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Default Re: I Want a Pity Party - A Thread of Whining but Very Little Humility - 12-27-2021, 12:47 AM

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Originally Posted by Roland View Post
Reciprocity is nice. Comparing your bosom to Jesus´s bosom might not get you thumbs up here but it is a nice gesture.


It's unfair comparison though, unless Jesus is sneaking these to bed, it doesn't even come close.


Matthew 9:16 No man putteth a piece of new cloth unto an old garment, for that which is put in to fill it up taketh from the garment, and the rent is made worse.

<<<lewd image removed by moderator>>>
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Default Re: I Want a Pity Party - A Thread of Whining but Very Little Humility - 12-27-2021, 01:22 AM

I´m not sure what Matthew 9:16 has to do with that. I am also not sure what the size of tits that you are alluding to does. I am pretty sure that Jesus´s bosom did not allude to that.


But you can be you I believe.


Jeremiah 6:21 Therefore thus saith the LORD, Behold, I will lay stumblingblocks before this people, and the fathers and the sons together shall fall upon them; the neighbour and his friend shall perish.

Best wishes for the people in Ukraine.
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Default Re: I Want a Pity Party - A Thread of Whining but Very Little Humility - 01-02-2022, 04:35 AM

So, what resolutions have everyone made this year?

I going to read the Bible more diligently than ever before. I'm also saving up my benefits to go to Nigeria when Covid settles. I'm working to get better soon and go back for training to become a project manager at a printing/advertising company.


I hope to get better soon, came down with the mumps. Would show you but don't want to have it mistaken for midget porn.
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Default Re: I Want a Pity Party - A Thread of Whining but Very Little Humility - 01-02-2022, 04:59 AM

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Originally Posted by The Attention Seeker Jen View Post
Would show you but don't want to have it mistaken for midget porn.
I am sure the pastors can help you out with that.
Happy new year to you nonetheless!


Jeremiah 6:21 Therefore thus saith the LORD, Behold, I will lay stumblingblocks before this people, and the fathers and the sons together shall fall upon them; the neighbour and his friend shall perish.

Best wishes for the people in Ukraine.
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Default Re: I Want a Pity Party - A Thread of Whining but Very Little Humility - 01-02-2022, 05:42 AM

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I am sure the pastors can help you out with that.
Happy new year to you nonetheless!


Happy new year to you too Roland, may we both find innocent purity in our relationship with Jesus Christ, and lead us not into tempting salacious posts that make the kind, patient moderators work harder, but into gentle lambs who obey and worship. Peace!
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Default Re: I Want a Pity Party - A Thread of Whining but Very Little Humility - 01-05-2022, 02:43 PM

Hey it's me.

I wanted to tell you all about something crazy that happened. So, I've tentatively been returning to work (3 day shifts rather than full week as recuperate) and I saw these two customers, one effeminate with curly brown hair and wisp of moustache smaller than Dennis Lukes, but more noticeable than mine. The other obese and black with a bald head and glasses.


They insisted they were a gay couple, but the thing is, they did a lousy job masquerading the obvious fact they were women. I'm sorry, but no. Simply calling yourself a "dude" doesn't make you one. The black partner clearly had huge breasts under her T-shirt. And the white one, well, no testosterone pills in the world could fool me with that moustache.

Anyway, they were amusing. It's not enough to be given rights to pursue homosexuality, but now want completely change your gender so that you're not just a lesbian couple, but a "male gay couple." I think it's unfair though to call me a TERF for point out this obvious fact.
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Default Re: I Want a Pity Party - A Thread of Whining but Very Little Humility - 01-06-2022, 10:04 AM

I had an incredible dream last night, though I can't remember most of it, I do remember this one part. All the True Christians here had a new award called the I Survived Jen Nettles award, and I was done up in make up, like this:

***midget porn image removed by your friendly moderator***


Though the intent was somewhat hurtful, I was amused that you all got to look at me every time, but then I woke up.


I wonder what caused this dream?
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Default Re: I Want a Pity Party - A Thread of Whining but Very Little Humility - 01-06-2022, 05:54 PM

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I wonder what caused this dream?
Perhaps we'll never know.


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Default Re: I Want a Pity Party - A Thread of Whining but Very Little Humility - 01-06-2022, 06:10 PM

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Perhaps we'll never know.
Praying.


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Default Re: I Want a Pity Party - A Thread of Whining but Very Little Humility - 01-06-2022, 06:26 PM

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Praying.
Gee. It looks like the atheist is praying. I guess sometimes it's just another sunny day.
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Default Re: I Want a Pity Party - A Thread of Whining but Very Little Humility - 01-07-2022, 02:21 AM

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Praying.
Glory! Now, God won't listen to your prayers (John 9:31), but this is a good dry run for the real deal after you've accepted Him into your heart. Oh, what a glorious day (Luke 15:7)! We'll make a True Christian™ of you yet Didymus Much.


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Default Re: I Want a Pity Party - A Thread of Whining but Very Little Humility - 01-07-2022, 01:54 PM

Check mate, athiest.


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Default Re: I Want a Pity Party - A Thread of Whining but Very Little Humility - 01-15-2022, 02:44 AM

Hi Landover, I am looking for work effective immediately and am willing to relocate.

I've been discharged without warning from Barnes & Noble and because you guys are my friends, I know this is my number #1 go to, to get on my cankles again.
I don't know what your availability is open currently however I am skilled at the following:




-Greeter: My genuine down to earth disposition would be an excellent asset to receiving the congregtfor morning Sunday service. I am effective and punctual hanging out pamphlets and collecting the tithe and my only accomodation would be not to be positioned to the narrow aisles, thank you.


-Pew warmer: I imagine the members at Landover are a brittle older crowd, and I've got plenty of hearth within to go around. Effectively, my warm up time is 10 minutes of which I am disposed to evict the pews. Disclaimer: Some minor secrets discharge may result, and would require on site custodian action.


Tea time barista: My first job was in a coffee shop and I know the ropes in delivering efficient, courteous service in a civil, professional manner. I make tea, coffee, ciders and cookies.


Thank you for your consideration, references are available upon request.
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Thumbs down Re: I Want a Pity Party - A Thread of Whining but Very Little Humility - 01-15-2022, 04:04 AM

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I am looking for work ... discharged without warning ... you guys are my friends ... I am skilled ... genuine down to earth disposition ... I am effective and punctual ... I know the ropes in delivering efficient, courteous service in a civil, professional manner ... references are available
Wow. So many lies. Proverbs 19:9 - "A false witness shall not be unpunished, and he that speaketh lies shall perish." Application denied.


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Default Re: I Want a Pity Party - A Thread of Whining but Very Little Humility - 01-15-2022, 04:25 AM

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Wow. So many lies. Proverbs 19:9 - "A false witness shall not be unpunished, and he that speaketh lies shall perish." Application denied.
Landover Baptist does not hire sinners.


Isaiah 24:1-3 Behold, the LORD maketh the earth empty (2)...as the taker of usury, so with the giver of usury to him. (3) The land shall be utterly emptied, and utterly spoiled: for the LORD hath spoken his word.
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Default Re: I Want a Pity Party - A Thread of Whining but Very Little Humility - 01-15-2022, 05:33 AM

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Landover Baptist does not hire sinners.
You can't do that, there's laws to protect from discrimination against applicants. Where's prrof of sin?
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Default Re: I Want a Pity Party - A Thread of Whining but Very Little Humility - 01-15-2022, 07:23 AM

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You can't do that, there's laws to protect from discrimination against applicants. Where's prrof of sin?
There are any number of companies that have morality clauses in their employee contracts. One would expect a religious organization to be permitted such hiring requirements. Think how much better off the Catholic Church would be if they specified, "No pedophiles need apply." and actually fired people for engaging in pedophilia.


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Default Re: I Want a Pity Party - A Thread of Whining but Very Little Humility - 01-15-2022, 08:02 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by handmaiden View Post
Think how much better off the Catholic Church would be if they specified, "No pedophiles need apply." and actually fired people for engaging in pedophilia.
So true Sister. It's all very well being high-minded but certain occupations require a level of deviance; priest is one example, or ballet instructor or TV show host. Nobody else seems to do it quite right.


If I have seen further, it is by stepping on the heads of others.
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Default Re: I Want a Pity Party - A Thread of Whining but Very Little Humility - 01-19-2022, 06:54 PM

Well, I have cool news

During my time under moderation, I have in fact managed to find a new job as a delivery clerk at a bar called The Drunken Beaner.



The good news is I get some free samples which is great thanks to my chronic maladies that cost my job at Barnes & Noble.


1 Timothy 5:23 Drink no longer water, but use a little wine for thy stomach's sake and thine often infirmities.

This is my new office.








It is quiet, out of the way, which is great, because I'm very shy and don't like being seen while I work. Somehow, I feel this is mutual with my coworkers, so it works out totally.


Bless!
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Default Re: I Want a Pity Party - A Thread of Whining but Very Little Humility - 01-19-2022, 09:25 PM

And is the pallet jack used to lift you in and out of your chair?


His left hand should be under my head, and his right hand should embrace me.

Guns For God and the Economy
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