[Alaric Reinner]

The world around us is full of many amazing and beautiful things that God has created. It says in Genesis 8:4 "For God put the animals great and small for man to marvel upon and so man did look upon the duck and the clam and he did weep with joy".
It is a beautiful universe that God has created for us and today we will take you on an adventure of learning. Some of these creatures are so strange that only someone as wise and almighty as God could have imagined them!

We begin our journey on the Amazon River, the mightiest river that the Lord has placed upon the earth. It is so large that if astronauts were real they would be able to look upon it from the great lie of outer space!

One of the Amazon's largest inhabitants is the Boto, also known as the Pink Dolphin of the Amazon River. The pink color of the dolphin combined with the tea-like color of the Amazon River makes the dolphin look just like a beautiful woman under water.

The Boto is so beautiful and docile that fishermen and narco-traffickers have been known to wade out into the water and make love to the willing creature. This is not a sin, for as is written in Corinthians 11:7 "Saul's wife did turn away from Saul and recoil from his touch and Saul did go out upon the river and find a new wife, and he knew this wife again and again, yet no child did come of their union. And the Lord was glad."

For a fun project, make your hand into a tight fist and place the first two knuckles of your fist against your lips. This is what it's like to kiss a dolphin!

Another one of God's beautiful creatures can be found in the Amazon, but this little fellow is much smaller! He is called the Candiru Fish and he is just about the size of a toothpick.

Mr. Candiru is a very funny fish that God has made. He likes to smell the water for pee that comes out of the water lungs of catfish. He follows the smell all the way into the lungs of the catfish and hooks on and then drinks the blood of the catfish.

Sometimes he smells the pee that comes out of men and women who walk into the water and he might go inside of them and drink their blood! Isn't that silly? God has created the Candiru to remind us that his water is not our toilet.

You can turn to Ezekiel 4:4 and read what God says about going to the bathroom in the water.

"Jacob went down to the sea and he did move his bowels upon the wave with furious scorn. There was a great rumble from above and lightning did flash and the Lord said unto Jacob; 'Go no more upon My water or in My water or beneath My water. Go only upon the land and the mountain and the tree.' Jacob did not heed the word of God and he moved his bowels a second time and then was seized up in the jaws of a great otter of the depths and swallowed whole."

Wow! Better hold it next time, huh?

Another one of God's strange and wonderful creations is the Giardia, a type of flagellated protozoa. This little mischief-maker likes to hide in our drinking water and get inside of our bodies in a cool glass of lemonade or iced tea. Once inside he will make us sick in all kinds of different ways and he comes out of our bodies and makes our friends, family, and even our pets sick! This disease is sometimes called "Beaver Fever" because campers get it when they drink water that comes out of a beaver dam. This is, unfortunately, the sweetest type of water.

If you want to try something really fun, look at a Giardia under a Christian microscope and you will see what looks like a silly clown's face! This is God's sense of humor. We didn't say it was very good.

You may wonder why God would create a parasite to go inside our bodies and make us sick. The reason is very simple: it is part of God's Plan. While Giardia are not mentioned specifically in the Bible, a passage from Deuteronomy (6:18) does address this subject.

"Hecus tore at his gut and cast his hands up in despair. He cursed the name of the fluke that was within him and he blamed the Lord for its transgressions. With a great peal of thunder the Lord appeared before Hecus as a violet thousand-eyed apple and the Lord spoke unto Hecus. 'Blame not the fluke, nor the leech, nor the tick, nor the kobold. The smallest animal and the largest rock are all part of My Plan.' And Hecus did wail and rend his tunic and ask God to reveal his plan and with a booming voice God did reply unto Hecus, 'No! This is just a rough draft and I am not ready to show it to anyone yet!'"

Boy Hecus, show some restraint! Everyone knows that God's Plan is revealed incrementally through the events in our world, like the Super Bowl and the Holocaust.

For our last example of God's wonderful creation we have to go back to a very long time ago. Thousands of years ago, when the docile vegetable-eating tyrannosaurus walked the earth, there was a flood that encompassed all the earth. God warned his prophet Noah that he was to collect two of each of the beasts of nature and place them on his ship (the Ark) or else God would kill him painfully over many days.

One of the most interesting creatures that Noah rescued from certain destruction was Arthropleura. This 6-10 foot long arthropod was basically a gigantic centipede - the largest land invertebrate of all time - and boy did Noah have a tough time getting him on board the Ark! You can read all about it in Genesis 7:2.

"The armored beast did snap through the net cast upon its back by Shem and both he and Japheth took flight. Much later Noah returned to the scene and gazed upon the hissing countenance of the beast. Then he did prostrate himself before it and say 'O armored beast, I beseech you in the name of the Lord to journey onto my ship and live among the camel and the unicorn and the kobold and the small dragons'."

"And then only did the beast climb up the ladder upon a thousand feet and it did bite and devour many aboard the Ark. Even as the rains lashed the decks the cries could be heard from the animal pens as the great armored beast set upon a hippogriff or a chimera. With no wit left to him, Noah did take up a spear and shout to God, 'O mighty Lord, this is bullshit' and he did smite the beast with great effort and personal risk. And then he remembered that he brought two of them upon the ship as the Lord had demanded and Noah did curse God."

Even Noah wasn't clued into God's Plan!

I hope you have enjoyed this fun and educational look at just a few of the beautiful creatures that God has created for our amusement. Next month we will begin our unit entitled "Paleontologists: the Pawns of Satan". Bye bye!

[Deaner]

Originally Posted by Alaric Reinner

For a fun project, make your hand into a tight fist and place the first two knuckles of your fist against your lips. This is what it's like to kiss a dolphin!

You disgusting pervert. After you're finished, jam a telephone pole covered in razor blades up your butt and you'll know what satan's giant tallywhacker shredding your colon is going to feel like.

I've also assigned you warning points for blasphemy as not one of your quoted scripture was correct, nor very funny. Jesus hates dullards.

[SUV]

I was actually about to Praise your post before I saw that one of our Men disliked it. So now might I say: I HATED IT, TOO!!!

PS I do wish our own Pastor Pizzle could read it, though. Last I knew he was still spinnin' on the pictures I'd posted long ago:



Those li'l redheads are your Demodex mites, highly magnified, feeding on your hair follicle. (Notice I said yours and not mine! Only 98% of the population has them, so surely these would be only the 98% who God has visited with this Plague for not being Landover Baptist!)

I'm not sure what the White, wormy things are. This is the first time I've seen them in the picture.


I think this one's kinda cute, though. If he were mine, I'd Name him "Fido":

[JackCousteauMinistry]

Originally Posted by Deaner

Originally Posted by Alaric Reinner
For a fun project, make your hand into a tight fist and place the first two knuckles of your fist against your lips. This is what it's like to kiss a dolphin!
You disgusting pervert.

Brother Deaner,

What's so wrong with being attracted to dolphins? My own wife if a dolphin, and we kiss every day. We met here at ‘The Jack Cousteau Underwater Sea Life Ministry’, Tampa, Florida, and it was love at first sight. A few months later we were married, and we've been living happily together ever since.

God has blessed our loving union, and we hope to start a family soon. There is NOTHING wrong with a loving Christian relationship between man and mammal, as long as they marry and do things right. Praise Jesus!

Thanks,

Pastor Pierre Perrier and his wife 'flippy'
The Jack Cousteau Underwater Sea Life Ministry

[Nobar King]

Originally Posted by JackCousteauMinistry

Brother Deaner,

What's so wrong with being attracted to dolphins? My own wife if a dolphin, and we kiss every day. We met here at ‘The Jack Cousteau Underwater Sea Life Ministry’, Tampa, Florida, and it was love at first sight. A few months later we were married, and we've been living happily together ever since.

God has blessed our loving union, and we hope to start a family soon. There is NOTHING wrong with a loving Christian relationship between man and mammal, as long as they marry and do things right. Praise Jesus!

Thanks,

Pastor Pierre Perrier and his wife 'flippy'
The Jack Cousteau Underwater Sea Life Ministry

Not THIS again!! This article about 'sex with dolphins' may show how the lower races (like Australians) were conceived.

QA) What is Zoophilia?

AA) Zoophilia is best described as a love of animals so intimate that the person (and the animal) involved have no objections to expressing their affection for each other in the sexual fashion. This is not to be confused with bestiality, where a person forcefully mates an animal, without their consent, and with no mutual feelings whatsoever. This is something that I would never do to a dolphin, since I love them dearly, and treat them with the same respect that an honest husband would have for his wife and children.

[ForGodsSake]

Originally Posted by JackCousteauMinistry

What's so wrong with being attracted to dolphins? My own wife if a dolphin, and we kiss every day. We met here at ‘The Jack Cousteau Underwater Sea Life Ministry’, Tampa, Florida, and it was love at first sight. A few months later we were married, and we've been living happily together ever since.

God has blessed our loving union, and we hope to start a family soon. There is NOTHING wrong with a loving Christian relationship between man and mammal, as long as they marry and do things right. Praise Jesus!

Thanks,

Pastor Pierre Perrier and his wife 'flippy'
The Jack Cousteau Underwater Sea Life Ministry

What are you on?

[OnYourKnees]

Originally Posted by Alaric Reinner

The world around us is full of many amazing and beautiful things that God has created.

I was so enjoying your post about the wonderful creatures God has created, right up until I saw the false quotes from God's Word.

Come now, A.R., there are plenty of things to celebrate without making up Bible passages!

Why, just look at this hornworm, which generously gives its life that the parasitic wasp larvae upon it can live! And that good ol' hornworm, he just keeps eating leaves to keep up his strength until the larvae eat their way to his digestive tract.



Glory!

More information on these wondrous creatures of God:

[Daisy Mae Johnson]

Originally Posted by OnYourKnees

Why, just look at this hornworm, which generously gives its life that the parasitic wasp larvae upon it can live! And that good ol' hornworm, he just keeps eating leaves to keep up his strength until the larvae eat their way to his digestive tract.

Holy Cow Brother!

And here I thought I was a fabulous host. My hosting skills pale in comparison to this creature made by GOD!

GLORY!

Lve, Sister Thumper

[vAmPiRiAgOtHiKa (On Moderation)]

my bf is a beautiful godly creature lol

[Warrior in Christ]

Originally Posted by vAmPiRiAgOtHiKa

my bf is a beautiful godly creature lol

I bet he's a long-haired malnourished homer.

God Bless,

Warrior in Christ

[vAmPiRiAgOtHiKa (On Moderation)]

no hes not he has blck short hair emo style ^^

[Ahimaaz Smith]

Originally Posted by Alaric Reinner

The world around us is full of many amazing and beautiful things that God has created.

No doubt. Promising start to a thread.

It says in Genesis 8:4 "For God put the animals great and small for man to marvel upon and so man did look upon the duck and the clam and he did weep with joy".

It says in Genesis 8:4 that the ark rested in the seventh month, on the seventeenth day of the month, upon the mountains of Ararat.

This is not a sin, for as is written in Corinthians 11:7 "Saul's wife did turn away from Saul and recoil from his touch and Saul did go out upon the river and find a new wife, and he knew this wife again and again, yet no child did come of their union. And the Lord was glad."

Balderdash. It says in 1 Corinthians 11:7 that a man indeed ought not to cover his head, forasmuch as he is the image and glory of God: but the woman is the glory of the man. Basically, it's telling Jews to take off those silly beanies. It says in 2 Corinthians 11:7, would to God ye could bear with me a little in my folly: and indeed bear with me. Well, I'm not willing to bear with you in your folly.

Making up Bible quotations is mocking God and disrespecting us. We don't go to the masturbators' forums you hang out in and mock you, so show us and the Lord the same courtesy, not to mention some intellectual honesty.

You can turn to Ezekiel 4:4 and read what God says about going to the bathroom in the water.

No, you can't, and you damned well know it. I'm not bothering to read any more, and I suggest that the moderators ban you immediately.

[Brother Temperance]

Originally Posted by Nobar King

Bees are also among Jesus' favorite creatures... They might be frightening if found in a shoe, but when left alone the mysterious honeybee performs an invaluable service to man.

Oddly enough, except for the part about being one of Jesus' favourite creatures, exactly the same is true of Mexicans.

[Nobar King]

Pro golfer Tripp Isenhour kills hawk with golf ball, faces charges

When pro golfer Tripp Isenhour lost his temper and beaned a shrieking hawk in December, he might have thought the incident, like the bird, was dead and buried.

But the outburst has earned him misdemeanor charges and a torrent of criticism from animal advocates and bird lovers across the nation. If convicted of cruelty to animals and killing a migratory bird, he could face up to a year in jail and fines.

The PGA Tour late Thursday sent a written apology from 39-year-old Isenhour, who said he was only trying to scare the bird.

Golfer Tripp Isenhour faces up to a $10,000 fine on charges of cruelty to animals and killing a migratory bird after authorities say he struck a hawk with a golf ball. Is that the proper punishment?

"It's just senseless when people kill wildlife when they are doing nothing but being themselves," said Lynda White, EagleWatch coordinator for the Audubon Center for Birds of Prey in Maitland. "They are noisy birds. It's part of their nature."

The fatal swing --- on his 10th attempt to hit the bird --- took place Dec. 12 while Isenhour was taping his Play Like a Pro video at the Grand Cypress golf course.

"As soon as this happened, I was mortified and extremely upset and continue to be upset," the statement from Isenhour read. "I want to let everyone know there was neither any malice nor deliberate intent whatsoever to hit or harm the hawk. I was trying to simply scare it into flying away. As evidenced by our family having adopted three cats from a local shelter, I am an animal lover. We ask that everyone accept my sincerest apology, and please be respectful of my family's privacy."

According to documents from the investigation, the Orlando golfer was reciting lines when the federally protected red-shouldered hawk started making its "kee-aah" sound from about 300 yards away.

"It wasn't that extreme," said sound engineer Jethro Senger, who reported the incident to authorities a few days later. "Initially, it was causing us to stop rolling a few takes." That's what appeared to set Isenhour off, according to Florida Fish and Wildlife Conservation Commission reports.

The golfer, who turned pro in 1990, hopped into a golf cart and drove closer to the feathered creature perched in a tree. For 10 minutes, while the crew waited, Isenhour hit several golf balls toward the bird. He eventually gave up and returned to the set.

The bird then flew closer to the crew and landed in a tall pine tree about 75 yards away. Again, the hawk began to screech.

Isenhour, who earned $471,000 last year and ranked No. 152 on the PGA Tour, started hitting drives at the bird, getting closer with each swing, witnesses told investigators.

On Isenhour's 10th swing, the ball hit the bird, causing it to fall more than 30 feet to the ground. Isenhour yelled, "I didn't think I would hit it," according to reports.

Famous golf coach David Leadbetter --- who didn't witness the episode --- said the odds of a golfer making that shot are one in several thousand.

Officials with the PGA Tour said they don't comment on pending litigation. Discipline --- if any --- is not made public, said spokesman Joel Schuchmann.

Grand Cypress officials said they were not aware of the incident until they were alerted by investigators days later. "It's an unfortunate situation," said Stephen Merriman, a spokesman for the Golf Club at Grand Cypress. "It's completely between the guests and the state."

When the bird fell from the tree, Senger and others ran to its aid.

"The bird was on his back, bleeding from his nostrils, his mouth was opening and closing slowly, and it was looking up at me as people ran over," Senger told wildlife officials. "I saw its eyes slowly close, and I was pretty sure that the bird had died."

A production assistant later buried the bird off the fairway, said wildlife Officer Brian Baine.

Unable to sleep and haunted by dreams of hurt animals, Senger told wildlife officials what happened. Investigators exhumed the bird, and it is being preserved in Ocala in case it's needed for trial.

Trip Isenhour should get an award for accuracy.

[Ezekiel Bathfire]

I think that this hymn, sent to me by my usually godless third nephew twice removed, Zebulun, sums up a small part of the True Wonder™ of the Creation. I’ve no idea who the author, Eric Idle, is – probably some 19th century Baptist by the sound of it.

All Things Dull and Ugly,

All things dull and ugly,
All creatures short and squat,
All things rude and nasty,
The Lord God made the lot.

Each little snake that poisons,
Each little wasp that stings,
He made their brutish venom.
He made their horrid wings.

All things sick and cancerous,
All evil great and small,
All things foul and dangerous,
The Lord God made them all.

Each nasty little hornet,
Each beastly little squid--
Who made the spikey urchin?
Who made the sharks? He did!

All things scabbed and ulcerous,
All pox both great and small,
Putrid, foul and gangrenous,
The Lord God made them all.

Lyrics: Eric Idle

[Dr. Zaius]

Here's a nice little cartoon image about an owl's ecology ministry:



See how the rabbit is a filthy liar?

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Well, I like watching them fight.

[Brother Temperance]

Originally Posted by Dr. Zaius

Here's a nice little cartoon image about an owl's ecology ministry:



See how the rabbit is a filthy liar?

She's also wearing a headscarf that makes her look like a lesbian or a Russkie. She was probably dumping that garbage in the river to try to discredit Christ and bring down capitalism.

Originally Posted by Dr. Zaius

I had a feeling that not all frogs were bad:

Hmm, the paradoxical frog and Nicholas Sarkozy - two frogs that God doesn't completely hate. Also, did anyone notice this?

Dr Yasser Abdel-Wahab, senior lecturer in biomedical sciences at the University of Ulster

I'd bet a dozen shiny nickels that raghead was only studying frogs in the hope he could find a way to blow things up with them. That goes double if he's one of the Irish Muslims, like O'bama.

[Nobar King]

Here is another of Gods beautiful creatures. Look how He blessed the creature with a second head. This is clearly an example of the Lord's hand at work, for how else would a creature be able to survive like that?

Two-headed turtle goes on display

Two-month old is a rare example of a conjoined-twin birth




NORRISTOWN, Pa. - A two-headed turtle captured by a turtle collector is a rare example of a conjoined-twin birth, its owner said. The turtle would have likely died in the wild because it swims awkwardly and would be an easy target for predators, according to Jay Jacoby, manager of Big Al's Aquarium Supercenter in East Norriton.
The store bought the tiny turtle from the collector for an undisclosed price and will keep it on display, he said.



The 2-month-old turtle, known as a red-eared slider, fits on a silver dollar. It has two heads sticking out from opposite ends of its shell, along with a pair of front feet on each side. But there is just one set of back feet and one tail. The turtle is seemingly healthy, and the species can live 15 to 20 years, Jacoby said. The turtle has not yet been named.


The same exotic-turtle collector sold another Big Al's store a conjoined-twin turtle about 20 years ago, Jacoby said. The man lives in Florida, but he declined to identify him.

[Daisy Mae Johnson]

Lovely!