[Jeb Stuart Thurmond]

Dear Friends,

Having invented imaginary "problems" like "depression" and "Post-Traumatic Stress" and "autism" secular scientists are proposing psychedelic drug therapy as a solution.

I don't need to tell you how obviously fraudulent this idea is - as someone who has smoked banana peels twice, and overheard most of a Tame Impala album being played next door, I can assure you that Winners Don't Do Drugs and therefore drugs are useless for therapy because winners don't need therapy.

However, I've noticed that some Churches have managed to gain immunity to drug laws. I have also heard that psychadelic experiences can cause some people to become bisexual.

If drugs can cause bisexuality, then we can use them to make gay people interested in the opposite sex. Which is gay conversion therapy, which liberals are currently making illegal.

So, with nothing more than a bong and a few dried up banana peels, we will be able to get drugs outlawed again!

Now, before you all show up to Church with tie-dyed shirts and Pink Floyd records, we have to go over the potential risks. Thankfully, a person who is very, very white, and sort-of, sort-of male has written about every possible hazard that can befall those who want experiment at home with the most powerful psychoactive substances on earth:

Cannabis use has historical contexts of power and privilege.

So, don't wrap your joint with pages from history books?

Be aware that when you are zonked out on drugs, someone might cop a feel. They might even grope you to death:

All genders are perpetrators and all genders are victims or survivors

If you're not frightened enough by the thought of someone squeezing your boob so tightly that your heart explodes, it gets worse:

[Psychedelic] churches are partly based on or influenced by Catholicism...in Santo Daime services men and women dress differently and sit on opposite sides of the room. If you’re non-binary or intersex or trans, what do you wear and where do you sit? That could be very uncomfortable.

Especially if they use wooden pews.

And last but not least, will someone, anyone, please, please think of the poor, oppressed drug lords:

Potential Risks...If you are purchasing cannabis from a dispensary, you are probably not helping marginalized communities [like MS-13 and The Taliban?] who have been oppressed by the racist war on drugs for decades. Does your money help disadvantaged, historically oppressed peoples [like Pablo Escobar?] from your local community, or does it help venture capitalists from other states or countries?

Now that's a buzzkill of a thought. Wonder if I could send him on a bad trip by telling him how Che Guevara T-shirts get made.