[Naomi Ruth Lamb]

Ladies, (Men likely will not enjoy this post - be forewarned)

Those of you that were burdened with daughters understand the need to discuss the curse of Eve when the time is appropriate. Nothing could be worse than for a husband to discover his young wife knows nothing about the proper etiquette for those unclean times. I remember when my mother and father had this discussion with me as they read a picture book to me entitled "Betsy's Time to Bleed," which was chock full of lovely rhymes and illustrations of Betsy the Bunny Rabbit experiencing her first monthly.

Unfortunately, many women are marrying at an older age than they used to. If they are to remain in good standing with their husbandman, I for one feel they should know what each form of protection says about them and their relationship with the Lord.

TAMPAX: I think we would all agree that a True Christian woman would never wear tampons. They bring too much temptation considering their sensual appearance and phallic shape (well, I assume, anyway, since I have never seen a real man's masculine manhood member rod of love and pole of passion, but it has to be close).

STRIPS OF CLOTH, TORN FROM AN OLD (WHITE) SLIP: This is the mainstay of most women older than 60 or 70. Not only does it save money (something any man will appreciate), they are easily washed in the special bucket that every good menstrual hut will have. When they are threadbare, it is, of course, time to light a match and sing hymns as they are burned. The smoke can be a hint to hubby that "the time" is over and that you will soon join him in the marriage bed again.

STORE PURCHASED SANITARY NAPKINS: Be careful not to mistake dinner napkins for those used during Eve's curse. Poor Emily Anne made this mistake and embarrassed her husband so much that he changed churches - without her. He did, of course, provide the necessary letter of divorcement, but still. No good home will receive poor Emily Anne (although I have once in a while thrown crumbs or soup bones to her from my window).

The thing to remember about store-bought protection is that the designation "Regular", "Super," "Super Plus," "WTF," and "Who's Kidding Who? This is a Hemorrhage," send messages to our menfolk. The demure wife or unmarried virgin should always wear Regulars. Suitable for most, their absorption is sufficient to prevent embarrassment. This tells hubby that his wife is mindful of being humble and subservient even when she feels like her gut is exploding within.

"Super" has a tendency to be boastful and proud. This is contrary to the attitude we want to display. We may feel bold due to hormonal influence, but this does not remove our mandate to be subject to our menfolk.

Any designation above Super tells our men that we have not been chaste and that we have lost the necessary dynamic tension that he deserves during those "special" times.

I understand that I am but an unmarried maid, still, the LORD inspired me to share this as I prayed during my nightly devotionals.

Here is a challenge: What should every menstrual hut include? (Furnishings, special signage, warning lights, etc.)