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Exclamation True Christian™ Product Placement - Godly Warnigs and Recommendations - 01-25-2023, 04:06 AM

Brethren and females! Obviously the mainstay of this jolly good Forum - Jesus's Favorite - is to advertise Him and His Wrath against all Creation (Revelation 19:21), but in anticipation of the Rapture, we still need to do some extremely Manly stuff, home improvement, lawnmowing, reparations etc., and the females will need to know which item to buy at the grocery store. Fot that aim, I'm starting this thread of True Christian™ product reviews: What to buy and use and what will turn you into irrevocable Blasphemy (Matthew 12:31). I'll star with a warning. Quite a few felame humans complain about the nasty time of the month when trhey should remain secluded. They have "crampitons" and "bloatings/boatings" (<- never figured that out). Anyways, evil drug dealers are promoting product to alleviate the symptoms - but with disastrous side effects, as follows:



OK, alleviating the pain turns people gay. This means that Jesus does not want to alleviate pain. He has designed this to be a Life of Suffering (Luke 14:26). The product above contains acetaminophen, which is highly likely to be the agent that turns the women to interfemale sodomy. Beware. All females Sinned (Genesis 3:6) and deserve pain (no-one knows what a Noph is):

Ezekiel 30:16
And I will set fire in Egypt: Sin shall have great pain, and No shall be rent asunder, and Noph shall have distresses daily.

But, I would also like to recommend a nice product, my favorite for furniture improvement. You know how slippery table surfaces cause all nice items, such as ashtrays and elegant champagne flűtes to fall on the floor which causes initial nagging until the female finally clears the shards. For that, I can heartily recommend this Godly Product:



After bringing the Gaytop to my house, no more scratches on the pristine tabletops, any smears have become easy to clean and the Gaytop produces just enough friction allowing everything to stay firmly on the tabletop during all activities. Your Table will be easy to maintain for Jesus:

Malachi 1:12
But ye have profaned it, in that ye say, The table of the LORD is polluted; and the fruit thereof, even his meat, is contemptible.


Yours in Christ,

Elmer


2 Kings 18:25 - Am I now come up without the LORD against this place to destroy it? The LORD said to me, Go up against this land, and destroy it.



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Default Re: True Christian™ Product Placement - Godly Warnigs and Recommendations - 01-25-2023, 12:35 PM

Very concerning. Recently I received (what I thought was) a paperweight. The desk shows a tasteful geometric paperweight on top of a few bound papers to the right. Easy to pick up, does the job well I'd assume. Not all products are equal in this respect, many are downright deceptive, and I see no need to name the manufacturers of these other products.


At first I thought mine was an abstract shape and it's OK as a paperweight so I thought I'd see if other ornaments were available. To my disgust I discovered the "abstract form" was in fact a weirdo statue of the so-called madonna, perhaps done in the cubist style or something like that, which no Christian would ever knowingly bring into the home office environment. I have now thrown it out.


Nevertheless, despite my embarrassing mistake thinking it was curling paper (appropriate for a desk) or leaves, brochures are out there plugging other madonnas in similar styles. It's not so much that you will think, “Oh! A blasphemous idol! I'd better abase myself and touch the thing for some magic influence,” because no Christian would ever think that. It's that someone could visit and think, “oh I see I'm somewhere promoting madonna worship – perhaps I should pop along to high mass and have a word with the priest,” thus being inspired to idolatry simply by visiting you for a cake and an afternoon coffee.


Not only are there brochures, but party plans no doubt, online retailers and art warehouses advertising their product to anyone who'll read the price list. Just be aware that although desk furniture can look innocent to you, it can trigger a falling away for someone who identifies what the artist was really up to. Here are two other "madonnas" and I can't really make out how that is? but for someone who can, the real product is obvious. Satan.





MORE THAN JUST PAPERWEIGHTS
THESE ARE MADONNA IDOLS

BE AWARE!

TAP/CLICK ANY MADONNA TO ENLARGE SLIGHTLY
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Default Re: True Christian™ Product Placement - Godly Warnigs and Recommendations - 01-26-2023, 02:01 AM

Knowing which consumer goods to keep out of my home in order to strengthen my Christian faith is a great boon. Thank you.

This entire collection, shown below, looks suspicious.




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Guns For God and the Economy
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Default Re: True Christian™ Product Placement - Godly Warnigs and Recommendations - 01-26-2023, 06:00 AM

What on earth is a whirling spray?
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Sinner Re: True Christian™ Product Placement - Godly Warnigs and Recommendations - 01-26-2023, 06:24 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by MitzaLizalor View Post
What on earth is a whirling spray?


Oh dear, this is really not something a Lady should know. Please, pray before and after this demonstration. A whirling spray is a tool, whose purpose is to provide females with sexual satisfaction by the means of self-fornication. Atheist scholars have for centuries tried to make women independent of male copulatory organs, and the whirling spray was designed to do just that. It was also used to wash away the Holy Male Seed from the dark, mysterious and suspicious depths of female anatomical cavities.



Please make note that the word "whirling" does not occur in the KJV, so it is un-Godly. In contrast, it appears in the concept of "whirling dervishes", which is an Islamic-Papist concept and thus blasphemous. Whirling and spinning (which is mentioned in the KJV Bible) are meant to be manual labor by women with fabrics, not with the disgusting lady-parts that should not be mentioned.

Despite the unnatural and abhorrent nature of this device, I must thank you for bringing it to our attention.


Yours in Christ,

Elmer


2 Kings 18:25 - Am I now come up without the LORD against this place to destroy it? The LORD said to me, Go up against this land, and destroy it.



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Default Re: True Christian™ Product Placement - Godly Warnigs and Recommendations - 01-26-2023, 01:42 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Elmer G. White
"whirling dervishes"
I always thought a whirling dervish was something like this, only more theatrical.

Then I actually saw one and burst out laughing. Nothing in the whole world is more pathetic. And people actually travel to see them, feeling so blessed or enlightened or I have no idea what but they seem to think they're doing something important. Unbelievable! Getting back on topic, there are decorative products advertised that no Christian should ever buy. I'll type out some of the claims for this thing you're supposed to hang on your wall because the ad is not very clear.

Quote:
INFUSED WITH THE SACRED FLAMES PROVIDED BY THE GOLDEN GODDESSES.
THIS SWORD IS EFFECTIVE EVEN AGAINST EVIL ONES POSSESSING THE TRIFORCE.


Divinely crafted & infused with Din's fire.

NO OTHER
ARMS CAN COMPARE
to the goddesses blade

Apparently there are places selling large selections of decorative mages' blades, ornamental beheading swords, magic poles with crystal blobs on top and pewter snakes writhing up the shafts of the things, Elven chain mail, warlocks' jousting lances and wizards' spiked balls on chains with elaborately chased handles. Often the customers look completely insane with pierced noses and facial tattoos, half their hair shaved off and great big clumpy boots. The boyfriends are even worse, dragging along an equally mental-looking large dog with tail chopped off and an enormous spiked collar. They also seem to think they're doing something important and words have failed me in the past but now they can aspire to "whirling spray" status and there's a new category on that spectrum available.

Obadiah 1:2

Clearly though, none of this is applicable to Christians.
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Default Re: True Christian™ Product Placement - Godly Warnigs and Recommendations - 01-30-2023, 02:33 AM



I own a set of these, they were prescribed to me by Dr. Toole. Works as advertised.


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Sinner Re: True Christian™ Product Placement - Godly Warnigs and Recommendations - 02-01-2023, 12:52 PM

I was cleaning out my wife, Mrs. Hutchins stall and saw these hidden under her tear stained pillow.
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Isaiah 45:7 I form the light, and create darkness: I make peace, and create evil: I the LORD do all these things.
Amos 3:6 Shall a trumpet be blown in the city, and the people not be afraid? shall there be evil in a city, and the LORD hath not done it?
Numbers 21:6 And the LORD sent fiery serpents among the people, and they bit the people; and much people of Israel died.
Matthew 10:34 Think not that I am come to send peace on earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword.
Matthew 10:35 For I am come to set a man at variance against his father, and the daughter against her mother, and the daughter in law against her mother in law.
Matthew 10:36 And a man's foes shall be they of his own household.
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