[Trent Harvey, Jr.]

There's this guy I know whose wife is threatening to leave him. The kids are rebellious and probably will go with her. The guy (I'll call him "Bob") isn't the best dad around, he beats them for no good reason, is drunk a lot and so on - but allowing the family to break up will be a lot worse. Broken homes lead to all sorts of trouble, from crime to dependency and so on - this will hurt everybody. We can't be isolationist about this, our security depends on other people's families staying together.

This man is facing an insurgency from his wife and kids, and if this insurgency succeeds, it will hurt all of us, even those of us who live on the other side of town. Plus we'll look like wimps because we couldn't/didn't have the guts to stop it.

Now, if there's one thing I know, it's C.O.I.N: Counter-insurgency. The Coalition Provisional Authority didn't put me in charge of socially engineering hundreds of thousands of Iraqis because of my education, (I still can't find Iraq on a map) or my linguistic skills (I can't even speak "black" let alone Iraqi or Arabic or whatever the haji speak). No, the Coalition Provisional Authority put me in charge of socially engineering hundreds of thousands of Iraqis because my experience as a think-tank intern gave me an intuitive grasp of counter-insurgency.

So, here's my plan for saving him (I'll call him "Bob") and therefore the neighborhood:

We'll get a SWAT team, part of the Church Security Detail, and whatever vigilantes we can hire, and having them take over Bob's house. We win the hearts and minds of Bob's wife and kids by doing the dishes, folding the laundry, sweeping the floor, and installing spice racks. (He says he already has a spice rack, and he doesn't like spice, but it's the thought that counts.) Also, we'll need a medic to put on bandages when Bob hits them.

In the fall we'll rake up their leaves and then we'll be home in time for Christmas.

This is counter-insurgency, not a riot, so we'll have to keep tazer use to a minimum. Only taze the kids if they're being obviously rebellious, for example refusing to answer your questions, or running away.

So, who wants to join my Crusade?

[Bobby-Joe]

Trent,

You know the Pastorl Security Detail isn't into family building, that is Jesus' job Trent. However your friend "Bob" is in luck because we've been training with Xe Security Services (formally Blackwater) so we can explore the shock and awe option; sweep in the home at 4:00am with flash grenades, shoot the family dog and do a body cavity search on them. We can also detain the ring leaders in our state of the art high security spiritual retreat and we will only use recommended stress positions. I am sure Bob's family will greet us with flowers and candy.

[Disciple Luke]

Originally Posted by Trent Harvey, Jr.

In the fall we'll rake up their leaves and then we'll be home in time for Christmas.

I'm guessing this is Northern hemisphere .... right?

[Jeb Stuart Thurmond]

Originally Posted by Trent Harvey, Jr.

(He says he already has a spice rack, and he doesn't like spice, but it's the thought that counts.)

I have an old liquor cabinet I'm willing to donate to the cause.

[Billy Bob Jenkins]

You may want to recruit Spring Heeled Jack. At first I thought he was a queer, but I have changed my mind. .

[Bobby-Joe]

Originally Posted by Billy Bob Jenkins

You may want to recruit Spring Heeled Jack. At first I thought he was a queer, but I have changed my mind. .

God suggestion. Spring Heeled Jack is basically flying. He could be like a UAV for "Bob's" house ready to strike when the insurgents concentrate.

[Trent Harvey, Jr.]

Originally Posted by Bobby-Joe

we can explore the shock and awe option; sweep in the home at 4:00am with flash grenades, shoot the family dog and do a body cavity search on them.

I like your take-no-prisoners, shoot-first-and-ask-questions-later, kill-em-all-and-let-God-sort-em-out, the-baby-was-reaching-for-the-gun macho-man attitude, and I want you to keep and expand upon it, but surely you can also show courageous restraint, expert interpersonal empathizing abilities, and endless, compassionate patience, right? I mean, one is pretty much like the other, right?

Anyway, I promise you'll be out of there after a few days. Other than the police sub-station to be built on that bit of land he never uses anyway, and of course the old paddywagon to be stored in his garage (I'm sure he has plenty of space).

H-hour is 3:45.

[Benedict A. Davis]

Originally Posted by Jeb Thurmond

I have an old liquor cabinet I'm willing to donate to the cause.

Brother Billy Bob,
Do you have that waterboard set up still, in case possible needed information is not forthcoming, don't you? It is better to be prepared instead of rushing around at the last minute.
Wait you got a couple of those Blackwater boys, I am sure they will have those basics covered.

[James Dewitt]

A neighbor of mine back in New York had an intervention once, he was always drunk. Is that the same thing as an insurgency?

[Trent Harvey, Jr.]

Originally Posted by James Dewitt

A neighbor of mine back in New York had an intervention once, he was always drunk. Is that the same thing as an insurgency?

If his wife and kids rebelled over it, yes. He's not the insurgent, his uppidty wife and kids are.

Come to think of it, talking about Bob's drinking will lose us the propaganda war. If anyone asks, say that Bob has never drunk a drop, and that by slandering his name with questions like that they are helping break up families. Then look them in the eye and ask "Why do you hate our community?"

[Trent Harvey, Jr.]

It's been an interesting few weeks. I won't say much, because I'm not sure just how classified this operation is. Could someone clarify?

Anyway, I'll start at the beginning: the entry. I won't show the actual video, but it basically looked like this example of a flawless family liberation:

[Bobby-Joe]

Originally Posted by Trent Harvey, Jr.

It's been an interesting few weeks. I won't say much, because I'm not sure just how classified this operation is. Could someone clarify?

You still upset about your daughter Trent? We told Freedom means people are free to have bad things happen to them.