[Mad Prophet Helmholtz]

Who is the Mad Prophet Helmholtz?

The Mad Prophet is a complex personality as are all most of the small breed of modern-day Renaissance prophets.

He is both man and transcended man. He is both a thinker and a doer. He has inspired others to heroic heights and invoked rage and persecution in others. He is a man, whose apellate would display the truth: A "MAD PROPHET"...someone who has learned a truth and message so supremely important that he is condemned as "MAD" by those around him. Whoever said truth would be palatable and in accordance with our daily lives surely is living in a self-created utopian world, perhaps THEY ARE THE ONES WHO ARE MAD?!?!?!

He was born Christmas Day, 1941 in the eastern United States. His mother was a teenage prostitute and he grew up in a foul environment of alcohol, gambling, illicit sex, violence, and instability. During his tumultuous childhood he never had a stable father figure in life and was constantly abused, hurt, and abandoned. He dropped out of school after completing the seventh grade and embarked upon a life of sin. When he was a teenager he began a criminal life...stealing cars, burglarizing, and drinking heavily and selling marijuana. By the time the 1960's came about, he got involved even further...he began assaulting and mugging people, he started doing tougher drugs like LSD and heroin, as well as hitchhiking his way across the country. He went in and out of jail...attaining a criminal record in several states. During his prison time he was constantly raped by several black inmates. He also attempted suicide during the latter half of the decade and was sent briefly to a mental hospital. Upon release, in the early 1970's, his life spiraled out of control. He got deeply involved in cocaine and worked as a homosexual prostitute to finance his fix. His drug use was the heaviest at this time....his life was a constant circle of Motels, Hospitals, Jails, Rehab Centers, and Mental Institutions. However, because of the years of chronic drug use, his health was in mortal danger. On his 33rd birthday, and Jesus's, in 1974, inside a dingy motel in the California desert, he put a gun against his head...and fired. Nothing happened.

Then there was a knock on the door. Stumbling in his drunken/drugged daze he was shocked by the sight of a MAN IN A SPACE SUIT in his doorway. The Astronaut came inside and introduced himself as Spaceship Jesus. Spaceship Jesus then explained that it was He who stopped the gun from killing him and he then laid out out the doctrine to him, whom from this day forward would be known as "Mad Prophet Helmholtz". The newly christened Mad Prophet then talked to Spaceship Jesus for three days straight, before Spaceship Jesus bid farewell, left the motel, and was beamed up into the sky by a ladder of shining light.

Immediately upon departure, the Mad Prophet began his ministry. However, Spaceship Jesus' inspiration would not stop and for the countless years after that fateful night, the Mad Prophet would continue to receive messages, such as the eventful one when he was watching Wrestlemania and saw Hulk Hogan for the first time. Over the 1970's he set about preaching THE TRUTH to people all across the USA. From California all the way to New York, he stood in the streets and accosted passerby into listening to him or reading one of his pamphlets. By the late 1980's, having exhausted himself traveling the country, he settled back in California and got a job at a Hotel as a janitor. He began to solicit funds from people in order to pay the tuition to attend the prestigious Cornell University School of Hotel Management. Unfortunately, he started getting well-known among the people which attracted a lot of enemies whom he spoke out against. He was thrown in and out of mental institutions in a futile attempt to silence him. Imposter-Clone Psychiatrists ruled by the HOMOSEXUAL-RUN STATE OF CALIFORNIA deemed our great Mad Prophet "schizophrenic" and drugged him with thorazine and other evil drugs. Yet, because of the power emanating from hotels to Supermen, the Mad Prophet broke his chains and in the early 1990's he was back on the streets to preach the MESSAGE OF TRUTH.

The Mad Prophet attempted, without great success, to sway people on the streets...they considered him a raving lunatic (how deeply ironic for THEY are the lunatics and he is the wise one!). During the mid 90's the World Wide Web was the hottest thing around. The Mad Prophet thought this was a good time to seize and so began constructing his first web site. However, just days before the planned launch, his enemies plotted to attack him. In a Ralph's grocery store, as the Mad Prophet was shopping, all the check-out workers and produce workers and the meat workers and the clean-up workers were replaced by Imposters and they were all going to assassinate the Mad Prophet while he shopped for food. But the Mad Prophet was too wise for their childish plans and struck first before they could. He attacked the man behind the butcher counter before he could stab the Mad Prophet with a knife. When other imposter workers got in his way, he knocked them out with his fists. He fled the store screaming for everyone to leave for a bloodbath was planned and everyone inside would be killed. The police, in league with imposters, caught him at his home. When the police stormed his house, the Mad Prophet put a gun to his own head threatening to kill himself because he would not be caught alive by "Homosexual Globetrotter Alliance Imposters". In a fit of emotion, he dropped the gun to the floor and threw himself down crying at the top of his lungs: "SAVE ME SPACESHIP JESUS!!!!!" The police arrested him for assault, and at the trial, he was deemed innocent by reason of insanity. He was then thrown into a mental hospital for the next couple of years. Upon his release, he has been able to maintain a relative level of peacefulness in his life and has not returned to prison or any mental health facility. He was able to pull his allies together and start working towards diffusion of public knowledge of SPACESHIP JESUS.

Despite these attempts to silence the truth, the power of SPACESHIP JESUS and the Supermen have enabled the Mad Prophet to spread his message onto the internet like he always wanted, starting in 2009! Unfortunately, with the publishing of his web site, he has attracted even more enemies than ever before. Still, it is imperative that the world EXPERIENCES TRUTH despite the risks accompanying it.

Currently, the Mad Prophet still receives messages from Spaceship Jesus. He posts the most relevant ones on his website. He works as a janitor for a major hotel chain.

That is all you need to know.

[Masterjohnny4]

Can you clear up the paragraph in orange, please? I don't quite understand

[Mad Prophet Helmholtz]

I went to a Ralph's grocery store....KGB/Soviet spies were all inside posing as workers....they attempted assassination...I fought back and fled to my house...cops caught me...I got thrown in an asylum but later released.

That about sums it up. But, I prefer telling my story with flavor.

[Nobar King]

That's quite a story, MP. What are you up to these days?

[Pastor Ezekiel]

I wonder whatever happened to this guy?

[Mark L. Snyde, PhD]

Originally Posted by Pastor Ezekiel

I wonder whatever happened to this guy?

He seems at the outset to be a lunatic, but then one must consider:

Ezekiel 1:16 (1611 King James Bible)

The appearance of the wheeles, and their worke was like vnto the colour of a Berill: and they foure had one likenesse, and their appearance and their worke was as it were a wheele in the middle of a wheele.

[James Hutchins]

Some have said 'the mother ship' came and carried Him home. I say preposterous.

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Will somebody please shout GLORY!!??

[Mother Of Seven]

GLORY!!


What's with all these rainbow poofta colours?

[see_the_light]

Pastors, help me right now!

Am I to ...

Acts 1:9-11

And when he had spoken these things, while they beheld, he was taken up; and a cloud received him out of their sight.

And while they looked stedfastly toward heaven as he went up, behold, two men stood by them in white apparel;

Which also said, Ye men of Galilee, why stand ye gazing up into heaven? this same Jesus, which is taken up from you into heaven, shall so come in like manner as ye have seen him go into heaven.


Then all those sightings are not LIEberals high on smoked LSD and injected marijuana?

It was JESUS and HIS ANGELS all along?


RAISE TELESCOPES AND
PRAISE THE LORD!