Go Back   The Landover Baptist Church Forum > Church Forums > THE WAR ON CHRISTMAS!
Reload this Page ASK SANTA - THE 2020 GIFT REGISTRY!
THE WAR ON CHRISTMAS! Open for the CHRISTmas Season only.

 
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
Prev Previous Post   Next Post Next
(#1)
Old
Santa Claus's Avatar
Santa Claus Santa Claus is offline
Unsaved Trash, Obese Child-Molesting Demon

Full of it Evil Perv

 
Posts: 190
Join Date: Dec 1971
Location: North Pole
Santa Claus is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Santa Claus is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Santa Claus is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Santa Claus is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Santa Claus is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Santa Claus is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Santa Claus is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Santa Claus is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Santa Claus is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Santa Claus is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Santa Claus is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.
Icon47 ASK SANTA - THE 2020 GIFT REGISTRY! - 12-01-2020, 03:51 AM

Ho ho HO!

It is I, your favorite supernatural being, the Reason for this Loverly Season! Santa! I'm back. Yeah, I do admit that my supernatural powers are limited to the superhearing of your naughty deeds and my superspeed on the Big Day, but it's still better than those of my rivals. The Jesus guy mostly concentrated on mass suicides of the hogkind thus spoiling perfectly good pork (which I deliver); The Kim family is best known for their capability of instantly growing daisies on their footprints (which I also deliver, the daisies, but in case of desperate need also the footprints); the English have the awesome superpower of turning all food into lukewarm tasteless gelatinous substance (yes, I do deliver, and I do know that Patsy Stone was an exception to this rule with her amazing ability to sustain life on booze only since 1970); and let us not forget Disney's superpower of making every good story a banal medley of self-evident deepities.

That said, don't hesitate to place your orders here! Ho, please be reminded that I do not deliver people or abstract concepts ("love", "peace of mind", etc.). I do not deliver "health" tho on some occasions blue pills are acceptable.

Please be informed that both I, Rudolph and the rest of the gang and most elfs have been inoculated against the coronavirus with the most effective Santa's Helpers' Immunization Treatment vaccine (not available for the public until 2022). My beard (facial hair, not in the "gay" sense although I've been through that phase, too, during my millennia-long existence and it was nice to say the least but I'm diverging) serves as well as the face masks (those I can deliver) against contamination.

Be nice and you'll get as many toys of genuine plastic replicas as I deem fit for you. Be naughty and you'll get what you need and deserve. Ho, ho, ho!


Ho Ho Ho! Merry Christmas everyone!!
 

Bookmarks

Tags
best of landover, gifts, handouts

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Find Additional Forums Here



Powered by Jesus - vBulletin® Version 3.8.9
Copyright ©2000 - 2024, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
vBulletin Skin developed by: vBStyles.com
Content Landover Baptist Forums © 1620, 2022 all rights reserved