Focus on Family - Christian Parenting A place where parents can get good Godly advice on how to raise a family: how to properly administer corporal punishment, which movies to avoid, and more! |
|
Forum Member
Forum Member
|
|
Posts: 106
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: USA
|
|
Help needed. -
06-07-2009, 09:19 PM
I just caught my eldest teenage son touching himself in an impure manner. I knew that I should have sacrificed him to the LORD, according to scripture.
"And he said, Take now your son, your only son Isaac, whom you love, and get you into the land of Moriah; and offer him there for a burnt offering on one of the mountains which I will tell you of". Genesis 22:2
Now, what do I do with this impure child?
I may look like a joo, but I'm not. (My papers are available on request)
Jeremiah 17:4
Jesus LOVES Sarah! My thoughts are pleasured daily, with the anticipation of her in high office.
|
|
True Christian™ Just a Regular Nice Guy
|
|
Posts: 29,835
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Between Lynchburg and Walton's Mountain
|
|
Re: Help needed. -
06-07-2009, 09:34 PM
I suggest having him go to the Honorable Joseph G. Clayton rest stop on I-80. There's a hole in one of the stalls. Have him stand agains the hole. Assure you (I hope) hell never think about it again.
Spare the rod, spoil the child, I always say.
Isaiah 45:7 I form the light, and create darkness: I make peace, and create evil: I the LORD do all these things.
Amos 3:6 Shall a trumpet be blown in the city, and the people not be afraid? shall there be evil in a city, and the LORD hath not done it?
Numbers 21:6 And the LORD sent fiery serpents among the people, and they bit the people; and much people of Israel died.
Matthew 10:34 Think not that I am come to send peace on earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword.
Matthew 10:35 For I am come to set a man at variance against his father, and the daughter against her mother, and the daughter in law against her mother in law.
Matthew 10:36 And a man's foes shall be they of his own household.
|
|
Forum Member
Forum Member
|
|
Posts: 106
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: USA
|
|
Re: Help needed. -
06-07-2009, 09:39 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by James Hutchins
Joseph G. Clayton rest stop on I-80.
|
Is that the one with the nice row of pine trees to the South, near the pet rest area, and the picnic tables?
Not that I have ever been there.
I may look like a joo, but I'm not. (My papers are available on request)
Jeremiah 17:4
Jesus LOVES Sarah! My thoughts are pleasured daily, with the anticipation of her in high office.
|
|
True Christian™ Just a Regular Nice Guy
|
|
Posts: 29,835
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Between Lynchburg and Walton's Mountain
|
|
Re: Help needed. -
06-07-2009, 11:18 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Joe Rolandowsky
Is that the one with the nice row of pine trees to the South, near the pet rest area, and the picnic tables?
Not that I have ever been there.
|
If it has J.H. carved into the tops of the tables with IIIV then yes.
Isaiah 45:7 I form the light, and create darkness: I make peace, and create evil: I the LORD do all these things.
Amos 3:6 Shall a trumpet be blown in the city, and the people not be afraid? shall there be evil in a city, and the LORD hath not done it?
Numbers 21:6 And the LORD sent fiery serpents among the people, and they bit the people; and much people of Israel died.
Matthew 10:34 Think not that I am come to send peace on earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword.
Matthew 10:35 For I am come to set a man at variance against his father, and the daughter against her mother, and the daughter in law against her mother in law.
Matthew 10:36 And a man's foes shall be they of his own household.
|
|
Municipal Code Archivist - Deuteronomy 28:58 Christ's Guardian
True Christian™
|
|
Posts: 23,743
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Mostly on the front porch.
|
|
Re: Help needed. -
06-08-2009, 02:31 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Joe Rolandowsky
Now, what do I do with this impure child?
|
Pastor Ezekiel has written extensively on this topic.
STEPS IN OVERCOMING MASTURBATION
May you be a blessing to every life you touch.
|
|
Moderator Arms Dealer for CHRIST Hands folded for Jesus
|
|
Posts: 5,251
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: On the Straight and Narrow (Earthly location: Freehold, Iowa)
|
|
Re: Help needed. -
06-08-2009, 06:01 AM
Indeed, Pastor Zeke and myself have discussed this grave issue in great detail, and he is a GODly authority on the matter.
|
|
Putting the "stud" back in Bible Study
|
|
Posts: 79,910
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Freehold, Iowa
|
|
Re: Help needed. -
06-08-2009, 08:25 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Joe Rolandowsky
I just caught my eldest teenage son touching himself in an impure manner. I knew that I should have sacrificed him to the LORD, according to scripture.
"And he said, Take now your son, your only son Isaac, whom you love, and get you into the land of Moriah; and offer him there for a burnt offering on one of the mountains which I will tell you of". Genesis 22:2
Now, what do I do with this impure child?
|
You might consider signing him up for Landover's Summer Vacation Bible Gun Camp for sissy boys. We have a couple of slots still open.
Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:
Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)
|
|
True Christian™
True Christian™
|
|
Posts: 452
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Returning to the very straight and very narrow!
|
|
Re: Help needed. -
06-08-2009, 12:17 PM
I recommend procuring an item of chastity.
I am personally wearing a water proof Virgin-Guard 9000X. I have a special chip imbedded in both hands that ensures whenever I touch myself down there, even in the shower or when urinating, I get a very nasty shock.
Proverbs 23:14- "Thou shalt beat him with the rod, and shalt deliver his soul from hell."
All Unsaved Trash: Read this before posting.
|
|
Forum Member
Forum Member
|
|
Posts: 106
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: USA
|
|
Re: Help needed. -
06-16-2009, 02:08 PM
Thanks for the advice!
I may look like a joo, but I'm not. (My papers are available on request)
Jeremiah 17:4
Jesus LOVES Sarah! My thoughts are pleasured daily, with the anticipation of her in high office.
|
True Christian™ fisherman
|
|
Posts: 800
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Southeast North Carolina
|
|
Re: Help needed. -
06-16-2009, 04:10 PM
If all else fails. you can always cut off his thumbs.
Good luck
Johnny Ray James
|
Thread Tools |
|
Display Modes |
Linear Mode
|
Posting Rules
|
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts
HTML code is Off
|
|
|
Powered by Jesus - vBulletin® Version 3.8.9 Copyright ©2000 - 2024, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
vBulletin Skin developed by: vBStyles.com
Content Landover Baptist Forums © 1620, 2022 all rights reserved
|