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Reload this Page PRAISE™! I'm getting married!
MEET CHRISTIAN SINGLES! Who knows? The love of your life might be here! All the single men are GODLY and all the single ladies are virgins...........for the most part.

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Default PRAISE™! I'm getting married! - 03-18-2007, 06:48 PM

It's finally happening! After much searching, praying (a WHOLE lot of praying!), consulting with pastors, and rigorous rounds of testing for my potential suitors, it's been narrowed down to one Godly True Christian™ man who proposed to me after church this morning while we waiting for our orders at Denny's! Praise Jesus!
The gentleman I will be submitting to for the rest of my life is, and I'm sure you all know him, Brother Joseph Whitford! Yes, that Joseph Whitford!
For those not Saved and never had the good fortune to meet Mr. Whitford, he is a successful gratuate of Betty Bowers' BASH program, and who better to compliment an ex-sodomite than an ex-nun who has indulged in unnatural flesh herself? We are both damaged goods, so we're perfectly suited for each other as no pure True Christian™ would want to touch either one of us.
It gets even better! Mr. Whitford is already a Platinum Tither, so I will be stepping up a notch from my Double Gold Tither status, and I'm certainly looking forward to the change in neighborhood and improved parking at church (not that I'll be driving myself there anymore, but the walk will still be shorter). If there is any concern that the income from his successful chain of beauty salons (all made over quite masculinely since his rehabilitation) will be diluted from both of us tithing from it, no worries. My new collection of Born Again Dolls is selling like hotcakes, and once we say "I do" I will sign full ownership of the company over to him.
We're also in full agreement on intimate matters. We both feel strongly that we shouldn't "know" each other except to produce little soldiers for Christ. In fact, he wants to put some pictures of Jesus Himself around our bedroom to help remind him of this and carry him through when we must perform that unmentionable act.
Now the question is which pastor he will ask to perform the service.
It goes without saying that all my True Christian™ friends are invited. Mr. Whitford has even graciously allowed me to choose my own maid of honor and bridesmaids!

As for my time here, I will continue for now, but once we're wed, it will all depend on if my dear husband allows me or not.

GLORY!


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1 Timothy 2:13-15 For Adam was first formed, then Eve. And Adam was not deceived, but the woman being deceived was in the transgression. Notwithstanding she shall be saved in childbearing, if they continue in faith and charity and holiness with sobriety.
Bearing my husband's heirs and being SAVED!

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Default Re: PRAISE™! I'm getting married! - 03-18-2007, 09:01 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Sister Mary Maria View Post
It's finally happening! After much searching, praying (a WHOLE lot of praying!), consulting with pastors, and rigorous rounds of testing for my potential suitors, it's been narrowed down to one Godly True Christian™ man who proposed to me after church this morning while we waiting for our orders at Denny's! Praise Jesus!
Well congratulations. It really sounds like Brother Whitford is man with some class.



Time to reclaim our FREEDOM from the “Mullah in Chief” and his growing activist voter hoards of socialists, communists, anti-Semites, anti-Christians, atheists, radical gays and lesbians, feminists, illegal immigrants, Muslims, anti-Anglo whites and others.

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Default Re: PRAISE™! I'm getting married! - 03-18-2007, 09:04 PM

My dear Sister Mary Maria, I'm most pleased to hear that you found a good Christian man you are willing to become a subservant vessel to for the rest of your life! Now you can take part in the service of delivering us some babies to become our Godly Christian soldiers!

PRAISE!


P.S. This thread reminded me that I'm planning a proposal for a certain Christian lady on this forum! Shhhhhhhhhh It will be a surprise!
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Default Re: PRAISE™! I'm getting married! - 03-18-2007, 09:07 PM

Praise Jesus, surely He has a plan for us all. I wish you both happiness, as I am sure that you will make a fine wife if you submit yourself to him wholly. If this isn't proof that being gay is a choice, I don't know what is. I will be in prayer for you both, that you will find the strength to be the doormat submissive wife that Jesus intended. Glory!


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Default Re: PRAISE™! I'm getting married! - 03-18-2007, 09:30 PM

Congratulations Sister M&M. I'm pleased you will be joining the Platinum™ status with your Tithing.
Of course, being just a Single Platinum still puts you a couple of Rows behind my good self but you are at least going in the right direction.
It's a long way from your previous life as a Cattylicking Ring Kissing Poop Worshipper.

I Praise the Lord© that he has blessed you with this new status and I hope you show your thanks to Jesus® by giving Birth to many young Chri$tian Soldiers.



Sister Talitha

Markswoman, Circumcisionist, Platinum Tither.


HE took the damsel by the hand, and said unto her, Talitha Cumi; which is,
being interpreted, Damsel, I say unto thee, arise!...Mark 5:41



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Default Re: PRAISE™! I'm getting married! - 03-19-2007, 12:32 AM

It always warms my heart when I hear of another one of our lesser gender is going to become the best she can be (a wife and mother). As a newlywed, I can tell you that I never knew bliss until I began cooking and cleaning and managing the household of my darling Mycroft. I wish you, your husband-to-be, and all of your to-be-born Christian babies the best of luck.


"I will greatly multiply thy sorrow and thy conception; in sorrow thou shalt bring forth children; and thy desire shall be to thy husband, and he shall rule over thee." (Gen 3:16)
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Default Re: PRAISE™! I'm getting married! - 03-19-2007, 12:33 AM

Thank you all for your kind words. Mr. Whitford has taken it upon himself to do all the planning for the wedding, as he says my female mind is too prone to making mistakes and getting distracted, and he'd hate for me to have anything uncoordinated on my very special day.


Posted via Prayer

1 Timothy 2:13-15 For Adam was first formed, then Eve. And Adam was not deceived, but the woman being deceived was in the transgression. Notwithstanding she shall be saved in childbearing, if they continue in faith and charity and holiness with sobriety.
Bearing my husband's heirs and being SAVED!

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Default Re: PRAISE™! I'm getting married! - 03-19-2007, 04:04 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Sister Mary Maria View Post
It's finally happening! After much searching, praying (a WHOLE lot of praying!), consulting with pastors, and rigorous rounds of testing for my potential suitors, it's been narrowed down to one Godly True Christian™ man who proposed to me after church this morning while we waiting for our orders at Denny's! Praise Jesus!
My heartfelt congratulations to you, Sister Mary Maria!
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sister Mary Maria View Post
Thank you all for your kind words. Mr. Whitford has taken it upon himself to do all the planning for the wedding, as he says my female mind is too prone to making mistakes and getting distracted, and he'd hate for me to have anything uncoordinated on my very special day.
Would you just look at that Brethren and Sistern! She's found herself a thoughtful husband! Congratulations again, Sister!


This space is reserved for posting KJV Scripture ONLY. --ADMIN
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Default Re: PRAISE™! I'm getting married! - 03-19-2007, 05:38 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Miss.Sister Mary Maria View Post
For those not Saved and never had the good fortune to meet Mr. Whitford, he is a successful gratuate of Betty Bowers' BASH program, and who better to compliment an ex-sodomite than an ex-nun who has indulged in unnatural flesh herself? We are both damaged goods, so we're perfectly suited for each other as no pure True Christian™ would want to touch either one of us.
it ok, Miss.MM. my momma saids it better to be damaged goods than intact bads an she oughta no she never did the lurvin nasty wiv the same man twice, it true

that be you ---> <--- an that be my Momma
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Default Re: PRAISE™! I'm getting married! - 03-19-2007, 02:04 PM

IDOIDOIDOIDOIDOIDOIDO!!!!!!!!!!

(Oh - that was for Brother Green. Sister M&M, perhaps we can make it a double Wedding?

This still won't give Sinners permission to sing, "Here Comes the Bride! Big, Fat & Wide!")
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Default Re: PRAISE™! I'm getting married! - 03-19-2007, 02:18 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by MrsMycroftSmith View Post
As a newlywed, I can tell you that I never knew bliss until I began cooking and cleaning and managing the household
You know what always impressed me about you women on your wedding day? The way your wedding dress matches the color of your appliances. That's just something a man wouldn't think about doing.
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Default Re: PRAISE™! I'm getting married! - 03-19-2007, 02:37 PM

Congratulations, Sister!


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Default Re: PRAISE™! I'm getting married! - 03-19-2007, 02:53 PM

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Originally Posted by Larry Lee View Post
Why, what a beautiful Wedding Gift, Brother Larry Lee! It looks like the fine print on it reads "Lady Shaver" but must actually be saying "Lady Saver" ("Marriage")

Unless it's a product made by some Homer!s with a lisp and I know you would never give me anything like that.
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Default Re: PRAISE™! I'm getting married! - 03-19-2007, 06:36 PM

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Originally Posted by SUV View Post
Why, what a beautiful Wedding Gift, Brother Larry Lee!
Well, it is something the whole True Christian family can enjoy.


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I loved Newt before Newt was invincible
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Default Re: PRAISE™! I'm getting married! - 03-20-2007, 12:14 AM

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Originally Posted by Deaner View Post
You know what always impressed me about you women on your wedding day? The way your wedding dress matches the color of your appliances. That's just something a man wouldn't think about doing.
True enough Brother. I recall that lime green tuxedo you wore to your wedding day. That wouldn't have matched much of anything I suppose, but you looked like a real Godly Man in it, and not a homer at all. Unlike what some of the guys said in the back row so you couldn't hear.....


Who Will Jesus Damn?

Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!
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Default Re: PRAISE™! I'm getting married! - 03-20-2007, 01:32 AM

Congratulations, sister!
I'm sure you will make a lovely wife, and a lovely vessel for child production in the name of Jesus!

Praise God!


If thou be wise, thou shalt be wise for thyself: But if thou scornest, thou alone shalt bear it.
A foolish woman is clamorous: She is simple, and knoweth nothing.
Proverbs 9:12-13
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Default Re: PRAISE™! I'm getting married! - 03-20-2007, 12:40 PM

Congratulations, Sister M&M. I hope our members will forgo the usual wedding gift fanfare and instead, give a few practical items that will be sure to help your marriage please Him. I might suggest a little helper to keep you company while doing your chores. Or perhaps, even something to wear around the homestead? Hopeful Glendora


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Default Re: PRAISE™! I'm getting married! - 03-20-2007, 04:33 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Glendora Christianson View Post
Congratulations, Sister M&M. I hope our members will forgo the usual wedding gift fanfare and instead, give a few practical items that will be sure to help your marriage please Him. I might suggest a little helper to keep you company while doing your chores. Or perhaps, even something to wear around the homestead? Hopeful Glendora
This could be quite handy, when dealing with your husband's smelly sweatsocks! (The pair in the photo DO look quite heavy.)
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Alexia is a sorcerer and idolater who follows false gods and will rot in Hell.
Default Re: PRAISE™! I'm getting married! - 03-21-2007, 01:46 PM

I hope you have found your soul mate. May he treat you well, love you and care for you all your life. May a dove fly above you, and may you catch her white feathers when one does fall, and then ye shall know you are truely blessed.


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Found you out ? I thought so. Funny people. Funny.
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Default Re: PRAISE™! I'm getting married! - 03-21-2007, 03:24 PM

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Originally Posted by Alexia View Post
I hope you have found your soul mate. May he treat you well, love you and care for you all your life. May a dove fly above you, and may you catch her white feathers when one does fall, and then ye shall know you are truely blessed.

That does it. You just earned yourself a warning point for cursing Sister Mary with your evil wicker spells. PRAISE Jesus the hawk of His protecting love swoops down and kills the dove of your Satanic evil Alexia.



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