than to present my dear husband with a REAL baby boy, born to serve YOU!
With Humble Thanks and Ebullient Praise
Mrs. Paddy McIrish
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The Truest Christian™
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Posts: 269
Join Date: May 2008
Location: Heaven
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Re: Hi again, gang. It is my birthday. Ask me anything. -
12-26-2013, 01:02 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Chester Longshire
Did Elvis make it in?
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Don't be silly. Elvis had his reward on the earth. However, it did take two of my angels to throw that glutton into hell.
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Unsaved trash
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Posts: 54
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: riding the short bus to hell
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Re: Hi again, gang. It is my birthday. Ask me anything. -
12-25-2013, 11:24 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jesus
I will never forget that day 2013 years ago when I was born from a virgin.
You know my family had to flee Bethlehem because Herod wanted to murder me. But of course we decided to stop at the temple in Jerusalem so my mom and stepfather could dedicate me.
Feel free to ask me any questions you may have. Since it is my birthday, I will answer you.
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I am wondering, did you make hell infinitely painful?
Also i am wondering why I have poor eye sight?.
1 more thing I don't want to forget John 4:1-3 and 1 Thessalonians 5:21 , I don't want to mistakenly praise someone other than God.
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The Truest Christian™
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Posts: 269
Join Date: May 2008
Location: Heaven
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Re: Hi again, gang. It is my birthday. Ask me anything. -
12-26-2013, 01:01 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by worthless
I am wondering, did you make hell infinitely painful?
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Yes, of course.
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Also i am wondering why I have poor eye sight?.
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Because of your sins. Your masturbation makes me sick.
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1 more thing I don't want to forget John 4:1-3 and 1 Thessalonians 5:21 , I don't want to mistakenly praise someone other than God.
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Because thou hast seen me, thou hast believed: blessed are they that have not seen, and yet have believed.
You are truly blessed.
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Unsaved trash
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Posts: 54
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: riding the short bus to hell
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Re: Hi again, gang. It is my birthday. Ask me anything. -
12-26-2013, 06:11 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jesus
Yes, of course.
Because of your sins. Your masturbation makes me sick.
Because thou hast seen me, thou hast believed: blessed are they that have not seen, and yet have believed.
You are truly blessed.
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Well then for your birthday I will stop sinning (you might have to help me with that one)
You seem to know that I already believed. (hopefully if you are god you can at least be glad I was being cautious, because God is a jealous God)
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True Christian™
True Christian™
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Posts: 2,364
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Freehold, Iowa
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Re: Hi again, gang. It is my birthday. Ask me anything. -
12-26-2013, 06:58 AM
Just to have it confirmed once and for all: what is your views on homosexuality?
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Unsaved trash
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Posts: 87
Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: 500 miles south of Babylon, in a trailer.
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Re: Hi again, gang. It is my birthday. Ask me anything. -
12-26-2013, 05:02 PM
What was the deal with YOU & satan & that schmuck Job??
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The Truest Christian™
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Posts: 269
Join Date: May 2008
Location: Heaven
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Re: Hi again, gang. It is my birthday. Ask me anything. -
12-26-2013, 09:53 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ex-Viking
Just to have it confirmed once and for all: what is your views on homosexuality?
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I think my buddy Paul wrote that down for me. You know he hated my followers before I came to him in a vision and turned him around in his thinking.
Too bad Dawkins won't admit that I have done the same with him.
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Unsaved trash
Under Investigation
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Posts: 5
Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: worshiping slope comics
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Re: Hi again, gang. It is my birthday. Ask me anything. -
12-26-2013, 07:55 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jesus
I will never forget that day 2013 years ago when I was born from a virgin.
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Wait... you remember your own birth? Yeah, that's pretty usual (?)
Anyway, I think I have a few questions for you, take your time, don't worry...
1.- Why women are portrayed like objects in the Bible? After all, Eve was just one women, I don't think all the gender must pay for one single person mistake
2.- Why beatings and spankings are, according to the bible, the best way to educate a child? I think parents can solve problems with words, not violence
3.- Why Christians must hate their own parents, brothers and sisters? I don't think God should divide their children if they already love him
4.- Is USA racism truly supported by the bible? Because for what I can see here, the country is very mean with mexicans, canadians, japanese, chinese and another people from another lands and languages
5.- Why God murder the people he created by himself? God is supposed to know everything about everybody, he should know when he creates somebody who's gonna be evil in the future
6.- Why you think only homosexual people has AIDS? Straight people can have it too, besides, is not a dicease you can catch like a cold or somethings like that, you must have sexual contact with a sick person or any kind of another contact to get the dicease too
Those are my doubts, I hope you can help me....
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The Truest Christian™
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Posts: 269
Join Date: May 2008
Location: Heaven
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Re: Hi again, gang. It is my birthday. Ask me anything. -
12-26-2013, 10:04 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by MangaReader
Wait... you remember your own birth? Yeah, that's pretty usual (?)
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Of course I do. Who do you think you are talking to here?
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1.- Why women are portrayed like objects in the Bible? After all, Eve was just one women, I don't think all the gender must pay for one single person mistake
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Of course they all have to pay. We are punishing everyone for all eternity for what Adam and Eve did. Not just women, but they have it a little worse since they are the ones who sinned originally whilst having no knowledge of right and wrong.
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2.- Why beatings and spankings are, according to the bible, the best way to educate a child? I think parents can solve problems with words, not violence
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You think do you?
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3.- Why Christians must hate their own parents, brothers and sisters? I don't think God should divide their children if they already love him
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You don't have to hate your parents. You should honor your parents, unless they get in the way of following me. In that case, you should ditch them quickly.
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4.- Is USA racism truly supported by the bible? Because for what I can see here, the country is very mean with mexicans, canadians, japanese, chinese and another people from another lands and languages
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Of course not. Racism is wrong. You shouldn't be mean to the lesser races. Except the blacks. They are being punished for what their ancestor did thousands of years ago.
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5.- Why God murder the people he created by himself? God is supposed to know everything about everybody, he should know when he creates somebody who's gonna be evil in the future
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Free will.
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6.- Why you think only homosexual people has AIDS? Straight people can have it too, besides, is not a dicease you can catch like a cold or somethings like that, you must have sexual contact with a sick person or any kind of another contact to get the dicease too
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Butt sex caused AIDS. Your own nasty sinful habits.
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