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The Corona Virus Among the seven last plagues.

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Default Masturbation is Causing the Corona Virus - 07-23-2020, 11:12 PM

I've been trying to figure out why more people keep getting the Corona Virus. It doesn't seem to be because they are unhealthy or live in unsanitary conditions. After one has eliminated all the other possible causes we're back to sin.

So, the question then is which sin in God punishing us for? We know he hates homerism. But there are so few of them it doesn't seem like he would do a broad brush punishment. And, some homers are not getting sick.

This thing is world wide. The sin God is punishing the entire human race for has to be one broadly practiced. There is only one such sin, masturbation. God is literally killing people for committing this terrible sin.

When people learn their lesson, God will call off the disease. Let's all do our part to stop the Corona Virus.


Isaiah 24:1-3 Behold, the LORD maketh the earth empty (2)...as the taker of usury, so with the giver of usury to him. (3) The land shall be utterly emptied, and utterly spoiled: for the LORD hath spoken his word.
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Default Re: Masturbation is Causing the Corona Virus - 07-24-2020, 02:11 AM

I knew those nursing homes were full of old perverts. Too late for them now.


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Default Re: Masturbation is Causing the Corona Virus - 07-24-2020, 07:33 AM

The CDC has steadfastly refused to report on COVID deaths broken down along masturbator vs. non-masturbator lines. That's why we should support President Trump as he takes away their reporting responsibilities.


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Default Re: Masturbation is Causing the Corona Virus - 07-24-2020, 10:16 AM

There is a strong correlation with covid numbers and online vibrator sales. Some would say that this is because of lonely women and isolation, but Mayor Johny has put his finger on it. Sin. Increased vibrator sales are the CAUSE of higher covid numbers and not the consequence. We know that sales reports (ie vibrators) always lag disease reports (ie covid). This is because of different reporting timeframes. If the reports were in realtime, it would be obvious that increased sales of vibrators PRECEEDED the increase in covid numbers.

Before matters get out of hand it is imperative that the authorities clamp down on vibrators and sales of other mastabatory aids.

Phil


58 If thou wilt not observe to do all the words of this law that are written in this book, that thou mayest fear this glorious and fearful name, THE LORD THY GOD; 59 Then the LORD will make thy plagues wonderful, and the plagues of thy seed, even great plagues, and of long continuance, and sore sicknesses, and of long continuance. 60 Moreover he will bring upon thee all the diseases of Egypt, which thou wast afraid of; and they shall cleave unto thee. 61 Also every sickness, and every plague, which is not written in the book of this law, them will the LORD bringk upon thee, until thou be destroyed.


Deuteronomy 28: 58- 61
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Default Re: Masturbation is Causing the Corona Virus - 07-24-2020, 05:12 PM

Let us not forget about the evil that is masturbation within marriage. Any couple, Christian or otherwise, having sex in a position that is not missionary and for the sole purpose of procreation is causing the Corona. That means doggie style, spooning, standing, bent over sink or furniture, weak in the knee, cowgirl, oral, and all those demonic positions are masturbation, using the spouse's genitals as a masturbatory tool of Satan.

Only the missionary position with the man on top, dominating the wife is acceptable to Christ. The wife must never be on top because the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, and you wouldn't expect Christ to submit to the church. These illicit positions are demonic and unleash evil, and now we know in what form - covid viruses.

DON'T SAY YOU'RE MARRIED AND CAN DO ANYTHING WITH YOUR HUSBAND OR WIFE! THOSE WHO PRACTICE THE WRONG SEX POSITIONS WILL END UP IN HELL!


Hello, my name is Mary. I hope to fellowship with you! That is, unless you don't listen to church authority (Deuteronomy 17:12); are a witch (Exodus 22:17); are a homosexual (Leviticus 20:13; Romans 1:24-32); or fortuneteller (Leviticus 20:27) or a snotty kid who hits their dad (Exodus 21:15); or curses their parents (Proverbs 20:20; Leviticus 20:9); an adulterer (Leviticus 20:10); a non-Christian (Exodus 22:19; Deuteronomy 13:7-12; Deuteronomy 17:2-5;Romans 1:24-32); an atheist (2 Chronicles 15:12-13); or false prophet (Zechariah 13:3); from the town of one who worships another, false god (Deuteronomy 13:13-19); were a non-virgin bride (Deuteronomy 22:20-21); or blasphemer (Leviticus 24:10-16), as God calls for your execution and will no doubt send you to Hell, and I have no interest developing a friendship with the Spiritually Walking Dead.

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Default Re: Masturbation is Causing the Corona Virus - 07-24-2020, 07:28 PM

There are maps that show the concentration of 5 G broadcast technology and the immediate response of concentrated Covid cases in the same area.

I am sure that sex toy sales follow the same geographic pattern. So many evil things are concentrated in certain areas of the country so God sends His Wrath straight to those regions.


God's Favor is on those regions where His Name is held up and worshiped rightly. Look at any map of the US and you will see lower disease rates, divorce rates, abortion rates, pride parade rates etc in those areas where the Bible is regarded as the standard for living.


Some people claim that poverty rates are higher in those regions of the country, but that is because those folks give more to their churches and reap benefits that cannot be measured by economists. (Like the comfort that one is going to Heaven.)


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Default Re: Masturbation is Causing the Corona Virus - 07-24-2020, 08:55 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Mary Etheldreda View Post
Let us not forget about the evil that is masturbation within marriage. Any couple, Christian or otherwise, having sex in a position that is not missionary and for the sole purpose of procreation is causing the Corona.

DON'T SAY YOU'RE MARRIED AND CAN DO ANYTHING WITH YOUR HUSBAND OR WIFE! THOSE WHO PRACTICE THE WRONG SEX POSITIONS WILL END UP IN HELL!
Preach it, Sister Mary. The virus is exposing all kinds of sexual sins. It's wonderful justice is being served. This virus will not be over until sexual sin is over.


Isaiah 24:1-3 Behold, the LORD maketh the earth empty (2)...as the taker of usury, so with the giver of usury to him. (3) The land shall be utterly emptied, and utterly spoiled: for the LORD hath spoken his word.
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Default Re: Masturbation is Causing the Corona Virus - 07-24-2020, 09:05 PM

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Originally Posted by Mary Etheldreda View Post
That means doggie style, spooning, standing, bent over sink or furniture, weak in the knee, cowgirl, oral, and all those demonic positions are masturbation, using the spouse's genitals as a masturbatory tool of Satan.
Oh my goodness, Sister Mary! I had never even heard of any of those possibilities and I am certainly not going to Google them, for fear of being traumatized. Standing and bent-over-furniture are pretty self-explanatory, I suppose, but why make the act of procreation even more inelegant?


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Default Re: Masturbation is Causing the Corona Virus - 07-24-2020, 09:19 PM

The Department of Homeland Security needs to install monitors in American bedrooms to ensure that only Biblically correct sex is practiced, starting with the hard-hit African American and Latino populations.

This may be the only way we can protect American lives and American freedoms.


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Default Re: Masturbation is Causing the Corona Virus - 07-24-2020, 09:42 PM

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Originally Posted by Joanna Lytton-Vasey View Post
but why make the act of procreation even more inelegant?
I blame Charles Darwin, and so obviously Jesus does too. This was his (Darwin, not Jesus) master plan with that evolution story he created - to reduce mankind to the lower animals and silence his tremendous shame.


Hello, my name is Mary. I hope to fellowship with you! That is, unless you don't listen to church authority (Deuteronomy 17:12); are a witch (Exodus 22:17); are a homosexual (Leviticus 20:13; Romans 1:24-32); or fortuneteller (Leviticus 20:27) or a snotty kid who hits their dad (Exodus 21:15); or curses their parents (Proverbs 20:20; Leviticus 20:9); an adulterer (Leviticus 20:10); a non-Christian (Exodus 22:19; Deuteronomy 13:7-12; Deuteronomy 17:2-5;Romans 1:24-32); an atheist (2 Chronicles 15:12-13); or false prophet (Zechariah 13:3); from the town of one who worships another, false god (Deuteronomy 13:13-19); were a non-virgin bride (Deuteronomy 22:20-21); or blasphemer (Leviticus 24:10-16), as God calls for your execution and will no doubt send you to Hell, and I have no interest developing a friendship with the Spiritually Walking Dead.

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Default Re: Masturbation is Causing the Corona Virus - 07-25-2020, 04:50 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Mary Etheldreda View Post
I blame Charles Darwin, and so obviously Jesus does too. This was his (Darwin, not Jesus) master plan with that evolution story he created - to reduce mankind to the lower animals and silence his tremendous shame.
Monkeys masturbate all the time, frequently in broad daylight and in full view of other monkeys. It doesn't take a genius to figure out that Darwin saw this on his voyages and came up with an elaborate scheme to make the public not only accept but embrace his own perverted urges to expose himself in public and masturbate.


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Default Re: Masturbation is Causing the Corona Virus - 07-25-2020, 05:17 PM

I hate to be the one bringing this up, but I'm thinking these Catholic convents are places which have angered God. Recently, 13 nuns died quickly from the virus. Convents have no men so, of course, we all wonder if there might be some special sin there. We have evidence of God's anger at something--dare we ask what?

https://www.cbsnews.com/news/coronav...-die-covid-19/


Isaiah 24:1-3 Behold, the LORD maketh the earth empty (2)...as the taker of usury, so with the giver of usury to him. (3) The land shall be utterly emptied, and utterly spoiled: for the LORD hath spoken his word.
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Default Re: Masturbation is Causing the Corona Virus - 07-25-2020, 07:54 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Johny Joe Hold View Post
I hate to be the one bringing this up, but I'm thinking these Catholic convents are places which have angered God. Recently, 13 nuns died quickly from the virus. Convents have no men so, of course, we all wonder if there might be some special sin there. We have evidence of God's anger at something--dare we ask what?
In their mad lust to blame President Trump for causing the pandemic, the liberals have deflected attention from the fact that it devastated Italy before diseased foreign hordes brought it to America's golden shores. Thousands of Papists and mafiosos bit the dust. We know all about priests and their sexual habits, and even a cursory Google search for "naughty nuns" reveals how filthy these women who claim to be married to Christ (as if he were some kind of polygamist Mormon patriarch) truly are.


I need to do some more research on the naughty nuns to get to the bottom of this quandary.


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Default Re: Masturbation is Causing the Corona Virus - 07-29-2020, 07:48 PM

Only the missionary position with the man on top, dominating the wife is acceptable to Christ. The wife must never be on top because the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, and you wouldn't expect Christ to submit to the church. These illicit positions are demonic and unleash evil, and now we know in what form - covid viruses.

Full disclosure: This might come off as complete, but I think I have more answers than questions.

Thanks for the illuminating response, but I think there are some linguistic problems with your answer that are, albeit diminutive, rather important. Quite, yes, of course. First and first mostly, the phrase 'head.' Well, shucks, it don't take Peter to realize the connotation of the phrase. <<<reference to a sexual perversion removed by a friendly moderator>>> . I don't mean to be so crude, but I'm struggling to find a better way to express it. If the wife is the 'head,' so to speak, does this mean that <<<reference to a sexual perversion removed by a friendly moderator>>> is acceptable? Just the thought makes me angry. I'm not sure there's an act so revolting in all of nature (minus <<<reference to a sexual perversion removed by a friendly moderator>>>). I mean, just the thought of a dame with blond locks and dimples and scarlet lipstick and aquiline nose and bullet <<<unnecessary reference to female anatomy removed by a friendly moderator>>> that call for me, oh boy do they call for me those sweet melons, those yabos of yonder, swing low sweet chariots swing low as the-what is she doing, is that, uh, wait, DON'T! I said DON'T. Oh Jesus, I'm a bad person. A sinner of yore. I'd probably enjoy living in Sodom. That's how bad I am. How do I get rid of these bad thoughts? I know 'head', i.e. <<<reference to a sexual perversion removed by a friendly moderator>>>, is not good, but I don't know what to do about it. Also, I apologize if this was confusing. I'm in a bad way

Last edited by Basilissa; 07-29-2020 at 08:12 PM. Reason: cleaning up for Jesus
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Default Re: Masturbation is Causing the Corona Virus - 07-29-2020, 08:13 PM

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Originally Posted by shortstack9797 View Post
If the wife is the 'head,'
She is not.


I hope that was helpful.
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Default Re: Masturbation is Causing the Corona Virus - 07-30-2020, 09:31 AM

Masturbation don't cause covid
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Default Re: Masturbation is Causing the Corona Virus - 07-30-2020, 01:16 PM

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Originally Posted by Black man View Post
Masturbation don't cause covid
Mr. Black man, you need a crash course in science and in common sense. For the science, I'd recommend reading all the thread under the title Creation Science. You will learn basic science there and it will help you understand how we came to be here and how to continue living a Godly life without angering Jesus.

For the common sense piece, please read this entire thread. For example, if 13 nuns who are not having heterosexual relationships are killed by God's Coronavirus it is only common sense they were practicing masturbation.

I took the time to make this response because I want you to learn from being on this site.


Isaiah 24:1-3 Behold, the LORD maketh the earth empty (2)...as the taker of usury, so with the giver of usury to him. (3) The land shall be utterly emptied, and utterly spoiled: for the LORD hath spoken his word.
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Default Re: Masturbation is Causing the Corona Virus - 07-30-2020, 05:40 PM

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Originally Posted by Black man View Post
Masturbation don't cause covid
I noticed you provided no proof for your claim. You atheists like to say how superior and rational and intelligent you are when all the while all you do is spout some absurd claim and run away. You should be ashamed of yourself.


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Default Re: Masturbation is Causing the Corona Virus - 08-13-2020, 04:31 AM

Does masturbation still cause COVID if you use hand sanitizer first?

Just kidding. Everyone knows that the only fluid that can sanitize sin is the sweet smelling blood of Jesus.


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Default Re: Masturbation is Causing the Corona Virus - 08-17-2020, 09:05 PM

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Originally Posted by WWJDnow View Post
Does masturbation still cause COVID if you use hand sanitizer first?
Just kidding. Everyone knows that the only fluid that can sanitize sin is the sweet smelling blood of Jesus.
Here is something I don't understand. Why isn't the practice of masturbation banned nationwide? Anyone can see the harm it causes, Coronavirus being the more obvious these days.

Jesus is against it. Landover Baptist condemns it. That is reason enough to outlaw it across America.


Isaiah 24:1-3 Behold, the LORD maketh the earth empty (2)...as the taker of usury, so with the giver of usury to him. (3) The land shall be utterly emptied, and utterly spoiled: for the LORD hath spoken his word.
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