Go Back   The Landover Baptist Church Forum > Church Forums > WEDDING BELLS! - Christian Wedding Forum
Reload this Page Honeymoon Farts - We Need to Talk...
WEDDING BELLS! - Christian Wedding Forum A seasonal forum hosted by cyber Bridesmaids, Daisy Mae Johnson, Sister Mary Etheldreda and Sister Talitha . Groomly advice is also offered from Best Man, Pastor Zeke!

 
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
(#1)
Old
Glendora Christianson's Avatar
Glendora Christianson Glendora Christianson is offline
Spiritual Mother of LBC
True Christian™

Long service medal, 1st class One Year/1000 posts True Christian™ Saved 5 Years True Christian Lady Real American™ Mother of 1 boy or 2.5 girls Ribfest '03 Best stoning bucket Protected by JESUS Christian Love Super Soaker Baptism Award Ready for the Rapture True Christian Caucasian Teabag Patriot Friend of Jesus Flat Earth Mama Grizzly Persecuted

 
Posts: 6,341
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Freehold, IA
Glendora Christianson has discarded the shackles of sin and is ready to participate in the Glorious RaptureGlendora Christianson has discarded the shackles of sin and is ready to participate in the Glorious RaptureGlendora Christianson has discarded the shackles of sin and is ready to participate in the Glorious RaptureGlendora Christianson has discarded the shackles of sin and is ready to participate in the Glorious RaptureGlendora Christianson has discarded the shackles of sin and is ready to participate in the Glorious RaptureGlendora Christianson has discarded the shackles of sin and is ready to participate in the Glorious RaptureGlendora Christianson has discarded the shackles of sin and is ready to participate in the Glorious RaptureGlendora Christianson has discarded the shackles of sin and is ready to participate in the Glorious RaptureGlendora Christianson has discarded the shackles of sin and is ready to participate in the Glorious RaptureGlendora Christianson has discarded the shackles of sin and is ready to participate in the Glorious RaptureGlendora Christianson has discarded the shackles of sin and is ready to participate in the Glorious Rapture
Default Honeymoon Farts - We Need to Talk... - 06-18-2008, 01:47 AM

I know this is an uncomfortable subject, but in every wedding there is the FIRST FART. I know some grooms expect their new wife to never fart, while all good brides know men fart, but know better than to complain.

Anyway, I think it would help our newlyweds if some of us more seasoned spouses would share their experiences and wisdom.


Jesus - gentle, dependable overnight relief.
(#2)
Old
Daisy Mae Johnson's Avatar
Daisy Mae Johnson Daisy Mae Johnson is offline
The Future Mrs. Ezekiel Flint
Voted Best Pies in Freehold 10 Years Running
aka the BiblethumpinBlonde
True Christian™

Best Pie One Year/1000 posts Saved 1 Year True Christian™ Christian Love Best Pie Long service medal, 2nd class Cleanest Kitchen Saved 5 Years Platinum Tither True Christian Lady Best Pie True Christian Homemaker Real American™ Mother of 1 boy or 2.5 girls The Al E. Pistle Award for Excellence in Rebuking Ribfest '09 Daisy Home Schooled Best stoning bucket Heaven Bound The Lord’s Witness Wound Protected by JESUS Punched the most queers TC Bravery Jailed for JESUS Super Soaker Baptism Award Ready for the Rapture True Christian Caucasian Teabag Patriot Friend of Jesus Flat Earth Most Obedient Born again virgin Persecuted Pro-Life Mission to Las Vegas True Republican Sons of Liberty Batman Shooting Survivor In Love With Zeke Loves a GODLY Chic-Fil-A Guns, Guts and GLORY! Proud Niglet Sponsorer Hatchet Child Rearing Award Kirk Cameron Fan Club Prayer Warrior Paula Deen Negro Support Group Touched by Jesus Babysitter Stamp of Approval Mission to Korea Trump of GOD Pie Roper Crossburn Donald Trump 2016! Trumpette Anti-sodomy Mission to Messico Hands Off Long service medal, 3rd class 1st Year Bible College 2nd Year Bible College 3rd Year Bible College 4th Year Bible College Mama Grizzly Pastor Ezekiel Aardvark Crown of Rejoicing BFF of Jesus Wall of Jesus Alternative Facts Saved 10 Years

 
Posts: 15,473
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Apostles Grove, Freehold, IA
Daisy Mae Johnson will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Daisy Mae Johnson will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Daisy Mae Johnson will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Daisy Mae Johnson will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Daisy Mae Johnson will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Daisy Mae Johnson will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Daisy Mae Johnson will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Daisy Mae Johnson will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Daisy Mae Johnson will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Daisy Mae Johnson will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Daisy Mae Johnson will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!
Default Re: Honeymoon Farts - We Need to Talk... - 06-18-2008, 02:05 AM

let me just say that I HAVE NEVER PASSSED air infront of Zeke since we got engaged back in 2005, but sadly, he is not discrete in some bodily functions.




Tweet me Here
My GODLY Bio Here
(#3)
Old
Glendora Christianson's Avatar
Glendora Christianson Glendora Christianson is offline
Spiritual Mother of LBC
True Christian™

Long service medal, 1st class One Year/1000 posts True Christian™ Saved 5 Years True Christian Lady Real American™ Mother of 1 boy or 2.5 girls Ribfest '03 Best stoning bucket Protected by JESUS Christian Love Super Soaker Baptism Award Ready for the Rapture True Christian Caucasian Teabag Patriot Friend of Jesus Flat Earth Mama Grizzly Persecuted

 
Posts: 6,341
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Freehold, IA
Glendora Christianson has discarded the shackles of sin and is ready to participate in the Glorious RaptureGlendora Christianson has discarded the shackles of sin and is ready to participate in the Glorious RaptureGlendora Christianson has discarded the shackles of sin and is ready to participate in the Glorious RaptureGlendora Christianson has discarded the shackles of sin and is ready to participate in the Glorious RaptureGlendora Christianson has discarded the shackles of sin and is ready to participate in the Glorious RaptureGlendora Christianson has discarded the shackles of sin and is ready to participate in the Glorious RaptureGlendora Christianson has discarded the shackles of sin and is ready to participate in the Glorious RaptureGlendora Christianson has discarded the shackles of sin and is ready to participate in the Glorious RaptureGlendora Christianson has discarded the shackles of sin and is ready to participate in the Glorious RaptureGlendora Christianson has discarded the shackles of sin and is ready to participate in the Glorious RaptureGlendora Christianson has discarded the shackles of sin and is ready to participate in the Glorious Rapture
Default Re: Honeymoon Farts - We Need to Talk... - 06-18-2008, 02:31 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by BibleThumpinBlonde View Post
let me just say that I HAVE NEVER PASSSED air infront of Zeke since we got engaged back in 2005, but sadly, he is not discrete in some bodily functions.
Thanks to Elmer's Coon Dog, I have never passed gas in my 25 years of marriage. I do wonder if we should stop buying Old Roy dog food from Walmarts.

PS I keep a body pillow between Elmer and I so I can block his barn burners.


Jesus - gentle, dependable overnight relief.
(#4)
Old
Nobar King's Avatar
Nobar King Nobar King is offline
Municipal Code Archivist - Deuteronomy 28:58
Christ's Guardian
True Christian™

One Year/1000 posts Saved 1 Year True Christian™ True Christian Provider™ award Ribfest '07 Christian Love Tin Tither Real American™ Cleanest Kitchen Mission to Australia Heaven Bound Tagging for Jesus Protected by JESUS Ex-Masturbator Super Soaker Baptism Award True Christian Hotrodder Ready for the Rapture True Christian Caucasian True Christian Nerd TC Bravery Ex-liberal Ex-Christ-Killer Friend of Jesus Flat Earth Saved 5 Years Tell her once Persecuted Porn Resistant Pro-Life 20,000 posts Eats the Most Pork True Republican Divorcee Batman Shooting Survivor Loves a GODLY Chic-Fil-A Early riser Guns, Guts and GLORY! Proud Niglet Sponsorer Kirk Cameron Fan Club Prayer Warrior Touched by Jesus Grammar Nazi Pancake Dinner Anti-sodomy Hands Off Pastor Ezekiel Cup of Jesus Trump of GOD Donald Trump 2016! Proud Survivor of the Overwatch Wars Wall of Jesus Alternative Facts Saved 10 Years

 
Posts: 23,743
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Mostly on the front porch.
Nobar King will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Nobar King will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Nobar King will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Nobar King will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Nobar King will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Nobar King will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Nobar King will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Nobar King will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Nobar King will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Nobar King will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Nobar King will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!
Default Re: Honeymoon Farts - We Need to Talk... - 06-18-2008, 02:41 AM

Lol, maybe not eat much? A woman should be drinking more tea, anyway.


May you be a blessing to every life you touch.
(#5)
Old
Rev. Carlton Green's Avatar
Rev. Carlton Green Rev. Carlton Green is offline
Confirmed Enemy of God
BANNED from Landover -- Aeternal Damnation Assured

Langobard

 
Posts: 309
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Greenbush, Georgia
Rev. Carlton Green has bribed people to get these reputation points.Rev. Carlton Green has bribed people to get these reputation points.Rev. Carlton Green has bribed people to get these reputation points.Rev. Carlton Green has bribed people to get these reputation points.Rev. Carlton Green has bribed people to get these reputation points.Rev. Carlton Green has bribed people to get these reputation points.Rev. Carlton Green has bribed people to get these reputation points.Rev. Carlton Green has bribed people to get these reputation points.Rev. Carlton Green has bribed people to get these reputation points.Rev. Carlton Green has bribed people to get these reputation points.Rev. Carlton Green has bribed people to get these reputation points.
Default Re: Honeymoon Farts - We Need to Talk... - 06-18-2008, 05:36 AM

A good TC wife should WORSHIP her man's flatulence! That's some Godly poot coming out of her man's sphincter and it's the wife's duty to inhale in a great, BIG whiff the moment she detects that delightful odor.

There's nothing to complain about. I let out great, big, juicy man farts all the time. There nothing at all bad about the smell. In fact, Creation Scientists have proven that WOMEN LOVE IT!! Last time I ripped a big one, Sister SUV practically fainted out of ecstasy when she passed by!!!


There's nothing like a great big "whodunnit" to keep the wife in her proper place!
(#6)
Old
eliot mayfield's Avatar
eliot mayfield eliot mayfield is offline
God Squad
True Christian™

One Year/1000 posts Saved 1 Year True Christian™ Real American™ Long service medal, 3rd class Tin Tither Ribfest '06 Public Awareness Medal Saved 5 Years Long service medal, 2nd class Mission to Australia Heaven Bound Protected by JESUS Ex-Masturbator Super Soaker Baptism Award Ready for the Rapture True Christian Caucasian Public Awareness Medal Christian Love Friend of Jesus Tell her once Flat Earth Eats the Most Pork 2011 Witch Hunt Award

 
Posts: 9,322
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: rebuking eurotrash commies
eliot mayfield will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!eliot mayfield will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!eliot mayfield will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!eliot mayfield will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!eliot mayfield will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!eliot mayfield will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!eliot mayfield will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!eliot mayfield will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!eliot mayfield will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!eliot mayfield will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!eliot mayfield will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!
Default Re: Honeymoon Farts - We Need to Talk... - 06-18-2008, 09:40 AM

Now you women quit blaming the men. We know you really does it!
Men, maybe it's time to quit being gentlemen and taking the blame.


Matthew:
5:17 Think not that I am come to destroy the law, or the prophets: I am not come to destroy, but to fulfil.
5:18 For verily I say unto you, Till heaven and earth pass, one jot or one tittle shall in no wise pass from the law, till all be fulfilled
10:21 And the brother shall deliver up the brother to death, and the father the child: and the children shall rise up against their parents, and cause them to be put to death.
10:34 Think not that I am come to send peace on earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword.


http://www.shangrala.org/Pictures/Christ%20Michael.jpg
(#7)
Old
Talitha's Avatar
Talitha Talitha is offline
Deaconess
Gracious, genteel, kind, tender, and warm True Christian™ Sister
True Christian™

One Year/1000 posts Saved 1 Year True Christian™ Long service medal, 3rd class Real American™ Gunfest '08 Cleanest Kitchen Platinum Tither True Christian Lady True Christian Provider™ award Best stoning bucket Heaven Bound Protected by JESUS Christian Love Super Soaker Baptism Award Ready for the Rapture True Christian Caucasian Teabag Patriot Friend of Jesus Flat Earth Most Obedient Born again virgin Persecuted Pro-Life TC Bravery Ex-Brit True Republican Ex-eurotrash Batman Shooting Survivor Loves a GODLY Chic-Fil-A Guns, Guts and GLORY! Proud Niglet Sponsorer Kirk Cameron Fan Club Prayer Warrior Long service medal, 2nd class Early riser Touched by Jesus Donald Trump 2016! Pastor Ezekiel Alternative Facts Saved 10 Years

 
Posts: 15,215
Join Date: Jan 1970
Location: God's Own America
Talitha will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Talitha will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Talitha will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Talitha will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Talitha will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Talitha will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Talitha will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Talitha will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Talitha will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Talitha will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Talitha will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!
Default Re: Honeymoon Farts - We Need to Talk... - 06-18-2008, 12:54 PM

Keep it plugged up with a Cork.
You can then go discreetly into the Bathroom to release it in it's proper place.
I happened upon this handy little gizmo a few years back. It suites the purpose well, although I've absolutely no idea what it really is.

Name:  butt.jpeg
Views: 733
Size:  2.5 KB



Sister Talitha

Markswoman, Circumcisionist, Platinum Tither.


HE took the damsel by the hand, and said unto her, Talitha Cumi; which is,
being interpreted, Damsel, I say unto thee, arise!...Mark 5:41



(#8)
Old
Rev. Carlton Green's Avatar
Rev. Carlton Green Rev. Carlton Green is offline
Confirmed Enemy of God
BANNED from Landover -- Aeternal Damnation Assured

Langobard

 
Posts: 309
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Greenbush, Georgia
Rev. Carlton Green has bribed people to get these reputation points.Rev. Carlton Green has bribed people to get these reputation points.Rev. Carlton Green has bribed people to get these reputation points.Rev. Carlton Green has bribed people to get these reputation points.Rev. Carlton Green has bribed people to get these reputation points.Rev. Carlton Green has bribed people to get these reputation points.Rev. Carlton Green has bribed people to get these reputation points.Rev. Carlton Green has bribed people to get these reputation points.Rev. Carlton Green has bribed people to get these reputation points.Rev. Carlton Green has bribed people to get these reputation points.Rev. Carlton Green has bribed people to get these reputation points.
Default Re: Honeymoon Farts - We Need to Talk... - 06-18-2008, 01:23 PM

Looks awfully like one of those "pineapple" things that grace the outdoor balustrades of my mansion.

(#9)
Old
Wide-Open's Avatar
Wide-Open Wide-Open is offline
Director of European Evangelical Outreach
A Shining Example of Christ's Love
Quite possibly the only decent, heterosexual human being in the whole of Europe
True Christian™

One Year/1000 posts Saved 1 Year 1st Year Bible College 2nd Year Bible College 3rd Year Bible College 4th Year Bible College True Christian™ Real American™ Christian Love Tithing Manager Heaven Bound Tagging for Jesus TC Bravery Mission to Australia Protected by JESUS Pastor of GOD Ex-Masturbator Super Soaker Baptism Award True Christian Nerd True Christian Hotrodder Ready for the Rapture True Christian Caucasian Senior Pastor Teabag Patriot Friend of Jesus Flat Earth Tell her once Persecuted Porn Resistant Pro-Life Mission to Las Vegas True Republican Ex-eurotrash Touched by Jesus Saved 10 Years

 
Posts: 18,677
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: A frictional country
Wide-Open will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Wide-Open will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Wide-Open will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Wide-Open will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Wide-Open will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Wide-Open will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Wide-Open will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Wide-Open will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Wide-Open will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Wide-Open will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Wide-Open will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!
Default Re: Honeymoon Farts - We Need to Talk... - 06-18-2008, 01:28 PM

I guess there are some advantages to being a widower.

Genesis 22:5
And Abraham said unto his young men, Abide ye here with the ass; and I and the lad will go yonder and worship, and come again to you.


Psalm 81:10:
I am the LORD thy God, which brought thee out of the land of Egypt:
open thy mouth wide, and I will fill it.
(#10)
Old
Nobar King's Avatar
Nobar King Nobar King is offline
Municipal Code Archivist - Deuteronomy 28:58
Christ's Guardian
True Christian™

One Year/1000 posts Saved 1 Year True Christian™ True Christian Provider™ award Ribfest '07 Christian Love Tin Tither Real American™ Cleanest Kitchen Mission to Australia Heaven Bound Tagging for Jesus Protected by JESUS Ex-Masturbator Super Soaker Baptism Award True Christian Hotrodder Ready for the Rapture True Christian Caucasian True Christian Nerd TC Bravery Ex-liberal Ex-Christ-Killer Friend of Jesus Flat Earth Saved 5 Years Tell her once Persecuted Porn Resistant Pro-Life 20,000 posts Eats the Most Pork True Republican Divorcee Batman Shooting Survivor Loves a GODLY Chic-Fil-A Early riser Guns, Guts and GLORY! Proud Niglet Sponsorer Kirk Cameron Fan Club Prayer Warrior Touched by Jesus Grammar Nazi Pancake Dinner Anti-sodomy Hands Off Pastor Ezekiel Cup of Jesus Trump of GOD Donald Trump 2016! Proud Survivor of the Overwatch Wars Wall of Jesus Alternative Facts Saved 10 Years

 
Posts: 23,743
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Mostly on the front porch.
Nobar King will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Nobar King will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Nobar King will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Nobar King will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Nobar King will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Nobar King will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Nobar King will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Nobar King will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Nobar King will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Nobar King will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Nobar King will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!
Default Re: Honeymoon Farts - We Need to Talk... - 06-18-2008, 01:29 PM

Pineapples are acidic, and I think that is a counter-fart agent.


May you be a blessing to every life you touch.
(#11)
Old
Pastor Ezekiel's Avatar
Pastor Ezekiel Pastor Ezekiel is offline
Putting the "stud" back in Bible Study
 

One Year/1000 posts Ribfest '09 1st Year Bible College 2nd Year Bible College 3rd Year Bible College 4th Year Bible College Saved 1 Year Long service medal, 3rd class Christian Love True Christian™ The Al E. Pistle Award for Excellence in Rebuking Real American™ True Heterosexual™ Tithing Manager 2008 Witch Hunt Award Gunfest '09 Senior Pastor Mission to Australia Heaven Bound Tagging for Jesus The Lord’s Witness Wound Home Schooled Punched the most queers TC Bravery Protected by JESUS Pastor of GOD Ex-Masturbator Jailed for JESUS Super Soaker Baptism Award Ready for the Rapture True Christian Caucasian Teabag Patriot 20,000 posts Friend of Jesus 2010 Witch Hunt Award Flat Earth 50,000 posts Tell her once Persecuted Porn Resistant Mission to Japan Pro-Life Mission to Las Vegas True Christian Provider™ award True Scientist™ Eats the Most Pork 2011 Witch Hunt Award Outreach preacher Special Mission (North Korea) Golden Bear Award True Republican Batman Shooting Survivor Sons of Liberty Loves a GODLY Chic-Fil-A Guns, Guts and GLORY! WisconSIN Shooting survivor Proud Niglet Sponsorer Truck Stop Ministry Member Hatchet Child Rearing Award Kirk Cameron Fan Club In Love With Zeke Bear Prayer Warrior 2012 Witch Hunt Award Man of the Year True Christian Hotrodder Paula Deen Negro Support Group Gator Touched by Jesus 75,000 posts Man of the Year Babysitter 2014 Witch Hunt Award Stamp of Approval Mission to Korea Trump of GOD Uber Angels Driver Rick Perry's Niggerhead Ranch Roper Crossburn Donald Trump 2016! Pancake Dinner Anti-sodomy Hands Off 2015 Witch Hunt Award Pastor Ezekiel Golden Bear Award Mission Long service medal, 2nd class Aardvark Asked questions later Heart of compassion Crown of Righteousness The Crown of Crowns Crown of Glory Crown of Incorruptibility Crown of Rejoicing Crown of Life BFF of Jesus Proud Survivor of the Overwatch Wars Probing for Jesus Wall of Jesus Alternative Facts Saved 10 Years Hold re-election 2020 for Jesus Hold re-election 2020 for Jesus Proud TP Rebuker for Christ Mission to the Philippines Clorox Cured Me QAnon Storm Chaser Anti-Biden British Royalty

 
Posts: 79,909
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Freehold, Iowa
Pastor Ezekiel will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Ezekiel will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Ezekiel will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Ezekiel will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Ezekiel will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Ezekiel will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Ezekiel will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Ezekiel will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Ezekiel will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Ezekiel will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Ezekiel will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!
Default Re: Honeymoon Farts - We Need to Talk... - 06-18-2008, 01:47 PM

Wait a second....Is this why I keep finding bottles of "Beano" on my doorstep, in the collection plate, and on my car?


Who Will Jesus Damn?

Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!
(#12)
Old
Justina Thyme's Avatar
Justina Thyme Justina Thyme is offline
Exposing DEMONS for Jesus
True Christian™

Saved 1 Year Real American™ True Christian™ Silver Tither True Christian Lady Christian Love Best stoning bucket Protected by JESUS Super Soaker Baptism Award Ready for the Rapture True Christian Caucasian TC Bravery Teabag Patriot Friend of Jesus Flat Earth

 
Posts: 1,705
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: On a long, strange trip
Justina Thyme has bribed people to get these reputation points.Justina Thyme has bribed people to get these reputation points.Justina Thyme has bribed people to get these reputation points.Justina Thyme has bribed people to get these reputation points.Justina Thyme has bribed people to get these reputation points.Justina Thyme has bribed people to get these reputation points.Justina Thyme has bribed people to get these reputation points.Justina Thyme has bribed people to get these reputation points.Justina Thyme has bribed people to get these reputation points.Justina Thyme has bribed people to get these reputation points.Justina Thyme has bribed people to get these reputation points.
Default Re: Honeymoon Farts - We Need to Talk... - 06-18-2008, 02:41 PM

"Beano"? What is this "Beano" of which you speak? I've never heard of "Beano." What is the purpose of this "Beano"?


Mark 16:17 And these attesting signs will accompany those who believe: in My Name they will drive out demons.

1 Kings 21:14 Then they sent to Jezebel, saying, Naboth is stoned . . .

A SPIRITUAL WARFARE PRAYER:
Father, In Jesus' Name, I take the Blood of Jesus and break the power of all witches, warlocks, wizards, satanists, sorcerers, wiccans, pagans, and any other source, and all of their rituals off of us. With the Blood of Jesus, I erase all evil lines drawn on our liver. . .

LANDOVER BAPTIST DEMON HUNTING PERMIT #00666-27





(#13)
Old
eliot mayfield's Avatar
eliot mayfield eliot mayfield is offline
God Squad
True Christian™

One Year/1000 posts Saved 1 Year True Christian™ Real American™ Long service medal, 3rd class Tin Tither Ribfest '06 Public Awareness Medal Saved 5 Years Long service medal, 2nd class Mission to Australia Heaven Bound Protected by JESUS Ex-Masturbator Super Soaker Baptism Award Ready for the Rapture True Christian Caucasian Public Awareness Medal Christian Love Friend of Jesus Tell her once Flat Earth Eats the Most Pork 2011 Witch Hunt Award

 
Posts: 9,322
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: rebuking eurotrash commies
eliot mayfield will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!eliot mayfield will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!eliot mayfield will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!eliot mayfield will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!eliot mayfield will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!eliot mayfield will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!eliot mayfield will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!eliot mayfield will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!eliot mayfield will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!eliot mayfield will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!eliot mayfield will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!
Default Re: Honeymoon Farts - We Need to Talk... - 06-18-2008, 02:59 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Justina Thyme View Post
"Beano"? What is this "Beano" of which you speak? I've never heard of "Beano." What is the purpose of this "Beano"?
We are far too tolerant of women around here.
Try clicking on the word "Beano" in the Great pastor's post.


Matthew:
5:17 Think not that I am come to destroy the law, or the prophets: I am not come to destroy, but to fulfil.
5:18 For verily I say unto you, Till heaven and earth pass, one jot or one tittle shall in no wise pass from the law, till all be fulfilled
10:21 And the brother shall deliver up the brother to death, and the father the child: and the children shall rise up against their parents, and cause them to be put to death.
10:34 Think not that I am come to send peace on earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword.


http://www.shangrala.org/Pictures/Christ%20Michael.jpg
(#14)
Old
SUV's Avatar
SUV SUV is offline
True Christian™ Princess
The Driving Force behind RA12
Have at it, anytime!

Long service medal, 1st class One Year/1000 posts Saved 1 Year Ribfest '08 True Christian™ Saved 5 Years Saved 10 Years Best Pie True Christian Lady Real American™ Best stoning bucket Heaven Bound Protected by JESUS Ready for the Rapture Super Soaker Baptism Award True Christian Caucasian Teabag Patriot Friend of Jesus Flat Earth Most Obedient Born again virgin Persecuted Christian Love Pro-Life Mission to Las Vegas Eats the Most Pork True Republican Princess

 
Posts: 11,024
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: At the Gift Exchange Counter
SUV will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!SUV will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!SUV will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!SUV will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!SUV will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!SUV will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!SUV will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!SUV will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!SUV will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!SUV will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!SUV will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!
Default Re: Honeymoon Farts - We Need to Talk... - 06-18-2008, 03:24 PM

I think the Mens fart a whole lot more than we do, Mother Glynndie - and show off about it, too!!!

Rumor has it that the idyllic 32-day Marriage of Ernest Borgnine and Ethel Merman
broke up due to his propensity for sticking her head under the covers to give her a "Dutch Oven"
(#15)
Old
Sister Rebecca's Avatar
Sister Rebecca Sister Rebecca is offline
True Christian™
True Christian™

True Christian™ Saved 1 Year True Christian Lady Protected by JESUS Heaven Bound Ready for the Rapture Christian Love Super Soaker Baptism Award Teabag Patriot Friend of Jesus Trump of GOD Loves a GODLY Chic-Fil-A

 
Posts: 390
Join Date: Sep 2006
Sister Rebecca has bribed people to get these reputation points.Sister Rebecca has bribed people to get these reputation points.Sister Rebecca has bribed people to get these reputation points.Sister Rebecca has bribed people to get these reputation points.Sister Rebecca has bribed people to get these reputation points.Sister Rebecca has bribed people to get these reputation points.Sister Rebecca has bribed people to get these reputation points.Sister Rebecca has bribed people to get these reputation points.Sister Rebecca has bribed people to get these reputation points.Sister Rebecca has bribed people to get these reputation points.Sister Rebecca has bribed people to get these reputation points.
Default Re: Honeymoon Farts - We Need to Talk... - 06-18-2008, 04:01 PM

My dear Tom told me once that semen is a good cure for flattulence. Better than spilling it at least. I don't know whether or not it works, but we have tried numerous times. He says it works. I always trust what he says.


Jesus is watching you masturbate.

Nunquam concumbo dutch puellus intra clunis.

numquam futuis, puer Batavica ad te asinus praesepe
(#16)
Old
Justina Thyme's Avatar
Justina Thyme Justina Thyme is offline
Exposing DEMONS for Jesus
True Christian™

Saved 1 Year Real American™ True Christian™ Silver Tither True Christian Lady Christian Love Best stoning bucket Protected by JESUS Super Soaker Baptism Award Ready for the Rapture True Christian Caucasian TC Bravery Teabag Patriot Friend of Jesus Flat Earth

 
Posts: 1,705
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: On a long, strange trip
Justina Thyme has bribed people to get these reputation points.Justina Thyme has bribed people to get these reputation points.Justina Thyme has bribed people to get these reputation points.Justina Thyme has bribed people to get these reputation points.Justina Thyme has bribed people to get these reputation points.Justina Thyme has bribed people to get these reputation points.Justina Thyme has bribed people to get these reputation points.Justina Thyme has bribed people to get these reputation points.Justina Thyme has bribed people to get these reputation points.Justina Thyme has bribed people to get these reputation points.Justina Thyme has bribed people to get these reputation points.
Default Re: Honeymoon Farts - We Need to Talk... - 06-18-2008, 04:33 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by eliot mayfield View Post
We are far too tolerant of women around here.
Try clicking on the word "Beano" in the Great pastor's post.
I followed your instructions, Brother Eliot, and I want to assure you that I have never laid eyes on this product before, much less left it on Pastor Ezekiel's anyone's property for them to find. Never. I swear.


Mark 16:17 And these attesting signs will accompany those who believe: in My Name they will drive out demons.

1 Kings 21:14 Then they sent to Jezebel, saying, Naboth is stoned . . .

A SPIRITUAL WARFARE PRAYER:
Father, In Jesus' Name, I take the Blood of Jesus and break the power of all witches, warlocks, wizards, satanists, sorcerers, wiccans, pagans, and any other source, and all of their rituals off of us. With the Blood of Jesus, I erase all evil lines drawn on our liver. . .

LANDOVER BAPTIST DEMON HUNTING PERMIT #00666-27





(#17)
Old
Ezekiel Bathfire's Avatar
Ezekiel Bathfire Ezekiel Bathfire is offline
Pastor for Diversity and Tolerance
Christ's Rottweiler
 

One Year/1000 posts Saved 1 Year 1st Year Bible College 2nd Year Bible College 3rd Year Bible College 4th Year Bible College True Christian™ The Al E. Pistle Award for Excellence in Rebuking Christian Love Real American™ Tithing Manager Heaven Bound Protected by JESUS True Scientist™ Pastor of GOD Ex-Masturbator Super Soaker Baptism Award Ready for the Rapture True Christian Caucasian Senior Pastor Teabag Patriot TC Bravery Friend of Jesus Flat Earth Tell her once Persecuted Porn Resistant The Hatchet Child Rearing Award Ex-Brit Eats the Most Pork True Republican Ex-eurotrash Batman Shooting Survivor Loves a GODLY Chic-Fil-A Guns, Guts and GLORY! Proud Niglet Sponsorer Kirk Cameron Fan Club Nuts for JESUS! Prayer Warrior Touched by Jesus Stamp of Approval Rick Perry's Niggerhead Ranch Mower Donald Trump 2016! Anti-sodomy Pastor Ezekiel Aardvark Bathfire Crown of Life Alternative Facts Probing for Jesus 20,000 posts Saved 10 Years Proud TP Rebuker for Christ Anti-Biden

 
Posts: 22,727
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Toiling selflessly towards Salvation
Ezekiel Bathfire will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Ezekiel Bathfire will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Ezekiel Bathfire will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Ezekiel Bathfire will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Ezekiel Bathfire will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Ezekiel Bathfire will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Ezekiel Bathfire will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Ezekiel Bathfire will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Ezekiel Bathfire will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Ezekiel Bathfire will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Ezekiel Bathfire will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!
Default Re: Honeymoon Farts - We Need to Talk... - 06-18-2008, 09:09 PM

I think the essence of a True Christian™ is to be modest, and generally socially considerate. Some things you know are right, and where there is doubt, look to the Unsaved Trash™. If they are doing it – it is wrong.

Silence is the correct way of proceeding in the presence of flatulence is Am:5:13: Therefore the prudent shall keep silence in that time; for it is an evil time.

And was it not Amos himself who said, Am:5:21[…], and I will not smell in your solemn assemblies.

If there is a noise to be made, The Lord of Hosts will do it: 1Th:4:16: For the Lord himself shall descend from heaven with a shout, with the voice of the archangel, and with the trump of God: and the dead in Christ shall rise first: - and the even the dead will be aware of it.

I attach a picture of Unsaved Trash hurrying to his newly wed wife – I believe most will see why breaking wind is not big or clever:





“We must reassert that the essence of Christianity is the love of obedience to God’s Laws and that how that complete obedience is used or implemented does not concern us.”

Author of such illuminating essays as,
Map of the Known World; Periodic Table of Elements; The History of Linguistics; The Errors of Wicca; Dolphins and Evolution; The History of Landover (The Apology); Landover and the Civil War; 2000 Racial Slurs.

Last edited by Ezekiel Bathfire; 08-02-2008 at 01:39 PM.
(#18)
Old
Daisy Mae Johnson's Avatar
Daisy Mae Johnson Daisy Mae Johnson is offline
The Future Mrs. Ezekiel Flint
Voted Best Pies in Freehold 10 Years Running
aka the BiblethumpinBlonde
True Christian™

Best Pie One Year/1000 posts Saved 1 Year True Christian™ Christian Love Best Pie Long service medal, 2nd class Cleanest Kitchen Saved 5 Years Platinum Tither True Christian Lady Best Pie True Christian Homemaker Real American™ Mother of 1 boy or 2.5 girls The Al E. Pistle Award for Excellence in Rebuking Ribfest '09 Daisy Home Schooled Best stoning bucket Heaven Bound The Lord’s Witness Wound Protected by JESUS Punched the most queers TC Bravery Jailed for JESUS Super Soaker Baptism Award Ready for the Rapture True Christian Caucasian Teabag Patriot Friend of Jesus Flat Earth Most Obedient Born again virgin Persecuted Pro-Life Mission to Las Vegas True Republican Sons of Liberty Batman Shooting Survivor In Love With Zeke Loves a GODLY Chic-Fil-A Guns, Guts and GLORY! Proud Niglet Sponsorer Hatchet Child Rearing Award Kirk Cameron Fan Club Prayer Warrior Paula Deen Negro Support Group Touched by Jesus Babysitter Stamp of Approval Mission to Korea Trump of GOD Pie Roper Crossburn Donald Trump 2016! Trumpette Anti-sodomy Mission to Messico Hands Off Long service medal, 3rd class 1st Year Bible College 2nd Year Bible College 3rd Year Bible College 4th Year Bible College Mama Grizzly Pastor Ezekiel Aardvark Crown of Rejoicing BFF of Jesus Wall of Jesus Alternative Facts Saved 10 Years

 
Posts: 15,473
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Apostles Grove, Freehold, IA
Daisy Mae Johnson will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Daisy Mae Johnson will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Daisy Mae Johnson will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Daisy Mae Johnson will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Daisy Mae Johnson will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Daisy Mae Johnson will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Daisy Mae Johnson will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Daisy Mae Johnson will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Daisy Mae Johnson will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Daisy Mae Johnson will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Daisy Mae Johnson will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!
Default Re: Honeymoon Farts - We Need to Talk... - 06-18-2008, 10:00 PM

He plays the butt trumpet?




Tweet me Here
My GODLY Bio Here
(#19)
Old
Ezekiel Bathfire's Avatar
Ezekiel Bathfire Ezekiel Bathfire is offline
Pastor for Diversity and Tolerance
Christ's Rottweiler
 

One Year/1000 posts Saved 1 Year 1st Year Bible College 2nd Year Bible College 3rd Year Bible College 4th Year Bible College True Christian™ The Al E. Pistle Award for Excellence in Rebuking Christian Love Real American™ Tithing Manager Heaven Bound Protected by JESUS True Scientist™ Pastor of GOD Ex-Masturbator Super Soaker Baptism Award Ready for the Rapture True Christian Caucasian Senior Pastor Teabag Patriot TC Bravery Friend of Jesus Flat Earth Tell her once Persecuted Porn Resistant The Hatchet Child Rearing Award Ex-Brit Eats the Most Pork True Republican Ex-eurotrash Batman Shooting Survivor Loves a GODLY Chic-Fil-A Guns, Guts and GLORY! Proud Niglet Sponsorer Kirk Cameron Fan Club Nuts for JESUS! Prayer Warrior Touched by Jesus Stamp of Approval Rick Perry's Niggerhead Ranch Mower Donald Trump 2016! Anti-sodomy Pastor Ezekiel Aardvark Bathfire Crown of Life Alternative Facts Probing for Jesus 20,000 posts Saved 10 Years Proud TP Rebuker for Christ Anti-Biden

 
Posts: 22,727
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Toiling selflessly towards Salvation
Ezekiel Bathfire will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Ezekiel Bathfire will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Ezekiel Bathfire will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Ezekiel Bathfire will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Ezekiel Bathfire will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Ezekiel Bathfire will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Ezekiel Bathfire will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Ezekiel Bathfire will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Ezekiel Bathfire will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Ezekiel Bathfire will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Ezekiel Bathfire will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!
Default Re: Honeymoon Farts - We Need to Talk... - 06-18-2008, 10:16 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by BibleThumpinBlonde View Post
He plays the butt trumpet?
Who is to explain the ways of the Unsaved?





“We must reassert that the essence of Christianity is the love of obedience to God’s Laws and that how that complete obedience is used or implemented does not concern us.”

Author of such illuminating essays as,
Map of the Known World; Periodic Table of Elements; The History of Linguistics; The Errors of Wicca; Dolphins and Evolution; The History of Landover (The Apology); Landover and the Civil War; 2000 Racial Slurs.
(#20)
Old
Petal's Avatar
Petal Petal is offline
LBC psychiatric outpatient. Progressing nicely.
True Christian™

True Christian™ Real American™ True Christian Lady Saved 5 Years Home Schooled Virgin Heaven Bound Protected by JESUS Ready for the Rapture True Christian Caucasian One Year/1000 posts Friend of Jesus Flat Earth Pro-Life True Republican

 
Posts: 989
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Freehold, IA
Petal is veritably a saint destined for a place in Heaven near Jesus' right hand.Petal is veritably a saint destined for a place in Heaven near Jesus' right hand.Petal is veritably a saint destined for a place in Heaven near Jesus' right hand.Petal is veritably a saint destined for a place in Heaven near Jesus' right hand.Petal is veritably a saint destined for a place in Heaven near Jesus' right hand.Petal is veritably a saint destined for a place in Heaven near Jesus' right hand.Petal is veritably a saint destined for a place in Heaven near Jesus' right hand.Petal is veritably a saint destined for a place in Heaven near Jesus' right hand.Petal is veritably a saint destined for a place in Heaven near Jesus' right hand.Petal is veritably a saint destined for a place in Heaven near Jesus' right hand.Petal is veritably a saint destined for a place in Heaven near Jesus' right hand.
Question Re: Honeymoon Farts - We Need to Talk... - 06-19-2008, 09:04 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Mrs.Momma Glynndie View Post
I know this is an uncomfortable subject, but in every wedding there is the FIRST FART.
Mrs.Momma Glynndie, please tell me that not true, cuz now i gots a schmelly image in my brains of all landover ladys doing fartz , an i thawt they were like the Queen of englands she never ever done a fartz in her hole life, she never even pooped, an if she did it would schmell like a bootiful rose just like our poops will when we gets to heevens i wonder if lord Jesus did fartz, were they silent an violent, were they fartz of wrath or were they loud an proud like angel trumpets in revelations? these be the big kwestions in my brains rite now

+ =
maybee it true?

 

Bookmarks

Tags
assasination, fart for jesus, fire in the hole, global warming, methane, musky turnip, peeling the paint off the wall, pfweet, the dog did it, toothless speech, trouser trumpet, wet one

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Find Additional Forums Here



Powered by Jesus - vBulletin® Version 3.8.9
Copyright ©2000 - 2024, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
vBulletin Skin developed by: vBStyles.com
Content Landover Baptist Forums © 1620, 2022 all rights reserved