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Default Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes - 04-19-2023, 08:56 PM

Why did the Jew nail his car to a cross?

Because it was a Chrysler.


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Default Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes - 10-08-2023, 07:15 AM


I really miss the days when a man could tell ethnic jokes in blackface on television.


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Default Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes - 10-08-2023, 05:19 PM

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Originally Posted by WWJDnow View Post
I really miss the days when a man could tell ethnic jokes in blackface on television.
Nowadays you'd get cancelled for telling jokes like that. Edgy middle aged establishment figures reading set piece scripts is where comedy reached a high point. Nowadays... nothing.


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Default Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes - 10-08-2023, 10:00 PM

Q: What's 6 inches long, bald, and drives a Jewish girl crazy?

A: A hundred dollar bill.
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Default Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes - 10-25-2023, 12:23 PM

There's a guy in the Middle East who's started a company that converts landmines into prayer mats. Apparently, prophets are going through the roof.





“We must reassert that the essence of Christianity is the love of obedience to God’s Laws and that how that complete obedience is used or implemented does not concern us.”

Author of such illuminating essays as,
Map of the Known World; Periodic Table of Elements; The History of Linguistics; The Errors of Wicca; Dolphins and Evolution; The History of Landover (The Apology); Landover and the Civil War; 2000 Racial Slurs.
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Default Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes - 10-27-2023, 01:06 AM

A priest and a rabbi walk out of a bar together. The priest says, "Hey, let's go screw some kids!" The rabbi asks, "Out of what?"


Hello, my name is Mary. I hope to fellowship with you! That is, unless you don't listen to church authority (Deuteronomy 17:12); are a witch (Exodus 22:17); are a homosexual (Leviticus 20:13; Romans 1:24-32); or fortuneteller (Leviticus 20:27) or a snotty kid who hits their dad (Exodus 21:15); or curses their parents (Proverbs 20:20; Leviticus 20:9); an adulterer (Leviticus 20:10); a non-Christian (Exodus 22:19; Deuteronomy 13:7-12; Deuteronomy 17:2-5;Romans 1:24-32); an atheist (2 Chronicles 15:12-13); or false prophet (Zechariah 13:3); from the town of one who worships another, false god (Deuteronomy 13:13-19); were a non-virgin bride (Deuteronomy 22:20-21); or blasphemer (Leviticus 24:10-16), as God calls for your execution and will no doubt send you to Hell, and I have no interest developing a friendship with the Spiritually Walking Dead.

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Default Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes - 10-27-2023, 02:54 PM

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Default Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes - 10-28-2023, 09:24 PM

Chaim Rabinowitz led a pious Jewish life for 87 years. He prayed every day of his life at the appointed hours. He never worked on the Sabbath day. Never had pork passed his lips. He was hailed by all of his fellow Jews as a righteous man, learned in Jewish law. As he lay upon his deathbed, his family gathered around him, he gave his final blessings and made one final request. "Please," he asked his beloved wife, "fetch a Catholic priest so I can convert."

"Why, after a long life as a Jew, would you want to become a Catholic now?" inquired his wife. "Well," Hyam responded, "if somebody has to go, I'd rather it be one of them instead of one of us."


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Default MОRОN ALERT ! ! ! - 11-12-2023, 07:22 AM

Mоrоn alert > > > > the pope is telling a jike



a joke

..and his audience finds it hilarious, rapturous applause, soz, I cut
it short a bit:



..apologies. Is this funny? Had I gone mad? Or did the Romish liar
just have a strike



a stroke
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Default Re: MОRОN ALERT ! ! ! - 02-19-2024, 06:46 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by MitzaLizalor View Post
Is this funny? Had I gone mad?
You had to be there I guess. When I listen to Pastor Zeke on the Zoom pod I sometimes swerve off the road when he hits the comedy section of his material. It literally shouldn't be on the air, it makes me so angry while driving.

So no Sister, you've not gone mad, you're just sick and tired of the daily Biden political agenda.


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Default Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes - 02-19-2024, 02:05 PM

I thought I'd rewatch the thing, sorry - only made it to 56 seconds. However, on a brighter note, where Frank(papist)(wretch)(failed comedian) was seated reminded me of his bond with the funding body and how successful they'd be if they wanted their money back. At least Henry VIII came up with a plan that worked, even if he was a heretic deep down and the scheme collapsed. Thankfully he had a daughter who made it stick: no, Not Bloody Mary even if popes du jour recycle her stuff albeit not in England but elsewhere? eat your heart out Vlad The Impaler.

In the following screenshot, Frank seated [right] in the white section, is actually in a different country. Did you notice that "good looker" in the audience? If they wanted a refund, following the joke, they'd need an extradition treaty! The "border" runs across the front of the stage, a metaphysical 4th wall, paralleling the metaphysical brain in his all too concrete head.

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Default Do Catholics Go to Heaven? - 02-20-2024, 01:24 PM

Hello, somebody told me that Catholics do not go to heaven. Is this true because I am a Catholic. I was an altar server so I think that means I would get a good reward in heaven so why do people disagree? Here is a link that proves me right --- [*** PORNOGRAPHY REMOVED BY REVERENT MODERATOR ***]

Last edited by Isabella White; 02-20-2024 at 01:38 PM. Reason: Link to filthy photos removed, as commanded by Almighty God!
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Default Re: Do Catholics Go to Heaven? - 02-24-2024, 10:10 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by DonaldFrilk View Post
Hello, somebody told me that Catholics do not go to heaven. Is this true because I am a Catholic. I was an altar server
so I think that means I would get a good reward in heaven so why do people disagree? Here is a link that proves me right ---
[*** PORNOGRAPHY REMOVED BY REVERENT MODERATOR ***]
Trying to get back on topic and noting that poster is no longer with us, perhaps a future contributor could explain for me:

what is altar?
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Default Re: Do Catholics Go to Heaven? - 03-03-2024, 08:06 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by MitzaLizalor View Post
Trying to get back on topic and noting that poster is no longer with us, perhaps a future contributor could explain for me:

what is altar?
I think that you are asking what is an "altar server", a thing known in the past as an altar boy.*

Naturally, as a True Christian™ who has read the Bible, you know what an altar is, even the deformed version of one such as is featured in the Catholic Mass.








* They had to let girls in the club to accommodate the odd idiosyncrasy of some of the priests.


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Default Re: Do Catholics Go to Heaven? - 03-03-2024, 09:42 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by handmaiden View Post
.... even the deformed version of one such as is featured in the Catholic Mass.
Typo for Mess, Sister?


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Default Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes - 03-04-2024, 09:37 PM

There were 2 sodomites who walked past a Baptist church, holding hands and minding their own business.
They got beaten up.

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Default RE: Good, Clean Christian Jokes - 03-06-2024, 06:43 AM

The only joke here is the people of this crazy community. You're the joke. Everyone is laughing at you. You're stupid. You have no right to judge everyone. Jesus did not judge everyone. I am also trans demisexual and my pronouns are them they. You're the joke and you'll all burn in Hell!
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Default Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes - 03-06-2024, 02:36 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by aruduramra View Post
The only joke here is the people of this crazy community. You're the joke. Everyone is laughing at you. You're stupid. You have no right to judge everyone. Jesus did not judge everyone. I am also trans demisexual and my pronouns are them they. You're the joke and you'll all burn in Hell!
Hello they-them aruduramra, thank you for posting here at God's favorite church. Welcome. Allow me to respond to, "You have no right to judge everyone."

To the contrary, as experts in sin, it is our responsibility here at Landover Baptist to judge and condemn the sins we see. That is what God put us here to do. We can help you by showing the many Bible versus that guide humans to one gender or the other. But first, please go to the introduction and start a thread about yourself. I suggest you share with us when Satan first called you to be they-them.


Isaiah 24:1-3 Behold, the LORD maketh the earth empty (2)...as the taker of usury, so with the giver of usury to him. (3) The land shall be utterly emptied, and utterly spoiled: for the LORD hath spoken his word.
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Default Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes - 03-06-2024, 07:19 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by aruduramra View Post
The only joke here is the people of this crazy community. You're the joke. Everyone is laughing at you. You're stupid. You have no right to judge everyone. Jesus did not judge everyone. I am also trans demisexual and my pronouns are them they. You're the joke and you'll all burn in Hell!
Let me get this straight, (pun intended), we have no right to judge because Jesus didn't judge anyone while you reserve the right for yourself to render judgement informing us that it is we who will burn in Hell.


Somehow, I don't think that we're the joke here.


His left hand should be under my head, and his right hand should embrace me.

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Default Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes - 03-06-2024, 08:25 PM

Tsk, the unsaved trash have really lowered the tone of this thread. It used to be a place for Christians to share light-hearted humor. Now... it's ugly. We need Mr. Lukes back to bring some of his trademark levity.


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