[Steve]

Seeking forgiveness. It seems I blundered in here going all yappity-yap-yap-yappity rather than properly introducing myself. In my defense, I'm not American and, as such, haven't been raised right. Thank you Pastor Ezekiel for your firm but fair correction.

I am 28, and alone. My wife and two sons were called back to God during a vicious blizzard in early June. Fortunately, I am still young and the boys were just little, so I wasn't too attached yet. I attend Lighthouse Baptist Church in Nova Scotia, and have since I was saved by a kindly hobo who passed away in a snowbank in front of my home last summer. In his pockets I found 38 cents and a tattered Bible. The peaceful look on his grizzled face told me something was missing in my life, and that something was Jesus!

My favorite verse is the first one my eyes fell upon in the hobo's wine and urine stained bible:

Ezekiel 33:8-9 When I say to the wicked, ‘You wicked person, you will surely die, ’ and you do not speak out to dissuade them from their ways, that wicked person will die fortheir sin, and I will hold you accountable for their blood. But if you do warn the wicked person to turn from their ways and they do not do so, they will die for their sin, though you yourself will be saved.

Which is why I am here.

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Praise Jesus and welcome to God's favorite forum. It sounds to me like Jesus sent you here just in the nick of time.

If you'd like to find out more about Landover Baptist Church, please read THIS thread created especially for new posters.

If you have a question, use the "search" function before posting it. Most likely it is being discussed somewhere on this Godly forum. Please don't waste God's precious bandwidth.

You will keep a respectful tongue in your head whenever addressing your betters, which includes all True Christians™. Failure to do so, or any attempt at inciting debate or mockery of God's Divine Plan, can and will result in the suspension of your posting privileges.

Your rights on this forum are listed HERE. If you feel that any of these rights have been violated, please don't hesitate to contact a Pastor at once.

[Rev. M. Rodimer]

Originally Posted by Destiny's Blunder

In his pockets I found 38 cents and a tattered Bible. The peaceful look on his grizzled face told me something was missing in my life, and that something was Jesus!

. . . or 38 cents.

What did you do with the 38 cents?

I do like your choice of quote, but it's a shame you aren't using the King James Version. What horrific perVersion did your hobosexual friend leave you?

[Steve]

Originally Posted by Rev. M. Rodimer

. . . or 38 cents.

What did you do with the 38 cents?

I used 25 cent of it to call sanitation services from the payphone down the block. Wouldn't be right to leave the hobo there till spring. The 13 cents I gave to a neighborhood indian kid to shovel away the snowbank so it wouldn't attract anymore hobos.

I do like your choice of quote, but it's a shame you aren't using the King James Version. What horrific perVersion did your hobosexual friend leave you?

I think he stole it from a motel. While I do have sentimental attachment to it, I really should dispose of it. I've gotten Hep C 3 times from it so far. King James, you say? I think that's the one my Pastor uses at Lighthouse. I'll ask him for a copy. Thank you for your kindly advice Reverend.

[MitzaLizalor]

Originally Posted by Destiny's Blunder

I am 28, and alone. My wife and two sons were called back to God during a vicious blizzard in early June. Fortunately, I am still young and the boys were just little, so I wasn't too attached yet. I attend Lighthouse Baptist Church in Nova Scotia

Hello Mr Blunder and welcome to the forum where you will find support in Him. It must be pretty awful living in Nova Scotia. I know from personal experience how many of your young women wind up drunk in Scotland nude in the back of crashed police cars and if your hobo was reading the NIV that would explain a lot. Was he a clergyman? Here in Australia things are even worse, atheists everywhere, fornication in the forests willy nilly and the whole joint is awash with alcohol you would be revolted I am why have you not remarried?

The NIV is a terrible book. Having decided to reject God's word and reassemble a selection of what they thought sounded like pious language into a sort of bible-esque collage, leaving out all the stuff that would get you into Heaven and letting their hands be led by SATAN over the word-processing keyboard (or whatever they were using back then), they discovered that many different false readings were possible and NIV's -this -that and -the other proliferate not only to confuse and obfuscate but guaranteeing HELL FOREVER. Perhaps unnecessary in Nova Scotia as it is in Scotland or Australia so a provisional greeting in Christ and hoping that you get some new sons soon.

[Rev. M. Rodimer]

Originally Posted by Destiny's Blunder

I've gotten Hep C 3 times from it so far. King James, you say? I think that's the one my Pastor uses at Lighthouse. I'll ask him for a copy. Thank you for your kindly advice Reverend.

Mr. Blunder, you cannot get Hepatitis C three times. You can only get it once, and then you have it until death.

Want to try again?

[Steve]

Originally Posted by MitzaLizalor

Hello Mr Blunder and welcome to the forum where you will find support in Him.

Thank you Miss Liza for your kind welcome and the link to an online KJV.

Australia, wow, can you see the edge of the Earth from over there? How do kangaroos taste? Are your aboriginals as filthy and as lazy as ours?

[QUOTE]It must be pretty awful living in Nova Scotia. I know from personal experience how many of your young women wind up drunk in Scotland nude in the back of crashed police cars and if your hobo was reading the NIV that would explain a lot. Was he a clergyman? Here in Australia things are even worse, atheists everywhere, fornication in the forests willy nilly and the whole joint is awash with alcohol you would be revolted I am[quote]

Nova Scotia is indeed one of the most unGodly places on Earth. Alcohol is almost unheard of here - nobody can afford it since nobody has a job. The locals stick to paint thinner, gasoline, stolen nail polish remover and something called bath salts. Hygeine is non-existent, as are teeth for the most part. The stench of the place is overwhelming.

why have you not remarried?

See above.

The NIV is a terrible book. Having decided to reject God's word and reassemble a selection of what they thought sounded like pious language into a sort of bible-esque collage, leaving out all the stuff that would get you into Heaven and letting their hands be led by SATAN over the word-processing keyboard (or whatever they were using back then), they discovered that many different false readings were possible and NIV's -this -that and -the other proliferate not only to confuse and obfuscate but guaranteeing HELL FOREVER. Perhaps unnecessary in Nova Scotia as it is in Scotland or Australia so a provisional greeting in Christ and hoping that you get some new sons soon.

Well, thank you, Miss Liza! Are you single and of childbearing age? (I ask simply out of curiosity, I would never presume to court a fine lady such as yourself while in my wretched state.)

[MitzaLizalor]

Originally Posted by Rev. M. Rodimer

Mr. Blunder, you cannot get Hepatitis C three times. You can only get it once, and then you have it until death.

Want to try again?

I've been thinking Rev. M about this person's user name and wonder if, in the absence of a wife he is obsessing over certain pop groups?

I was a bit reluctant to post any images but did find a black&white one that's slightly less offensive but even so I think I'd better just post a link

That really doesn't look very hygenic does it? and given what we know about Mr Blunder so far I am a little concerned..

[Steve]

Originally Posted by Rev. M. Rodimer

Mr. Blunder, you cannot get Hepatitis C three times. You can only get it once, and then you have it until death.

Want to try again?

Are you saying my doctor has been dishonest with me? Or maybe I misunderstood him - I find the Pakkystany accent very hard to understand. All the decent white doctors up here moved to the US to escape our commie health care system leaving us with 3rd world 'doctors'.

Beware, that's your future under Obamacare!

[MitzaLizalor]

Originally Posted by Destiny's Blunder

Australia, wow, can you see the edge of the Earth from over there? How do kangaroos taste?

No, perhaps you're thinking of New Zealand? they're pretty near the edge I've heard.

Are your aboriginals as filthy and as lazy as ours?

I don't know, I've never met one.

paint thinner, gasoline, stolen nail polish remover

turpentine is also popular here, also butane and propane but I've never heard of anyone using Freon so there may be some hope. On the other hand industrial solvents such as trichlorethylene are quite voguish apparently so I don't know..

Well, thank you, Miss Liza! Are you single and of childbearing age?

Although I'm single and would welcome the opportunity to breed with any Christian owner, such as I gather may exist in Washington state, I am used to rather hot weather and might find Nova Scotia rather chilly. As the sun is currently in the north we are getting some rather cold days just now why, yesterday it was down to 15°C! and it's even colder in Tasmania!! but I never think about what happens down there and indeed never think about anything at all because I have God's Word.

Proverbs 30:5 Euery word of God is pure: he is a shield vnto them that put their trust in him.
©1611

I hope that is helpful.

[Rev. M. Rodimer]

Mr. Blunder, I would like to personally congratulate you on your abandonment of the sinful Furry Deathstyle and decision to turn your affections from anthropomorphized cartoon animals and joining us in bowing in devotion to Jesus, the Lamb of God.



Rest assured that the Lamb wishes to fill you with His Love!