The introduction forum Attention Unsaved Trash: This the ONLY subforum you can start threads in. Here is where you introduce yourself. Tell us what church you go to and what your favorite Bible verse is and how you came to find Jesus. |
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HEATHEN — Suspected Witch
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Re: The TOP 7 ways to go to HELL (and how to avoid them) -
05-08-2010, 07:15 PM
Oops, my mistake. I thought you were one of the sane ones here at the forum. Now that I know you follow the TC's, the question (and the desire to get vegetative action on your part) makes a LOT more sense.
Wake up and smell the 21st Century!!
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Is a good, decent True Christian™ lady
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Re: The TOP 7 ways to go to HELL (and how to avoid them) -
05-08-2010, 07:33 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Rachael Van Helsing
Oops, my mistake. I thought you were one of the sane ones here at the forum. Now that I know you follow the TC's, the question (and the desire to get vegetative action on your part) makes a LOT more sense.
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I don't want vegetable action, I only want to submit to a True Christian man. The problem is that when the Bible really gets goin' on the vile descriptions of some sins (there this part about a donkey in heat . . .) I really, really want to submit sooo much.
Puritanically Yours,
Handmaiden
His left hand should be under my head, and his right hand should embrace me.
Guns For God and the Economy
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HEATHEN — Suspected Witch
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Re: The TOP 7 ways to go to HELL (and how to avoid them) -
05-08-2010, 08:18 PM
Oh, my.
I hear Pastor Zeke holds bible counseling sessions for such TC ladies as yourselves who find themselves in need of submission.
Perhaps you may ask for his help and/or weekly schedule?
I hear that the ladies are usually worn out after hours spent on their usually feeling more ladylike after such sessions.
Wake up and smell the 21st Century!!
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Trying to out-Methuselah Methuselah You kids get off his lawn!
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Re: The TOP 7 ways to go to HELL (and how to avoid them) -
05-08-2010, 09:00 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Rachael Van Helsing
It doesn't specifically point to the type of vegetables to which the lady is referring, however. The seed which is mentioned in one passage refers very clearly to semen.
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So?
Freedom means voting for Donald Trump!
To most "Christians" The Bible is like a license agreement. They just scroll to the bottom and click "I agree". All those "Christians" will burn in Hell!
James 2:10 "For whosoever shall keep the whole law, and yet offend in one point, he is guilty of all."
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Re: The TOP 7 ways to go to HELL (and how to avoid them) -
05-11-2010, 06:28 PM
First of all,
I highly suggest that the user named Cranky Old Men proceed by getting on his prescribed medication, other then that your ideas are completely flawed
First of all, Icelandic people are not going to hell, and for you to suggest that is completely and utterly wrong. You are discriminating.
Secondly, it'd be rather hard to study the bible if you removed your eyes and hands wouldn't it be?
Thirdly, I don't care to go on, but I must say that it is people like you that create the perpetual hate that slows down the progress of the world
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Re: The TOP 7 ways to go to HELL (and how to avoid them) -
05-11-2010, 06:35 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Rachael Van Helsing
Oh, my.
I hear Pastor Zeke holds bible counseling sessions for such TC ladies as yourselves who find themselves in need of submission.
Perhaps you may ask for his help and/or weekly schedule?
I hear that the ladies are usually worn out after hours spent on their usually feeling more ladylike after such sessions.
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Hey Rachel Van Helsing
I must say I enjoy the fact that you are SANE and RATIONAL in this conversation. Keep it up
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True Christian™
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Re: The TOP 7 ways to go to HELL (and how to avoid them) -
05-11-2010, 06:38 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Motley Crue
First of all,
I highly suggest that the user named Cranky Old Men proceed by getting on his prescribed medication, other then that your ideas are completely flawed
First of all, Icelandic people are not going to hell, and for you to suggest that is completely and utterly wrong. You are discriminating.
Secondly, it'd be rather hard to study the bible if you removed your eyes and hands wouldn't it be?
Thirdly, I don't care to go on, but I must say that it is people like you that create the perpetual hate that slows down the progress of the world
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Fourth and final, you're going to Hell. Do not pass Go, do not collect your belongings, and get ready for well-endowed demon menfolk to take it in turns destroying you anally for all eternity. I'm sure you'd like that.
May the call of Jihad be forever outshined, outmatched, and outlasted by the The LORD's Crusade, to the end of eternity and the extinction of mortal flesh. Let those who march against it in His name be as giants - pure of heart, strong of body, honored, invulnerable. May those warriors be burning stars in the firmament of battle, angels of death on shining wings, bringing swift annihilation to the enemies of CHRIST. Amen.
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Trying to out-Methuselah Methuselah You kids get off his lawn!
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Re: The TOP 7 ways to go to HELL (and how to avoid them) -
05-11-2010, 10:04 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Motley Bum
I highly suggest that the user named Cranky Old Men proceed by getting on his prescribed medication
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I never take medication. Medication is for sissies who are trying to avoid what is coming to them. If God wants me to suffer, I will suffer!
Quote:
First of all, Icelandic people are not going to hell, and for you to suggest that is completely and utterly wrong. You are discriminating.
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Do you have any arguments to back up your opinion? Or are you just embarrassing your parents by demonstrating your stupidity?
Quote:
Secondly, it'd be rather hard to study the bible if you removed your eyes and hands wouldn't it be?
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You probably never ever used them, but most people have something called ears. Smart people use them to listen to reason. Ears can also be used to listen to audio versions of the KJV1611 Holy Bible!
Quote:
Thirdly, I don't care to go on, but I must say that it is people like you that create the perpetual hate that slows down the progress of the world
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Who cares about progress of the world? All that matters is going to Heaven!
Freedom means voting for Donald Trump!
To most "Christians" The Bible is like a license agreement. They just scroll to the bottom and click "I agree". All those "Christians" will burn in Hell!
James 2:10 "For whosoever shall keep the whole law, and yet offend in one point, he is guilty of all."
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Re: Are Orgasms the Work of the Devil? -
06-02-2010, 08:57 PM
While I would agree with most of these, I think I should remind you that that sex, in and of itself, does NOT mean you are going to Hell, nor is the orgasm "a creation of Satan"!
According to Genesis, GOD created man, male and female created He them. I submit to you that GOD created the orgasm, because HE wanted man to go forth and multiply and therefore made it pleasurable for man to do so. On the otherhand Satan likes to misuse what God has created to be pure. Hence, God made man to procreate and have dominion over the Earth, however, when man sinned by eating of the Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil, he introduced into himself the ability to devise uses for his body that God had not intended him to use it for. For instance, homosexuality is misusing the God given body of a man, with a man. Does that prove that a man's genitals are a product of Satan, or the use for it is inspired by Satan?
Would it not be an insult to the designer to credit his enemy for his work?
If a husband pays attention to the needs of his wife, then he would see her needs fulfilled in the bedchamber!
Hebrews 13:4 Marriage [is] honourable in all, and the bed undefiled: but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge.
It is the selfish and self centered man who would deny his wife the pleasure God designed for her to enjoy with her husband!
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Family Man of the Year 2010-2013 About as Straight and Manly as you can get Hates anal sex. And trees.
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Re: The TOP 7 ways to go to HELL (and how to avoid them) -
06-02-2010, 09:04 PM
Well, Lord's Servant, I would agree with you except that you're absolutely wrong! You see, God created ejaculation for the sake of reproduction. The orgasm is something completely different, although they occur simultaneously most of the time. The orgasm was created by Satan to distract man from the real purpose of sex, and to tempt him into engaging in it for reasons other than procreation.
The Only Real Climate Change Will be Hell!
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Re: Are you Suggesting Works Salvation? -
06-02-2010, 09:45 PM
Forgive the second post to the same topic, but I've had another thought about this.
There is something that stood out as I thought on this. You are claiming that if you do these things you are going to Hell. I don't buy into that.
A man does not do something to go to Hell, per se. Yes, the wages of sin is death, however, the reason WHY we sin is because we are fallen men! Our natures are bent to sin. The sin nature is like a disease...
A disease, in a lot of cases, leads to death. However, you do not SEE the cause of the disease directly. AIDS for instance is the advanced progression of the Human Immunodeficiency Virus or HIV. You cannot see a virus under the microscope, not normally, instead HIV tests test against the body's response to the virus. You may never know a person is HIV positive by looking at them unless the disease advances to the point of full blown AIDS. At that point you'll start to see open sores form, discoloration of the skin, etc...
The sin nature of man is like HIV in that as it progresses, the body grows weaker in resisting it, and other diseases. Most people may not know they have it until it's too late. Sin leads to death, or in this case, eternal separation or eternal quarantine from God. Hell is the holding pen for those who are diseased with sin, like the leper colonies of old. The irony is, that God Himself provided the cure for the disease, yet man has this ingrained denial that he has any such disease! Oddly, homosexuals for instance refuse to be tested for HIV infection or AIDS, they either deny that they might be infected, or just as bizarrely, they embrace getting infected as if it's something to be proud of!
Similarly, there are two types of lost men, those who deny that they might be lost, they think they are "a good person" as they haven't committed any major sins that they know of; or there are those who flaunt being lost and embrace it and don't care!
Salvation though, the cure, is something that is received as an act of FAITH, first and foremost! It is not something you earn, and it is not something you can lose! You are not going to Hell because you watched the Disney channel, although doing so may open your children to the world's influence; a person is going to Hell because they have the sin disease in their heart, that can ONLY be cleansed through the shed blood of Jesus Christ!
So, although I may agree that the Disney channel may not be as innocent as it might seem to the world, it can also be used as an instruction tool to your kids about what you should NOT do in relationships and such.
Back in the day, when you wanted to control small pox outbreaks amongst the population, often times people, or children were exposed to the small pox under controlled conditions so that their bodies built up an immunity to its affects or build up an immunity to the disease for life. When you completely cut off contact with all people, for fear of disease or what have you, you actually make yourself MORE susceptible to getting sick.
I am not saying to expose them to porn or even to national pornographic, but if you shelter them absolutely and completely from the world, you do risk them being open to the temptations when they are exposed.
Limited exposure to the damaging affects of the skin will tan the skin and help protect the skin further. A lot of exposure when the skin is light and has gone a long period without sun exposure is more likely to burn...
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Family Man of the Year 2010-2013 About as Straight and Manly as you can get Hates anal sex. And trees.
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Re: Are you Suggesting Works Salvation? -
06-03-2010, 12:24 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lords_Servant
I am not saying to expose them to porn or even to national pornographic, but if you shelter them absolutely and completely from the world, you do risk them being open to the temptations when they are exposed.
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How much sin do you think is okay?
The Only Real Climate Change Will be Hell!
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Re: The TOP 7 ways to go to HELL (and how to avoid them) -
06-03-2010, 03:47 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Billy Bob Jenkins
Well, Lord's Servant, I would agree with you except that you're absolutely wrong! You see, God created ejaculation for the sake of reproduction. The orgasm is something completely different, although they occur simultaneously most of the time. The orgasm was created by Satan to distract man from the real purpose of sex, and to tempt him into engaging in it for reasons other than procreation.
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Can you quote for me where it says that Satan made the orgasm, in the Scriptures?
I can show you where in Scriptures it says God made man...
Genesis 1:27 So God created man in his [own] image, in the image of God created he him; male and female created he them.
Matthew 19:4 And he answered and said unto them, Have ye not read, that he which made [them] at the beginning made them male and female,
5 And said, For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and they twain shall be one flesh?
An orgasm, if I may be blunt, doesn't just affect the genitals. It has its affects on the brain, with the endorphins and such the body creates. In essence what is often called "love" is actually an "addiction" to that person. The word used above as "cleave" actually means, or can imply, being "glued" together. Hence, when two people are glued together by God, if you try to pull them apart you are going to damage one or both pieces, hence why subsequent marriages often fail, they are trying to glue one or more broken pieces together.
If God made the body, from the begin for a man and woman to utterly cleave one unto the other, then, I believe, the "orgasm" is part of that cleaving process. If you truly want to cleave two pieces of wood together, you must apply that glue, if you use that glue sparingly, you risk not having enough strength of the bond to hold those pieces of wood together for when the bond is tested. If a woman, or man, is tempted, but their mind, their addiction, is for their spouse, their husband or wife, then it is proven they are less likely to stray.
If a man is not utilizing that God given ability for a man to use with his wife, he is risking failure of that bond.
1 Corinthians 7:1 ¶ Now concerning the things whereof ye wrote unto me: [It is] good for a man not to touch a woman.
2 Nevertheless, [to avoid] fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband.
3 Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence: and likewise also the wife unto the husband.
4 The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife.
5 Defraud ye not one the other, except [it be] with consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again, that Satan tempt you not for your incontinency.
If sexual activity is only meant to be for procreation (which I do believe that procreation IS its primary function) then why would Paul feel the need to elaborate on having a husband and wife? Intimacy, when practiced liberally (i.e. a lot), is that strengthening bond.
Look at the book of Proverbs in regards to a wife...
Proverbs 5:18 Let thy fountain be blessed: and rejoice with the wife of thy youth.
19 [Let her be as] the loving hind and pleasant roe; let her breasts satisfy thee at all times; and be thou ravished always with her love.
If you are not practicing all that God intended for your marriage, you risk it being sickly and not strong enough to stand against the testing of the Devil! Hence, I do believe the orgasm was meant to be that fortifying cement that helps a man and a woman to be glued together in loving addiction, one to another, in the confines of marriage.
The relationship between husband and wife is supposed to picture the relationship between Christ and His church. Is it just one where Christ commands His church as servants, all the time, or is it a rapturous addiction of man towards Christ? Like a wife enthralled and enamored for her husband?
Ephesians 5:22 ¶ Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.
23 For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body.
24 Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so [let] the wives [be] to their own husbands in every thing.
25 Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;
26 That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word,
27 That he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish.
28 So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself.
How much more of a demonstration of love is there than to think of her pleasure before his own?
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Re: How Much Sin? -
06-03-2010, 04:56 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Billy Bob Jenkins
How much sin do you think is okay?
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Outright sin? None.
But movies can be used as a tool to get kids thinking critically about subject matters. I should say I don't have cable, and I do believe most shows on TV are utterly worthless or pointless. Although when I have reserve weekend, and when staying in the hotel, I might watch something like CSI or something, but sit-coms are definitely for the dogs, and ever more so the more liberal and trashy Hollywood gets!
And don't get me started on shows like Sponge Bob! An acquaintance of mine watches it often and I despise it! I also don't know whose bright idea it was to fill kids heads with stuff like Tom and Jerry. Young kids are in their formative years, half of the human's brain's connections are made before the age of five or six, if you can expose them to godly wisdom and knowledge up to that point, I would agree get them as much Godly council and understanding as possible.
Proverbs 22:6 Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.
Surely a parent should know and understand their kids though. A parent should be able to gauge when their children can understand meatier instruction. Reading the Bible is good, and a start, but when they get older they need to learn how to start applying what it is they have learned.
Showing them what the world says is acceptable and comparing it to the Word of God though, can be a powerful tool. Showing them the end results of fornication and drunkenness, of kissing a person who is not your spouse and to the consequences it could lead to, are all such things you can teach them or talk to them about using the world's media, or even Christian media. I am not saying to use the TV as some would, as a baby sitter, but to watch something together and discuss some of the pitfalls of such living, with your teen or pre-teen. Get them to look through the glamor and special affects, and help them identify what could be sin, or lead to sin, or the dangers and temptations of sin.
It is of course every parents prerogative as to how they will raise their children, every parent will give an account for how their children turn out. However, a lot of strict parents find their kids get ensnared by the world the moment the teenager or child grows up. They need a little more than "don't do this or I'll whoop you!" At some point they need to learn why it is you whooped them for it!
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Pastor of Hermeneutics and Apologetics Bathed in Christ's Precious Blood Apostle to the Cactuses, Tumbleweeds and Jackrabbits
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Re: The TOP 7 ways to go to HELL (and how to avoid them) -
06-03-2010, 05:11 AM
Interesting preaching. A bit dirty for my tastes, but you're a married man, right?
Christians are superior because we possess an understanding that unbelievers lack. It is through the Power of Jesus only the converted mind is able to understand what is going on in the world; what the Communists are really up to; what Satan's intentions are. Most unbelievers do not even believe in Satan and cannot understand his tactics.
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Confirmed Enemy of God
BANNED from Landover -- Aeternal Damnation Assured
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Re: The TOP 7 ways to go to HELL (and how to avoid them) -
06-03-2010, 07:59 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Cranky Old Man
This is an introduction to the TOP 7 ways to go to HELL and most importantly: how to avoid them!
#7 Disney television
Why do you go to hell: Disney is the ultimate evil. Why? Because it is smartly dressed up as innocent entertainment for innocent children while in reality it is run by Satan himself! It teaches our children about sex before marriage and dressing like sluts. Or, in case of Donald Duck, even to just run around naked! Not convinced yet? Did you know Steve Jobs is on the board of directors of Disney!
How to avoid: To protect your children from the ultimate evil that is Disney destroy your television set. Destroy all Disney related toys (to be on the safe side just destroy all toys) and introduce your children to the only reliably form of entertainment: studying the KJV1611 Holy Bible!
More info: The truth about Disney Channel
Matthew 24:24 "For there shall arise false Christs, and false prophets, and shall shew great signs and wonders; insomuch that, if it were possible, they shall deceive the very elect."
#6 Lying on the Internet
Why do you go to hell: Internet makes it too easy to lie. No one can see you. No one really knows you. Being completely anonymous makes it very easy to lie. So a lot of people do. They assume f ake names. They even use f ake pictures! Idiot losers suddenly become online superheroes. But it doesn't work that way! Lying is not just a sin, God really hates liars! Almost everyone on the Internet will end up in hell!
How to avoid: Destroy your computer. Smash your smart phone. Crush your pad. You should spend your time studying the KJV1611 Holy Bible instead. And for contact with other people there is Baptist Church!
Proverbs 6:16-19 "These six things doth the LORD hate: yea, seven are an abomination unto him: A proud look, a lying tongue, and hands that shed innocent blood, An heart that deviseth wicked imaginations, feet that be swift in running to mischief, A false witness that speaketh lies, and he that soweth discord among brethren."
#5 Iceland
Why do you go to hell: Iceland is where sinning was invented. Iceland is actually build on top of Hell! They use the fires of Hell to heat their Igloos! Their prime minister is gay, and to make matters even worse, a woman! They have an entire museum explicitly promoting sex before marriage! It is a known fact that 99.9997% of the population of Iceland will end up in the fires of Hell!
How to avoid: Never ever go to Iceland! And if you happen to live there? I am sorry, it is too late for you. We already saved everyone who could be saved.
More info: God hates Iceland, Iceland refuses to give stolen 5 billion back
Psalm 9:17 "The wicked shall be turned into hell, and all the nations that forget God."
#4 WOMEN dressing like sluts
Why do you go to hell: Woman dress like sluts for one reason only. To seduce men into having sex with them. And often once they succeed and realize how stupid they have been they suddenly call it rape!
How to avoid: Dress like a lady, not like a whore.
More info: PROOF "rape victims" are whores (CNN)
1 Timothy 2:9-10 "In like manner also, that women adorn themselves in modest apparel, with shamefacedness and sobriety; not with broided hair, or gold, or pearls, or costly array"
#3 MEN acting gay
Why do you go to hell: God does not like gays! He does not just hate them, he wants us to kill them!
How to avoid: Stop being gay! Prevent your children from becoming gay!
More info: Skittles candy for gays
Romans 1:26-27 "For this cause God gave them up unto vile affections: for even their women did change the natural use into that which is against nature: And likewise also the men, leaving the natural use of the woman, burned in their lust one toward another; men with men working that which is unseemly, and receiving in themselves that recompence of their error which was meet."
#2 Eating vegetables
Why do you go to hell: God created animals for us to have total dominion over. Vegetables are never mentioned in that context. If we do not eat animals we insult God by ignoring his specific instructions! Vegetables are for gays and we have already establishing they go to Hell!
How to avoid: Kill animals and eat them!
Genesis 1:27-28 "So God created man in his own image, in the image of God created he him; male and female created he them. And God blessed them, and God said unto them, Be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth, and subdue it: and have dominion over the fish of the sea,and over the fowl of the air, and over every living thing that moveth upon the earth"
#1 SEX !!!
Why do you go to hell: SEX is the ultimate sin. Satan invented female orgasms to make them seduce man into "rape". The Pope invented Viagra to improve the performance of his evil priests. Internet porn is used to seduce people into masturbation. There is almost nothing in life that does not try to seduce innocent people into sex.
How to avoid: Cut off your hands to avoid masturbation, poke out your eyes to prevent looking at porn and spend all your time on Bible study!
Mark 9:47 "And if thine eye offend thee, pluck it out: it is better for thee to enter into the kingdom of God with one eye, than having two eyes to be cast into hell fire".
Mark 9:43 "And if thy hand offend thee, cut it off: it is better for thee to enter into life maimed, than having two hands to go into hell, into the fire that never shall be quenched".
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Almost everyone on the Internet will end up in hell! That would mean YOU will go to hell!
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Family Man of the Year 2010-2013 About as Straight and Manly as you can get Hates anal sex. And trees.
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Re: How Much Sin? -
06-03-2010, 09:07 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lords_Servant
They need a little more than "don't do this or I'll whoop you!" At some point they need to learn why it is you whooped them for it!
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When I whoop my kids it's usually for back talk.
The Only Real Climate Change Will be Hell!
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Re: The TOP 7 ways to go to HELL (and how to avoid them) -
06-04-2010, 03:38 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Denmark yay?
Almost everyone on the Internet will end up in hell! That would mean YOU will go to hell!
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This is why most people here use JesOS™ on their computer.
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Re: The TOP 7 ways to go to HELL (and how to avoid them) -
06-25-2010, 10:29 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by BelieverInGod
Why would I hate the child? They are a blessing from God.
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they really are a blessing, but they can really be hard work sometimes
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Re: The TOP 7 ways to go to HELL (and how to avoid them) -
06-29-2010, 07:08 PM
I'm so glad I never watched Disney as a child! Thank you for these important lessons, Mr. Cranky.
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