[Roper Crossburn]

GLORY!

That's right, fellow Bible-believers. After months in the studio, my long-awaited fifth LP is finally arriving. On April 15, JESUS IS GONNA KILL YOU! (©2008 Landover Baptist Records) will be released in music outlets across Freehold. I, Roper Crossburn, will hold a special "Meet 'N' Greet" autograph session at Ted's Bible and Music Store (35 Salvation Street) on the day of the album's release—all True Christians™ are invited to attend!

What's more, selected tracks will be broadcast on the Wash O'Hanley show in the coming weeks. Check with Mr. O'Hanley to find out which songs he will be playing and when. Anyone caught downloading the album or any of its tracks will be prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law... and you know what that means around here!



Just kidding... or maybe I ain't.

And now for the real juicy stuff: full track listings have been announced!



ROPER CROSSBURN - JESUS IS GONNA KILL YOU! (©2008 Landover Baptist Records)

Disc One

1. Strom Thurmond Speech/Intro (0:46)
2. Religion of Peace (2:13)
3. Osamabamarama (4:26)
4. Praise the Lord! (3:42)
5. Jesus Is Gonna Kill You! (5:51)
6. Six Million My Ass (4:04)
7. Lake of Fire (2:17)
8. I Ain't No Monkey (3:55)
9. Vote McCain or Die (4:29)
10. God's Gonna Cut You Down (Johnny Cash Cover) (2:52)
11. Johnny Cash is Being Sodomized by Satan for Collaborating with Glenn Danzig (1:58)
12. KJV Only (3:03)
13. No Homos (In Heaven) (4:11)
14. Landover Baptist Is My Church (6:32)

Disc Two (Bonus Tracks)

1. Jesus Is Gonna Kill You (Live) (7:01)
2. Osamabamarama (with Johnny Rebel) (5:12)
3. Six Million My Ass (Matisyahu Remix) (4:05)
4. Shout Glory (1:48)
5. All Liberals Should Be Rounded Up And Shot (Spoken Word Track) (22:17)

I had a great time writing and recording these songs, and I hope y'all have just as much fun listening to them. Play them at a barbecue, at a church service, or on your GodPod while you and your posse hunt down and bludgeon the colored boy who flipped you off on the freeway. Play them anytime!

ROPER CROSSBURN - JESUS IS GONNA KILL YOU! (©2008 Landover Baptist Records)
In Stores Countywide April 15!

With Him in my heart,

[Nobar King]

Sounds brilliant!

[Mrs. Mary Whitford]

Oh! OH! OH! ROPER CROSSBURN! I can't believe you're here! I am SUCH a fan and have all your albums!
You've probably never noticed me, but I sit two pews behind you in the Platinum Tithers section at church. I've tried to get your autograph, but have always been too shy. I can't believe you're here! My favorite song is "The USA Is Going to Kick The Brown Out of You". Even Toby Keith couldn't reach such wonderful levels of post-9/11 patriotism in song.

[Virginia Day Templeton]

Hands off, Sister M&M!

Mr. Crossburn, I too have all of your albums (studio and live), AND your two collections of B-sides and rarities, not to mention your DVD Live At The Bible Bowl. Your voice sends me into a trance (not the Boodist kind), and your guitar playing puts that nigra Jimmy Hendricks to shame. And... if I may say so... you're really handsome.

Welcome to the forum!

[Mrs. Mary Whitford]

Originally Posted by Virginia D. Templeton

Hands off, Sister M&M!

Sister Ginny! I'm a happily married woman! Yes, Mr. Crossburn is dreamy, and has a voice like an angel, but I'm only interested in hearing him sing and seeing him smile!

Mr. Crossburn, I keep a poster of you in my prayer closet for inspiration, and I have one of those Ipop things with almost every one of your songs and videos legally downloaded onto it. There is also some Toby Keith, George Beverly Shea, Prussian Blue, and Anita Bryant, but I hardly listen to them.

I've heard rumors, but I don't want to get my hopes up before it's confirmed... Are you going to kick off your next tour right here in Freehold?

[JennyD]

Mr. Crossburn, I too have been a fan, ever since I was a teenage girl at the orphanage. You've been like a Daddy to me, Mr. Crossburn! A handsome, strong, manly Daddy, with that deep, husky voice and broad shoulders and big, rough hands . . . I get weak in the knees every time I hear your romantic ballad, "A Help Meet", and I can't help but dance and raise my hands to the Lord when "Keep this Country Spic and Span" plays on the radio! I know you don't want any brown "litter" on any "NAFTA Superhighway"!

Mr. Crossburn, if you ever happen to be playing out my way, I'm sure I could convince the family I work for to put you up. Then again, the hippies might not appreciate your swing number, "Tied 'n Died", and some of the staff would probably get all in a tizzy about your heartfelt "Anchor Baby".

Well, I'm sure I can find a snug, warm place for you, just the same!

[Roper Crossburn]

You'll always see me in church, Mary, because a man who doesn't have time for God ain't a real man. He's a piece of trash. And a lot of people think being a celebrity means you can ignore God too—that's why so many famous people are burning in Hell. Next time you see me at the service, shout my name before I start praying. Not while I'm praying. I'd be happy to sign an autograph for you. Really, I promise I won't bite.

My next concert in Freehold? If I had a nickel for every time somebody asked me that, well, I could quit my day job. But I'll be posting my concert schedule in a couple of days, and you'll find out then. I think you'll be happy.

In Christ Jesus always,

[Offcr. Albert Martin]

The Police Department has decided to allow its sale in Iowa outside of Freehold, but with a cover modification:



This is in cooperation with RIAA album standards.

[Nobar King]

I'm curious where the record release party is going to be. April 15 is tax day, and the parking near the mall/post office is going to be pretty bad then.

[Pastor Isaac Peters]

With such glowing recommendations, I may just let my wife listen to Mr. Crossburn's album while she cooks and cleans.

[Roper Crossburn]

Like I said, the signing will be at:

Ted's Bible and Music Store
35 Salvation Street
Freehold, IA 50982

I truly enjoy interacting with my fans. Here are a couple of photos from 2005, when I was at Ted's to sign and promote my last album, BLAZE OF GLORY (©2005 Landover Baptist Records):



As you can see, it was jam-packed with Bible-believers. I'd say your best bet as far as parking goes would be the lot five blocks north of the store. There's a fee, but the attendant is usually asleep. If he's not, tell him Roper sent you!

Ever God's servant,

[Offcr. Albert Martin]

I think I might invite my brother (who's NOT locked up) with me so we can record our own album!

More info in a future thread!

[Ezekiel Bathfire]

Originally Posted by Offcr. Albert Martin

I think I might invite my brother (who's NOT locked up)

Aaaaarrrrrggggghhhhhhhh!!!!! He's escaped and is on the lam!

[Mrs. Mary Whitford]

Oh thank you, sweet Jesus! Thank You for allowing me this opportunity to get Roper Crossburn's autograph! I do think I'm about to swoon!

[Offcr. Albert Martin]

One question about that album, Mr. Crossburn:



Would it be OK if I made an edited version to be sold at FYE and Wal-Mart?

That's the only way it would sell at Wal-Mart...

[JennyD]

Originally Posted by Offcr. Albert Martin

One question about that album, Mr. Crossburn:

Would it be OK if I made an edited version to be sold at FYE and Wal-Mart?

That's the only way it would sell at Wal-Mart...

Disgusting! Trying to pirate a True Christian™'s music so you can profit and give money to your Pedophile Pope!

[Offcr. Albert Martin]

Originally Posted by JennyD

Disgusting! Trying to pirate a True Christian™'s music so you can profit and give money to your Pedophile Pope!

I notice you didn't question the PA sticker I put on the album...

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Originally Posted by Offcr. Albert Martin

I think I might invite my brother (who's NOT locked up) with me so we can record our own album!

More info in a future thread!

I want to remind you that it is a federal offence to aide and abet a wanted pedophile. And any True Christian™ would turn you in in a New York second, papist.

Anyway, what would you call yourselves? The rapping mary worshipers?

Originally Posted by Offcr. Albert Martin

One question about that album, Mr. Crossburn:
Would it be OK if I made an edited version to be sold at FYE and Wal-Mart?

That's the only way it would sell at Wal-Mart...

You want to edit Brother Crossburn's CD just like you papist dogs edited the Holy Word of God. You idolaters just never learn, do you.

[Daisy Mae Johnson]

~~~ swoon~~~



No Homos (In Heaven) is one of my favorite songs! I could play it over and over.

The harmony sends chills up my spine.

You are so talented Brother Crossburn!

Lve, Sister Thumper

[Sister Noddy]

Originally Posted by BibleThumpinBlonde

~~~ swoon~~~

You are so talented Brother Crossburn!

Lve, Sister Thumper

Gosh you can say that again, Sister!

He's more than just talented, he's a dreamboat!

(noddy hoping son-in-law isn't reading this post, son-in-law might take noddy's computer away for flirting!)