[Bobby-Joe]

There has been some confusion with people mixing up of The Bible and Lord of the Rings. Pastor Zeke was really unhappy last Sunday over finding The Silmarien as being quoted in the class material as one of the books of The Bible. Specifically the linage of Adam to Jesus from Luke was replaced with the linage of Brean and Lúthien to Argon the Ranger.

Apparently someone at the printers inserted the passages into the text book as a joke and no one noticed.

Under questioning the FORMER employee of our printing house claimed that he did it because The Silmarien and The Bible were two books a lot people buy, but never read. This is absurd since The Bible is the world of God and The Lord of the Rings is the product of some English professor whining about why he couldn't get a draft deferment in WWI like a real Christian.

To prevent this happening in the future here is a handy guide.

Bearded Savior born in obscurity and descendants from kings

The Bible
Jesus

The Lord of the Rings
Aragon the Ranger

Why the Lord of the Rings is fantasy
Argon dies


Blessed Race that is persecuted by evil

Bible
Jews and Christians are descendants of Shem and Japheth

Lord of the Rings
Númenians are descendants of Lúthien

Why the Lord of the Rings is fantasy
Lúthien is an elf and elfs don't exist

The Cursed Race

The Bible
Descendants of Ham

Lord of the Rings
Orcs

Why the Lord of the Rings is fantasy
Orcs are green.

Evil plants

The Bible
Jesus cursed a fig tree for not having figs

Lord of the Rings
Willow Trees eat people

Why the Lord of the Rings is fantasy
Everyone knows plants can't control their actions

Flying off Into Heaven

The Bible
Jesus ascension

The Lord of the Ring
Frodo on the ship from the Grey Havens

Why the Lord of the Rings is fantasy
You don't use a boat to get to Heaven


Invisible Men

The Bible
Angels and Demons

Lord of the Rings
Hobbits

Why the Lord of the Rings is fantasy
Hobbits have furry feet, Angels and demons don't have furry feet

Promised Land

The Bible
Judah/Palestine
(PLEASE NOTE: not Missouri!)

Lord of the Rings
The Shire

Why the Lord of the Rings is Fantasy
Paradise is not filled with a bunch of short, food obsessed, people with hairy feet.

Sacred City were the compact between the divine and man is made

The Bible
Jersulem and the rock of Abraham

Lord of the Rings
Gondor and the White Tree

Why the Lord of the Rings is fantasy
Trees are evil

Talking Animals

The Bible
Snakes and mules talk

Lord of the Rings
Badgers, thrushes eagles and bears talk

Why the Lord of the Rings is fantasy
No one has ever heard an eagle talk


Wizards Surviving their own deaths

The Bible
Jesus lives after His death, but Jesus isn't a wizard since that is against God's law.

The Lord of the Rings
Gandalf, who gets a color upgrade

Why the Lord of the Rings is fantasy
Gandlaf is a wizard so therefor evil.