Promise Enforcers - Men Only! We make Promise Keepers look like homers! No homosexuals or women allowed! |
|
Revelationary Equine Gnathologist for Christ
True Christian™
|
|
Posts: 2,395
Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: Prodigal Son of Godless NYC.
|
|
Satan Appeared to me Tonight -
10-30-2023, 02:36 AM
Brothers in Christ
I was in my prayer closet when the enemy appeared and tried to get me to renounce Jesus. He promised me insider information if only I would say there is no God. He told me the resurrection didn't happen. At one point he showed me the semi nude pictures of Burt Reynolds in a very old Cosmopolitan magazine and said gayism is the wave of the future. He said all churches are wrong, particularly Baptist churches.
After he once again tried to get me to deny there is a God I asked him for a sample of the inside information he had. I wasn't going to give up on God for some silly rumor or ridiculous gossip. He gave up some of his information but he made me promise not to tell you. Here are the most juicy bits Satan shared:
1. Pastor Ezekiel is much older than he claims.
2. Sister Mary Etheldreda forced her daughter to have an abortion when she conceived out of wedlock.
3. Sister Midge remains a little person and now sells her body for rent money.
4. Sister Isabella's prayer meeting is actually a front for seances and drug use.
5. Sister Mitza is a medium for the demon Pazuzu and wears mixed fabrics.
These are the tidbits he shared but if I decide to follow him he promised more. Should I take him up on his offer? I mean, knowledge is power, after all.
Please share your thoughts and advice. He promised to stop by in a few days for my final answer.
Still clinging to His saving hand,
BrotherLarry
Proverbs 21:31 KJV 1611:
“The horse is prepared against the day of battell: but safetie is of the Lord.”
Lord, may I serve my equine brothers and sisters just as I do my fellow man. Amen and Amen
|
|
Trying to out-Methuselah Methuselah You kids get off his lawn!
|
|
Posts: 22,424
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Close to God
|
|
Re: Satan Appeared to me Tonight -
10-30-2023, 05:11 PM
Satan lies. Just ignore him and focus on studying your Holy Bible. It's also rumored that drinking less alcohol can help.
Freedom means voting for Donald Trump!
To most "Christians" The Bible is like a license agreement. They just scroll to the bottom and click "I agree". All those "Christians" will burn in Hell!
James 2:10 "For whosoever shall keep the whole law, and yet offend in one point, he is guilty of all."
|
|
True Christian™
True Christian™
|
|
Posts: 6,751
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Bethel School of Supernatural Ministry, Redding, CA
|
|
Re: Satan Appeared to me Tonight -
10-30-2023, 07:23 PM
Pastor Ezekiel counts his age starting from when he was Born Again. I have no personal knowledge of the other four allegations, but you have to consider the source. I know of only two people/entities who have never lied, Jesus and President Donald J. Trump, and the Devil isn't either one of them.
Draft Freehold, Iowa Mayor
Johny Joe Hold
for Vice President in 2024
|
|
True Christian™ Lady Extraordinaire, an Honorary Male Biblicist
|
|
Posts: 8,762
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: Surrounded by heathens
|
|
Re: Satan Appeared to me Tonight -
10-30-2023, 09:36 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by BrotherLarry
He promised me insider information if only I would say there is no God.... He gave up some of his information but he made me promise not to tell you. Here are the most juicy bits Satan shared:
1. Pastor Ezekiel is much older than he claims.
2. Sister Mary Etheldreda forced her daughter to have an abortion when she conceived out of wedlock.
3. Sister Midge remains a little person and now sells her body for rent money.
4. Sister Isabella's prayer meeting is actually a front for seances and drug use.
5. Sister Mitza is a medium for the demon Pazuzu and wears mixed fabrics.
|
Well, Larry dear, you have already broken your promise by telling us "the juicy bits". Given the specified terms and conditions, this wipes out any potential contract with Satan. So there is no need to assert some made-up nonsense about there being no God. You might perhaps confuse him by pointing out that without God, there is no need for Satan? But are you sure that the whole thing wasn't a fever dream?
The children send you best wishes, as ever.
Vaccinated by the love of Jesus!!!
|
|
Revelationary Equine Gnathologist for Christ
True Christian™
|
|
Posts: 2,395
Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: Prodigal Son of Godless NYC.
|
|
Re: Satan Appeared to me Tonight -
10-30-2023, 10:05 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Joanna Lytton-Vasey
Well, Larry dear, you have already broken your promise by telling us "the juicy bits". Given the specified terms and conditions, this wipes out any potential contract with Satan. So there is no need to assert some made-up nonsense about there being no God. You might perhaps confuse him by pointing out that without God, there is no need for Satan? But are you sure that the whole thing wasn't a fever dream?
The children send you best wishes, as ever.
|
And pass along my tender loving kisses to the darling children for me, dear. I miss their tender young voices saying, "Mummy, you aren't leaving us with him are you?" So cute. So innocent.
As you can surmise I knew I broke the devil's confidence but I didn't make any agreement with him. He is drawing up the papers for me to sign but I have no intention of contracting my soul to perdition. Indeed, have you ever known me to exercise poor judgment?
I assure you Satan's visit was real and not some febrile illusion. I would have snapped a selfie but the light in my prayer closet was dim.
In the Holy Name of our Lord,
BrotherLarry
Proverbs 21:31 KJV 1611:
“The horse is prepared against the day of battell: but safetie is of the Lord.”
Lord, may I serve my equine brothers and sisters just as I do my fellow man. Amen and Amen
|
|
An old soul
True Christian™
|
|
Posts: 5,203
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: USA-UK-France (traveling)
|
|
Re: Satan Appeared to me Tonight -
10-31-2023, 07:36 AM
These revelations are shocking, shocking! Dear Brother Larry, I wonder if you could ask Satan if he has any information on Youth Minister Harry. He suddenly stopped responding to messages on his Holy mission to the world's child sex capitals, like Dear Brother Limbaugh.
Draft Freehold, Iowa Mayor
Johny Joe Hold
for President in 2024
|
|
Revelationary Equine Gnathologist for Christ
True Christian™
|
|
Posts: 2,395
Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: Prodigal Son of Godless NYC.
|
|
Re: Satan Appeared to me Tonight -
10-31-2023, 08:17 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dr. Anthony J. Toole
These revelations are shocking, shocking! Dear Brother Larry, I wonder if you could ask Satan if he has any information on Youth Minister Harry. He suddenly stopped responding to messages on his Holy mission to the world's child sex capitals, like Dear Brother Limbaugh.
|
Dearest brother,
All he said was youth minister Harry had plenty of reasons to keep busy and his "body count" was in the hundreds. I don't know what that means but it is probably a lie. I have to be careful getting information since he wants my soul. Now he is tempting me with something about Faith Machine and Cookie, Basilissa's man, and pastor's pool boys. Salacious but no doubt full of mistruths.
Protected by His Blood
BrotherLarry
Proverbs 21:31 KJV 1611:
“The horse is prepared against the day of battell: but safetie is of the Lord.”
Lord, may I serve my equine brothers and sisters just as I do my fellow man. Amen and Amen
|
|
True Christian™
True Christian™
|
|
Posts: 6,751
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Bethel School of Supernatural Ministry, Redding, CA
|
|
Re: Satan Appeared to me Tonight -
10-31-2023, 08:53 PM
Brother Larry, I cannot fault you for your dedication to the Lord and His Holy Commandments, but sometimes I think you spend entirely too much time ensconced in your prayer closet. It is making you a target for spiritual warfare. I think you should get out more.
Draft Freehold, Iowa Mayor
Johny Joe Hold
for Vice President in 2024
|
|
Revelationary Equine Gnathologist for Christ
True Christian™
|
|
Posts: 2,395
Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: Prodigal Son of Godless NYC.
|
|
Re: Satan Appeared to me Tonight -
11-01-2023, 02:14 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by WWJDnow
Brother Larry, I cannot fault you for your dedication to the Lord and His Holy Commandments, but sometimes I think you spend entirely too much time ensconced in your prayer closet. It is making you a target for spiritual warfare. I think you should get out more.
|
Brother,
You are not the first person to suggest this but let me explain something if I am able. When I am in the closet, I am a different man. I am in tune with my spiritual man whereas when I come out of the closet, well, I just get a queer feeling and my mind wanders to carnal interests best discussed in a private hotel suite under an assumed name that I promise no one will learn about. If this sounds interesting get in touch.
I hear Jesus whispering in my ear so I need to listen. God bless you for your contact.
BrotherLarry
Proverbs 21:31 KJV 1611:
“The horse is prepared against the day of battell: but safetie is of the Lord.”
Lord, may I serve my equine brothers and sisters just as I do my fellow man. Amen and Amen
|
|
True Christian™
True Christian™
|
|
Posts: 6,751
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Bethel School of Supernatural Ministry, Redding, CA
|
|
Re: Satan Appeared to me Tonight -
11-02-2023, 08:19 AM
Brother Larry, perhaps it is best to continue this discussion in private, away from Satan's prying eyes. I will DM you. I'll also check with Brother Lukes to see if he has any vacancies.
Draft Freehold, Iowa Mayor
Johny Joe Hold
for Vice President in 2024
|
|
Revelationary Equine Gnathologist for Christ
True Christian™
|
|
Posts: 2,395
Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: Prodigal Son of Godless NYC.
|
|
Re: Satan Appeared to me Tonight -
11-02-2023, 08:59 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by WWJDnow
Brother Larry, perhaps it is best to continue this discussion in private, away from Satan's prying eyes. I will DM you. I'll also check with Brother Lukes to see if he has any vacancies.
|
I completely understand and feel our discussion would be rewarding. I thought about it while alone this evening and I really got in touch with myself. Imagine what we can accomplish together.
Yours,
BrotherLarry
Proverbs 21:31 KJV 1611:
“The horse is prepared against the day of battell: but safetie is of the Lord.”
Lord, may I serve my equine brothers and sisters just as I do my fellow man. Amen and Amen
|
|
An old soul
True Christian™
|
|
Posts: 5,203
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: USA-UK-France (traveling)
|
|
Re: Satan Appeared to me Tonight -
11-02-2023, 10:52 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by BrotherLarry
I completely understand and feel our discussion would be rewarding. I thought about it while alone this evening and I really got in touch with myself. Imagine what we can accomplish together.
|
Not to intrude, but perhaps a group of interested men like ourselves could follow in Brothers Harry and Limbaugh's footsteps to the Dominican Republic to unravel the mysteries. I'll bring the Viagra and Oxy Bibles.
Draft Freehold, Iowa Mayor
Johny Joe Hold
for President in 2024
|
|
Revelationary Equine Gnathologist for Christ
True Christian™
|
|
Posts: 2,395
Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: Prodigal Son of Godless NYC.
|
|
Re: Satan Appeared to me Tonight -
11-02-2023, 01:57 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dr. Anthony J. Toole
Not to intrude, but perhaps a group of interested men like ourselves could follow in Brothers Harry and Limbaugh's footsteps to the Dominican Republic to unravel the mysteries. I'll bring the Viagra and Oxy Bibles.
|
Brother Anthony,
I am sure you would be welcomed by WWJD. I know I would look forward to our fellowship. Whether it is in the DR or in Brother Lukes' establishment truly makes no difference to me. Dennis hosted my ex-gay convention a few years back and the hospitality was impeccable. So was the confidentiality. I would not be surprised to see Pastor Zeke pop in for some time on his knees.
In anticipation of your coming,
BrotherLarry
Proverbs 21:31 KJV 1611:
“The horse is prepared against the day of battell: but safetie is of the Lord.”
Lord, may I serve my equine brothers and sisters just as I do my fellow man. Amen and Amen
|
|
True Christian™
True Christian™
|
|
Posts: 6,751
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Bethel School of Supernatural Ministry, Redding, CA
|
|
Re: Satan Appeared to me Tonight -
11-05-2023, 05:54 AM
I would be most happy to welcome Dr. Toole into our session. Dr. Toole is the top! I am sure that we would each find his penetrating insights both pleasurable and informative. Satan doesn't stand a chance against the three of us united!
Draft Freehold, Iowa Mayor
Johny Joe Hold
for Vice President in 2024
|
|
Forum Member
Forum Member
|
|
Posts: 903
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Knockin' on God's door
|
|
Re: Satan Appeared to me Tonight -
11-05-2023, 10:33 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by BrotherLarry
Brothers in Christ
I was in my prayer closet when the enemy appeared and tried to get me to renounce Jesus. He promised me insider information if only I would say there is no God. He told me the resurrection didn't happen. At one point he showed me the semi nude pictures of Burt Reynolds in a very old Cosmopolitan magazine and said gayism is the wave of the future. He said all churches are wrong, particularly Baptist churches.
After he once again tried to get me to deny there is a God I asked him for a sample of the inside information he had. I wasn't going to give up on God for some silly rumor or ridiculous gossip. He gave up some of his information but he made me promise not to tell you. Here are the most juicy bits Satan shared:
1. Pastor Ezekiel is much older than he claims.
2. Sister Mary Etheldreda forced her daughter to have an abortion when she conceived out of wedlock.
3. Sister Midge remains a little person and now sells her body for rent money.
4. Sister Isabella's prayer meeting is actually a front for seances and drug use.
5. Sister Mitza is a medium for the demon Pazuzu and wears mixed fabrics.
These are the tidbits he shared but if I decide to follow him he promised more. Should I take him up on his offer? I mean, knowledge is power, after all.
Please share your thoughts and advice. He promised to stop by in a few days for my final answer.
Still clinging to His saving hand,
BrotherLarry
|
This is all you need to know:
8 Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil, as a roaring lion, walketh about, seeking whom he may devour:
Alongside the rest of the entire Bible.
|
|
Revelationary Equine Gnathologist for Christ
True Christian™
|
|
Posts: 2,395
Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: Prodigal Son of Godless NYC.
|
|
Re: Satan Appeared to me Tonight -
11-05-2023, 05:21 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Unfalsifiable
This is all you need to know:
8 Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil, as a roaring lion, walketh about, seeking whom he may devour:
Alongside the rest of the entire Bible.
|
Mr. Unfalsifiable,
I appreciate your comments and concern. Please know you have been added to my prayer list. Every 15 days I will lift your name to the Throne of Grace and ask Jesus to bring you to Salvation. If you do not want this, respond with REMOVE and you will no longer be prayed for.
BrotherLarry
Proverbs 21:31 KJV 1611:
“The horse is prepared against the day of battell: but safetie is of the Lord.”
Lord, may I serve my equine brothers and sisters just as I do my fellow man. Amen and Amen
|
|
South of the Border outreach program True Christian™
|
|
Posts: 13,142
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Godly Midwest
|
|
Re: Satan Appeared to me Tonight -
11-05-2023, 11:09 PM
My sweet, precious, but rather confused, Brother Larry:
You have now been sharing your "visions" across multiple threads now. As a result, there has been some concern regarding your emotional and mental health lately.
Personally, I suspect that the CBD oil you have been ingesting, might have been spiked with THC. Add to that your regular night cap (or two or three), and you are bound to have vivid dreams.
May I suggest that you stop drinking and taking drugs? That might help a lot with your dreams situation. I will pray for you.
|
|
Revelationary Equine Gnathologist for Christ
True Christian™
|
|
Posts: 2,395
Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: Prodigal Son of Godless NYC.
|
|
Re: Satan Appeared to me Tonight -
11-07-2023, 09:53 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Basilissa
My sweet, precious, but rather confused, Brother Larry:
You have now been sharing your "visions" across multiple threads now. As a result, there has been some concern regarding your emotional and mental health lately.
Personally, I suspect that the CBD oil you have been ingesting, might have been spiked with THC. Add to that your regular night cap (or two or three), and you are bound to have vivid dreams.
May I suggest that you stop drinking and taking drugs? That might help a lot with your dreams situation. I will pray for you.
|
My Sister
I would like to gently rebuke you for falsely accusing a male and choosing to do so in an all male area. I am a bit concerned that no brother stood in my defense. Have the rules concerning our hierarchy changed?
I would never recommend you for stoning but I think a few pebbles to the center mass might be called for.
I am not a drinker or a druggist. I serve Christ and relay things He shews unto me.
A Stalwart Christian
BrotherLarry
Proverbs 21:31 KJV 1611:
“The horse is prepared against the day of battell: but safetie is of the Lord.”
Lord, may I serve my equine brothers and sisters just as I do my fellow man. Amen and Amen
|
|
South of the Border outreach program True Christian™
|
|
Posts: 13,142
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Godly Midwest
|
|
Re: Satan Appeared to me Tonight -
11-07-2023, 10:35 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by BrotherLarry
I am not a drinker or a druggist. I serve Christ and relay things He shews unto me.
|
That's so cute that you think that! At least, I think that's cute. Pastor Ezekiel ( ) expressed a somewhat different sentiment. I pray that the voices in your head will rejoice when our good Pastor sends you on the mission he's planning for you.
|
|
True Christian™
True Christian™
|
|
Posts: 6,751
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Bethel School of Supernatural Ministry, Redding, CA
|
|
Re: Satan Appeared to me Tonight -
11-11-2023, 09:25 PM
Brother Larry,
You have to forgive Sister Basilissa. She is a good Christian, but her father did not beat her sufficiently when she was a child, and it has caused her to grow into a headstrong woman. Despite her struggles understanding the proper role of a woman, she remains in every other respect a credit to the church.
Of course, this does not in any way mean that I am advising you to listen to a woman's rantings. No man should have to suffer that indignity.
Draft Freehold, Iowa Mayor
Johny Joe Hold
for Vice President in 2024
|
Thread Tools |
|
Display Modes |
Linear Mode
|
Posting Rules
|
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts
HTML code is Off
|
|
|
Powered by Jesus - vBulletin® Version 3.8.9 Copyright ©2000 - 2024, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
vBulletin Skin developed by: vBStyles.com
Content Landover Baptist Forums © 1620, 2022 all rights reserved
|