HOME WELCOME! FORUMS Register FAQ Calendar Mark Forums Read
Go Back   The Landover Baptist Church Forum > Church Forums > Focus on Family - Christian Parenting
Reload this Page Help needed.
Focus on Family - Christian Parenting A place where parents can get good Godly advice on how to raise a family: how to properly administer corporal punishment, which movies to avoid, and more!

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
(#1)
Old
Joe Rolandowsky's Avatar
Joe Rolandowsky Joe Rolandowsky is offline
Forum Member
Forum Member
  
Posts: 106
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: USA
Joe Rolandowsky is a sorcerer and idolater who follows false gods and will rot in Hell.
Default Help needed. - 06-07-2009, 09:19 PM
I just caught my eldest teenage son touching himself in an impure manner. I knew that I should have sacrificed him to the LORD, according to scripture.

"And he said, Take now your son, your only son Isaac, whom you love, and get you into the land of Moriah; and offer him there for a burnt offering on one of the mountains which I will tell you of". Genesis 22:2

Now, what do I do with this impure child?

I may look like a joo, but I'm not. (My papers are available on request)

Jeremiah 17:4
Jesus LOVES Sarah! My thoughts are pleasured daily, with the anticipation of her in high office.
Reply With Quote
(#2)
Old
James Hutchins's Avatar
James Hutchins James Hutchins is offline
True Christian™
Just a Regular Nice Guy
 

True Christian™ Silver Tither Christian Love Real American™ True Christian Provider™ award Heaven Bound Protected by JESUS Ex-Masturbator TC Bravery Gunfest '09 Ready for the Rapture Punched the most queers Jailed for JESUS True Christian Caucasian The Lord’s Witness Wound Teabag Patriot Mission to Australia One Year/1000 posts Friend of Jesus 2010 Witch Hunt Award Flat Earth Tell her once Persecuted Porn Resistant Pro-Life ex-sheep-shagger Mission to Las Vegas True Christian Hotrodder Saved 1 Year Eats the Most Pork 2011 Witch Hunt Award True Republican Sons of Liberty Batman Shooting Survivor Loves a GODLY Chic-Fil-A Guns, Guts and GLORY! Proud Niglet Sponsorer Truck Stop Ministry Member Hatchet Child Rearing Award Prayer Warrior 2012 Witch Hunt Award 20,000 posts Long service medal, 3rd class Home Schooled Touched by Jesus Stamp of Approval Early riser Kirk Cameron Fan Club Trump of GOD Mission to Korea Pancake Dinner Anti-sodomy Hands Off Pastor Ezekiel Crown of Incorruptibility Alternative Facts Mower Rick Perry's Niggerhead Ranch Crown of Righteousness Crown of Life Crown of Rejoicing BFF of Jesus Proud Survivor of the Overwatch Wars Probing for Jesus In Love With Zeke True Christian™ Cowboy GLORY Saved 5 Years Hold re-election 2020 for Jesus Team Fortress Rebuker Extraordinaire Saved 10 Years Proud TP Rebuker for Christ Polling for Christ Anti-Biden

 
Posts: 29,835
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Between Lynchburg and Walton's Mountain
James Hutchins will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!James Hutchins will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!James Hutchins will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!James Hutchins will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!James Hutchins will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!James Hutchins will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!James Hutchins will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!James Hutchins will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!James Hutchins will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!James Hutchins will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!James Hutchins will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!
Default Re: Help needed. - 06-07-2009, 09:34 PM
I suggest having him go to the Honorable Joseph G. Clayton rest stop on I-80. There's a hole in one of the stalls. Have him stand agains the hole. Assure you (I hope) hell never think about it again.

Spare the rod, spoil the child, I always say.

Isaiah 45:7 I form the light, and create darkness: I make peace, and create evil: I the LORD do all these things.
Amos 3:6 Shall a trumpet be blown in the city, and the people not be afraid? shall there be evil in a city, and the LORD hath not done it?
Numbers 21:6 And the LORD sent fiery serpents among the people, and they bit the people; and much people of Israel died.
Matthew 10:34 Think not that I am come to send peace on earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword.
Matthew 10:35 For I am come to set a man at variance against his father, and the daughter against her mother, and the daughter in law against her mother in law.
Matthew 10:36 And a man's foes shall be they of his own household.
Reply With Quote
(#3)
Old
Joe Rolandowsky's Avatar
Joe Rolandowsky Joe Rolandowsky is offline
Forum Member
Forum Member
  
Posts: 106
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: USA
Joe Rolandowsky is a sorcerer and idolater who follows false gods and will rot in Hell.
Default Re: Help needed. - 06-07-2009, 09:39 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by James Hutchins View Post
Joseph G. Clayton rest stop on I-80.
Is that the one with the nice row of pine trees to the South, near the pet rest area, and the picnic tables?


Not that I have ever been there.

I may look like a joo, but I'm not. (My papers are available on request)

Jeremiah 17:4
Jesus LOVES Sarah! My thoughts are pleasured daily, with the anticipation of her in high office.
Reply With Quote
(#4)
Old
James Hutchins's Avatar
James Hutchins James Hutchins is offline
True Christian™
Just a Regular Nice Guy
 

True Christian™ Silver Tither Christian Love Real American™ True Christian Provider™ award Heaven Bound Protected by JESUS Ex-Masturbator TC Bravery Gunfest '09 Ready for the Rapture Punched the most queers Jailed for JESUS True Christian Caucasian The Lord’s Witness Wound Teabag Patriot Mission to Australia One Year/1000 posts Friend of Jesus 2010 Witch Hunt Award Flat Earth Tell her once Persecuted Porn Resistant Pro-Life ex-sheep-shagger Mission to Las Vegas True Christian Hotrodder Saved 1 Year Eats the Most Pork 2011 Witch Hunt Award True Republican Sons of Liberty Batman Shooting Survivor Loves a GODLY Chic-Fil-A Guns, Guts and GLORY! Proud Niglet Sponsorer Truck Stop Ministry Member Hatchet Child Rearing Award Prayer Warrior 2012 Witch Hunt Award 20,000 posts Long service medal, 3rd class Home Schooled Touched by Jesus Stamp of Approval Early riser Kirk Cameron Fan Club Trump of GOD Mission to Korea Pancake Dinner Anti-sodomy Hands Off Pastor Ezekiel Crown of Incorruptibility Alternative Facts Mower Rick Perry's Niggerhead Ranch Crown of Righteousness Crown of Life Crown of Rejoicing BFF of Jesus Proud Survivor of the Overwatch Wars Probing for Jesus In Love With Zeke True Christian™ Cowboy GLORY Saved 5 Years Hold re-election 2020 for Jesus Team Fortress Rebuker Extraordinaire Saved 10 Years Proud TP Rebuker for Christ Polling for Christ Anti-Biden

 
Posts: 29,835
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Between Lynchburg and Walton's Mountain
James Hutchins will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!James Hutchins will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!James Hutchins will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!James Hutchins will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!James Hutchins will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!James Hutchins will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!James Hutchins will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!James Hutchins will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!James Hutchins will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!James Hutchins will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!James Hutchins will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!
Default Re: Help needed. - 06-07-2009, 11:18 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Joe Rolandowsky View Post
Is that the one with the nice row of pine trees to the South, near the pet rest area, and the picnic tables?


Not that I have ever been there.
If it has J.H. carved into the tops of the tables with IIIV then yes.

Isaiah 45:7 I form the light, and create darkness: I make peace, and create evil: I the LORD do all these things.
Amos 3:6 Shall a trumpet be blown in the city, and the people not be afraid? shall there be evil in a city, and the LORD hath not done it?
Numbers 21:6 And the LORD sent fiery serpents among the people, and they bit the people; and much people of Israel died.
Matthew 10:34 Think not that I am come to send peace on earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword.
Matthew 10:35 For I am come to set a man at variance against his father, and the daughter against her mother, and the daughter in law against her mother in law.
Matthew 10:36 And a man's foes shall be they of his own household.
Reply With Quote
(#5)
Old
Nobar King's Avatar
Nobar King Nobar King is offline
Municipal Code Archivist - Deuteronomy 28:58
Christ's Guardian
True Christian™

One Year/1000 posts Saved 1 Year True Christian™ True Christian Provider™ award Ribfest '07 Christian Love Tin Tither Real American™ Cleanest Kitchen Mission to Australia Heaven Bound Tagging for Jesus Protected by JESUS Ex-Masturbator Super Soaker Baptism Award True Christian Hotrodder Ready for the Rapture True Christian Caucasian True Christian Nerd TC Bravery Ex-liberal Ex-Christ-Killer Friend of Jesus Flat Earth Saved 5 Years Tell her once Persecuted Porn Resistant Pro-Life 20,000 posts Eats the Most Pork True Republican Divorcee Batman Shooting Survivor Loves a GODLY Chic-Fil-A Early riser Guns, Guts and GLORY! Proud Niglet Sponsorer Kirk Cameron Fan Club Prayer Warrior Touched by Jesus Grammar Nazi Pancake Dinner Anti-sodomy Hands Off Pastor Ezekiel Cup of Jesus Trump of GOD Donald Trump 2016! Proud Survivor of the Overwatch Wars Wall of Jesus Alternative Facts Saved 10 Years

 
Posts: 23,743
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Mostly on the front porch.
Nobar King will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Nobar King will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Nobar King will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Nobar King will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Nobar King will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Nobar King will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Nobar King will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Nobar King will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Nobar King will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Nobar King will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Nobar King will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!
Default Re: Help needed. - 06-08-2009, 02:31 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Joe Rolandowsky View Post
Now, what do I do with this impure child?
Pastor Ezekiel has written extensively on this topic.
STEPS IN OVERCOMING MASTURBATION

May you be a blessing to every life you touch.
Reply With Quote
(#6)
Old
Bob4God's Avatar
Bob4God Bob4God is offline
Moderator
Arms Dealer for CHRIST
Hands folded for Jesus
 

One Year/1000 posts Saved 1 Year True Christian™ True Heterosexual™ True Christian Provider™ award Gunfest '06 2008 Witch Hunt Award Silver Tither Real American™ Heaven Bound Home Schooled Protected by JESUS Ex-Masturbator Ready for the Rapture Super Soaker Baptism Award True Christian Caucasian Teabag Patriot Ex-Gay Friend of Jesus Flat Earth Tell her once Porn Resistant Persecuted Pro-Life TC Bravery Christian Love Eats the Most Pork 2011 Witch Hunt Award The Al E. Pistle Award for Excellence in Rebuking True Republican Batman Shooting Survivor Loves a GODLY Chic-Fil-A Guns, Guts and GLORY! Prayer Warrior Touched by Jesus Anti-sodomy Hands Off

 
Posts: 5,251
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: On the Straight and Narrow (Earthly location: Freehold, Iowa)
Bob4God will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Bob4God will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Bob4God will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Bob4God will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Bob4God will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Bob4God will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Bob4God will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Bob4God will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Bob4God will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Bob4God will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Bob4God will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!
Default Re: Help needed. - 06-08-2009, 06:01 AM
Indeed, Pastor Zeke and myself have discussed this grave issue in great detail, and he is a GODly authority on the matter.


The eyes of the LORD are in every place, beholding the evil and the good.
- Proverbs 15:3

CHILDREN'S STORY: TIMMY ON TRIAL


CHRISTIAN ADVICE AND MESSAGES OF HOPE! GOD'S GREATEST HITS!


Reply With Quote
(#7)
Old
Pastor Ezekiel's Avatar
Pastor Ezekiel Pastor Ezekiel is offline
Putting the "stud" back in Bible Study
 

One Year/1000 posts Ribfest '09 1st Year Bible College 2nd Year Bible College 3rd Year Bible College 4th Year Bible College Saved 1 Year Long service medal, 3rd class Christian Love True Christian™ The Al E. Pistle Award for Excellence in Rebuking Real American™ True Heterosexual™ Tithing Manager 2008 Witch Hunt Award Gunfest '09 Senior Pastor Mission to Australia Heaven Bound Tagging for Jesus The Lord’s Witness Wound Home Schooled Punched the most queers TC Bravery Protected by JESUS Pastor of GOD Ex-Masturbator Jailed for JESUS Super Soaker Baptism Award Ready for the Rapture True Christian Caucasian Teabag Patriot 20,000 posts Friend of Jesus 2010 Witch Hunt Award Flat Earth 50,000 posts Tell her once Persecuted Porn Resistant Mission to Japan Pro-Life Mission to Las Vegas True Christian Provider™ award True Scientist™ Eats the Most Pork 2011 Witch Hunt Award Outreach preacher Special Mission (North Korea) Golden Bear Award True Republican Batman Shooting Survivor Sons of Liberty Loves a GODLY Chic-Fil-A Guns, Guts and GLORY! WisconSIN Shooting survivor Proud Niglet Sponsorer Truck Stop Ministry Member Hatchet Child Rearing Award Kirk Cameron Fan Club In Love With Zeke Bear Prayer Warrior 2012 Witch Hunt Award Man of the Year True Christian Hotrodder Paula Deen Negro Support Group Gator Touched by Jesus 75,000 posts Man of the Year Babysitter 2014 Witch Hunt Award Stamp of Approval Mission to Korea Trump of GOD Uber Angels Driver Rick Perry's Niggerhead Ranch Roper Crossburn Donald Trump 2016! Pancake Dinner Anti-sodomy Hands Off 2015 Witch Hunt Award Pastor Ezekiel Golden Bear Award Mission Long service medal, 2nd class Aardvark Asked questions later Heart of compassion Crown of Righteousness The Crown of Crowns Crown of Glory Crown of Incorruptibility Crown of Rejoicing Crown of Life BFF of Jesus Proud Survivor of the Overwatch Wars Probing for Jesus Wall of Jesus Alternative Facts Saved 10 Years Hold re-election 2020 for Jesus Hold re-election 2020 for Jesus Proud TP Rebuker for Christ Mission to the Philippines Clorox Cured Me QAnon Storm Chaser Anti-Biden British Royalty

 
Posts: 79,910
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Freehold, Iowa
Pastor Ezekiel will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Ezekiel will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Ezekiel will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Ezekiel will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Ezekiel will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Ezekiel will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Ezekiel will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Ezekiel will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Ezekiel will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Ezekiel will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Ezekiel will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!
Default Re: Help needed. - 06-08-2009, 08:25 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Joe Rolandowsky View Post
I just caught my eldest teenage son touching himself in an impure manner. I knew that I should have sacrificed him to the LORD, according to scripture.

"And he said, Take now your son, your only son Isaac, whom you love, and get you into the land of Moriah; and offer him there for a burnt offering on one of the mountains which I will tell you of". Genesis 22:2

Now, what do I do with this impure child?
You might consider signing him up for Landover's Summer Vacation Bible Gun Camp for sissy boys. We have a couple of slots still open.

Who Will Jesus Damn?

Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!
Reply With Quote
(#8)
Old
Tertius The Scribe's Avatar
Tertius The Scribe Tertius The Scribe is offline
True Christian™
True Christian™

True Christian™ Christian Love Real American™ Heaven Bound TC Bravery Protected by JESUS Ex-Masturbator Ready for the Rapture True Christian Caucasian Friend of Jesus Flat Earth Tell her once Persecuted Porn Resistant Silver Tither Saved 1 Year

 
Posts: 452
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Returning to the very straight and very narrow!
Tertius The Scribe has bribed people to get these reputation points.Tertius The Scribe has bribed people to get these reputation points.Tertius The Scribe has bribed people to get these reputation points.Tertius The Scribe has bribed people to get these reputation points.Tertius The Scribe has bribed people to get these reputation points.Tertius The Scribe has bribed people to get these reputation points.Tertius The Scribe has bribed people to get these reputation points.Tertius The Scribe has bribed people to get these reputation points.Tertius The Scribe has bribed people to get these reputation points.Tertius The Scribe has bribed people to get these reputation points.Tertius The Scribe has bribed people to get these reputation points.
Lightbulb Re: Help needed. - 06-08-2009, 12:17 PM
I recommend procuring an item of chastity.

I am personally wearing a water proof Virgin-Guard 9000X. I have a special chip imbedded in both hands that ensures whenever I touch myself down there, even in the shower or when urinating, I get a very nasty shock.


Proverbs 23:14- "Thou shalt beat him with the rod, and shalt deliver his soul from hell."

All Unsaved Trash: Read this before posting.
Reply With Quote
(#9)
Old
Joe Rolandowsky's Avatar
Joe Rolandowsky Joe Rolandowsky is offline
Forum Member
Forum Member
  
Posts: 106
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: USA
Joe Rolandowsky is a sorcerer and idolater who follows false gods and will rot in Hell.
Default Re: Help needed. - 06-16-2009, 02:08 PM
Thanks for the advice!

I may look like a joo, but I'm not. (My papers are available on request)

Jeremiah 17:4
Jesus LOVES Sarah! My thoughts are pleasured daily, with the anticipation of her in high office.
Reply With Quote
(#10)
Old
Johnnyboy Johnnyboy is offline
True Christian™ fisherman
  
Posts: 800
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Southeast North Carolina
Johnnyboy has bribed people to get these reputation points.Johnnyboy has bribed people to get these reputation points.Johnnyboy has bribed people to get these reputation points.Johnnyboy has bribed people to get these reputation points.Johnnyboy has bribed people to get these reputation points.Johnnyboy has bribed people to get these reputation points.Johnnyboy has bribed people to get these reputation points.Johnnyboy has bribed people to get these reputation points.Johnnyboy has bribed people to get these reputation points.Johnnyboy has bribed people to get these reputation points.
Default Re: Help needed. - 06-16-2009, 04:10 PM
If all else fails. you can always cut off his thumbs.

Good luck

Johnny Ray James
Reply With Quote
Reply

Bookmarks

« Previous Thread | Next Thread »
Thread Tools
Display Modes
Linear Mode Linear Mode

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts
BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Find Additional Forums Here



Powered by Jesus - vBulletin® Version 3.8.9
Copyright ©2000 - 2024, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
vBulletin Skin developed by: vBStyles.com
Content Landover Baptist Forums © 1620, 2022 all rights reserved

Send an email to the Senior Pastor - Landover Baptist Church - Top